Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3)

by Tracey Jerald

  “Jerk! God, I should show up and make your wife who is eight million months pregnant cry! I should encourage her to dream of you slipping and falling on a log during labor. How dare you say that?” I hiss at the device I’m clutching in my hands. Because Jennings just struck at the precious core of me I flew four thousand miles to try to protect.

  My heart. Or rather, what’s left of it.

  I gave up a permanent shot at a future with Nick for a chance at the child of my heart only to be told he was better off remaining exactly where he was—in foster care with the Li family. I’ve been so strong for so long, I just can’t handle the addition of this heartache added to the battering of my defenses. I’d been putting my heart back together, and with one fell swoop, the tide rushed in and dragged away every shard of my heart.

  I called Mrs. Gustofson and told them I was uncertain when I would be available for placement. Despite her frustrated arguments, I said flatly, “You really need to give me time to grieve.” Then I disconnected the call. Even through I’m sure I just screwed myself out of ever having a child, I can’t think beyond the immediate pain that isn’t fading away.

  I quickly made plans to leave my nighttime assistant manager in charge of the Brewhouse. Truthfully, I don’t even care if this piece of my family history gets swallowed up by an earthquake; I’m so numb. All I want is to curl in a ball until Jennings tells me Kara’s ready to deliver the newest member of their family. My soul would be eased knowing Kara’s going to be okay.

  But I don’t think I will be. All I want right now is for it all to just fade away. Oh, what would I do if I could leave all the troubles festering inside me behind? Sleep, my weary body tells me. Start with sleep. Jennings knows where you are in the event the baby comes early.

  As for the rest, none of it matters.

  Not anymore.

  Almost an hour later, I’m finally granted my wish. I open the door to my well-appointed suite, and the first thing I do is fling open the balcony door. Closing my eyes, with the ocean breezes whispering over me, I hear the roar of the waves. If I was given fanciful thoughts, I think she’s angry with me for leaving. “Who isn’t?” I whisper. “In the end, I made my choices.”

  The ocean answers with a tide that comes perilously close to the sea wall directly beneath my room. If I was feeling fanciful, I’d think she was reaching out to comfort me. But I know better. I’ve had too much reality slapped in my face recently.

  Turning, I strip off everything but my T-shirt and panties and crawl into bed. I don’t even think of Jed before sleep finally claims me.

  After all, why bother? He’s gone.

  Just like David.

  And Nick.

  I wake up squinting at the sunrise. It’s so different than those in Juneau. I pull my knees to my chest, a poor substitute for Nick’s arms around me, but the only one I have. I have no desire to eat. No urge to move. No urge to reach out. I don’t even know what day it is. Nor do I really care.

  The only person who might need me will call the room if they do. And I should have weeks before that happens.

  And with more tears falling, my eyes drift shut again.

  I just wish I didn’t have to open them again.

  Nicholas

  After my rental clears the guard shack protecting Jennings and Kara’s neighborhood in Ponte Vedra, I call Jennings.

  “I don’t have any updates, Nick.” His voice sounds strained.

  “Tell me that to my face in about three minutes.”

  “The answer won’t be any different. Hold on. What do you mean to your face?”

  I pull up to the curb in front of the four-thousand-square-foot residence Kody’s company custom built for Jennings, Kara, and their son after they were married. I let out a low whistle. “You mean Kody included all your outside detail and he couldn’t throw in the interior trim? Cheap bastard.”

  “I told him the same thing…holy shit.” The next thing I know the floodlights are practically blinding me through the moon roof and the front door flies open. “Is that you?” Jennings demands.

  “No, it’s Santa. Now do I get to come in?”

  Jennings just hangs up the phone.

  Taking that as a yes, I don’t bother to retrieve my bag. First things first, I need to see Maris to apologize and beg for another chance. I begin to cross the lawn when all of the sprinklers pop up their heads. “Shit.” Making a mad dash, I avoid getting soaked, but I’m still well misted. “You did that on purpose,” I accuse an amused Jennings.

  “There was no way I could have known you’d be here to change the settings. Not that you don’t deserve it.”

  “Is she here?”

  Jennings shakes his head. “That’s the reason I’m going to let you in. Neither is Kara. But you may have to leave at any moment. Kara’s a bit emotional these days. She won’t take too kindly to seeing you.”

  I follow Jennings through to the great room. “This place is gorgeous, Jennings. It’s an oasis.” He reaches into the fridge and pulls out a few beers, but I shake my head. If Maris isn’t here, I want a clear head when I see her. He hands me a bottle of water instead.

  “Thanks. We like it. So, why the fuck are you here, Nick?”

  Just as I’m about to start spilling my guts on the multitude of my sins about how I hurt Maris, there’s a sign someone’s watching out for me. The house phone rings. Jennings frowns down at his watch before answering. “Kara, what’s wrong?” Then his entire body freezes. The drink in his hand falls to the floor despite my making a grab for it.

  “What the hell do you mean your water broke at school?” He hits Speaker so I can hear the call.

  “Jennings? It’s too soon. Weeks too soon.” Panic surges through her voice.

  “Kevin!” Jennings bellows.

  Within seconds, Jennings’s and Kara’s eighteen-year-old son scurries into the kitchen. “What’s going on, Dad?”

  “Your mother’s in labor.”

  I’m in shock when the boy snickers. “Is this another drill?”

  Kara starts to cry. Kevin begins to panic. “Mom! What’s going on?” From mature-sounding to scared in a heartbeat, Kevin rushes over to listen to his mother.

  “The baby. The baby is coming. Oh, God. Maris isn’t here. Jennings, I can’t have this baby without her or Dean.” Kara beings to cry in earnest.

  Jennings shoots me a look over the top of Kara’s head to warn me I’d better keep my damn mouth shut—including my awareness of Maris’s location. Instead, I listen while he urges her to let her coworkers arrange for an ambulance to take her to the hospital and promises to meet her there. As soon as the line clears, I offer, “Do you want me to try Maris? See if I can get her on the line?”

  “Let me first, Nick.” He turns to Kevin. “Get shoes, a sweatshirt, and your mother’s bag. ASAP. And if you mention to her Nick was in this house, I’m grounding you for the rest of your senior year. Got it?”

  “Got it, Dad.” Then Kevin’s running.

  Jennings tries, leaves a message. Tries a second, then a third time. “Here.” He sends me a text.

  I get the incoming ping. “What is this?”

  “The hotel Maris has been staying at. Kara doesn’t even know she’s in town. Go to the front desk and tell them you need to get an urgent message to her. Have them bring her a message that Kara’s in labor. I’ll call them after I know Kara’s settled. Between the two of us, we should get her to answer.”

  Sounds like a perfect plan especially the part where I get to see Maris again. “I’m on it.” I head back the way I came to go out the front door.

  “Nick.” Jennings voice is like a whip. “Do not try to go to her. Do not approach her.”

  “Jennings, if it was Kara and you had the chance to talk with her?”

  He hesitates, but his shoulders sag. “There’s so much you don’t know. And I don’t have time to tell you.”

  Then he bolts for the garage to get his wife.

  Maris

  “If
there’s one thing I’m certain of it’s the bond between my sister and Kara Malone is stronger than most blood siblings. She would do anything for her. Anything.” - From the journals of Jedidiah Smith.

  The next time I wake, I leave the bed to use the restroom before crawling back into my fetal position. A quick glance at the clock on the nightstand shows it’s 8:00 p.m. I shut my eyes. Really, who cares what time it is. This time, it’s the moon that illuminates my room through the window as I close my eyes again. Fatigue drags me under the waves so quickly.

  It’s really not so hard to drift away.

  But just as I’m about to float off again, there’s a furious pounding at my door. I frown and turn toward the door, waiting for the noise again. “Probably the wrong room.” I roll over and start to stare off at the moon again. It’s so clear over the ocean, I think to myself. I watch the sea come in, crash, and drift out. Much like my emotions. It’s a balm I didn’t expect to have as I rebuild the wall around myself so I can handle life again when I’m forced to.

  Thump!

  Thump!

  Thump!

  “Maris! I swear to God, if you don’t open this damn door, Management’s going to break it down!” Jennings shouts.

  You’re so autocratic. Someone should really tell you that one of these days. I can’t prevent the amusement from seeping into my thoughts. Then I frown. It’s something the old me would have thought. And the old me—the me that thought it was safe to fall in love with Nick—needs to return to somewhere she can never be hurt again. I came here to figure out who Maris Smith should be when all this is done.

  I’m just not sure how it’s working since I’ve been asleep most of the time since I stepped foot into the room.

  “I’m telling you, sir. She’s in there. It’s been four days since anyone has entered or exited the room according to our logs.”

  “Then open the door. I’m telling you, this is an emergency.”

  “Just a moment, Mr. Jennings. I promise you, I’ll check on her, but I can’t have you come in behind me. That’s a violation of guest—”

  “For God’s sake, open the door and see if she’s in there,” I hear another voice urge the unknown woman.

  Then, there’s a noise before a woman calls out, “Ms. Smith. This is Colleen Johnstone from Security. Can you call out to let me know if you’re okay?”

  I clear my throat as I sit up in bed. Shoving my hair off my head, I try to send the woman a glare.

  I guess it doesn’t work when her first word is “Shit.” She rushes forward over to where I left the balcony door open and slams it shut. “This is Colleen Johnstone. I may need a medical assist in room 325.”

  “I’m fine,” I manage. She whirls around in astonishment. “Go away.”

  “Ms. Smith,” she immediately protests.

  “I’m fine. I’ve just been sleeping. I’ll get some water and be fine.” I clear my throat again which triggers me into a coughing spasm.

  “You need more than that, Ms. Smith. You’re likely severely—” Abruptly she stops arguing with me to face a new foe. “Gentlemen, I ordered you both to stay in the hall.”

  And Jennings and Nick step into the room. Nick. Immediately, I curl into a ball and turn away from him, seeking the solace of the sea. “Get out,” I croak.

  “Sunshine, no. Let me fix this. Please,” he begs.

  A week ago, two, I would have done anything to have heard those words fall from his mouth. Now, I know they’re just from guilt because Jennings probably called him to find out what happened. I refuse to look at him.

  “Mr. Cain, I demand you leave this room,” Johnstone demands. “Mr. Jennings, you indicated this had to do with your wife’s condition.”

  “It does. Nick, get the hell out of here,” he snaps.

  “Both of you can demand all you want, but there is no way I’m leaving the woman I love in this condition.”

  Why not? You did it before without telling me you were leaving.

  But then the room gets deathly silent. The bed depresses, and I feel a familiar hand stroke down my hair. I try to twist away, but his words freeze me in place. “You’re right, Sunshine. I did it before because I’m a fucking idiot. Because I didn’t realize you wanted me as much as you needed your dreams. But I swear to God, Maris, if you give me this chance—this final chance—I will do anything to be by your side.”

  I let my silence speak for me. I can’t let myself believe his words.

  “That’s what took me so long to get here. I was making plans to sell part of Razor to Ollie so I could move back to Juneau to be with you.”

  I had been holding myself away from Nick’s touch, but at his words I literally turn into a statue. He smooths a hand over my shoulder, and I don’t try to pull away. “What?” I croak out.

  Jennings moves into my line of sight. “I know you’re furious with him right now—God knows you have every right—but I need you to set whatever this jackass did aside. You promised me you would answer.” His voice is accusatory.

  “You called?” My brain is still muddled between sleep and Nick’s touch.

  “Oh, only like twenty times in the last hour. And I got scared when you wouldn’t answer. Kara’s in labor, Maris. I was on my way but took a detour so I could get your ass. He”—he jerks his chin where Nick’s still behind me— “arrived at my front door right before Kara’s water broke. When he realized where I was going, there was no way to shake him.”

  “Why bother?” The words come out choked.

  Nick makes an anguished sound behind me matches the one Jennings is making in front of me. Nick buries his head against my back. I feel wetness seep through my shirt as Jennings says quietly, “I think I’ll let him explain that to you. I have to head to Kara.”

  I shake my head frantically.

  Jennings pushes to his feet from where he was squatting in front of me. “You’re our family, Maris. You’re our sister, our friend, our glue. You’ve been there for all of us through everything. What makes you think we wouldn’t be there for you when your heart’s hurting?”

  “Nick’s yours,” I counter.

  “Nick’s ours too,” Jennings agrees. “And a very smart man once told me a long time ago, ‘I’ll be watching from much higher.’ Now how do you think that man would react to me letting down two of the people he loved the most in this world?”

  Nick’s words are for me alone. “He’d kick my ass from here to next week, Sunshine, and don’t try to tell me he wouldn’t. And that’s after he declared I still wasn’t good enough to be yours.”

  I start to tremble. I try to twist, but Nick has such a hold on me I can’t move. So, my whispered words are to both of them. “Let me go.”

  “No, Maris.” Nick’s voice holds a note of franticness I can’t quite decipher.

  “I have to get cleaned up and go help deliver a baby.” I turn and give him my dead eyes. “Then…”

  He loosens his arms. “Then,” he reluctantly concurs.

  I slide from the bed and wobble a bit. Getting my bearings, I go to my still-packed suitcase and yank out some clothes. I’m heading into the bathroom when I hear flesh connect against flesh. Briefly, I wonder how Jennings is going to explain that to Kara. Then I still when I hear Nick’s voice. “You had every right, Jennings. I won’t even stop you if you want to take another shot.”

  No, it must be hunger causing me to hallucinate. There’s no way Nick “the Champ” Cain just allowed someone to take a potshot at him. “First thing on the agenda, a shower. Then, raid the minibar,” I mutter as I enter the bathroom.

  Then I close out reality for just a little while longer while I clean up in order to be there for the miracle my best friend’s about to bring into the world.

  Half an hour later, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, I exit the bathroom feeling much more stable than I went in. I stop by the minibar and grab myself a large bottle of water, M&Ms, and cheese crackers, ignoring the price tag. I need food and I need it now. “The shuttle can g
et me to the hospital.” I step out into the main part of the room and begin rooting around in my suitcase for a pair of socks, sneakers, and a light sweater.

  “There’s no need for that, Maris. I’ll drive you.”

  I whirl around at the sound of Nick’s voice coming in from the balcony. Involuntarily, I take a step back away from the hurt that wells up inside of me the moment he steps toward me. “Why are you still here?”

  “God, after everything, it kills me to hear you ask me that.” He reaches a hand out to touch me.

  “No! You wasted your time coming here. Just…go. Live your life. Be happy. I am sorry though. You sold that part in Razor for nothing.” I whirl around and drop to the bed to begin pulling on my socks and shoes. I need to get to Kara before she has this baby.

  “That’s not true. You’re worth it.” Nick sits next to me.

  I shake my head vigorously. “Do you understand what happened after you gave up on me? On us?”

  His breath hisses out between his teeth before he says, “Tell me.”

  “It all was for nothing, Nick.” I laugh humorlessly as I jerk my arms through the sleeves of the sweater. I shove my head inside and pull it over my head before jumping to my feet. “Absolutely nothing. The social worker came to the house and told me here’s a stack of children, but you can’t have the one you started this process for. It was all for naught.” I start to move away so I can grab my purse when the next thing I know I’m flung back on the bed.

  “It wasn’t for nothing. I won’t have you say that.” Nick’s dark brown eyes bore into mine. “There’s a child or children waiting for us to adopt him or her. This was just a setback, Sunshine. Besides, you needed me to get my head out of my ass.”

  I shove at his chest. “Don’t. Don’t you dare say that to me. There is no…” But before I can get the word “us” out, Nick presses his mouth to the one place I can’t ignore.