You'll Never Lose Me (The Never Series Book 4)

by B C Morgan

  “My mum?” I ask feebly, grasping at straws and she’s shaking her head at me as she stands back up and places the knife against my throat.

  “Declan w-w-will n-n-ever love you,” Ivy splutters out and Roxie whirls around, scoring my neck as she does it.

  “Shut your filthy mouth,” she screams as she charges towards her, I pull my wrists down hard and the rope snaps.

  I run as fast as I can, but I’m not fast enough as she pulls her arm back; knife in hand and then thrusts it forward, straight into Ivy’s stomach.

  “No!” It's a scream, a plea from my lips. This can’t be happening, she can’t die.

  The back of my hand shoots out, slamming into Roxie and sending her stumbling away from the chair and down onto one knee. The knife is still protruding from Ivy’s stomach, but I can’t remove it. Duh, it’ll make the bleeding worse Henleigh.

  “You are a smart one baby girl, but you can’t save her and you can’t save yourself,” Roxie says on a laugh as she gets back to her feet and reaches behind her.

  That saying about taking a knife into a gun fight comes to mind, because I can’t see her pulling anything else free. I just can’t give her a chance to do it, I go after her once more, slamming my shoulder into her stomach as the gun comes out and flies across the room. We crash to the floor but I can’t waste time worrying about what she’ll do, I need to get the gun. No, you can’t. But then again, what choice do I have?

  I crawl forward but she grabs my ankle and pulls hard, sending my chin slamming into the floor. Looking over my shoulder, I can see the anger in her every atom and I kick my leg out, colliding my foot with her face. It makes her let go but I don’t think I can make it, I look up at Ivy and our eyes meet for a moment and I can see that the ember of her life is slowly growing smaller, it will soon be extinguished and she’s the reason I have to at least try and do something.

  I look back at Roxie and… her eyes are closed. Bloody hell, I knocked the psycho bitch out, what the hell am I waiting for?

  I rush for the gun and swoop it up, half expecting her to jump up and come for me but she isn't. I must have kicked her harder than I thought, but I will think about that later, right now I need to check on Ivy.

  Her head has dropped forward and her top is soaked in blood, her skin is clammy and cold to the touch. She’s dead. I touch her neck and I can’t stop the tears as I feel her pulse beat against my fingers, it’s weak but it’s there.

  “It’s okay Ivy, I’m going to get you out of this. We are going to be just fine,” I feel as though I’m on the verge of laughing hysterically, but it isn’t happening yet so, there’s a plus.

  I drag my hand through my hair as I pull my phone out of my pocket, she really was beyond cocky with the assumption that I wouldn’t get away. Why else would she leave my phone in my pocket? I can’t roll my eyes any harder than I am right now.

  I dial the emergency services and I’m listening to the ring as I’m slammed from behind and my phone hits the floor, I can’t do anything but watch as the screen smashes and the last of my hope quickly disappears.

  “You won’t get out of here,” Roxie screams as she grabs hold of my right hand; gripping hold of the gun and trying to get it away from me.

  “Don’t make me pull the trigger,” I beg as we wrestle for the gun and the barrel points towards her.

  “You don’t have the balls,” she snickers, we push and pull as she forces it out of my hands and smacks me across the face with the butt of the gun.

  I fall down to the floor and watch as she points the gun at my chest, I lunge for it at the last moment and a shot ratchets through the air, filling the empty space. There’s blood everywhere and we just stand here, staring at one another with our mouths hanging open wide.

  SEVENTEEN

  THE BELLS TOLL as the coffin is carried out of the church and over to its spot, a gravestone waits patiently with their name freshly engraved within. A permanent fixture and a reminder that life is too short. My hand is resting against my stomach, waiting for the service to end so I can say my own goodbye, just a little more privately than everyone else.

  “Are you okay?” Noah wraps his arms around me, resting a hand upon my own and clutching my fingers.

  “I will be, it’s going to take a bit of time to get used to everything, to come to terms with it all. What happened and why, it still doesn’t make sense within my head,” I say softly, leaning my head back to rest against him, but I can’t take my eyes off the mourners.

  “Do you think they know?” Comes from Harrison as he comes to stand on my other side and rests his hand on my hip.

  “I was wondering the same thing myself, do you think the tears are real or are they faking it? Do you think anyone will even miss them?” I ask, cutting my eyes to him and taking in the deep bags circling his eyes.

  He hasn’t been sleeping well lately, to be fair none of us have. I can’t go anywhere without having one of them following me and when I wake in the morning, it's to new additions in my bed. Harrison, Elijah and Noah, they can’t make it through a single night at the moment. Not that I’m complaining, I need them just as much as they need me. Even now, as I watch this ‘show’ progress, I can’t help the tightness that is forming in my stomach or how I want to bend over and hurl all over the damn place.

  “How is she?” Sawyer asks, yeah he won’t even speak to me right now.

  I don’t know if that’s his choice or because he’s been ordered not to by Devon, he really wanted to kill him that night and I’ve yet to find out why.

  “She’s fine,” I bite out, rolling my eyes.

  “Sorry little lady, I just wanted to come and say goodbye before I leave. I can’t stay any longer,” he says as he furiously rubs the back of his neck.

  “You know I don’t blame you right, I don’t know what made you leave your post the night of the concert but it wouldn’t have made any difference. Roxie knew what she was doing and I’m sure she had a plan in place for you too,” I say softly, and I look at him and he is just as worn down as the rest of us.

  “That’s what worries me,” he replies cryptically before coming closer and I pull away from my two guys and give him a quick hold before he smiles at me softly and walks away.

  The sky is choosing this moment to unleash hell upon us, the rain goes from none to torrential in a couple of seconds, and the funeral attendees are running for their cars as fast as their legs will carry them.

  “We should go,” Noah says, but he must know what I’ll say to that, I have to see it for myself.

  “Go to the car, I’ll be okay,” I say, tapping my bag that is resting against my other hip, where a gun now rests. I hate carrying it, but I’m not ready to face the world without my courage just yet. Borrowed courage will have to do for now.

  “We can stay with you,” H almost growls but I shake my head softly.

  “Don’t leave Elijah alone for too long, he’s probably going out of his mind right now. Go back, I won’t be long,” I kiss them both on the cheek before walking over to the gravestone.

  My black dress is soaked through and I can feel the water dripping through my laced sleeves and collar, my only saving grace is my pair of army boots, a pair of Ivy’s to be precise.

  I trail my fingers across the writing and suck a breathe in through my teeth, I am still struggling to believe it’s all over and I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. For something to happen to flip my whole world upside down, for the final time. I’m lucky to be alive and I will never forget the look on Roxie’s face when she pulled the trigger. My lunge had been true, and the bullet tore through her stomach before lodging in her spine. I think the sight of the blood and Ivy’s barely moving chest will haunt me forever.

  The rain stops hitting me, but the heavens are still screaming. The only thing that has changed is the umbrella being held over my head and it isn’t by any of my guys.

  “Do you know the full story now?” He asks and all I can do is shake my head, knowing that
he’s well shielded from the view of the car.

  “How many of these graves belong to you Dante?” I ask, looking him in the eye as I trail my fingers over his name on the stone.

  “A few, but you’ll never find them. I get a new name each and every time I die,” he says casually and our hands brush as I take ownership of the umbrella.

  “Your mother sold drugs to Roxie’s mum, she wasn’t arrested no matter what Roxie may have said. Your mother was keeping the good stuff back for herself and mixing the rest with stuff from around the house, the batch she gave to my aunt was a fatally altered bag and she died. Roxie has been planning her revenge for a long time, but no one else in our family will come after you. Not unless we’re given the right price of course,” he says as he steps further away until he’s nearly hidden by one of the trees.

  “Is it over now?” I ask.

  “That’s the wrong question,” is his reply, so I try again.

  “Am I safe from you Dante?” I ask, my throat threatening to close in on itself.

  “Yes, I think America sounds like a great place to visit for the time being. Goodbye Miss Monterey,” he leaves and all I can think is... my dad lives in America.

  IT’S BEEN a couple of months since the staged funeral and everything seems to be settling down, Elijah is no longer grumbling and H has picked up more hours at the garage. Noah is talking to his dad more and I’m even going to go with him next time he visits. I shouldn’t roll my eyes when I think about Elijah but who the fuck avoids being trampled and then runs in front of a car. He’s lucky it wasn’t going too fast, and he only came away with a broken leg, two broken ribs and a concussion. I’m just glad he's finally coming off the crutches and can stop complaining that he’s bored all the damn time.

  I’m still not entirely sure how I managed to convince them to all stay in Cornwall while I came to London to spend some time with Devon, but I think they could tell that I needed some time to myself. This is the first time I’ve been out without one of them since the emergency services traced my phone and found us at Roxie’s little hideaway. They didn’t even know if Ivy would pull through but I’m beyond happy that she did and I couldn’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t offer her a room at my place, we seem to have plenty of them.

  “Little Hen, are you ready?” Devon asks, sticking his head out of his office and opening his door for me to enter alongside him.

  Guess I better get this over with, the other reason I’ve come here. Amias. I still can’t believe Devon asked me to come up to see him, I never thought he’d be Amias’ advocate.

  “Henleigh,” my name sounds like a prayer on his lips as he stands up and looks me over, his eyes dropping to the tattoo on my arm and I can see the question in his eyes.

  “What’s going on?” I’m not wasting any time here, I came up to see Devon, not play with the ghosts of my past.

  “That text you sent me, sent me into a tailspin, and then I felt as though you were singing to me when you blew everyone away and then suddenly you were gone. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I was terrified little cub and I hate that I couldn’t be there for you, but the hardest part was that it was my fault. I’m the reason I can’t be with you and even if I don’t get to have you back I had to at least do this, and not over text,” he isn’t taking a single break or pause, but it didn’t feel like he was rushing through the words either. I guess this is important to him and I can’t bring myself to deny him the chance, not if it can make him feel a little easier about everything.

  “Okay Amias, do whatever it is you need to do,” I say as I sit down on one of the chairs in the office and Devon sits beside me. This has to be really awkward for Amias. Should this bother me, because it doesn’t. What does that say about me now?

  “I know this won’t mean a lot anymore, after everything that has happened but I need you to know that I am sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you that I was working for Devon, even when I had chances to do it, I just got scared. I didn’t want to lose you and I couldn’t work out how you would ever want to stay with me if I told you the truth. The fact that I never told you that Octavia was all pretend and I’m sure you know a lot of it was simply a means to put on a show and hurt you. I was a petty bastard and I hate that I did that,” Devon is clenching his fists but Amias either hasn’t noticed or is unphased by the obvious threat that always comes with Devy. “I also should have told you one other thing, but it wasn’t a secret as such, I just never took the time to tell you. I made sure I would stay behind an extra year so I could be with you. I had it in my head that it would be the last year I could call you mine and I hate that I was right but I don’t regret doing it. I could never regret you Henleigh,” he crouches down in front of me and stares up into my eyes.

  “You hurt me Amias and I don’t know how to trust you,” I reply, hating that I have to say it.

  “Little Hen,” I was not expecting Devon to say anything, and I hope he isn’t about to go all domineering big brother on me. “Amias is loyal to a fault and there were very few people I trusted with your life. I don’t like the little bastard but I should have seen it coming, Elliott used to warn me that you would have no end of admirers. That I wasn’t allowed to punch anyone who looked at you or tried to flirt with you, that I had to trust you would pick the right person or I guess people, for you. He said you were the sun in his gloomy world and you’re smart enough to know who should be in your life,” he looks so uncomfortable. “I want to kick his little arse out of here and tell you that you can do better, but if you want to be with him, then don’t let me putting him in your life be the thing that stops you. He left my ‘group’ because it took you from him and he wants to be a better person. Okay, I’ve said enough,” he finishes and growls under his breath as he stands up and pulls out his phone.

  “I’m trying to give you some privacy, I can leave if you want me to Hennie,” do I want that? I’m not sure, but I think I need it, I nod my head and he glares at Amias before leaving, though he does keep the door ajar.

  “I don’t deserve you little cub, but I think you deserve me,” his eyes are dark but somehow filled with warmth.

  “Huh, what are you saying?”

  “There’s a darkness in me that will never go away, I think I need it to thrive or maybe survive I don’t know. And I don’t know what it is about you but something calls to me and I know you’ve felt it too. Maybe it’s your light trying to balance me out or maybe it’s the darkness that rests within you. I think I help you to test your boundaries, play things a little less safe than you are used to. We test each other’s limits and bring out the best and worst in one another. You’re it for me Henleigh and either way, I think we could be something pretty spectacular. I know for certain this is the only time I can say that two wrongs have definitely made a right,” if he could move closer I think he would, but he does move back slightly as I stand up.

  “What do you want me to say Amias?” My head is swimming with the words he just spoke.

  “Am I too late? Am I wrong? Even if you won’t be with me again, do you think you can forgive me?” His voice fills me with a warmth, like melted chocolate, it’s warm, sweet and dark.

  “Amias,” that’s all I can say, and he closes the distance between us once more.

  “I will walk out that door right now if that is what you want or need, I’ll do whatever it is you ask of me to make things easier on you and I’ll never bother you again. Just,” he stops talking as his toes line up with mine and he places a hand on my cheek. I have to fight all my natural urges to lean into his touch. “Let me kiss you, just one last time. I keep thinking about the last time I got to hold you and kiss you and it’s not enough. I know I will suffer for this later on, but it’s worth all the hurt,” his eyes dip down to my mouth but he doesn’t move. He’s waiting for my decision and I think there could only ever be one answer. Yes.

  It’s Amias, there has always been something between us and it’s more than just the heat that scorches through
everything it touches. If this is the last time we’ll be together, I’d like it to end with a memory I will never forget.

  My hands are on his chest and my eyes are on his as I move my head closer, angling it just enough. His hand slips behind my ear and into my hair as his lips brush against mine and a sweet innocent kiss is blown clear out of the damn universe. It can never just be sweet and innocent with us, it will always be... more.

  EPILOGUE

  ONE YEAR LATER

  IT’S FINALLY HERE, moving day. Of course none of us are moving out of the house, there is more than enough room for us all to have our own space when we need it. Oh no, today is the day that I finally gave in on torturing Amias and let him move in. Of course we couldn’t share one toe curling, spine tingling kiss and live happily ever after. We had a lot of stuff we had to work through and not just me and him but all of us. There’s five of us in this relationship and we all had to put our cards on the table and say what we want and what we can’t take. Surprisingly there weren’t many issues, other than them making it clear they will not share me with anyone else and that was hilarious, as if I need anyone else.

  Things have definitely changed over the past year, but not the way I feel for these guys. I think I will always have questions that can’t be answered, but I know everything I need to. Who I can trust, who I love and am loved by. I have done some serious soul searching and although I have my many, many issues I’m the person I was supposed to be. Elliott thought I was the sun; but honestly, the light disappeared the day he died. Thanks to my guys I’m finally getting it back.

  “Are you going to help or just stand there watching and making me want to press you up against that wall and devour you whole?” Amias says with his eyes solely trained on me and I can feel heat pooling within my core. These guys have turned me into a nympho, no doubt about it.