by BL Mute
“Look at me when I speak to you, damnit!”
Slowly, Lucas finally turns around. “What?” he snaps.
“Why?” There is no need to elaborate. It’s obvious what I’m talking about.
He sucks in a deep breath through his nose while biting his lip. Before he speaks, a small chuckle escapes his mouth. “Why? Because he fucking hurt you, Charlie.”
My anger starts to simmer again. I don’t need a voiced reminder he hurt me. My body and mind already remind me enough every day. “I could have handled it, Lucas. I’m not your mother.” I regret the words the moment I say them, but it’s too late to take them back.
His eyes bore into mine with rage. “Don’t try to talk about things you know nothing about. And don’t try and piss me off because you don’t know any other way to express your own anger. He hurt you in the worst possible way, so we taught him a lesson. Why are you so fucking mad about that?”
Suddenly, my heart fissures because I already know the answer. You’d think by now the stupid thing would learn its lesson, but it hasn’t. “I love him, Lucas. I hate that I love him, but I fucking love him.”
He huffs. “You love him? Do you think he even loves you?”
That’s a question I haven’t even bothered to ask myself. “I—” I cut myself off, trying to figure out the answer. “I don’t know,” I finally whisper.
Lucas shakes his head. “If he loved you, he wouldn’t have done what he did, Flower. Remember that.” He walks past me without another word.
Is it possible to love someone and hate them all at the same time? Because that’s exactly how I feel about Teddy. But maybe Lucas is right. If he loved me in the first place, he never would have hurt me.
I shake the thoughts away and raise my chin. One good thing he did teach me was to hold my head high. Yeah, he hurt me, but I won’t let him know how badly. Do I love him? Sure, but I won’t let him know that either. I only came here for answers, not love. I’ll do exactly what I’m used to. Scream, cry, let out all of my pain behind closed doors, but when I step out, I’ll be hard.
I take in a breath to compose myself, then step back into the hallway and make my way to the kitchen.
Teddy is still on the table where I left him as Dr. Kelly works over him. His face is still black and blue, but all of the bloodstains are gone. “How bad is it?” I ask, leaning against the doorjamb. I won’t let my heart overpower my mind this time.
“He won’t die if that’s what you’re asking. Surprisingly, I don’t feel anything broken other than his nose. These burns—” He motions to Teddy’s chest and stomach as he drapes wet gauze over it. “—will probably be the worst of his healing. They’re cauterized, but I know they still hurt like hell, and his face should start looking back to normal in a week or so. He’ll still be bruised, but the swelling should be down tremendously. I have him on some IV meds for now. Just some basic stuff for pain and naproxen for the swelling. I’ll come check on him every day.”
I nod. “Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it.”
He smiles, and I return it this time as he finishes bandaging up Teddy’s stomach. “Well, my job is done. Holler if you need anything, okay?”
“I will.”
He nods in response, then leaves the kitchen. When I hear the front door close, I take a seat in the chair to Teddy’s right and start talking. Maybe the pain meds will keep him so doped up he won’t remember, or maybe he won’t hear me at all, but regardless, I need to get things off my chest.
“You know,” I start, acting as if he’s actually listening, “when I was younger, I always told my dad when I found the man I love, I’d make him take me to the beach and we would buy a house there. Why something so basic like the beach? Because I love to swim. Did you know that?” Tears sting my eyes as I wait for an answer I know won’t come.
“I love a lot of things, Teddy. I love animals, loud music, driving with the windows down…” I pause for a moment. “And I love you. I thought you would be the one to take me to the beach and buy me a home there, but I don’t think I want that anymore. Not with you.”
I stare at his face and try to choke out the last words. “You helped reinforce what my dad had already taught me: that I am strong. And right now, I’m choosing me over you. You hurt me, Teddy. Completely fucking broke me, and I refuse to make you believe that’s okay. I’m a queen—I’m just not your queen anymore.”
I stand from the chair and run from the kitchen. Maybe he isn’t even listening, but saying all of those words hurt. I never expected to love Teddy, but I also never expected to lose him. Not this way.
I rush to my room and close the door. I hate this is the only place I want to come, the only place I feel is my own, even after what he did. I walk to the corner where a single pillow and blanket sit, then sink to the floor. And just like every night before, I cry myself to sleep, but this time the tears aren’t just from sadness. They’re from feeling a sense of liberation. A sense of freedom. Whether he knows it or not yet, I am free of Teddy, and I refuse to look back.
I hear her feet pad against the floor as she rushes out of the room, but I don’t open my eyes until I know she’s behind her door. When I hear the soft latch from down the hall, I finally pry my eyes open. The white light burns, but blinking a few times helps the pain go away. At least for a moment until Lucas steps into my thin line of sight.
His dark eyes stare down on me, and I feel more vulnerable than I ever have. “Haven’t you done enough?” I ask because I assume he’s back to finish what he and Julius started.
He chuckles. “You deserved every minute.”
I nod the most I can because he’s right. I deserve this and so much more.
“I heard everything she said,” he adds.
I’m a queen—I’m just not your queen anymore…
Her words reverberate in my mind, and it’s like adding battery acid to all of my wounds. I try and remind myself I wanted this. I wanted her to hate me, but it’s almost too much to bear. I’ve never let myself fall for anyone, and the moment I do, shit blows up and I ruin everything.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Luke,” I say out loud, not even sure he’ll listen to me.
“I don’t know what you’re doing either. I can’t even try to process your thoughts.” The anger from earlier is still evident in his voice. “Why did you do it?”
“I—I want her to be happy. If I lose this fucked-up battle with the cartel, I don’t want her to hurt anymore. I don’t want her to mourn me again. She deserves so much more than that.”
I glance to my side as he steps away. “That’s a pussy way out of shit!” he whisper shouts. “What she deserves is love from the person she loves.”
His body vibrates with anger. “Lucas—” I try, but he cuts me off.
“No. Fuck you, Teddy. You took a perfectly whole woman and broke her. For what? Absolutely nothing. Your reasoning is fucking stupid, but you’re right. She does deserve so much more. So much more than you,” he spits.
“Promise me you’ll give her that, then?” The words cut my throat as they make their way out. I never thought I’d be asking someone else to love my woman, but then again, I never expected a lot of things.
“I’m not promising you shit. I’m tired of cleaning up all the mess you make. Fix your own shit.” He storms out of the kitchen.
Not long after, I hear the front door close. I want to get up and chase him. Apologize for everything I’ve ever put him through. Apologize for all of the shit with Charlie. Apologize for everything even if it wasn’t my fault, but the machine my IV is connected to beeps, sending another dose of pain medicine into my blood stream, and I pass out.
Two weeks later…
“You figured it out, then?” I ask Julius as we walk up the steps of the house.
The past two weeks have passed almost painfully slow. Teddy has been on the mend, Lucas is nowhere to be found, and we haven’t heard a peep from the ATF agent. Because of that, I’ve done nothing too shady. I’ve m
ade a few bank runs, checked on the supply with Emil, and told Julius to get to the bottom of the note that was left the day Teddy faked his death.
“Not exactly,” he says, stopping at the top of the stairs. “But we can question the guard from that day again.”
I roll my eyes. “Get him here. Maybe I can get something out of him you guys didn’t.”
He nods and goes to say more but is cut off by the gate at the end of the drive opening. “Expecting company?” he asks.
I tip my head to the side and study the car rolling in slowly. “Are you?” I answer his question with my own.
As the car slows to a stop in front of us, I slip my hand in my bag and grip my gun. Being caught off guard isn’t something I like, so I want to be prepared. The door opens, so I calmly start to inch my gun out of my bag. When Andrew, the ATF agent, is the one to step out, I shove it back into my bag.
“I had a feeling you’d be back. What do you want this time?”
Before he can answer my question, the front door opens and Teddy steps out sluggishly.
My heart drops to my stomach. “Teddy, go inside,” I hiss.
He closes the door behind him. “I’m the one who called him.”
All I want to do is slap him at this point. He’s the one who wanted to stay hidden. Why? I have no idea, but here he is now contradicting everything he’s said, showing himself to the enemy.
Andrew takes a few steps forward. “Theodore.” He tips his head. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
Teddy comes to my side, his arm brushing against mine, so I step to the side, putting as much distance between us as I can. His eyes shoot to me, but he knows not to question or argue. I’m not his doormat anymore. I refuse to let him push me around.
He quickly conceals his bruised ego, then looks to Andrew. “Wish I could say the same.”
I glance to Julius, who is just as confused as me. I knew we would be discussing shit with Andrew, but I figured I would handle it. Not Teddy.
“Please, come inside.” Teddy steps next to Julius, giving Andrew room to move up the steps and inside.
Once he’s through the door, Teddy follows, but Julius and I hang back a few feet. When they’re out of earshot, I grip Julius by his arm and pull him to my level. “Watch him.”
He glances to the backs of Teddy and Andrew. “I won’t let him try anything stupid. He’s in our house.”
I nod, but Andrew isn’t who I’m worried about. Teddy has been a completely different person since he’s been back. I don’t want him to flip his lid and do something stupid like kill this guy. I don’t want to deal with the drama that will come with it, and I definitely don’t want to be left to clean up the mess.
I hurry and catch up to Teddy and Andrew as they walk through the kitchen’s threshold. My eyes instantly go to the table, expecting Teddy to be lying there almost lifelessly like he has been until recently, but he isn’t. He’s standing in front of me with yellowing bruises all over his face and a slower step to his walk instead. And once again, just like every other time I stare at him too long, I’m reminded of the monster lurking under his skin.
“So you said you have information for me,” Andrew bellows, interrupting my thoughts.
Teddy perches himself on one of the barstools and nods. “I do, but you know it won’t come free.”
Andrew licks his lips and crosses his arms. “What do you want to know?”
I scoff. His willingness to give up whatever we want for something he doesn’t even know will be worth it is pathetic.
Teddy side-eyes me again, warning me with his eyes to keep quiet. Instead of sinking into myself and doing what he wants, I prop my hand on my hip and roll my eyes. “Cameron brought you to town, right?” Andrew nods without hesitation. “Why?”
I take over the conversation, knowing exactly what information we need and what burning questions I have alone to get to the bottom of things.
Andrew shake his finger. “I gave you something. This is give and take, not take, and take. Give me a lil’ something and I’ll answer.”
I smile. “We know who is dealing arms and where they’re keeping their supply.” I’m careful not to incriminate ourselves. “Now answer.”
“He has a vendetta against you Hales because of her.” He points to me while talking in the direction of Teddy and Julius. “He wants me to get you boys locked up so he can steal the girl.”
Teddy’s face goes pale, and his hands start to shake. I inhale deep through my nose, then step next to Julius and whisper in his ear, “Get the guard. Now.” He nods and walks out of the room.
If I can prove Cameron sent the note, that means not only do I have to worry when I’m around him or at the station, but now I’m not even safe in my own house.
“What else?” Teddy grinds through his teeth.
Andrew laughs. “Remember, you gotta give to—”
He’s cut off when Teddy leaps from the barstool and grabs him by the front of his shirt. “We’re playing by my rules. Now speak, pig.”
I step in between them and pry Teddy’s hands away from Andrew’s shirt. “Stop,” I say quietly. And just like that, the storm brewing in his eyes dies and his body relaxes.
I break my eyes from Teddy’s and turn back to Andrew. “Is there anything else?”
His eyes bounce between me and Teddy for a moment before he speaks again. “He’s doing all of this for his family. David, his cousin, is tangled up with the cartel, and he did something. I’m not sure what, I don’t ask for many details. It makes things easier, but he said you all are getting too close, if that means anything to you.”
My heart beats faster. “What does David look like?”
He quickly gives a vague description matching the man from the bank. “That’s all I got. I never got a good look at him.”
“I’ll give you all the information you need for your sting, but we need to plan this. I need a couple of days minimum to work out some details. Got it?” I don’t even acknowledge what he just said. All I’m worried about now is ending all of this. Teddy’s plan is stupid, yes, but it’s going to work.
“I was told I’d leave here with a sure lead,” he snaps.
“You’ll get more than a lead if you just shut up and do as I say,” I bite back.
He shrinks under my words. “You at least have to give me a little something more.”
“Emil Garcia,” I state flatly, planting the seed that’s soon to grow into a full-fledged garden of shit. “Now leave.”
He exits the kitchen. I follow him out into the hall and watch him, making sure he walks out the door. When he’s gone, I step back into the kitchen and face Teddy. “David killed my dad, and Cameron was in on it.”
“We can’t make assumptions until we have proof.”
“I have all the proof I need, Teddy. The files, what he just said.”
“Okay, but like you told him, we need a plan. I have a plan, but what’s yours?”
I try and steady my nerves and relay all of the thoughts rushing through my head. “We need to get Cameron and David in the same spot before shit blows up. Maybe have Andrew meet them where Emil is keeping our supply so we can confront them, and he gets what he needs.”
“Okay, but why would Andrew need them there? I’m sure they’ll only come if they feel it’s worth it. So we need a reason.”
I run through different options in my head, but I keep coming back to the same thing. “Me. We will use me. If Cameron wants me, let’s make him believe he can get me.”
I can see the hurt mixed with anger swirling in Teddy’s eyes, but he knows I’m right. Cameron won’t care about anything unless it involves me, at least I assume with what Andrew said.
Before he can say anything else, the front door opens and closes. Both Teddy and I walk to the hallway and see Julius standing in the foyer with a man I haven’t seen before. Julius nods when my eyes bounce to his.
“We will work this out later,” I whisper to Teddy before closing the distance bet
ween myself and Julius and the man. “Is this him?” I ask, stopping in front of them.
He nods again.
“I’m Charlotte. I just have a few questions about the day he died.” I throw my thumb over my shoulder, pointing to Teddy.
The man’s face goes pale as he studies Teddy. “I—” he chokes out.
“Don’t be too alarmed, I’ll explain everything later,” I reassure him. “I just need to know who came through those gates that day.”
He rubs his hand along his face like he’s trying to wipe a nasty image from his mind. “I already told him; I only saw that cop.”
“Only the cop?” I raise an eyebrow. We’ve already known Cameron stopped by, but the timeline of him coming here and when the note was left don’t add up.
“Yeah, he came and questioned Teddy. When he came back the second time, I was confused, but he said he forgot to ask something important.”
“Wait.” I hold up my hand. “The second time?”
He nods slowly. “Yes. He came and left, then came and left again.”
I look over my shoulder to Teddy, then back to the man. “That’s all I needed. Julius, make sure he won’t be a liability about this.” I point to Teddy. He nods, then exits the house again with the man in tow.
After a silent beat, I turn back to Teddy. “I know exactly how we can make this work.”
He grins. “Do tell, Monkshood.”
His nickname for me sends a spear through my heart, but I brush away my feelings. I’m done being sad. I’m done being angry. At this point, all I want is my vengeance, and I won’t let anyone, or anything, stand in the way.
I’m not sure if he caught the split second my face relayed how hurt I was or if maybe he really didn’t mean to say it, but he apologizes quickly. “I’m sorry—it just slipped out.”
I ignore his statement and run down my idea as in-depth as I can.
It’s been two weeks since I gave Andrew the paper, and I still haven’t heard from him. I’m getting really sick of waiting on him. I knew I would be taking a risk with him, but I’m out of options. If the Hales put together that he and I are the ones who killed Charlie’s dad, I know it’s only a matter of time before they come for us too.