Thank You for Arguing (Revised and Updated)

by Jay Heinrichs

  The opinions of the most persuadable people tend to lie in the ideological center. Ideologues by definition can’t be persuaded. But what happens when a nation splits down ideological lines, and we come to admire the politicians who preach values and stick to their guns? What happens when we so completely forget rhetoric that our definition of virtue becomes the opposite of Aristotle’s? You get an anti-rhetorical nation, like the one we have now.

  It’s time to revive the founders’ original republican experiment and create a new corps of rhetorically educated citizens. But we should do the founders one better. Education was a relatively scarce commodity in the eighteenth century; we can afford to educate the whole citizenry in rhetoric.

  If I begin to sound like a rhetorical Pollyanna, take a look at high school and college curricula. Teachers are including rhetoric in an increasing number of courses. The AP English Language exam now has a rhetorical component. Colleges, led by the public land-grant universities, are doing their part; rhetoric has become the fastest-growing subject in higher education. Rhetoric students and professors are unlike their academic peers. For one thing, you cannot offend them easily. I find it equally hard to snow them. I have had dozens of them vet my book manuscript; their comments, the toughest of any readers’, made me cringe.

  And they were dead-on. I pity any politicians who dare to appear before such audiences. What would happen if we educated a few million more of these admirable citizens, and if the rest of us continued to learn all we could of the art?

  Why, we’d have a rhetorical culture: a mass exodus of voters from political parties, since tribal politics would seem very uncool. Politicians falling over one another to prove their disinterest. Candidates forced to speak intelligently. No need for campaign finance reform, because voters would see the trickery behind the ads. Our best debaters would compete to perform in America’s number one hit show on network television, American Orator. Car salesmen would find it that much harder to seduce a customer. We would actually start talking—and listening—to one another. And Americans would hold their own against wine-soaked Italians.

  Persuasion Alert

  And now for the peroration, which can get emotional. A classic peroration describes a vision of the future; Martin Luther King Jr. used it in his “I Have a Dream” speech.

  Thank Kids for Arguing

  All right, now I am talking like Pollyanna. Nonetheless, I invite you to help foster the great rhetoric revival.

  When you talk politics, and I devoutly hope you do, use all the tricks you learned, including code language and emotional tools and other sneaky stuff—but focus on the future. Insist that candidates for office use the advantageous as their chief topic: What’s best for their constituents? Slam any politician who claims to ignore the polls. He doesn’t have to follow them slavishly, but public opinion is a democracy’s ultimate boss. Ask any candidate who brags about sticking to his guns, “How’s that going to fix the potholes or educate our children?” Insist on virtuous—rhetorically virtuous—leaders, the ones who make a beeline for the golden mean.

  Meanings

  The Greeks had a word for a person who didn’t vote: idiotes, or “idiot.” The person who lived an entirely private life, Aristotle said, was either a beast or a god.

  If you are a parent, talk to the school board about adding rhetoric to the curriculum as early as the seventh grade. (The Romans started them even younger.) Follow the example of many readers and distribute copies of this book to the English teachers in your schools. And raise your children rhetorically.

  When I first learned rhetoric on my own, I unwittingly began to create a rhetorical environment at home, even when the children were little. I rattled on about Aristotle and Cicero and figures of speech, and I pointed out our own rhetorical tricks around the dinner table. I let the kids win an argument now and then, which gave them a growing incentive to become still more argumentative. They grew so fond of debate, in fact, that whenever we stayed in hotels and they got to watch television, they would debate it. Not over the television; with the TV itself.

  “Why should I eat candy that talks?”

  “I bet that toy isn’t as cool in real life.”

  “A doll that goes to the bathroom? I have a brother who does that.”

  It was as if I had given them advertising immunization shots. But when the commentary extended to news and programming, I had to beg them for quiet. I still do, come to think of it. And as my children get older and more persuasive, I find myself losing more arguments than I win. They drive me crazy. They do me proud.

  APPENDICES

  APPENDIX I

  Argument Lab

  By Jay Heinrichs and David Landes

  Welcome to the Argument Lab! David Landes, a rhetorician at the American University of Beirut, came up with the idea of adding this section to the new edition. Readers say they’re eager to exercise their rhetorical muscles. That’s what the Lab is all about. Argument takes practice.

  But we didn’t create the Lab just for the exercise. Take it seriously, and it could change your life. Rhetoric offers intellectual liberation: freedom from the prejudices and constraints of small minds and tribal instincts. That’s why we call it a “liberal art.” It liberates.

  We divided the Lab into four sections, the way a really fun and dangerous chemistry lab might be built.

  WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

  For more exercises, explanations, and the chance to talk with other members of the Argument Elect, go to ArgueLab.com.

  Practice the argumentative habit

  Test your knowledge

  Experiment

  Play games

  PRACTICE THE HABIT

  First, let’s get you into the argumentative habit. Consider keeping an argument diary or portfolio. (You can find suggestions at ArgueLab.com.) Start by listing your goals. Do you want to win friends and influence people? Do better in business? Become a better writer or speaker? Get more success with the opposite sex? Or avoid meltdown with a teenager? Now focus on the tools that might work best for you. For example, skills of ethos work best with relationships. Figures and tropes can really help your writing and speaking. And your love life? Wit, pathos, and a huge dose of concession. Pick your tools and practice using them. The exercises that follow should help.

  Meanwhile, let’s start right now with a discipline every ancient rhetoric student practiced. It’s called dissoi logoi—double arguments.

  Dissoi Logoi (Double Arguments)

  This is more of a discipline than a tool. And it’s also an attitude toward the world.

  Meanings

  Dissoi logoi (Greek for “differing thoughts” or “differing arguments”) seems to have been practiced by the ancient Greeks as a kind of verbal tennis, volleying back and forth.

  The Greeks couldn’t stop seeing the other side of everything. They could hold debates on topics as mundane as food (good or bad?), drink (good or bad?), and sex (good or embarrassing?). Everything—everything—has another side. Death? Bad for the deceased, good for undertakers and gravediggers. Why, even incest is copacetic among the Persians, according to one Sophist (who probably never met a Persian). But in case you start thinking that rhetoric leads to relativism—the belief that there’s no absolute truth, no definite right or wrong—the Sophists even had an argument against relativism. (Good is better than bad. Otherwise they’re the same thing and we wouldn’t need the words “good” and “bad.” Therefore, relativism is a false belief.)

  While such an attitude can make for an annoying roommate, the mental habit of double arguments can free your mind. This flip-side attitude makes life so much more interesting. Try saying “On the other hand…” to every cliché, assertion, statement, whatever. Silently, that is. Every time you find yourself nodding in agreement, check your mental self. On the other hand…

&n
bsp; Pain is bad.

  On the other hand, pain can serve as our body’s warning light. You want to feel pain when you touch a hot stove.

  Governments should balance their budgets just as households do.

  On the other hand, governments and households are very different. For one thing, husbands and wives don’t have the option of printing currency.

  Dogs are a man’s best friend.

  On the other hand, some dogs are nasty. Besides, shouldn’t a spouse be a man’s best friend?

  When you’ve got your health, you’ve got everything.

  On the other hand, what if a loved one isn’t healthy?

  Lying is wrong.

  On the other hand, the great Greek playwright Aeschylus said, “God does not shrink from deceit if it is just.” Ha! Got you there, mental self!

  Get yourself into the same habit. Your world will suddenly develop facets and angles you never knew existed. You’ll find a dissoi logoi exercise or two below. But double arguments are more than an exercise. They’re a lifestyle.

  OTHER HAND EXERCISE

  Double each of these arguments by saying “On the other hand…” and finishing the sentence. Focus especially on the statements you agree with.

  Better safe than sorry.

  Love the one you’re with.

  We should have zero tolerance for drugs in schools.

  A homeowner has the right to protect his home by any means necessary.

  War is always bad.

  Cats are meaner than dogs.

  Kids shouldn’t wear their pants low.

  Women are less cruel than men.

  Democracy is better than monarchy.

  OTHER OTHER HAND EXERCISE

  Now ramp it up. Redouble those arguments by doing an “On the other hand” to your “On the other hand.”

  EXAMPLE:

  Better safe than sorry.

  On the other hand, a life spent avoiding risks ends in eternal regret.

  On the other other hand, why worry about eternity when you’re passing a truck on the interstate?

  ARGUMENT VOLLEY

  “Volley” an argument, tossing back “On the other hands” with a friend or with family at dinnertime.

  YOU: I’ll start. Children should respect the commandment about honoring their parents.

  KID: I don’t want to do this.

  YOU: Is that an argument by example? You’re supposed to say “On the other hand.” On the other hand, doing what you don’t want to do can be a great way to honor your parents.

  KID: Can I just—

  YOU: “On the other hand…”

  KID (rolling eyes): On the other hand, can I just be excused?

  YOU: On the other hand, “May I be excused?” is the proper answer.

  KID: On the other hand, may I be excused?

  YOU: No.

  KID: Ha! You didn’t say “On the other hand!”

  Well, it does take practice.

  FRAMING EXERCISE

  This is a lot like dissoi logoi and the “other hand” exercises, but instead of volleying back and forth, framing attempts to put the whole argument in a different court. Take these statements and try to reframe each one by saying, “Is this about…or is it about…” Take the statement “Every boy should play football to build his character.” You could reframe it with, “Is this about character, or is it about your personal love of football?” Here are a few statements to get you started. Feel free to make up your own.

  I need you to make your bed.

  It’s not safe to go out alone.

  We need to beat the competition.

  New employees should remain silent in meetings.

  The regulations say you have to tear down and rebuild. Rules are rules.

  That music is immoral.

  A person should be able to love anyone she wants.

  Money is the root of all evil.

  TROPE MEAL

  Sit down to a meal—or pretend to—with a partner. Try to use as many tropes as possible to describe the food, eating, and drinking. For example, I have a friend who likes to offer “a bite of my drink.” That’s a metonymy—the gesture of sipping shares characteristics with taking a bite. “Have a pea,” you can say to your partner, offering a whole bowl of peas. That’s a synecdoche—one pea standing for the whole lot. “Want an elephant scab?” you say, proffering a plate of veal parmigiana. (Sorry.) That’s a metaphor. If you’re feeling ambitious, write an eating scene packed with tropes. Do it right, and your readers will find it hilarious.

  FOOL ON THE HILL ARGUMENT

  Make an eloquent case for one of these seemingly crazy positions:

  It’s better never to brush your teeth.

  The letter e should be banned from the alphabet.

  The human species should go extinct.

  Only girls should be allowed an education.

  Cricket is the true American sport.

  Mustaches on women: the next sexy fashion craze.

  AGREEABILITY EXERCISE

  Talk with someone whose opinion you can’t stand. See if you can get him to modify his stand. Use aggressive interest: ask him to (a) define every term, (b) provide details—statistics and trends are best, and (c) give sources for his information. Try not to look sarcastic. Express genuine curiosity. Afterward, write your results. Did he back off a little on his opinion? Did you learn something? Do you like him a bit more?

  DOCUMENTARY EXERCISE

  Watch a documentary. What argument does it make? Summarize that argument in a sentence. Now list the rhetorical tools the filmmaker used to make that argument. If you really want to get tricky, ask yourself: Can you see individual shots as figures of speech? Can a scene be a kind of trope, such as synecdoche or metonymy?

  ADVERTISING EXERCISE

  Watch a television or video ad. A great place to find the latest ads is Adweek.com’s Adfreak blog. You can sign up for regular emails of the best ads and campaigns. Pure manipulative fun! Having chosen an ad, describe the argument it is making. Who is the intended audience? How does the ad use ethos, pathos, and logos?

  Now try to do the same thing on Facebook, Instagram, or other social media. Analyze the argument that’s made by an image or song lyrics.

  TOOL MATCHING

  List the tools that would best deal with these situations.

  You order food and don’t like what you get.

  You’re a student arguing for a better grade on a test.

  You’re pitching an idea to a committee.

  You’re trying to get the cable company to fix your service.

  You and a friend are philosophizing about the world, and you realize you have completely different outlooks on life.

  You’re on the interstate, in the front passenger seat, with a driver who insists on going way under the speed limit—in the left lane.

  You’re texting with a friend trying to get her to change her mind about going out tonight.

  VALUES MATCHING

  List the chief two or three values that each of these audience members is likely to hold. What would each be willing to sacrifice something for, in order to live up to her best sense of herself? (Example: a judge would presumably value fairness, and might even sacrifice his popularity to acquit an innocent man.)

  Priest

  Judge

  Baby

  Cop

  Artist

  Leader of a nation

  Teenager

  CEO

  Prisoner

  LIARS’ DEBATE

  Find a partner and ask her to lie to you. She could invent falsehoods about a political issue or science or
something you both experienced. Try to get an audience to believe your truth over her lies. Use logos, but don’t forget the trustworthy tools of ethos. Now discuss why it’s difficult to win an argument when people can’t agree on the basic facts.

  PERIOD PERORATION

  Pretend you’re a movie hero giving a speech. Write about forty words as the climax of your speech. Then memorize and deliver it in a twelve-second burst of eloquence. If you’re in a group, have everyone try it. See who gets the most applause. If you’re alone, write a period peroration every day or two and practice it in front of the mirror. It will increase your chances of being elected president by about 3,000 percent.

  HECKLER TEST

  This exercise works best in a classroom. Stand in front of the group and appoint one of the audience to heckle you. Have the others judge how well you did—and how witty the heckler was.

  TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE

  Now that you’re in an argumentative frame of mind, it’s time to see how much you picked up from this book. After all, before you can apply the tools, you’ll want to have them handy.

  Lightbulb Test