The Tiger Mom's Tale

by Lyn Liao Butler

  “Hsu-Ling, give it one more good stir and then we’ll turn on the flame.”

  Hsu-Ling stuck out her tongue and, holding tightly to the pot with one hand, directed all her attention on her task.

  Gently, gently, Pin-Yen said to Hsu-Ling in her head when she saw her daughter’s motions getting bigger and bigger. Ah-Ma and Lexa were talking and not watching Hsu-Ling. Pin-Yen stood, about to yell out a warning, but then she bit her tongue. Ah-Ma was always telling Pin-Yen she was too hard on Hsu-Ling. Fine, she wouldn’t step in this time.

  Hsu-Ling gave one final stir, letting go of the pot to use both hands. Her foot slipped on the stool and she pitched forward, falling heavily against the pot. The contents spilled out, showering Hsu-Ling with the dark liquid.

  Hsu-Ling shrieked, and Pin-Yen jumped up. “Aiya, look what you’ve done. You made a big mess.”

  Lexa grabbed a towel and used it to dab at her little sister while Pin-Yen scolded her daughter for being clumsy.

  “I’m sorry, Ah-Ma.” Hsu-Ling’s voice trembled, and Pin-Yen could see the worry in her daughter’s eyes. “I just wanted to make sure it was all mixed together.”

  Ah-Ma smiled. “Don’t worry, xiao mei. Accidents happen.” She peered into the pot. “It doesn’t look like you broke any eggs. Why don’t you go change and I’ll start boiling them?”

  Pin-Yen reached to take her daughter’s hand, but before she could, Lexa stepped in front of Hsu-Ling. “Hop on. I’ll give you a ride down.”

  “You don’t have to.” Pin-Yen crossed to Hsu-Ling to prevent her from getting on Lexa’s back. “She’s all wet. She’ll get you dirty.”

  Lexa turned and looked at Pin-Yen. “It’s okay. I can change too. Come on, Hsu-Ling.”

  Hsu-Ling climbed onto Lexa’s back with a happy laugh just as Jing Tao and Ah-Gong came in the front door.

  “There you all are.” Jing Tao reached out to tweak Hsu-Ling’s nose.

  “Baba!” Hsu-Ling called from Lexa’s back. “We’re making tea eggs, but I spilled it all over myself and Lexa is going to help me change.”

  Ah-Gong laughed and patted Hsu-Ling on the head as they headed past him to the door.

  Pin-Yen trailed after them. “I’ll just go with them and make sure everything is okay.”

  She touched Jing Tao briefly on the arm and then rushed out after the girls. They were already on the first floor by the time she caught up with them.

  “I can help her myself if you want to go back.” Lexa looked back at Pin-Yen.

  “Are you sure?” Pin-Yen stopped on the stairs. She would like to see how Jing Tao’s day was. But Hsu-Ling was her responsibility.

  “It’s no problem. We’ll come up when we’ve both changed.” Lexa smiled up at Pin-Yen.

  “If you’re sure . . . thanks.” Pin-Yen stayed on the step until Lexa and Hsu-Ling had disappeared through the door of their apartment. She knew she hadn’t exactly been welcoming toward Lexa, and definitely not to her American mother. But really, the girl wasn’t so bad. She was kind, and her love for Hsu-Ling was obvious. Maybe Pin-Yen should get to know her better on this trip.

  She turned and went back up the stairs to Ah-Ma and Ah-Gong’s apartment. The door wasn’t shut all the way, and just as she was about to push it open, she heard her name.

  Pin-Yen froze for a second before leaning her ear toward the opening. Why were they talking about her? Was Ah-Ma telling Jing Tao again that she thought Pin-Yen was too strict with Hsu-Ling? Ah-Ma murmured something, and Pin-Yen strained to catch her words. Then her husband answered, and she heard every word clearly.

  “I want to provide for her. It’s only right. She’s my daughter too. I don’t agree with you. I think Pin-Yen would understand.” Pin-Yen’s eyes widened with alarm. Was Jing Tao talking about Lexa? What did he mean by “provide”?

  “Son, I know that woman. She will not be pleased that you want to include Lexa in your will.” Ah-Gong spoke up, and Pin-Yen nodded in agreement, glad that someone was on her side. But then her heart rate picked up as the words sunk in. Jing Tao wanted to put Lexa in his will? No!

  She almost spoke the word out loud and clapped a hand to her mouth. They couldn’t know she was eavesdropping. She needed to hear more.

  “But she’s my daughter. It’s only right.”

  Ah-Ma spoke again, and Pin-Yen’s ear was practically glued to the door by then, eager to catch every word.

  “. . . she is very smart. Maybe we’ll finally have a doctor in the family, eh, Jing Tao?” Ah-Ma’s voice was teasing, but Pin-Yen’s mouth hardened. It was no secret Ah-Ma wanted Jing Tao, her firstborn son, to be a doctor, but instead, he’d become only an X-ray technician. Jing Tao hated the sight of blood. He was always good-natured about failing to fulfill his mother’s dreams, but Pin-Yen didn’t appreciate it. There was nothing wrong with being an X-ray technician.

  As if reading her thoughts, Jing Tao laughed. “Yes, Ma, maybe you’ll finally get that doctor you wanted. She does excel at sciences, and you’re right, she’s quite clever.”

  Hearing the pride in her husband’s voice, Pin-Yen bristled. Hsu-Ling was just as smart. Why didn’t Ah-Ma assume Hsu-Ling would be the doctor of the family? Why her—the girl who wasn’t even really Taiwanese or a part of the Chang family?

  Pin-Yen pulled away from the door, taking a deep breath. It wouldn’t do to let them know she’d heard their talk. But Jing Tao’s words struck fear in her heart. Hsu-Ling was his rightful daughter, not that girl, even if Pin-Yen had been softening toward her. Pin-Yen just had to make sure Hsu-Ling became a doctor and made Ah-Ma proud.

  She was about to open the door when a voice said from behind her, “Are you okay?”

  Pin-Yen gasped and whirled around to face Lexa, her hands flying to her chest. “What are you doing?”

  Lexa gave her a strange look. “Coming back to help Ah-Ma with the eggs.”

  “Where’s Hsu-Ling?”

  “She had to use the bathroom.”

  “You left her alone in the apartment?” Pin-Yen’s voice rose, all charitable thoughts toward Lexa chased away by Jing Tao’s words.

  “I . . . She’s . . . We’re all right here . . . ,” Lexa stammered.

  Pin-Yen narrowed her eyes at her. “I’ll get my daughter.” She brushed past Lexa to go down the stairs, but then turned back, unable to let it go. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to. You don’t belong here.”

  Lexa’s eyes widened, and her mouth opened. Pin-Yen locked eyes with her, staring as if she could see deep into her soul. And if what she saw was only an innocent twelve-year-old girl, Pin-Yen brushed the thought aside. This girl was a threat to her own daughter. She wasn’t going to let her worm her way into the hearts and finances of the Chang family. With one last look, she turned and went down the stairs to get her daughter.

  13

  The next morning, Lexa spoke to her mom on her cell while she took Zeus for a walk before going to the gym. She’d called her mom after hanging up with Hsu-Ling the night before, but her mom hadn’t answered. She’d gone to bed early again. When her mom and dad were together, they used to stay up late, sometimes past midnight. Lexa thought she was dealing well with her mom’s lifestyle change, but it was the small things like this that were throwing her off. She was used to being able to call home whenever she needed her parents.

  Lexa had just finished telling her mom about her father’s will when she heard someone calling her name.

  “Lexa. Lexa! Yoo-hoo, Lexa!”

  Lexa stopped in the middle of the morning rush-hour crowd on Second Avenue heading to subways and buses and looked over her shoulder. A smartly dressed woman wearing a gray skirt suit with a cream silk blouse hurried up to her. It took Lexa a moment to place her as someone who took her classes religiously.

  “Hi, Carla.” Lexa marveled at how some women could look so put together that early in the morni
ng. She herself was still in the big T-shirt she’d slept in, with shorts thrown on, and she hadn’t had time to put in her contacts. She made a gesture to indicate that she was on the phone.

  Carla ignored her and held up an arm to jiggle the skin under it. She was super thin, with long legs that Lexa envied, but Carla always complained she was fat. The few times Lexa had told Carla she looked great, Carla had nearly taken her head off.

  Now Carla asked, “How do I get rid of this? Do you think I’m starting to get bingo arms?” She waved her arm to demonstrate.

  At the same time, Lexa’s mom was saying on the phone, “Oh, boy. Pin-Yen must be spitting mad. I don’t like the sound of this.”

  Lexa spoke into the phone. “I don’t either. Can you hold on a sec, Mom? I just ran into someone I know.”

  She turned back to Carla. “I’m on the phone with my mom. Can we talk about this at the gym?”

  “Can’t you just show me some exercises I can do? My arms are so flabby!” Carla shuddered.

  “You look great—”

  Carla cut her off. “Oh, shut up, I do not. You’re the one with the perfect body. I hate you.”

  “Oh, grow up, Carla. Can’t you take a compliment?” As soon as she barked this out, Lexa wanted to take it back. Carla’s face froze in confused shock, and Zeus took that moment to take a giant crap by Carla’s foot.

  “Oh!” Carla jumped back, and Lexa reached down to pick up the poop with a plastic bag while juggling her cell phone against her shoulder.

  “I’m sorry.” Lexa was saying sorry a lot lately. “Look, you know you can’t spot train one area of your body. You look fine.” Lexa tied the bag shut and let it dangle from her hand.

  Carla caught a whiff and backed away. She pulled out her phone. “Will you look at the time? Got to go!” And she hurried down the sidewalk.

  Wave a bag of poop at a well-dressed woman and she goes running in the opposite direction. “High-five, Zeus.” Zeus sat and raised a paw for her to slap. She’d taught him that one night when she had no plans and had stayed home, drinking almost a whole bottle of wine by herself.

  Watching Carla’s retreating back, Lexa felt a wave of remorse. She hated when someone accosted her for advice when she wasn’t at work. But she shouldn’t have been so mean. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she control her emotions lately?

  “Lexa? Are you still there?” Susan’s voice floated out from her cell, and Lexa started. She’d forgotten her mom was on the phone.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. Someone wanted fitness advice on the street.” Lexa threw out the bag in the nearest garbage can.

  “Hm.” Lexa could hear the disapproval in her mom’s voice. “And you think you don’t need a life outside of your job.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Lexa and Zeus started walking again. “Anyways, I guess we’ll have to wait until Hsu-Ling gets here to find out what’s going on. But I wanted to ask you something else. Did you ever tell Dad what happened?”

  “About . . . Oh.”

  “He was acting weird at dinner last night. Almost as if he knew.”

  “Yeah, that.” Susan cleared her throat. “I might have told him when we broke up.”

  “Might?” Lexa’s voice rose in question.

  “We got in an argument when I told him I was leaving. And somehow it came around to you and how he always felt I was hiding something from him about that summer.” Susan cleared her throat again. “Since I’d told Phoenix what happened, it was only right that I tell Greg the truth.”

  “What?” The word exploded out of Lexa’s mouth. “You told Phoenix? Why?”

  “I’m sorry. Don’t be mad. I needed to talk to someone. I’ve felt so bad about you not knowing your Taiwanese family. It was always my intention that they be a part of your life. I could talk to Phoenix about anything. Somehow, the story just came out.”

  “Okay.” Lexa placed a hand on her heart, willing it to slow down. Wasn’t she too young to have a heart attack? “I’m not mad. But I can’t believe Dad and Phoenix both know. Was he . . . Did he . . .” Lexa stopped and bit her lip, not wanting to voice her fears out loud. Zeus halted on the sidewalk and looked up at her in concern.

  “No, he didn’t believe it, if that’s what you’re asking. He loves you. He thinks of you as his own, as much as Maddie. You know he proposed to me the day you were born. He took one look at you and said to me, ‘I don’t want to be just some man in her life. I don’t even want to be her stepfather. I want to be her father. Marry me and let me adopt her.’”

  Lexa smiled, her face softening as it always did when she heard about how Greg proposed to her mother because of her.

  “I know. But this all sucks.”

  “What sucks?” Susan asked. “Your father dying and the business with the will? Or Greg and I breaking up?”

  “Both.” Lexa tugged gently on the leash and turned around to head back to her apartment.

  “How’s he doing?”

  “Who, Dad? You haven’t talked to him?” Lexa’s brows wrinkled. From the way Greg was talking at dinner, she thought her parents were still speaking.

  “No.” Susan’s voice dropped. “He asked that I not call him for a while.”

  “Oh, God. And I just assumed he’d be fine with seeing the two of you at my birthday dinner next week.” She smacked the side of her head with the heel of her hand. “What was I thinking? What do I do?”

  “Lexa, he loves you. He wants to be there for your birthday, like he has been for every one of them that he could since you were born.”

  “But if it’s going to hurt him to see the two of you together . . .” Lexa tried to keep the accusation out of her voice. She regretted telling her mom she could bring Phoenix. She should have thought about her dad’s feelings. It was too soon to be inviting Phoenix to family functions.

  Susan sighed. “I’m sorry, Lexa. I just want you guys to get to know Phoenix like I do. Your dad will be fine.”

  “Mom?” Lexa was thinking about the look on Greg’s face when Maddie had asked if he’d been afraid Lexa’s father would take her away. “Did Dad ever feel, I don’t know, threatened by my relationship with my father?”

  “No, never.” Susan’s voice was firm. “He was always in favor of finding your father because he felt it was important for you to know where you come from. He couldn’t understand why you stopped seeing him after you were fourteen. But I kept my promise to you. I didn’t tell him until recently.”

  “Okay.” Lexa had reached her building. “I’ve got to go.”

  “See you tomorrow at dim sum. I can’t wait for you to meet Phoenix.”

  Lexa made a face, glad her mom couldn’t see. They hung up, and she let herself into the front door of her building. She leaned against the wall in the hallway, Zeus waiting patiently at her side. She should have told Greg herself what had happened in Taiwan that last summer. But she’d been fourteen, only a child still, and so terrified by what had happened. She’d lost her father and couldn’t bear the thought of possibly losing Greg. But she should have known he would have stood by her no matter what, because in every way that mattered, Greg had been her real father throughout her entire life.

  14

  Lexa checked on the brownies in her tiny oven, waiting for Maddie to bring over her kids. She was babysitting for three-year-old Corey and her brother, Connor, who’d just turned six, while Maddie and her husband, Mike, went out to dinner. She checked the time. Perfect. The brownies would be ready in five minutes, right when she was expecting the kids. Her phone rang.

  “Hey, I don’t need you to babysit.” Maddie’s words were rushed.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Mike and I got into a fight, and I told him there was no way in hell I was going out with him tonight.”

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing. He’s being a dick.”

 
“You guys should still go out, make up.”

  “No. I kicked him out.”

  “Oh, Maddie.” Lexa was used to Maddie’s temper tantrums and felt sorry for Mike.

  “Do you know what he said to me?” Lexa could tell Maddie was spitting mad. “He told me I was selfish for not wanting to meet Phoenix tomorrow. He said I was being a bitch. That I should get over myself and support Mom.”

  “You’re really not going tomorrow?”

  “No! I told you a million times. Who does he think he is, telling me I’m being selfish for not wanting to meet the woman who broke up our family? That would be like betraying Dad.”

  “Maddie, it’s not really—”

  “Don’t you start!” Maddie’s words tumbled over one another. “I’m not going, and neither of you can make me. I can’t stand it. I can never again call our home number and know that Mom or Dad will pick up.” Lexa could tell Maddie was crying. “God, I hate her so much. And I hate Mike too. I hope he doesn’t come home tonight.”

  “Maddie, you don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do. The kids and I are going to watch a movie together and I’ll make brownies and we’ll eat every single one.”

  “I thought you were doing gluten-free?”

  “Fuck gluten-free. I’ll eat whatever the hell I want tonight.” And with that, she hung up, leaving Lexa staring at her phone.

  “Okay, now what?” Lexa said out loud. She turned off the oven and pulled out the brownies. They smelled so good. If she stayed home, she’d probably eat most of them by herself. Her clients seemed to think she was born motivated and with iron willpower, but the truth was, she could succumb to cravings with the best of them. It was just that she worked out for a living. And was blessed with a fast metabolism.