The Queen of Diamonds

by Raven Cavalleu

  "Anything you are willing to share."

  "If I would only answer one question about myself, what would you ask?"

  Nikki bit her lower lip as she thought about all of the things she wanted to know. She looked back up at her and asked, "You won’t be upset?" Alex’s eyes narrowed. With no hint of the question to come, she shook her head and waited. Nikki took a deep breath and asked, "Why is an incredibly beautiful, generous, and caring woman like you so alone?"

  Surprised by the question, she swallowed hard, and fought back the tears that threatened. "No holding back huh?" Nikki sat quietly and waited. "You’re not going to ask me about my sexuality like Dani?"

  "That isn’t as important a question."

  "No maybe not, but I’ll tell you anyway. It’ll make the rest of the story easier to tell. Before I do, care to take a guess?"

  Nikki tilted her head to one side and contemplated her for a second. "Every time I think I know, you do something that makes me change my mind. Right now, I think you’re straight."

  "Why’s that?"

  "You're very uncomfortable with your attraction to me. Each time you’ve felt it, you’ve pulled away and changed the subject. You completely refuse to acknowledge it."

  Alex moved across the pool and stood a couple of feet in front of her. "So that makes me straight?" Nikki shrugged. "Maybe it just makes me cautious. I don’t know you. You might turn into a gold digging, jealous, cheating, abusive bitch like my last girlfriend." Nikki pushed off the side of the pool and reached for her. She hastily ducked under the water and swam away, surfacing at the opposite end of the fourteen-foot long pool.

  Nikki dropped her hands to her sides and slowly leaned back against the wall, hurt at her reaction. "I’m sorry, please come back." She watched as Alex swam closer, leaving several feet between them. "Please continue."

  Alex eyed her warily before saying, "Back to your question. I am alone because I choose to be. I have no family." She held her hand up stopping her questions. "You already asked your one question." Nikki nodded. "Maria, her husband Ilario, and their daughter Caitlyn are my only family now. They are the family I have chosen, and with them, I chose well. I did not choose so well when it came to a partner. Joann was charming and wonderful when we first met. The change happened gradually over time. At first I didn’t realize how jealous and possessive she was." She blushed with embarrassment as she admitted, "The violence started out small, and she was always so sorry afterward. Like a fool, I tried so hard to make her happy instead of walking away."

  Nikki was surprised that someone as strong as Alex had stayed in an abusive relationship. She’d seen so many victims flow through the emergency room over the years, and always wondered how they had reached that point. She surfaced from her thoughts and saw Alex watching her. "I’m glad she’s gone."

  "Me too." She pushed off the wall and slowly sank down underwater, closing her eyes. She resurfaced and took a deep breath.

  "Are you okay?"

  "Just gathering my thoughts." Alex made her way over to the side of the pool and, resting her arms on the deck, began to float on her stomach. "I can split my life into three distinct stages. The first is through age fifteen. I really don’t like to talk about that time in my life." She looked over at Nikki who simply sat quietly listening. "The second was from age fifteen to the age of twenty-three. I was very naive then, and was taken advantage of frequently. The trust issues I didn’t have before arose in that period of my life. I was in the public eye, which doesn’t help build trust either. I am now in the third stage. I walked away from everything so I could have a more normal life. I value my privacy, my friends, and my chosen family. I’m still learning how to trust, not only others, but my own judgment as well."

  Alex turned around and leaned against the deck, closing her eyes. Nikki let her eyes slowly roam over every inch of exposed skin. Her head was tilted back, revealing the long column of her neck. She could see her pulse beating steadily in her throat. Her eyes snapped up as Alex said, "I met Jo in a bar one night. We hit it off and began dating." She sat up straight. "I need you to be completely honest with me, Nikki."

  "Of course."

  "Do you know who I am? Have you ever heard my name before?"

  She searched Alex's face. "No, Alex. I don’t recognize your name, and I don’t know who you are. Should I? Are you Steven Tyler’s love child?" Alex laughed and shook her head, and Nikki gave her a tender smile. "I don’t know who you are, but I want to. Who you were before is only important because it has played a part in forming who you are now. I'm more interested in who you are, Alex, and less about who you were." She slowly pushed off the wall and inched closer. "I want to know you because I am attracted to you. I want to see where this will go if given a chance. I’m sure there are many things about you that aren’t important to that process, but there are things that I need to know before I can feel safe." She saw Alex's eyes widen slightly as she stopped within arms reach. "Honesty is very important to me, too. You aren’t the only one that has been hurt by deceitful, cheating ex-lovers."

  Alex clasped her hands in her lap. "I’m not ready, Nikki."

  "I know, but I wanted you to know how I feel. I’ll be here when you're ready. Somehow I think you just might be worth waiting for." She held her hand out and waited. Alex took a deep breath and slowly placed her hand in Nikki’s. With a gentle tug she pulled her close. "Are you ready to dry off?" she asked as she led her to the steps.

  "Yes. It's getting pretty late. I’m sure you must be getting tired." She showed Nikki the showers and they each quickly rinsed off the chlorine before grabbing towels and drying off. "You can hang your suit and towel on the hooks over here once you change. Maria will take care of them tomorrow." Moments later they headed back through the house together. As they entered the living room they parted ways, Nikki headed upstairs to bed while she entered her office to get to work.

  Alex quickly lost track of time as she diligently worked through her book. She was startled by a sound and looked up to see Nikki in the doorway. "Couldn’t sleep?" she asked.

  "I slept fine. It’s time for me to go to work. Have you been in here the whole time?"

  Startled, Alex looked at the clock and saw it was just after midnight. "Yes. I’ve got so much work to do and a deadline quickly approaching. I guess I lost track of time." She saved the file and turned the computer off. "I need to get some sleep. My therapist will be by later this morning, and I have a feeling I need to be awake for that."

  "That probably would be a good idea," Nikki said with a smile. She watched as Alex began the trek up the stairs. "Have sweet dreams, Alex."

  Chapter Six

  Alex announced a delay of the release of her book, allowing her beta readers time to properly review. She sent it off to several readers, and quickly got to work writing her next Millie the Monkey adventure. Her creativity was at a high point and she took advantage of it. She set a routine, working late evenings after Nikki went to bed and early mornings after she went to work. She met with her physical therapist daily and was slowly rebuilding her muscle tone. She was able to trade in the large brace for a much smaller one to support her knee, and gave up the crutches completely. Rachel set up her schedule to meet at the house three times a week in the mornings, and they’d begun to work through some of her more painful memories. The afternoons and early evenings were spent with Nikki. They were getting to know each other slowly, and had become good friends.

  When her appointments were complete on Wednesday, she decided the time had come to call Emily. She’d expected to see or hear from her before now, and was surprised she hadn’t. She leaned back into the soft cushions of the couch and dialed Emily’s number. Glancing up, she smiled at the sight through the back windows. The trees were filling out and the contrast they provided against the lake was spectacular. She was beginning to think Emily wouldn’t answer when suddenly she heard her voice. "Hey, its me…How’ve you been?" She could tell by the curt tone and one-word answers that he
r friend was still very upset with her. "Look, Emily, I know you are upset with me and have every right to be, but I’d like to see you. Will you and Sarah come by the house tomorrow?" She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the cushions. "I see. How about this afternoon?" She looked up at the clock as she listened to Emily explain why they wouldn’t be able to stay very long. "That’s fine, I understand. I’ll see you about six." She hung up the phone and wiped a tear from her eye at the thought of losing her friend.

  She slowly maneuvered up off of the couch and headed into her office to check her email again. She was waiting for her beta readers to provide their feedback, and for the illustrator to return the drawings for her new Millie book. She opened a promising looking email and found the illustrations. She quickly looked through them, happily noting they were exactly as ordered. She set up the funds transfer and began to prepare the book for publication. Less than an hour later the book was complete and submitted to Amazon.

  Disappointed she didn’t have an email from either of the beta readers, she turned the computer off and headed out into the kitchen. As she pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator, she heard the front door open. She leaned against the counter in time to see Nikki poke her head around the corner. "Hey there. How was your day?" she asked.

  Nikki smiled wearily and shrugged. "Sorry I’m late. It was a busy one, but we were able to save them all today. Any day you can say that is a good day. How was your day?"

  "It was good. I’m exhausted. April worked me to the point of failure. I’m surprised I can stand right now." She opened her bottle of water and took a swallow. "I called Emily today. She’s going to stop by in a little bit so we can talk."

  "Good. I’m sure that once you two talk through it, everything will be just fine."

  Alex slowly shook her head as she ran her finger through the small puddle of water left on the counter by her sweating bottle. "I don’t know. I think I may have pushed her too far away this time. When she finds out how much I’ve kept from her, I don’t think she’ll forgive me."

  Nikki walked up to her and put her arm around her, pulling her close. "Whatever happens, you’ll get through it. You are one of the strongest people I know, and I will help you in any way I can."

  Alex gave her a hug then pulled away. "Thanks." She reached for her water bottle and was startled to see Emily standing in the doorway.

  "So, is this why you’ve been out of touch, Alex?" Emily asked snidely as she pointed towards Nikki. She walked into the kitchen with Sarah close behind. "You find yourself a new girlfriend and decide you don't need your friends anymore?"

  Nikki walked around the island and held her hand out to Emily. "My name is Nikki, you must be Emily."

  Emily looked down at the offered hand and said, "I’m here to talk to Alex. Who you are is of little importance."

  Alex silently watched the exchange, and wondered when her friend had become so rude. With a sudden clarity she realized that Emily was jealous. With this thought came the realization that this could possibly end their friendship. Whatever they’d shared in years past was gone, and she no longer had the energy to deal with jealousy and anger. She looked up and said, "Sarah, I wish you the best of luck. I’m sorry for any issues I may have caused between you two. I never intended to." She looked over at a startled Emily. "I’m sorry, Em, but I can’t do this anymore. I really thought we could work this out, but obviously I was wrong."

  Emily immediately reacted. "What the fuck, Alex? You’re walking away from years of friendship because of her?" She pointed at Nikki.

  "No Emily, because you aren’t the person I met so many years ago, and because neither am I. We’ve both changed so much and grown apart over the years. We’re just too different, Em. I’m not who I was just two months ago, much less who I was sixteen years ago." She sighed as Emily again began to blame Nikki for the issues between them. She pushed off of the counter and interrupted her tirade. "Enough. You don’t get it. Nikki has nothing to do with this. Your attitude does." She turned on her heel and began to walk away. She gasped as she felt her left leg give out, causing her ankle to twist, and her leg to collapse under her. She grabbed for the counter and missed, throwing her hands up just in time to meet the floor as it rushed up to greet her. A cry escaped her lips, causing Nikki to rush to her side.

  "Alex, honey, are you okay?" she asked as she rolled her on to her back. "Is it your knee?" She quickly pulled the straps and opened the brace to take a look. She ran her hands over the exposed knee, pushed up the leg of her shorts and checked for signs of re-injury, exposing the scar along her thigh. "Where does it hurt?"

  "My knee gave out and I twisted my ankle."

  She quickly moved down and removed her shoe, checking for swelling. "Did you hear anything pop?" she asked.

  "No, the tendons are intact. I think it's just a sprain," Alex replied. She winced as Nikki manipulated her ankle.

  "I’m the doctor here, how about you let me decide?" She slowly bent Alex’s knee as she watched for signs of discomfort and range of motion. "I don’t see anything, but I recommend getting x-rays just to make sure you didn’t re-break it. Even a hairline fracture would set you back a whole month in your rehab, and as hard as you’ve been working it lately, I’d hate to see that happen." She gently scooped her up and headed towards the living room. "Would you like the recliner or the couch?"

  Alex sighed. "The couch please." She was still amazed at how easily Nikki was able to pick her up. She slid her arm around her neck and allowed her to carry her into the living room.

  Nikki helped her get settled, propping her foot onto the coffee table with several pillows to keep it elevated. "I’m going to get an ice pack for that ankle. Do you need anything else?" Alex shook her head, and she moved towards the kitchen.

  Emily fell to her knees beside Alex and tenderly traced the pink scar tissue across her knee and thigh. She looked up with pain filled eyes and asked, "What happened, Alex, and why didn’t you call me? You know I would have been there for you."

  Alex looked up and saw Nikki quickly hide her scowl as she walked into the room and saw Emily’s hands on her. She watched as Nikki draped the ice pack over the ankle, and held her hand out to her. Somewhat confused but refusing to show it, Nikki took her hand and allowed herself to be guided to the empty spot next to her on the couch. Alex looked down at Emily and began to tell her an abbreviated version of what happened.

  Emily looked at her with a puzzled expression. "I just don’t understand why you’ve kept this from me for almost two months."

  "First of all, I’ve not kept this from you for that long. It’s only been a couple of weeks. I was in a coma for the first five weeks. Besides, our friendship has been strained lately. It’s been slowly falling apart and you know it." Emily began to shake her head in denial. "It's true. I know I leaned heavily on you after Jo left and that gave you the wrong impression. That’s why you’ve been trying so hard, and desperately clinging to the past. The relationship you are clinging to has been over for years. All that was left was our friendship, and I’m afraid that's in question too. I honestly don’t know if it can be repaired or not." She looked up at Sarah, who sat quietly watching the exchange. "You have a very beautiful wife, Emily. She loves you far more than you know, and she deserves so much better from you than what you’ve been giving her." She smiled gently at her friend. "I’m sure you never thought you’d ever hear me say this, but I highly recommend you see a shrink. Trust me, they can work wonders." She wiped a tear from her cheek and sniffed. "I’m sorry I hurt you. I never intended to. Sarah, you’ve been a saint. Thank you for understanding, and for trusting that there really wasn’t anything more than friendship between us."

  Emily stood and crammed her hands into her pockets as she slowly looked around the room. She cleared her throat before looking down on Alex and asking, "Are you kicking me out of your life?"

  Alex took a deep breath as the tears began to roll down her cheeks in earnest. "I think some time ap
art would be good for all of us. I wasn’t joking about seeing a therapist you know. You need to get some things out in the open so you can understand why you are who you are and make some changes. Couples counseling probably wouldn’t hurt either. You’ve got a great relationship right in front of you, but if you continue to ignore it, you’ll lose it too." She wiped her cheeks as she tried to stop the flow of tears. "There may come a time when we're able to spend time together again, but right now we just aren’t healthy for each other."

  Emily squared her shoulders and turned away. She held her hand out to Sarah and helped her from the chair. "I’m not going to lie and say I understand, because I don’t." She blew out her breath in frustration. "But I'll think about what you said."

  As they began to walk towards the door, Alex called out, "Sarah, can I speak with you a moment?" She dropped Emily’s hand and returned to the couch as Emily continued on. Nikki stood, offering her seat before following Emily out the door. Alex looked at her with tear filled eyes. "I’m afraid she thinks I’ve abandoned her. I can’t bear the thought of losing her, Sarah. She’s been a part of my life since I was sixteen. You’ve both been my family for years. I don’t want to lose either of you. Please call me and let me know how things are going."

  Sarah reached over and pulled her into her arms. "You’ve done a good thing here today, Alex. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she will. And when she does, she’ll see just how much it hurt you to do it. That will make forgiving you much easier." She released her and looked into her eyes. "Thank you." She stood and walked out the door, leaving her alone with her grief.

  Alex lay over on her side and cried into the cushion. She cried for the loss of the love they’d once shared, for the loss of her best friend, and for the pain she’d just caused her. Nikki walked back into the room and heard the muffled sobs. She quickly helped her sit up, and pulled her into her arms. She gently rubbed Alex's back as she held her close. When the sobbing stopped and the tears slowly began to dry, she asked the question that had been running through her mind. "You love her don’t you?"