Insanity

by Kira Moericke

  A sob erupted from my throat. How had my past self get so caught up in this mess?

  “You look so pathetic,” Lena seethed, glowering down at me. She took a small step closer. “Dangling there with tears in your eyes, trying to make yourself the innocent one.” She shook her head.

  “I’m sorry!” I blurted. “I don’t know what really happened then, but whatever it was, I am so sorry. Please, forgive me.”

  “Ha!” She rolled her eyes. “You think years of heartache, years of remorse, could be wiped away with a simple ‘I’m sorry?’” She raised a foot and placed it over my knuckles, pressing down. “Think again, cuz.”

  “You think again, bitch!” A shadow suddenly rose behind Lena and shoved her hard. Lena screamed as she tipped dangerously forward and fell into the darkness below. Because of the loudness of the waves, I didn’t hear her body smash against the rocks.

  My heart beat rapidly at what I had just witnessed. What just happened?

  “Em, are you okay?” Suddenly, a pair of hands reached down and helped me up. It wasn’t until I was standing that I made out who had saved me.

  “Nova?”

  My badass roommate flicked her slashed bangs, but they settled back to where they had been before, and smiled. “’Sup, roomie.”

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. I thought she was at the hospital.

  “They discharged me from the hospital about an hour ago,” she replied breezily. “I just got back, actually. I was heading inside when I heard screaming.”

  Relief flooded through me, and I had the sudden urge to hug her (something I rarely did), but I had a feeling that she wouldn’t appreciate that very much.

  “Thank you for saving me.”

  “No problem.”

  I beamed. I was safe and everything was going to be okay.

  A sudden pain exploded through my abdomen. I gasped as I buckled over, wrapping my arms around myself.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” I could hear the panic in Nova’s voice.

  I opened my mouth to reply, but my lungs suddenly felt as though they were on fire. It was as if I had inhaled a whole bunch of water.

  And suddenly I remembered: Everything.

  Then everything went black.

  ***

  Memories of my life before flashed inside my head, one right after another. Memories that had long since been forgotten. The image of when I was younger playing in the streets of London with my brothers and sisters…The image of when I first met Casey at the ball…The image of when he proposed to me that Christmas morning…The image where Casey and I had said “I do” in front of our family and friends…Then the last image filled my head, the panic look on Casey’s face as I plummeted from Lover’s Leap. All the pain, happiness, sadness, and love that I had experienced within that lifetime exploded inside me in one excruciating burst.

  Then it all subsided, leaving me hollow.

  ***

  When my eyes fluttered open, I felt a sudden calmness. The stars that twinkled above me seemed brighter than normal, more radiant. Careful not to trip over my dress, I got up to my feet and looked around. I was still on top of Lover’s Leap, but everything around me was different. Everything seemed to glow with a slight glimmer. Everything seemed alive. It was as if I were looking at the world through another set of eyes.

  “Em?” a voice called out.

  It’s Emilia, a voice inside my head corrected.

  Turning, I saw Casey making his way toward me. There was a whitish-blue, shimmery light surrounding him, and a look of wonder on his face.

  “Castiel.” The voice that came from my lips was not my own. It was an octave higher and tinged with a British accent. But I didn’t care that the voice wasn’t mine. All I cared about was reaching Casey.

  I ran over to him, my dress fluttering behind me. When we reached each other, we captured each other’s lips in a passionate kiss that seemed to make everything around us disappear.

  “Em?” A voice broke out through the darkness, startling Casey and I from our kiss. Pulling apart, we searched the breathing darkness and spotted a figure making his way through the path, coming nearer. When he stepped into the moonlight, something struck me. With all the unlocked memories, I was having a hard time placing a name.

  “Nova?” The boy’s eyes grew wide. I watched as he ran toward the edge of the cliff, where a girl with black and purple hair cradled a limp body in her lap.

  That body, I recognized after a moment, was me.

  “What is happening?” I asked as I watched the boy and girl fret over my body. I turned to look at Casey with wondering eyes.

  “Your soul is now free,” he replied, staring at my body for a moment before looking down at me. “You are no longer bound to this world.”

  Something washed through me, happiness perhaps?

  “Come on, wake up,” the girl–Nova the boy said her name was–said. “This isn’t funny.”

  “What happened to her?” the boy asked, his voice rising in panic.

  Before I could hear the girl’s reply, a bright light in the corner of my vision caught my eye. Turning my head, I saw a white beam of light pouring out from a bright star way up in the heavens.

  “Castiel, what is going on?” I asked, suddenly feeling drawn to the light. I reached for his hand.

  “It is time for me to go,” he replied, staring at the light.

  “Wait. What?” I pried my eyes off the beam of light to look up at him. He had said “me” meaning only him.

  “Em,” –Casey’s eyes became tormented, his face sad– “I love you. I love you more than life itself. But you have a life here, a life in a world that I am not meant to be in.” He gently brushed back a strand of my hair behind my ear. “And it is not for me to take you away from that world.”

  “But I want to be with you,” I said. My voice sounded tight with emotions. Tears pricked my eyes.

  “As do I.” He looked at me tenderly. “But I also want you to experience all the things that you missed before; children, growing old, a long happy life…”

  “How am I supposed to be happy without you?” I couldn’t believe that he was saying all this.

  Casey lifted his head to look over me. I followed his gaze and saw that he was looking at the boy with the wild mane of curly hair.

  “He really likes you,” I heard Casey say, his voice soft. “And I know that you like him, too.”

  “But I love you,” I told him as I turned to look back at him.

  “And you shall love again.” He smiled sadly.

  “Please, Em,” the boy behind me said to my unconscious form. “Wake up. Wake up!” He leaned down and breathed into my mouth. A sudden tingle ran through my body, nearly making me shiver.

  “You belong in this world, Em,” Casey said.

  My eyes darted between the boy who was trying to revive me and Casey. I didn’t know what to do.

  “It is time for me to go.” Casey took a step away from me, closer to the light. I wanted to reach out to him, but something inside me froze.

  Casey continued to back-step until he was standing directly underneath the white light. He looked at me with longing. “I will always love you, Em.”

  “And I will always love you,” I said back. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

  I watched as Casey closed his eyes and bowed his head, just as his spiritual body transformed into a whitish-blue ball. It hovered for a moment before it slowly lifting into the sky and disappearing from sight.

  “Come on, come on…” I turned back to look at the boy, watching as he pumped his hands against the center of my ribs, over and over again until he would let up and breathe into my mouth a few times. On the other side of my body, the girl with the short hair had tears glimmering in her eyes.

  And you shall love again. Casey’s words floated through my head.

  Could I really though?

  “Please, Em. Please wake up.” I could hear the pain in the boy’s voice. It tugged at my heartstrings.
>
  Even though I couldn’t quite remember the boy, I knew that I had been important to him. And by the sadness filling my chest, I knew that he was important to me, too.

  But the white light was still behind me, waiting expectantly for me to come to it.

  I had to make a decision; stay here on earth or move on.

  With trembling lips, I moved toward my decision.

  TWENTY–EIGHT

  WHEN I OPENED my eyes, all I saw was white. Closing my eyes again, I reopened them, finally making out the small speckles on the ceiling above me. Then the hint of stale food filled my nose before I finally realized where I was: A hospital. Looking around, I spotted my parents sitting on chairs beside my bed. They both had their eyes closed, so they didn’t notice that I was awake. Mom and Dad were leaning on one another, Dad’s arm wrapped around Mom’s shoulder, holding her close. And that was when it hit me. I finally realized why Emilia’s soul came back as mine: because of the bond that she and Casey had shared. Their love was what brought her back, and when the spell between Lena and him broke, he was allowed to move on, which allowed us to move on too.

  But we didn’t move on. We had decided to stay.

  Because it’s what Casey wanted me to do.

  Sadness seeped through me, making me doubt my decision. Did I do the right thing?

  Mom moaned from where she slept uncomfortably on the hospital chair. Her eyes fluttered opened, and when they saw that I was awake, she bolted upright

  “Arlin, wake up.” Mom shifted in Dad’s arm, waking him.

  “Hmm? What?” Dad’s eyes pried open. He looked around in a daze.

  “Emma’s awake,” she said to him. She hurried from her chair and came over to me. “Emma, sweetie, are you okay? Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

  There she went rambling again.

  A soft throb started in my head, but I held back a grimace. I didn’t want to make Mom feel bad.

  “I’m fine,” I replied after a moment. “Just tired.”

  Mom stared at me, as if expecting me to say something more.

  I didn’t.

  “I’m going to find a nurse,” Dad said, getting up from his chair. He stretched, cracking his stiff back. “They should check your vitals, just to make sure that everything is okay.”

  Mom and I watched him leave the room.

  When the door shut, I glanced around the room. I didn’t know what to say to Mom. I wanted to ask her what had exactly happened, but I knew that she wouldn’t know–not the truth anyway.

  “Oh!” Her eyes lit up as she looked down at me. “I have some amazing news.”

  “What is it?”

  “I talked to Dr. Langley a few days ago,” she said, not waiting for me to question her. “He said that you haven’t had any more nightmares.”

  It was true. With the help of the pills he had given me, I hadn’t had any more nightmares.

  And you didn’t have any nightmares when you went unconscious, either, I realized. Could it be possible that with the spell broken, I wouldn’t be tormented with the nightmares anymore?

  “He told me that if you kept taking the pills he’d prescribed, you should be able to leave Brier Hall if you want,” Mom continued.

  “Wait.” I suddenly focused on what she was saying. “I can leave?”

  She nodded, smiling.

  Leave Brier Hall? But what about Nova or Jayden? What will happen to them if I just leave? What about all the memories that I’ve finally unlocked?

  “Emma?”

  I blinked at Mom. “Yeah?”

  “Do you not want to come home?” There was a hint of fear in her voice.

  “No, I want to,” I told her quickly, “but what about my friends?”

  “Your friends?”

  Before I could explain, the door opened and a nurse came in, followed by Dad. She was a young woman, maybe in her late twenties, with a round face and bubbly persona.

  “How are you doing?” she asked as she came over to check my vitals.

  “Okay, I guess,” I replied. How good can a person be when they’re lying in a hospital bed wearing a butt– revealing gown?

  “That’s good,” the nurse said smiling, “because there are a couple of people who are wanting to visit you.”

  “Visitors?” Who could possibly want to visit me?

  “Well, it looks like everything here is good.” The nurse backed away toward the door. “How about I go and get your visitors?”

  Too stunned, I just nodded.

  I watched the nurse leave, but before the door could swing completely shut, it reopened and Nova and Jayden came into the room.

  I instantly perked up. “Jayden? Nova? What are you guys doing here?”

  “We wanted to see how you were doing,” Nova replied breezily.

  “How are you doing?” Jayden asked. His eyes were filled with worry.

  “I’m alright,” I replied.

  “Emma, are you hungry?” Mom asked, pulling my attention away from my friends.

  “Not really.”

  “Well, your father and I are going down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Here.” She reached inside her purse and placed her phone on the little table beside my bed. “Call your dad if you get hungry or need anything, okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  They quickly left the room, leaving me, Nova, and Jayden in the room by ourselves.

  I waited for the door to click shut behind them before asking, “What happened?”

  Nova and Jayden shared a look.

  “You died,” Jayden said after a pregnant pause. His voice was low and grim.

  “But then Jayden did CPR on you.” Nova threw a quick glance at him over her shoulder. “After you came back to us, we had gotten one of the chaperones at the dance to call 911. Then you were brought here.” She motioned to the room.

  I was silent for a moment before more questions bubbled up inside my head. I directed my attention to Nova. “How did you know where I was?”

  “Well, my parents had just dropped me off at the loony bin when I heard someone scream. I didn’t know who it was, but I took off anyway.”

  “But you pushed Lena off the cliff,” I stated. I remembered the fear that had flashed in her eyes just before she got swallowed up in the darkness.

  “You what?” Jayden snapped his attention to Nova, his eyes wide with shock and fear.

  Nova rolled her one visible eye. “She was going to kill Em,” she told him. “She was about to push her off the cliff. I technically saved Em’s life, err, before the whole thing afterwards. Besides” –she focused back on me– “the bitch pushed me down the stairs.”

  Jayden’s brows furrowed, still not understanding. After I’m discharged from the hospital, I’d have to explain it more to him.

  “I’m glad you’re okay, roomie.” Nova’s voice got softer as she moved away from the topic of Lena. Something passed over her eyes but it was gone just as quickly as it had come.

  I smiled weakly. How was I supposed to tell them that I could go home? Did I really want to go home?

  Brier Hall won’t be the same without your nightly visits with Casey, a voice whispered.

  “Em, what’s wrong?” Jayden’s brows pinched together with worry. He could sense my concern.

  “M–my mom talked to Dr. Langley,” I started softly. I glanced down at the identification bracelet that was attached to my right wrist. Emma Loraine Knightley it read along with my date of birth and other information. “He said I could go home.”

  “Home?” Nova sounded confused. “You mean, away from Brier Hall?”

  I nodded, then threw a quick glance up at her before I quickly started to fiddle with my wristband again.

  “Are you going to go?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “After what happened…it would be hard to go back.”

  “But what about us?” Nova snapped. Her voice rose in anger, sending sadness and pain flooding through me.

  I looked back at her. “Nova…”


  “No.” She shook her head and took a step back, nearly bumping into Jayden. Before I could apologized, she spun on the heels of her studded boots and hurried from the room.

  My chest felt hollow as I watched her walk away.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Jayden shifted uneasily on his feet. We were both silent, not knowing what to say.

  “So…” Jayden finally said after a long moment of silence. “You’re leaving?”

  “I don’t know,” I replied honestly. I brushed back a strand of hair. “Like I said, after what happened, I don’t know if I could face going back.”

  I could see the sadness on Jayden’s face. It tugged at my heartstrings.

  “I’m really sorry, Jayden,” I apologized. I could hear my voice getting choked up. I was on the verge of crying. “It’s just…I have this chance to live normally again…”

  “Em, stop.”

  I snapped my mouth shut.

  “You don’t have to explain,” he said. “If I could leave, I would in a heartbeat. Nova too.” He smiled sadly. “And I know that Nova isn’t too happy–hell, I’m not exactly thrilled about you leaving–but she’ll get over it. All of this will dilute over time.”

  I knew that he was trying to make me feel better, but it didn’t help.

  “Well, I better go get Nova. Vice Principal Huffner drove us here to visit. I don’t need her getting in trouble in front of him.”

  “Okay.”

  “See ya later, Em.” Jayden held up a hand in a wave, then turned and slowly made his way out of the room.

  I wanted to call him back, to tell him that I was sorry, but I didn’t. Instead, I grabbed fistfuls of blanket and pressed my lips tight together, keeping silent.

  Instead I let them go.

  EPILOGUE

  I DECIDED TO go home. I had talked to Dr. Langley after I was released from the hospital and had told him that I had slept fine without taking any of the medication he had prescribed for me. By the end of my one hour session, he concluded that whatever had happened to me on Lover’s Leap did something to me that stopped me from having the nightmare. But I knew the truth. It was because of the curse that Lena had put on Casey was broken. I also figured it would be too hard to go back to where all of Emilia’s memories were buried deep within the walls. Where I discovered that ghosts and witches were real, and that love was everlasting.