Fur and Fangs Box Set

by Rae D. Magdon

  “That’s…nice.”

  “What about you?” Natasha asks. “Are you still working at the computer store?

  My jaw clenches despite my best efforts. “Learning center. I enjoy it.”

  “And what about Elyse?”

  “She’s great.”

  “Tell her hello.”

  I have no intention of doing that, and both of us know it. My phone buzzes in my purse, and I pull it out, grateful for the interruption. It’s Riley, calling instead of texting. That’s unusual, so I pick up out of habit. I’m not going to turn down a conversation with my favorite werewolf to make forced small talk with my ex.

  “Sorry,” I say to Natasha, turning away and hitting the talk button. “Bonjou, mon chou.”

  Riley laughs on the other end of the line. “Hey. That kinda rhymes.”

  Their voice makes me smile. “Still not over that?”

  “Nope. What’re your plans for dinner? I would’ve texted, but I wanted to hear your voice.”

  I know the real reason—because Riley’s still worried about last night. They’re checking in on me while still trying to give me a little space. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve them.

  “Sure, I can do dinner. Your place or mine?”

  Natasha gives me a curious look, like she’s paying attention for the first time.

  “Is mine okay? I’ve got a steak I’ve been meaning to thaw out and a quart of blood in my fridge.”

  “I don’t know.” I shift my weight to one hip, murmuring in a husky voice. “Werewolf sounds pretty delicious right about now.”

  “Oh?” Riley sounds surprised, but hopeful.

  “I can head over now if you want.”

  “Sure. I just gotta throw a load of laundry in. Text me when you get here.”

  “All right. Bye, baby.”

  I end the call and turn to Natasha. Her smile is a little icier than before. “New girlfriend?”

  “New werefriend. It’s going really well.” I nod at the jug of goat blood. “You go ahead and take that. I have dinner plans anyway.”

  “Thanks,” Natasha says, still looking vaguely unsettled. Good. At least that makes two of us. I don’t know what she was expecting. Was I supposed to pine after her forever? Probably, now that I think about it. She’s always had a high opinion of herself.

  “Bye. See you around.” I push my cart away, taking the short route to the checkout counter. I don’t want to stay here any longer than I have to.

  ***

  By the time I get to Riley’s, my hands are shaking. A storm of emotions churns in my stomach—fear, anger, guilt. It embarrasses me to admit I’m afraid, even after all these years, not because Natasha would ever raise a hand to me, but because of the pain she put me through. It was more than lying. It was more than cheating. Honestly, those were the least of her sins. I could have forgiven those if she’d showed sincere regret. It was that she’d made those things feel like my fault, like I was obligated to forgive her.

  My anger toward her isn’t a new emotion, but it’s one I thought I was mostly done with. It’s frustrating to feel the burn in my chest, the tension in the corners of my jaw. I’ve been so happy these past few months with Riley that I’ve hardly thought about Natasha at all, and I’m pissed she’s popped my happy bubble, even for a moment.

  But the guilt is the worst. I know it’s stupid, but even after two decades, I still feel guilty for the way things ended. There’s always that stupid voice in the back of my head whispering, “You should have given her another chance.”

  I’m not going to. Logically, I know she doesn’t deserve it. But even though the last thing I want is to get back together with her, part of me feels bad for ending things. Maybe it’s habit. I forgave her mistakes for so long, made excuses for them, blamed myself for them. I’ve spent a long time traveling out of the fog, but it only took one chance encounter for me to get lost in it all over again.

  I stare down at the welcome mat in front of Riley’s door, a pretty blue one that says, ‘Please Come In’ so I can enter their home whenever I want. If there’s two things I know about Riley, it’s that they’re not like Natasha, and more importantly, they care about me. I need to be around someone who cares about me right now. I open the door, which is already unlocked for me.

  Riley is waiting for me on the living room couch. They smile, and I manage a small smile in return. “C’mon in, sunshine,” they say, even though the mat is all the invitation I need.

  I step over the threshold, and when I do, Riley gets up from the couch and goes in for a hug. They hesitate a little, like they’re not sure they’re allowed. I put a stop to that line of thinking. “You can touch me like normal, Riley. I want you to. What happened last night doesn’t have much to do with you at all.”

  Riley embraces me and relaxes. “Sorry. It’s just, you smell upset.”

  I sigh. That’s one of the downsides of dating a werewolf. Riley always seems hyper-attuned to my emotions. “A little. I’ll tell you about it if you want.”

  We head over to the couch. The inside of Riley’s apartment looks a lot prettier than the first time I saw it. The sheer yellow curtains do a lot to brighten up the living room, and the spider plants hanging from the ceiling in the adjoined kitchen are doing well. Riley was afraid they’d fail at basic plant ownership, so I’m glad to see they’ve proven themself wrong.

  Riley looks at me nervously. “So, what’s going on?”

  I summon my courage. I don’t really want to talk about this, but I owe Riley a cursory explanation instead of just sulking silently over dinner. That’s not the type of person I want to be. “Had a not-so-great moment at the grocery store. I ran into Natasha in the frozen food aisle.”

  “Natasha, your ex?” Riley’s nose wrinkles like a wolf’s might when they’re about to growl, and I can practically see their hair bristle.

  “Mmhmm.”

  Riley pushes aside their initial reaction and seems to calm down. Instead of getting angry on my behalf, they look concerned. “I’d call that a shitty day instead of a not-so-great moment.”

  “I try not to generalize days. It helps me to remember things can still turn around.”

  “Fair ‘nough. I know I just did, but can I hug you again?”

  It’s such a sweet request that I open my arms. “My hugs are always free for you.”

  We embrace again. Riley doesn’t let go for a long time, and neither do I. It feels good to hold them, to remember the way our bodies fit together, to savor the physical proof that I’ve built something for myself that has nothing to do with my old life.

  After a little while, they dip their head to kiss me, asking permission first with a brief hesitation. I kiss back, sighing as their warm lips slide against mine. Riley tastes like Riley, and a little more of my pain ebbs away. The ache isn’t gone, but that’s okay for now, because it isn’t the only thing I feel anymore. I break away from Riley’s mouth, but not before sharing one more softer kiss to end the first one.

  “Can we cuddle for a while? Watch a movie?”

  Riley smiles. “Sounds good to me. Miss Congeniality or Legally Blonde?”

  I chuckle. “Legally Blonde. You know me so well.”

  We snuggle up under Riley’s afghan, them with both arms draped over the back of the couch, me on my side with my head in their lap. They start the movie, then settle in to stroke my hair.

  The next hour or so is nice. I’m able to force a few laughs, and Riley cracks a couple jokes. In the middle of the movie, they silently offer me their wrist, and after checking to make sure it’s okay, I bite down and tap an artery for a few small sips of blood. Not enough to make Riley dizzy or horny, but enough so they won’t worry about me being hungry or cold. They’ve probably noticed I haven’t asked for anything to eat yet and don’t have much of an appetite.

  “That’s it?” They ask when I break away and lick my lips.

  “You sound disappointed.”

  “Well, it does feel good for me
,” Riley says. “But really, I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

  “I’m not too hungry, but thanks. Sometimes you just need to eat even when you don’t feel like it.”

  We settle back into silence, and Riley resumes stroking my hair.

  I try to keep watching the movie, but my mind is floating elsewhere, drifting backwards through memories. Maybe my feelings about Natasha wouldn’t be so confusing if they were all bad, but they aren’t. I still remember our first trip together. She took me to Paris, on her dime. We spent our days at museums and old churches, peering up through stained glass windows. We spent our nights under satin sheets, making love until our trembling bodies were bathed in sweat. We rode on a ferry boat together as the sun was setting and the streetlights came on, and Natasha held my hand and told me she loved me.

  At the time, I hadn’t been sure I loved her yet. Our relationship was still so new, but it was exciting and full of wonderful possibilities. So, I’d said I loved her back, and she’d kissed me as the stars came out. Even now, as deep as Natasha has scarred me, and as much as I’ve come to care for Riley, remembering Paris makes me smile. The memory is beautiful, but bittersweet. Thinking about it makes me want to cling tighter, and also let go faster, because holding on hurts.

  “Izzy?” Riley must have noticed me drifting off into my own world, because they stop stroking my hair. “You okay?”

  I flip over onto my back, so I can stare up at them. “Yes…no. Not really.”

  Riley tilts their head. “Why not?”

  I sigh, struggling to put it into words. “Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed perfect? Like some kind of dream? But when you looked closer, every little thing that went wrong ended up being your fault somehow?”

  Riley’s brow furrows. “No. But you know I haven’t had many relationships to speak of.”

  I do know. Riley’s told me some about growing up in Georgia, in a majority-human school. The girls who had dated them had done it for the novelty, mostly, taking advantage of their sincerity and sweetness. I can relate to that. My relationship with Natasha was different, but I remember how it feels to have my good intentions used against me.

  “A friendship, then. Or a family relationship. Someone who you loved being around, but the more time you spent together, the more you felt like you were constantly making mistakes?”

  “Not really. Sorry. But it sounds awful.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” I say. “I’m glad you haven’t known someone like that. But that’s what it was like for me, all the time. It was just little things at first. If she was late for work, it was because I didn’t wake her up soon enough, even though she didn’t ask me to. And she had this really beautiful car, right? A Bugatti from the continent. It got sideswiped once, because she was going too fast through a construction zone and didn’t realize the lanes were merging. She said it was my fault for ‘distracting’ her while she was driving.”

  Riley continues listening, shaking their head slowly. “She sounds…well, like she’s got her nose so high in the air she’d drown if it was rainin’.”

  I chuckle. “Sometimes. But it wasn’t all bad, or it would be easier to hate her. Or I never would have fallen for her in the first place. She could be really sweet. She gave me flowers, bought me presents. Took me on nice dates. Told me I was beautiful and that she never wanted to let me go.” I pause, draping my forearm over my forehead. I need just a little protection, a little bit of distance, even though Riley’s eyes are full of nothing but empathy. “But it was a pattern. She’d do that after she blew up at me.”

  Riley doesn’t say anything. They nod for me to keep going.

  “Want to know what happened when I caught her cheating on me? She broke down crying. She had a total meltdown, I’m talking mentally unstable. She said she was sorry, but it was my fault for not having sex with her whenever she wanted, however she wanted. She swore she’d never do it again, but she’d looked elsewhere because I wasn’t emotionally present enough for her. She loved me, but she needed to feel loved and appreciated, because I wasn’t giving her enough.”

  “Sounds like she had enough ‘buts’ to fill an ashtray.”

  “That sounds about right.”

  “I’m sorry, I know those words probably don’t mean much—”

  “They do,” I insist.

  “Good. But I wish someone you loved hadn’t blamed you for everything they did wrong. You don’t deserve that.”

  I give Riley a faint smile. “I know that now. It was harder to see in the middle of it all. The thing about emotionally abusive relationships is you constantly question yourself. I’d lie awake nights thinking, ‘What if I really did neglect her? What if I’m a horrible person? How does she even put up with me?’”

  “You’re not a horrible person. You’re a beautiful person.”

  I turn my head to the side on Riley’s lap and face their stomach. “So are you.” I place a kiss on Riley’s belly through their shirt, and they stroke my hair again.

  “How did it end?”

  “Exhaustion, and Elyse. She and Natasha never liked each other, so I had to walk a tightrope to split my time. It was Elyse’s birthday, and we have this tradition. Every year we go out and do some kind of community service, then after we finish for the day, we get drunk and stay awake all night.” I smile as I talk about it. The combination of wine and sleep deprivation during those early morning hours has made for some pretty entertaining memories.

  Riley grins. “Not a bad way to spend a birthday.”

  “And there are donuts. Always lots and lots of donuts. So many donuts, Riley.”

  “Is Elyse havin’ a birthday any time soon? Because I don’t wanna intrude, but that sounds like a tradition I’d like to be part of.”

  “I’ll ask. Anyway, Natasha asked me not to go. She kept changing the reason, but eventually, she came right out and said it. ‘If you go, it means you don’t love me.' And I thought about it and said, ‘You know what? Elyse isn’t the one asking me to choose.’ I wasn’t going to be with someone who thought me loving my friends meant I didn’t love her. If she loved me, she wouldn’t punish me for having other relationships.”

  Riley’s quiet for a long time. “You were right to leave, Izzy. You deserve to have friends.”

  “I know,” I whisper.

  “Can I ask a question?”

  “Shoot.”

  “Is that why I haven’t met Elyse yet? And why you haven’t gotten around to meeting Colin?”

  I feel a stab of guilt. Riley’s tried to get us together a few times, but I’ve been flaky on the subject instead of taking their offers. “Sort of. It’s irrational, but part of me is afraid you’ll ask me to choose too. I know you’re not like that…I guess I’m still carrying around some baggage.”

  “It’s okay. I…l…care about you, baggage and all.”

  Although Riley tries to hide it, I can’t help but notice them stammer. It’s obvious what they were going to say, and it should scare me, but it doesn’t. Maybe it’s how safe they make me feel, or maybe I’m starting to feel it too. The fact that Riley’s biting their tongue and letting me have this moment means something. Natasha would have made it all about her.

  I smile up at Riley from their lap. “I know you do. Kiss me?”

  When I crook my finger, Riley bends down. Their lips are warm and soft against mine, and unusually tender. Riley seems to be worried about pushing me into intimacy while I’m emotional, but I thread my fingers through their hair and around the back of their neck, urging them to kiss me harder.

  We kiss that way for a while, slow and deep. It’s calm, unhurried, and the fire in my belly is a steadily growing simmer. Pulling Riley down toward my mouth starts to get uncomfortable, so we adjust. They hesitate, but I guide them on top of me, sighing as their body stretches out over mine. I’ve gotten used to Riley’s weight, to the way we fit together.

  “You don’t have to worry,” I whisper near Riley’s lips. “I’m a little raw righ
t now, but I’m not going to have another anxiety attack.”

  Riley doesn’t look convinced. Their brow gets an adorable little furrow, and they frown with worry. “You didn’t know you would last time either.”

  “True.” I run my palm down Riley’s back, stroking their spine through the fabric of their shirt. “But I don’t want to put sex on hold because of one bad experience. I want you.” A thought occurs to me. “Unless you don’t want to?”

  Riley rocks their pelvis forward into mine. Their tongue swipes along my lower lip, then presses gently into my mouth. Apparently, they do want to. Stripping out of our clothes is a gradual process. I peel Riley’s shirt off slowly, savoring their bare skin beneath my fingertips. They start kissing my neck and need to be coaxed away so I can get their arms out of the sleeves. As soon as the shirt’s gone, Riley’s right back on me, hot mouth latched onto my collarbone. Usually Riley’s a bit of a biter—vampires aren’t the only ones—but tonight, they seem content just to taste my flesh.

  I return the favor. I’m still not that hungry, but it doesn’t stop me from nibbling the lobe of Riley’s ear and kissing the sensitive spot behind it. Riley shudders, and their blue eyes go slightly yellow. They unzip their binder, which surprises me a little, but when they bring one of my hands to their breast, I give it a tentative squeeze. Apparently, that’s okay today. I sigh into Riley’s mouth, rolling their nipple lightly between two fingers.

  That earns me a groan of approval. While I’m occupied, Riley wiggles one hand under me, searching for the zipper on my dress. There isn’t one, so I regretfully let Riley go, giving them a slight push. I stand, then pull the dress off from the bottom up before letting it fall onto the floor by my feet.

  The look of wonder in Riley’s eyes makes losing their warm body to the cold caress of the air worth it. They simply stare at me for a moment, lips slightly parted, the corners of their mouth twitched up in a smile. “You’re beautiful,” they breathe, with just a bit of a growl in their voice.

  I know Riley doesn’t just mean my body. While I’m up, I pull off my leggings and underwear. Riley keeps staring while I do, but then they get the hint and start kicking off their pants. By the time I saunter back to them in just my bra, they’re completely naked. I’m more subtle about it, but I’m in awe of Riley too. Their broad shoulders, their firm stomach, the patch of golden hair between their legs with a hint of pink wetness underneath—the sight of it all leaves me breathless more than I already am.