Nice Day For A White Wedding

by Le Carre, Georgia

The door closes behind him and I clench my jaw tightly. I can feel the tears of fury burning the backs of my eyes. Sorry? That’s not enough. It’s not even close to enough. I thought we could get through anything together, but I didn’t bank on something like this coming up. And there is no us to get through anything because it was all a pack of lies. I was being duped every bit as much as Babushka was, and it took Petra of all people to bring the truth to light.

  Cindy

  I lay stiffly on Alex’s bed for about ten minutes. I know I need to get back to my own room, to my phone so I can make arrangements to get out of here. But first, I want to make sure Alex is really gone. I don’t want a slanging match with him. I just want to be able to slip away quietly and have this whole fucking mess over and done with.

  I wait for as long as I can bear to, and then I sit up. I put my good foot down first and then I stand up, putting my hand on the headboard for balance. I test my weight slowly on my twisted ankle. A stab of pain goes up my leg, but it’s nothing I can’t handle and my ankle doesn’t give way or anything. Alex might be a scheming bastard who wants to get richer than he already is off the back of his aunt, but he sure can apply a bandage with precision.

  I limp towards the connecting door between our rooms and I find myself laughing like a mad person when a crazy thought pops into my head. I feel as if I’m suddenly in the starring role in Misery. Here I am, a prisoner in a strange house, unable to walk properly, needing to escape, and feeling like there’s no way out.

  Of course, there’s a way out I tell myself as I move into my own room and push the connecting door closed. It’s called a cab and then a plane. It’s that simple.

  No one is holding you here against your will, I remind myself. It’s not a movie and this isn’t going to turn into some action sequence where I have to try and escape my captors.

  Even if Alex catches me packing and tries to stop me from leaving, I know Babushka won’t allow him to keep me here if I tell her I want to leave. I don’t want it to come to that though. I have done enough damage to Babushka. I won’t do anymore.

  I pick up my phone and the light catches on my beautiful, fake-engagement ring. With my heart feeling as if it had turned to stone, I take it off and carefully place it on the bedside table. Then I go to sit on the edge of my bed. I open up Google and begin looking for flights. Panic seizes me and tears threaten when I see all the flights leaving tonight start jumbling up before my eyes.

  I feel trapped. Panicky. There is only one way out and it involves doing something I never imagined I’d ever do. I never imagined a situation like this. I can’t help but think my life is in danger here. Not from Alex. Even though his feelings for me were lies, it’s a stretch to think he’d try to kill me. But Petra just might. She’s already tried it once. And I keep thinking about Alex mentioning secret passages in the house. She could get into my room and slit my throat in my sleep without anyone even knowing she’d left her room. And I refuse to sleep with Alex again. I think I’d rather be murdered.

  I call Star. She answers on the second ring.

  “Oi you! I’m surprised you have time for me with all the hot sex going on over there.”

  At the sound of her voice, I burst into tears. I didn’t even know they were coming, but once they start, I fear they won’t stop.

  “What the fuck?” Star never swears and hearing her do it makes me cry harder. Star makes soothing noises down the line, letting me cry it out. I finally get myself under control when my sobs turn into a series of broken hiccups.

  “Tell me what happened?” she orders, her voice brisk and businesslike.

  I tell her everything. About Alex and I and how I thought we had something special. Then about Petra’s revelation, and my ‘accident’. And finally, the worst part, how I confronted Alex with what Petra said and he didn’t even try to deny it.

  “I have to leave here, Star. I can’t stay another night. It was one thing lying to make Alex’s great aunt happy, but I won’t be a part of someone trying to deceive her so that he can take her money. And then there’s Petra. Alex warned her to leave me alone, but I don’t know whether or not she’ll listen to him. She might slit my throat while I’m sleeping.”

  “I totally get it. I’d be out of there too,” Star says.

  I sniff. I really do have good friends if nothing else. Star hasn’t even said I told you so. And she would have been well within her rights to do so.

  “The thing is, Star … I hate to ask you this, but I’m desperate. Is there anyway Nikolai can get someone to pick me up from here? I remember you saying that he keeps a plane in Russia …”

  “What time do you want to fly?” she interrupts me.

  “As soon as possible?”

  “Right. Let me make some arrangements and call you back.”

  “Thank you,” I say. Knowing that Star is on my case causes such relief to flood through me that I almost start crying again, but I hold the tears back. I have to stay strong and get away from here. I can cry all I want to, all I need to when I get home.

  Alex

  I don’t recognize the number of the caller, but since it is my private line that no one other than family and a few close friends know, I take the call.

  “Alex, this is Star. I am a friend of Cindy,” a woman says coldly.

  A cold claw grips my insides. I know what this call is about. She doesn’t wait for me to answer her, but goes on.

  “I’ll be sending a plane for her to your estate in two hours. I don’t think you deserve to be told, but my husband says you are capable of shooting the pilot of any plane landing on your land if I don’t ask for your permission first. So consider this call as my notification that I want my friend back and I’m sending someone to get her. She may not be precious to you, but she is extremely precious to me. So please do not stop her from leaving, or I will come there myself to collect her.”

  A bitter smile curves my lips. How well her husband knows me. That is exactly what I would have done if anybody had tried to come between me and my woman, but as it happens this offer is exactly what I need. I need Cindy gone. And there is no better way than in one of Nikolai’s planes. I trust him.

  “All right. Send your plane. A driver will take her out to the airstrip to wait for you,” I tell her.

  She gasps. I know what she is thinking. She’s thinking I’m a monster for cheating my own flesh and blood and for using her friend. I guess I am, if she had seen the things I’ve done, this would be nothing in comparison.

  “Thank you for that.” Then the line goes dead.

  How very, very stupid I’ve been. I exhale and look out of the window. Oh Cindy, Cindy, Cindy.

  Cindy

  I end the call with Star, relieved that there will be a plane in two hours to pick me up. Quickly, I grab my suitcase and start throwing my things into it. In my haste, I throw everything in so haphazardly I can’t then fasten my suitcase. I feel my hands clenching with a strange panic. I don’t want to leave this paradise, and yet I want to run away from this place as soon as I can. My heart feels like it is breaking.

  He betrayed me. Used me. Lied to me.

  I should have listened to my instincts that night at the casino. He was too slick, too smooth, to James Bondish. But foolishly I bought his bullshit because I was taken in by his beauty.

  I sit down and tell myself I have to calm down. Two hours is a long time. I don’t have to hurry, I will be ready by then. I take everything back out of the suitcase and put it back in neatly. I check the time when I’m done. Twenty minutes have passed. I will wait an extra ten minutes in my room before venturing down and asking someone to drive me to the tarmac.

  I wish I could go and say goodbye to Babushka, but I know I can’t. Not without somehow breaking down and making her suspect what Alex has been up to, and I know I can’t do that. But she’s going to be hurt that I left without saying goodbye, but I know Alex, the consummate liar will make up something about me having to go urgently to take care of a sick relative
or something. She will never see me again and I hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me.

  I have five more minutes to wait when the connecting door in my room opens and Alex walks in. He looks at my suitcase and then at me and I see his jaw tighten as if he is controlling himself. It makes me want to go to him and throw my arms around him and tell him I won’t leave him if he wants me to stay.

  But I don’t.

  I hate liars. Even gorgeous liars like him.

  So I look away from him, refusing to meet his eyes.

  Alex

  I stop dead when I see her suitcases on the bed. I was wrong earlier when she turned her back on me and I thought I was breaking inside. Seeing her standing over her packed cases is a hundred times worse. I know she has to leave this place. After what happened earlier, and after she found out about the clause, I don’t blame her for wanting to leave. She has her dignity and her pride. I would want to leave too if I was in her shoes.

  “Let me help you carry your suitcases down,” I hear myself saying. My voice sounds strange to my ears.

  I walk towards her and she doesn’t back away, but she makes no effort to come to me and when I reach her, I have to physically stop myself from reaching for her.

  She looks me in the eye and I can see her heart is breaking. I don’t want her to be hurting, but in some ways, the hurt I can see in her eyes gives me hope. I can still reach her. She hasn’t turned herself off from me completely. Not yet.

  “No need. I’m sure one of the staff will help me.”

  I expected that answer. I stare at her blankly. I feel so lost.

  I see a flash of anger cross her face. “What will you tell Babushka?”

  “What do you want me to tell her?” My voice almost falters. What a mess this has turned out to be. I underestimated Petra. I didn’t think it through. I was careless. I should have known better. There was too much money at stake.

  “Please,” she whispers, “tell her I’m sorry I had to go, but that it was lovely to meet her.”

  Then she goes to step around me, struggling to pull her suitcase behind her. The weight of it makes her stumble and I reach out then. I grab her wrist and even as she breaks my heart I feel the sparks when we touch. I know she feels them too, because she gasps before she pulls her arm away from me.

  “Don’t you dare touch me,” she hurls at me.

  “I’ll fix it all, I promise,” I whisper.

  She snorts out a laugh. “Fix it? How the fuck do you expect to do that?” she yells. Then she stops and takes a deep breath before continuing in a calmer voice. “I don’t need you to swoop in and fix things for me. Nah. You’ve got your hands full here. Anyway, I’m a grown woman and I don’t need you or anyone else to take care of me. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go downstairs and ask for some help with my suitcases.”

  She leaves me then, limping pitifully, and I let her go. I watch her back as she slowly and painfully walks away from me. She never looks back, and I feel as though my whole future has been ripped away. As though the only light left in my life has been extinguished. I dared to let myself believe I could still have a happy ending.

  I go to the top of the stairs and watch her grasp the banister as she hops down the stairs. As soon as she gets down safely I call the driver to bring the car around. Then I go back into her room and pick up her two suitcases.

  I take them downstairs and arrive next to her as she stands in the middle of the foyer. She is obviously waiting to ask someone for help with her suitcases. Her lips tighten when she sees me carrying them.

  “The driver is waiting outside for you.”

  She presses her lips together and her chin trembles and I think she might start crying, but she doesn’t. Wordlessly, she crosses the wide space and goes outside. The driver rushes to relieve me of her luggage. He puts it in the boot of his car and she is in such a hurry to get in she almost falls. I can’t help it, I catch her in my arms.

  “I said don’t touch me,” she says between gritted teeth.

  Ignoring her I help her into the back and close the door. She doesn’t look at me. Just stares straight ahead, her face red with the emotion she is trying not to show.

  I watch as the car pulls away. Then I turn around and something catches my eye. I look in the direction of my aunt’s quarters and I see her standing at her window. She looks at me sadly. She shakes her head and I shake mine too. At that moment, I can’t stop my eyes from filling with tears.

  Then I go back to my room and I sit down on the bed. Petra played this game like a master. I look around me. The room feels empty, like Cindy’s presence filled it up and now it’s gone and nothing in the world makes sense anymore. I pick up the corner of the sheet and press it to my face, sniffing it and taking in Cindy’s scent.

  “I’ll win you back, Cindy Forrester if it’s the last thing I do,” I whisper into her sweet scent.

  Cindy

  It’s been a week since I left Russia. Since I left Alex. My flight home was unbearably sad and lonely, but it all went smoothly. Everything went without a hitch. I spoke to Star as soon as I got on board and she was at the airport as she promised she would be. She took one look at my tear-stained face and took me to the nearest off-license. She bought three bottles of wine and we went to my place. We talked and drank into the early hours of the next morning. I sobbed my heart out to her. She made all the right noises and she still didn’t say I told you so.

  Then Rosa arrived and Star left and I sobbed all over again.

  I finally collapsed into bed around seven a.m. the next morning, telling myself I would feel better when I woke up now I had it all out of my system. I didn’t. Not only did I have the worst hangover I’d ever had in my life, but I was still just as sad, just as empty feeling. And I missed Alex so fucking much.

  Rosa made me a whopping breakfast and gave me a glass of wine to drink. Hair of the dog, she said. I felt slightly better.

  I knew he would still be trying to keep up the ruse for his aunt’s sake, and I didn’t expect to see him for the first two days at work. He would still be in Russia. But once he was due home, I expected him to show up at the casino. I was half looking forward to it, because I missed him so much, and I was half dreading it, because no matter what I felt when I looked at him again, on his side of it all had been a big fat fucking lie.

  I didn’t even know if I still wanted to work at The Macau. All the excitement I felt about my career was gone. Everything felt empty and pointless.

  I waited and waited, but I never had to face him because he didn’t show up. I went about my nights in the casino as usual, doing my job, and jumping every time a big guy in a suit walked in, but it was never him. What a coward. He wasn’t even going to show his face. I told myself I didn’t care, but I did. The least he owed me was an apology.

  Actually, he didn’t though. Not really. He paid me what he promised me at the start of our arrangement. His lawyer sent me the deeds to half the casino. When I looked at it, I didn’t feel happy. I felt dirty and stupid because of what I’d unwittingly done to get it.

  And yet despite feeling so lost, angry and stupid, and despite knowing Alex didn’t want me, that he never had, I still found myself wanting to see him more and more with each day that passed.

  There was no out. I wanted him to show up at the casino. I needed him to. We need closure. I need closure.

  Tonight has been another night he didn’t show up. He never once called to see how the business was running.

  I sigh as I let myself into my home. It’s been a long night at work, made longer by my constant checking of the CCTV screens for Alex. I feel exhausted. I know I look like shit too. My brain tells me I have to let this crap go. I have to stop thinking about Alex. Stop hoping I’ll see him and just move on with my life. But my heart won’t let go. Damn him. He really did a fucking number on me.

  I lock my front door and shrug out of my coat. Then I kick my shoes off tiredly and head into the lounge. I am instantly on high ale
rt when I see that one of my lamps is on. I didn’t put that on. The high alert turns to spine tingling fear when a man stands up from my couch.

  “Hello, Cindy.”

  The fear turns to uncontrollable fury. The man is Alex.

  “Did you miss me?” he asks softly.

  “Did I miss you? Are you fucking kidding me?” I shout hysterically. “How the fuck did you get into my house?”

  I take a step towards him and the hurt and the longing and the pain all turns into an all-encompassing, inexplicable rage when I see that Alex’s smile has its usual effect on my body. My body wants him to fuck me. I scream then, a sound of total frustration, incomprehension, and pain as I launch myself at him, my fists flying. Alex sees my attack coming and he catches hold of my wrists easily. He holds me out at arm’s length so my kicking feet can’t connect with him. Then he just watches me calmly as I scream and shout and try to twist my way free.

  Eventually, I use up all of my anger and I just stand there, my chest heaving with the exertion of it all.

  “Are you done?” he asks softly.

  I nod miserably and he releases my wrists. I debate going for him again, but the anger is gone and I’m just bone-tired. The truth is I’m tired of feeling this way and I just want him out of my life. I’ll hear him out, get the closure I need, and then I’ll resign and start over. Somewhere else. He can have his damn fifty percent back. I don’t want it.

  I sink down heavily on the couch and Alex sits beside me. One thing is really bothering me more than anything and I repeat my earlier question, although without the fiery anger this time.

  “How did you get in here?” I say again.

  “You keep a spare key in your locker at work,” he says, as though it’s perfectly acceptable for him to help himself to that key and use it to come into my house without permission.