That Which is Unexpected

by A.L. Bridges

  Chapter 9: He’s a zombie!

  “COLE! COME ON, COLE! SPEAK TO ME!”

  “I’m sorry miss, he’s gone…”

  “Rei, please calm down.”

  “Cheza? Sara?” I ask the blanket of white. “Cheza, when did you start forming complete sentences?” Did her voice suddenly get deeper? “And can you please do something about that infernal beep?”

  “HOLY HELL! THIS GUY IS STILL ALIVE! DOCTOR!”

  “COLE!”

  I feel Cheza grab my left hand as the world flashes so I close my eyes.

  “Thanks” I say as the beep stops.

  I open my eyes, slowly realizing that I’m in a hospital bed. I look over at Cheza (who is wearing a pair of light blue short shorts, and a white shirt with a glittery star on the front), with Sara (wearing jeans and a pastel yellow t-shirt) standing over her left shoulder.

  I notice that Cheza is now 5’2”, has grown out her hair so that it reaches her shoulder blades and is swept from the right to cover her left eye. I look at her button nose, pouty lips, small icy-blue eyes, flawless cheeks, and finally her 34B bust, and I realize that the previous Cheza was just a memory.

  “Alive!? What do you mean alive?” The doctor asks while walking down the hall. Sara smiles at me before turning and quickly walking out the room’s door to my left when she hears the doctor. The doctor enters the room and stops when he sees me moving while I try to comfort Cheza by grabbing her hand with both of mine. In one urgent motion, the doctor rushes up, grabs the bottom of the sheet that is covering up to navel level, and rips it clean off the bed before I even know what’s happening.

  I watch as Cheza’s head turns left, towards the doctor, and then slightly down. Cheza’s eyes grow really wide, her face turns red (which is really obvious given Cheza’s pale complexion as a backdrop), and she quickly forces her head back in the direction of my face. She looks like she is trying really hard not to look back in that direction by the way her eyes are flicking spastically back and forth. It finally dawns on me that I’m completely naked.

  “GOD DAMMIT DOC! THE SITUATION THAT I HAVE BEEN CAREFULLY AVOIDING FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS HAS FINALLY BEEN BROUGHT TO FRUITION BECAUSE OF YOUR CARELESSNESS!” I yell at the completely distracted doctor.

  “This just can’t be! How can this young man be alive? The doctor that was on the plane said his wound stopped bleeding and that his heart rate had become undetectable less than 5 minutes after the incident!” the doctor mutters to himself

  Just as the doctor was starting to head into a full meltdown mode that included crying into the corner in the fetal position with the possible addition of him smearing fecal matter on the walls, Tia strides into the room in black stiletto boots, tight fitting jeans, and a burgundy camisole. Sara follows her in as Tia digs through her purse, walks over to the doctor, and then smacks him across the face with a stack of $100 bills hard enough to leave an impression of Ben on his cheek. She looks at him for a moment before she takes the stack of bills and smacks him on the other cheek for good measure.

  Tia stuffs the stack of bills in his agape mouth, before saying “Just dig the bullet out of his stomach, stitch him up, and stop asking stupid questions.”

  She leans in close and whispers into his ear, “the kind of questions that can completely destroy the lives of you and your loved ones.”

  I find it a little strange that I can hear her whispering across the room, as though she were whispering in my ear instead. Tia turns to me with a smile, flicks her gaze downward and then flicks it back up to my face while wearing her predatory smile.

  “Well, well, well. Here’s someone I haven’t seen in a while,” Tia says, still wearing her predatory smile and leaving me completely uncertain as to whether she is talking about my penis or not.

  “Is it just me or have you gotten bigger?” Now I’m about eighty percent sure she is talking about my penis.

  “Hurry and cover up! You’re distracting Chezarei, you naughty boy!” Tia says as she rips the sheet from the still stunned doctor and tosses it over my lap.

  Now I’m almost positive that last one was directed at my penis. I look at Cheza to find that she has completely turned away from me and is apparently trying to count the bubbles in the ceiling tiles. Is that like baseball statistics for women? When I look back, Tia just winks at me and walks out of the room.

  Yep, that was definitely about my penis.