The Tiger Mom's Tale

by Lyn Liao Butler

  Jing Tao was discussing herbal remedies and teas with the shopkeeper for Lexa to take back to New York. Lexa stared up at her father, her adoration clear on her face.

  “They look happy together,” Pong said.

  “Yes.” Susan nodded in agreement with Jing Tao’s best friend. Pong had been their translator the entire trip, and she’d been grateful to have someone who could speak English to converse with. He didn’t have a wife or family and had told her Jing Tao’s family had adopted him as an honorary uncle.

  “He loves her.” Pong was staring at Lexa and Jing Tao, a wistful look on his face. “From the moment he heard about her, I think she stole his heart.” He turned to Susan. “You have no idea how happy he is to finally meet her and get to spend time with her.”

  Susan smiled. “And she loves him. I’ve never seen her so happy. I can’t tell you how glad I am that the two of them have bonded. It’s wonderful to see her get to know her Taiwanese family and heritage.”

  They made their way to the counter and watched the shopkeeper bag the herbs. Susan peered over Lexa’s shoulder. “What’s all this?”

  Jing Tao pointed to a clear plastic bag. “This is four-spirits soup. All the herbs are in the packet: lotus seed, barley, gorgon fruit, Chinese yam, and poria cocos. It helps the digestive system. Pong will write the directions for you, but very easy to make.”

  “And what’s that?” Susan pointed to another bag.

  Pong translated. “Astragalus. It boosts the immune system and fights disease. Keeps you healthy.”

  “That’s ginseng, right?” She pointed to slices of a dried brown root. It was the only thing she recognized.

  Pong nodded. “Good for boosting energy and reducing stress, among other benefits. Just drop a few pieces into a cup and pour hot water over it to make a tea.”

  Jing Tao paid, and then spoke in English. “You hungry? Maybe a snack next before we go to bookstore?”

  Lexa nodded eagerly, and they all followed him out of the store. Lexa and her father walked ahead, holding hands. Jing Tao was talking, gesturing with his free hand. Susan knew he was trying to make up for the past eight years, trying to cram as much as he could into their visit. As for herself, she was relieved to be away from Pin-Yen. She was getting tired of the woman’s cold stares, as if she could somehow make Susan and Lexa disappear. It was so tiresome. Pin-Yen needed to get a life.

  Jing Tao pointed through the window of a bakery. “Look, sesame balls. My favorite. I can’t believe I didn’t get you one yet.” They trooped into the bakery, and Jing Tao bought them each a sesame ball. Susan watched as Lexa bit into the crispy, chewy ball. When the unfamiliar flavors burst in her mouth, a look of surprised pleasure crossed Lexa’s face, and she let out a squeal of delight. Jing Tao gave Lexa the biggest smile Susan had ever seen, and Pong laughed. Lexa was too busy devouring her first sesame ball to notice anyone else.

  “Sesame balls are now my new favorite dessert,” she said, to a round of laughter.

  Her father looked at her, his face soft with indulgence and something Susan recognized as pure love. “Hsu-Ling likes them, but she could do without them. It’s nice to see one of my daughters loves them as much as I do,” he said.

  Lexa turned to Susan. “Can we get these in New York?”

  Susan nodded. “I’ve seen them in Chinatown.”

  “Oh, good!” Lexa clapped her hands. “Then every time I eat one, I’ll think of you, Baba.”

  Jing Tao beamed another smile at Lexa so full of warmth that Susan could feel the love radiating from him. “Do you want a bubble tea to go with it?” Jing Tao asked.

  Lexa nodded. “Wo yao yibei zhenzhu naicha.”

  Susan felt sad all of a sudden, listening to Lexa ask for a bubble tea in Mandarin. In just over a week, she looked and sounded more like a Taiwanese girl than Susan had thought possible. She was so happy Lexa was getting to know her other family. But a part of her couldn’t help feeling as if she was losing her daughter. Lexa would soon be fluent in a language Susan couldn’t even begin to understand.

  They went back out into the crowded street when Lexa had her bubble tea, and once again, Jing Tao and Lexa led the way to the bookstore. Suddenly, Pong reached out and grabbed Susan by the elbow when a man on a scooter roared past them on the sidewalk. Susan jumped, her hand on her heart. “Thanks,” she said. “I still can’t get used to people driving on the sidewalks as if it’s normal.”

  “Ah,” Pong said, with a twinkle in his eye, “anything goes here in Taiwan when it comes to traffic rules.”

  She smiled at him, this man who had been so kind to them. “Thanks for being so good to Lexa and helping Jing Tao make her feel welcome.”

  “I’d do anything for Jing Tao and his family.” He nodded to Lexa. “She’s a special girl.”

  Gladness replaced the sadness in Susan’s heart. All she’d ever wanted was for Lexa to know where she came from. It hadn’t been easy bringing up an Asian daughter in a white world. People asked all the time if Lexa was adopted. She knew Lexa hated how she stood out in their family, so it was nice to see her fitting in so well with her new family, to know they loved her as much as she did. Watching Lexa and Jing Tao together, Susan couldn’t imagine anything breaking the bond that was forming between father and daughter.

  9

  When Lexa opened her eyes, it took her a moment to realize she was still in Phoenix’s apartment. She must have fallen asleep on the couch. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, Phoenix’s shawl falling off her body. Remnants of the dream she’d been having about her father floated in her mind, but before she could grasp them, they evaporated.

  “Mom?” She sniffed, the lemongrass scent of Phoenix’s apartment strong in her nose. She pulled out her phone and saw it was almost five o’clock. She had to be back on the Upper East Side for a six-o’clock client. Standing up, she saw a note on the coffee table.

  I went to take a yoga class. Have to get in a certain number of classes for my certification. You fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake you. Love you.

  Lexa picked up her purse and was about to leave when she stopped. She was alone in Phoenix’s apartment. She’d be meeting her in three days, but curiosity about this woman who had broken up her family overwhelmed her now. Looking around furtively, Lexa made her way to the bedroom. Her mom had given her a tour when she first got there, but now she wanted a closer look. Who was this Phoenix?

  The bedroom was gorgeous. It was filled with teak furniture from Malaysia, simple and basic in the old kampong tradition. The room was done in shades of greens and browns, as found in nature, and there was a serenity that was so different from the hectic city life outside the windows. Lexa stared at the bed, trying to imagine her mom sleeping with a strange woman.

  She wandered over to the bedside table on what she knew was Phoenix’s side and opened the drawer. She’d seen her mom’s glasses on the other table. Feeling like a thief, she held her breath and peered in, hoping like hell she didn’t find a vibrator or something. She saw notebooks, pens, bobby pins, and a tube of hand cream. Pushing a book aside, she found a small laminated picture and pulled it out.

  A much-younger Phoenix looked back at her, her long dark hair falling in waves around her shoulders and one arm wrapped around the arm of an older Asian man. Lexa assumed it was Phoenix’s father. Lexa’s mom had told her Phoenix was half-Malaysian and half-French. She studied Phoenix’s face, marveling at how beautiful she was. She was laughing and turned slightly toward the man.

  A car horn honked repeatedly outside the window, and Lexa jumped. The picture slipped from her fingers and slid under the bed. She dropped to her hands and knees to retrieve it as beads of sweat popped out on her forehead. Placing the picture back in the drawer and closing it with a bang, she ran out of the room and grabbed her purse from the couch. She shouldn’t have been snooping. She slammed out of the apartment, her face burning.

/>   * * *

  • • •

  By the time Lexa made it back to the gym for her six-o’clock client, she had a pounding headache. The lack of sleep combined with everything going on in her life made her bleary-eyed and slightly nauseated. She was glad this was her last client of the day.

  She walked onto the gym floor and saw her client Kiley McGuire talking to Bryson, the personal training manager. Bryson waved her over and said, “Kiley was just about to tell me her big news. But why don’t you tell Lexa instead?”

  He walked away as Lexa stifled a yawn.

  “You’ll never guess what happened!” Kiley was practically vibrating with excitement.

  “You met someone?” Even to her own ears, Lexa could hear the sarcasm dripping from her voice. They were the same age, but Kiley’s main focus in life was to find a rich husband.

  “Yes.” Kiley’s eyes rounded with hurt, and her mouth parted.

  Lexa felt like she’d just kicked a kitten. “I’m sorry. What happened?”

  The injured look cleared from Kiley’s blue eyes. “I met the most amazing man!” Kiley had a high voice that squeaked when she was excited.

  “That’s great, Kiley.” Lexa took a medicine ball off a rack and handed it to her. It slipped from Kiley’s grasp and rolled away.

  Kiley leaned over to chase after the ball, her butt up in the air. Lexa heard a low whistle behind them and turned to find a guy staring appreciatively at Kiley’s backside.

  “Kiley,” Lexa said in a loud whisper. “Put your butt down!” Lexa saw the guy walking toward them and fanned the air in front of her. “Oh, sorry. I just let one rip. Must have been those beans I ate last night.” The guy froze, uncertain. She flipped up a hand in apology. “Hey, man. Sorry. I wouldn’t get any closer if I were you.”

  He turned and practically ran back to the weights he’d left by a bench.

  “Did you really fart?” Kiley finally grabbed the ball and stood up.

  Lexa crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. “Of course not.”

  “Oh.” Kiley’s voice was small, and she shrank away from Lexa.

  Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose. What was wrong with her? Why was she taking things out on Kiley? It wasn’t Kiley’s fault she was kind of ditzy. Okay, stop. She was being unkind now. She took a deep breath and forced herself to give Kiley a smile.

  To Lexa’s relief, Kiley smiled back and her session sped by. Kiley talked while Lexa tuned out. Was Lexa’s mom right? Did she need to get a life outside her job?

  All of a sudden, she realized Kiley had stopped talking and was staring at her.

  “I’m sorry. Did you ask me something?”

  Kiley blew out a breath, ruffling her bangs. “I wanted to know if you’ve ever had regrets. Like, maybe you’d always believed you wanted a rich husband, but then you meet this incredible man and he doesn’t have a lot of money. But he’s so amazing, and if you blow him off just because he has no money, will you regret it?”

  Lexa’s face softened as she listened to Kiley. “So this amazing man isn’t rich?”

  Kiley shook her head so hard that her ponytail whipped back and forth.

  “Well, is money the most important thing to you?”

  Kiley shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe.” Kiley studied her. “I bet you never have regrets about anything. You’re so sure of yourself.”

  “Oh, believe me, I have my regrets.”

  Kiley contemplated that in silence. And then she said, “It’s not good to keep things inside. You have to face the past in order to confront your future.”

  Lexa stared at her, her mouth slightly open. Where had that insight come from? It shamed her to think she’d been judging Kiley unfairly. But she realized Kiley was right. Lexa’s father’s death was bringing back the past whether she liked it or not. Maybe it was time to put on her big-girl pants and deal with it, instead of pushing it out of mind like she had all her life.

  “Thanks. I needed to hear that. Let’s get you stretched out.”

  Kiley beamed and said, “I got that from a fortune cookie.” She turned to walk to the stretching area and promptly tripped over a weight on the floor. She sprawled butt-up on the mats. Lexa couldn’t suppress her laugher, but then saw the same man who’d shown so much interest in Kiley’s backside earlier walking toward them again.

  “Dude.” Lexa waved the air in front of her. “Remember those beans.”

  And he sailed on without stopping, as if he’d meant to walk by all along.

  10

  The next afternoon, Lexa took the 6 train to her dad’s apartment after she finished training the Shapiros. The cash she made from the private clients she trained in their homes nicely supplemented her gym salary. It meant a lot of running back and forth, but some of her private clients, like Beth and David Shapiro, had become close to her and told her they couldn’t live without her. Even though they were in a stratosphere of wealth that she couldn’t even imagine with their massive apartment on Fifth Avenue, waterfront house in Southampton, and palatial vacation home in Florida, they treated her like family (albeit a lowly member).

  The train bumped along underground, each jolt fraying her nerves because she knew she was going to have to tell Greg and Maddie the truth about what had really happened that summer. She was seeing them both that day. She knew it was time to come clean, before Hsu-Ling came to New York.

  When the subway jerked to a stop at Thirty-Third Street station, Lexa jumped out, rehearsing in her mind what she’d tell Greg and Maddie. She was on her way to help Greg move into the studio apartment he’d bought before he met her mother, the one he’d been renting out all these years since he’d moved into the Whitestone house. He still worked as an accountant in Manhattan, and the studio was convenient to his office.

  Maddie had refused to help but would meet them later for dinner. Should she tell Greg now? Or wait and tell them both together at dinner? She’d have preferred to tell Greg first and then rely on his support to tell Maddie, but the thought of having to tell it twice made her head hurt. Maybe it’d be better to wait and tell them both together at dinner.

  “Dad, did you know about Phoenix?” Lexa asked, once they’d gotten the boxes from his car inside. She’d been wondering if he’d been shocked to find out about her mom’s affair. Her mom claimed they hadn’t done anything until she’d told Greg about Phoenix a month earlier, but Lexa wasn’t sure if she was only saying that to assuage her guilt.

  “Maybe. I didn’t know Susan had fallen in love with a woman, just that she was talking about Phoenix a lot.”

  “You’re lucky this apartment was empty when Mom told you the news last month.”

  “I know.” Greg stopped in the middle of the studio with a box in hand. “We thought about selling it for years, but now I’m glad I didn’t.”

  Greg brought the box to the tiny kitchen, and Lexa started unloading cups and plates into the cabinets. “I just don’t get it. You guys always seemed so happy.”

  “We were, in a way.” He ran a hand through his hair, which wasn’t as full as it used to be and was more gray than blond these days. “I always thought I loved her more than she loved me.”

  Lexa stared at him, noticing the deep lines on his face and the defeated stoop of his shoulders. “You thought you loved Mom more?”

  He made a face. “You were her number one priority. She told me as much when I asked her to marry me. Said you guys were a package deal. But I loved her and you, and I thought that would be enough.”

  “Oh.” Maddie always said Lexa and their mom left her out. Now she wondered if their dad felt the same way. “She did love you.” Lexa wasn’t sure whom she was trying to convince.

  “She did.” He put the books he’d taken out of a box onto a small bookshelf. At home in Whitestone, they had a whole wall with built-in shelves dedicated to books, since they all loved t
o read. It gave Lexa a pang to see only his books there on this small portable shelf. His shoulders slumped forward, and Lexa could suddenly see what he’d look like when he became an old man.

  She walked over to him and put her arms around him from the back.

  “Love you, Dad. You’ll always be my dad.” He half turned to hug her and gave her a smile before turning quickly away, but not before she saw the tears shining in his eyes.

  * * *

  • • •

  “What do you mean she’s coming to New York?” Maddie asked, competing with the mariachi music playing loudly over the speakers. They were seated at a bright green table in the Mexican restaurant around the corner from their dad’s apartment. Maddie had joined them for dinner, after all the moving was done.

  “That’s what she said,” Lexa said. “And why are you focusing on my sister when my father died?” She’d told them on the phone about her father, but this was the first time she’d seen them since she got the news.

  “I’m sorry,” Maddie said. “I really am. But you haven’t seen him in over twenty years. It’s not like you’ll miss him.”

  “Maddie.” There was a warning in Greg’s voice. He reached out and laid a hand on top of Lexa’s, giving it a squeeze.

  Lexa smiled at him before turning to Maddie. “Nice of you to help us move Dad.”

  “I couldn’t.” Maddie pushed her hair off her face. “Then it’d be real.”

  They sat in silence until their waiter came to get their drink order.

  Once he left, Maddie asked, “So why’s your sister coming to New York? Doesn’t she have to plan the funeral or something?”

  “She’s coming after the funeral. She has some legal stuff to go over with me. And she wants to talk about something our father said to her before he died.” Lexa studied the menu, working up the nerve to tell Maddie and Greg the truth. But before she could, Greg spoke.