You'll Never Lose Me (The Never Series Book 4)

by B C Morgan

  “I’m glad, um…” shit that doesn’t sound good, especially with how he’s hesitating right now. “Someone has reached out to me and asked if I could give you their number. You don’t have to contact them, Hell you don’t even have to take it but I thought I should mention it in the interest of complete honesty,” he sounds sheepish but I get where he’s coming from this person has clearly put him in an awkward position. It better not be Amias. Yet my traitorous heart is hoping it is.

  “Okay... go for it I guess, like you said I don’t have to message them if I don’t want to. Who is it?” Curiosity meet cat, your soon to be victim. So morbid.

  “It’s Leah.”

  Fuck, I don’t think he could have dropped that name quicker if he tried, he wanted it out there in the open as soon as possible and I don’t even know how to handle it.

  “Oh how interesting, and what does that two faced, judgemental little bitch want?” My tone is sweeter than candy floss and Ivy is sitting on the bed, utterly slack jawed.

  “Wow, look I’m just the messenger okay. I don’t know why she wants to talk to you but it seemed important enough that she’s reached out even after all the crap she pulled. Just think about it, please Hen. For me,” damn, why does his voice affect me so much and he knows I’d do just about anything for him.

  “Fine, but you only get to use that ‘for me’ thing three times a year, use them wisely my friend,” I think I’m going to go into the living room and leave Ivy to it.

  “Babe, we both know we’re a lot more than friends. Unless all your friends can make you moan and scream the way I do,” I can hear how his voice becomes more husky and my stomach pools with warmth and the memory of what we did.

  “Only my favourite and very special friends,” it’s really hard to contain my laughter right now. I can hear the inhale he takes as if he was sitting right beside me, at least he’s not the jealous type. Oh no Eli is all about the fun.

  “Just you wait until I see you missy, I’ll make you pay for that,” can he get anymore husky, he’s making me squirm in my seat.

  “Promises, promises,” I reply in my huskiest voice and I wish he was here with me right now.

  IT’S BEEN fun spending time with the girls, but it feels awkward without Ivy which is weird. Because it is beyond tension overload when she is with us, but she’s the one that makes me feel myself. I don’t really know how to be around these girls anymore, it isn’t anything they’ve done, I just think I’ve changed.

  Bella is a breath of fresh air but I don’t trust her so that’s hard, Mikaela is her usual quiet self and Roxie. Well Roxie is still upset by me not staying with them, which I get I just wish she wasn’t so hurt by it.

  “Do you think you’ll want to play with us Saturday, baby girl?” I love that she doesn’t beat around the bush about anything.

  “Yeah, I think I will, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be playing at the same level I did back in Padstow,” I reply rather glumly.

  “Hey that doesn’t matter, I’m just excited that you’ll get up on that stage with us,” Bella says, clapping her hands.

  “Look, tell me to mind my own business but I just have to ask, what happened between you and Ivy? I know you were never friends, but something must have gone down to have such animosity between you,” Bella and Mikaela both look at Roxie and she shakes her head before clearing her throat and looking me right in the eyes.

  “Ivy came to Padstow half way through the first year and I was set to show her around, I tried to be nice but she didn’t bother showing me the same courtesy. Nevertheless I kept trying until I found her sticking her tongue down my boyfriend’s throat. Safe to say we haven’t got on since, I finished with him and she was done to. Guess she only wanted what she couldn’t have,” the bitterness is genuine, but I’m not sure I can believe it. Not without speaking to Ivy first, not that I’m going to say this to her.

  “I mean there was…” Bella stops talking when Roxie glares at her and I can’t tell if she’s trying to stir shit or if Roxie is making it out to be all on Ivy when that isn’t the case.

  “Nothing else matters, she asked why we don’t get on and there it is,” she’s growling the words at her before standing up and storming off into the kitchen.

  None of us say anything as we sit here, awkwardly staring at one another and I doubt I’m the only one hoping this day will hurry up and just end already.

  “Sorry about that, there’s a lot of history,” Bella says quietly as she shifts on the spot and starts wringing her hands.

  “Bella, don’t. It isn’t needed,” Mikaela adds as she picks up her book and refuses to look anywhere else.

  This is ridiculous, am I supposed to pretend that nothing happened and that Roxie’s explanation makes any sense. Because I can’t, all I can say is that I’m sick of being lied to and I’m tired of being left in the dark. It’s like my life has become an eternal eclipse and I’m yet again left without a flashlight to guide my way.

  Five minutes have passed and Roxie has finally decided to return, wrapping her arms around the girls and acting like she didn’t just blow her roof over nothing.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, worried and concerned. I’m just not entirely sure who I am concerned for right now.

  “Yeah, look I’m sorry you had to hear that. I guess I still have a lot of unresolved feelings to work through and I shouldn’t have taken it out on Bella and you ladies. Sorry baby girl, I hope I haven’t caused you to change your mind about performing with us,” she says softly as she moves a little closer and looks at me through her lashes.

  “Of course not, I understand hun,” I reply even though it’s a complete lie, I just want this moment to go away and I am counting the seconds until I can excuse myself and go back to mine and Ivy’s place.

  Because clearly Devy wasn’t going to let me stay in a hotel room, oh no he’s renting a little flat for the one week we’re staying here. Talk about going over the top. Maybe I am a little too sarcastic for my own good.

  We spend some time rehearsing, with Mikaela falling into the roll as our biggest fan before Roxie declares, “I’m starving, who fancies Chinese food?” to the entire room and sure, I could go for something to eat.

  “Does it have to be Chinese?” Bella whines but Roxie shoots her a strange look and Bella’s smile returns.

  “Okay, okay. Chinese food it is. Do you want me to put in the order?” She asks.

  “You know, I feel like getting some fresh air, why don’t you and baby girl go over the set list again and I’ll run and get it,” she gives the girls a quick hug before smiling gently at me and sets off for food.

  “IT FELT a little tense in there today,” Sawyer points out unhelpfully, I’m glad he’s driving us back, I’m feeling so worn out.

  “There’s something about Ivy and Roxie that no one will tell me about, Roxie claims one thing but the other two definitely felt as though she was leaving vital information out of her story. Not that it mattered as Roxie lost her shit and stormed off, I just don’t understand why she won’t tell me. I’ve told her everything, trusted her when I had no one else, why can’t she do the same with me?” The hurt I’m feeling is spilling over into my words and my eyes are stinging with my unshed tears, am I not trustworthy?

  “Some things are hard for people to speak about, you shouldn’t take it personally. Besides, I heard you say you’ll be performing, that’s amazing little lady,” he says with a megawatt smile and his happiness must be contagious because I’m suddenly feeling a little better.

  I’m still smiling as he pulls up outside our flat and I’m not going to waste any more time getting upset, besides I’ve made my decision. I’m going to hear Leah out, even if I’m not sure I want to.

  Strange... Where’s Ivy?

  “Ivy, you here?” I call, checking the kitchen and bedrooms, before glancing a look inside the bathroom. She’s not in there either.

  I guess she went out, but I could have sworn she said she was staying in today and my
memory is never wrong. I mean she could have changed her mind, maybe she left a note somewhere?

  I hunt through the living room and Sawyer checks the kitchen for me and I have no idea why my chest loosens when he brandishes a slip of paper before me. Was I worried about her? Of course I was, Dante is still out there and I still don’t believe he’s gone for good. He failed in killing me, would he really just let things go?

  Hey sweetie, I was getting a bit stir crazy stuck in here so I’m going to paint the town red. I should be back later but don’t worry if I’m not, who knows I may meet Mr. Right. (Imagine I’m winking at you as you read that part) Anyhow I will see you soon and don’t worry I won’t miss your night, I’ll be right at the front screaming your name.

  Pixie

  “I take it she’s okay?” Sawyer asks, scanning the fridge for something to eat, I swear he never stops bloody eating.

  “Yeah I guess so,” I say distractedly, it’s her writing for sure, but something feels off. I just don’t know what or why I feel this way. I’m so fucking paranoid now.

  “I’m going to go to bed,” I say, as I walk out of the kitchen, I can feel Sawyer staring at me but I can’t bring myself to say anything. I have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, an ominous and gut wrenching sensation that my whole world is about to go crumbling into ash and all I can do is stand here and watch it happen.

  FIFTEEN

  IVY NEVER CAME HOME last night, I guess she must have found Mr. Right or at least Mr. Right now. As long as she’s happy and safe, then I’m happy for her. But that niggling feeling won’t go away, it feels as though there’s a thousand snakes moving around in my stomach and I barely got any sleep last night. I feel so fucking rough and my good mood is non existent, if this carries on it may become extinct!

  Beep.

  Yay, a text. Can’t wait to read that. Drop the attitude you sarcastic bitch.

  Coffee first then I’ll deal with whatever it is, I mean sure it could be one of my guys but my luck isn’t on point right now.

  “Hey sunshine,” Sawyer calls as soon as I walk into the kitchen and I’m sure my death glare is enough to tell him how much I appreciate the new nickname.

  “Okay then… I’ll be in the living room,” he says carefully, before hurrying away. Smart man for sure.

  I’m inhaling my coffee before taking a deep mouthful, it’s still too hot but I don’t care right now. Although I think I should probably check my phone in case it’s important, it may even be Ivy.

  Unknown: Okay, so I’m going to stop asking my ‘friend’ for updates on you, you were right Little cub I’m not helping to make you strong. Turning up and stressing you out, it’s far from helpful. So, I’m going to delete your number and erase this message so I don’t have it and I won’t be turning up out of the blue again, this isn’t me giving up because the ball isn’t in my court anymore. This is me saying that I heard you, what I did was wrong but none of it was fake. I will leave you alone now but if you decide you aren’t ready to say goodbye just yet, then I will be here. It’s up to you now Hen, let me go or hold on either way I will respect your decision.

  I’m not going to reply, just like I’m not going to wipe my tears away and pretend they aren’t falling. However, I can’t stop myself from saving the number and as the tears slide down my cheeks, they even hit a smile I didn’t know was forming.

  Maybe today is the day I need to face my past and move on from it. Which means, contacting Leah and finding out what she has to say and then closing that chapter of my life for good. I think I can use this cathartically, say goodbye to all my bullies in one fell swoop and no longer look back on those days with bitterness and anger. I won’t let it affect me anymore.

  Me: Elijah said you wanted to talk, so this is me talking. What do you want Leah? I’ve got to say I’m surprised you would even want to reach out.

  Henleigh

  Leah: I was starting to wonder if Elijah would give you my message, he said he would but I know he wouldn’t want to upset you. Then again, I never expected you to message me so, thanks I guess.

  Me: What do you want? Come on, because I seriously doubt you went to all this trouble for a catch up with me of all people.

  Leah: I know I was an absolute bitch to you but I thought you should know, I only did what I had to do. Think back, does being angry with you having more than one guy make sense? Think about it and hit me back when you’re ready.

  Huh? I mean, it never did make sense and I think that’s why it hurt so much. She was all for me going to the school dance with the guys, why would dating them all be any different? It doesn’t change the fact that she was a grade A bitch to me, but I won’t lie and pretend I don’t want to know the real reason behind the sudden change.

  Me: You’re right, it doesn’t make sense. Then again you could be a hypocrite or maybe going to a dance isn’t as big a deal to you as being with more than one guy. I don’t know, but if you’re saying there’s a reason that I’m not seeing, then I’m all ears…

  Leah: There are worse things in this world than school bullies, you leave the academy and you leave them behind. They terrorise you, make you feel small but the majority of the time you can get away and move on. You leave the past in the past and wear the scars as your armour, you survive. My bully is different, terrifying, psychotic but not in the official way. She can feel, react in a normal way and form ever lasting relationships that can bring no end of joy… Until you are no longer needed. The moment she decided I was useless to her, I became expendable. I couldn’t just leave though, I had to become the bad guy. Be someone for you to hate, so she would seem even better, I’ll admit I had every intention of telling you who I’m on about but I’m no idiot. She finds out, I’m as good as dead. Just look at your friends and ask yourself, do you trust them and are any of them too good to be true? Do not trust the girls Henleigh, they will get you killed. I hope I’m wrong.

  Fuck, it has to be Bella, she’s too happy, and I saw how mean she got with Leah. It shocked me at the time and it’s all starting to add up, Bella is the big bad and I think she may make her move the night we perform. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

  THAT’S IT, I need to call Harrison. Ivy has been gone for two days now and I haven’t heard a thing from her, I’m getting really freaking worried. The girls are telling me to stop worrying and they’re sure she’s fine, but if they think I’m getting up on stage tomorrow with her missing, then they’ve got another thing coming.

  “Hen, what’s wrong?” His voice is deep and gruff and I can’t even find any amusement in the fact that he automatically thinks something is wrong.

  “I don’t know where Ivy is, I haven’t seen her in two days and I’m starting to worry,” the words come out rushed and my fear is almost tangible. I can see it pouring out of me like water from a faucet that can no longer be turned off.

  “I wouldn’t worry, it’s Ivy. She does this a lot. She’s probably met some guy and is having the time of her life,” he replies, but there’s something in the way he’s speaking that screams his deceit to me. He’s worried and he sure as hell better tell me why.

  “Do not lie to me H or is this yet another way for you to show me just how little you trust me?” I can’t keep the hurt from my voice, but it’s almost overshadowed by my anger and I need that. I can use that right now.

  “She would not go off right now, not with you there. Ivy can get lost in her own mind and be fickle at times, but she would never leave you. Not with knowing what you went through, if you haven’t seen her then I don’t want to think about where else she could be,” his sentence is fractured and pain is bleeding from him down the line, if he’s scared then my fear can’t be unfounded. “I’ll get hold of Noah and see if he can track her phone, I'll let you know as soon as I know anything.”

  “H, I’m scared. What if someone has taken her, I don't know what to do? The girls are telling me she’ll be fine and I should still perform but I can’t, I hate that I’m the only one up
here that cares,” I wonder if you can hear a broken heart?

  “She’ll be okay, we’ll make sure of it. Don’t worry, me and Noah will soon be with you and we won’t stop until we find her. Just keep yourself safe and don’t do anything that could put you in harm’s way, we can’t lose you Henleigh. I love you,” he utters the last part softly, and it helps to mend me just a little.

  “I love you too.”

  30TH SEPTEMBER 2009

  I’m a fucking lousy brother, so much for getting her away from here before her birthday. We should have left, I had everything I needed to get us out of here and someone took it. Maybe not all of it, but enough to screw me over. It has to be either mum or dad, but how did they find my stash? At least I didn’t hide all the money in one place, but I’m done. Damon wants to help but I can’t let him, he didn’t run after I told him everything and I don’t know if that proves his love for me or his stupidity. I love him and I won’t leave him but he doesn’t even know Hen. I’m so fucked up and I’m supposed to help my sister have a stable life? Yeah fucking right, at least I’d found someone to pose as our parents. Temporarily of course, I’m done with relying on adults, all they do is mess everything up. My parents, Richard the dickhead, they’re all so unreliable. It’s going to be okay though, Devon is bringing me on a new job. He wants people he knows he can trust, so it’ll be us and our brothers, no one else I’d rather have at my side when the shit goes down.

  I’m not sure what the job entails yet but it will be happening in the next couple of weeks, I’m nervous but Devon won’t let us go in blind. We’ll be okay and then I’ve organised it so Damon will meet me the day after and then we’re leaving. I may not want him to fund my run, but I won’t leave him behind. New start, new life and it will finally be with the people I love.

  ME: I need to know you’re okay, please Pixie. I’m freaking out over here, where are you?