"You waited for me."
Matti lifted his hand to her hair and brushed a wayward strand out of her eyes. Then he looked into those green eyes. "Of course I waited."
Anna closed her eyes, her teeth chattering audibly above the sound of the howling wind. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her inside. "You're freezing. Let's go inside." He put her gloved hand into his, and they hustled into the warmth of the train station.
"Oh, goodness! I forgot all about Kaino. Where is she?" Anna searched the station for her friend and spotted her sitting quietly on a chair in the waiting room, her head buried in her hands.
Anna walked over to Kaino, pulling Matti by the hand. She perched on the edge of the seat. "What's wrong, Kai?"
"He didn't wait." Her shoulders shook as she said the words. "Johannes didn't wait for me."
"Did you look at that board over there? Lots of people left notes for their loved ones there." The three of them made their way over to the train station's message board and frantically searched for a note bearing Kaino's name.
"There. See it up there?" Anna reached up to the top and pulled down a yellow note card.
Kaino read it and scowled. "He went home."
Matti's eyes widened as Anna wrapped her friend into a hug. "I'm sorry, Kai. It's so late that nearly everyone went home." She looked at Matti and smiled timidly.
He was glad he’d stayed.
Kaino sniffled. "I don't know what to do now."
Anna's cheeks puffed up as she looked from Kaino to Matti and back again to Kaino. All he wanted was a few minutes alone with Anna, to talk, to catch up. But he couldn't leave Kaino here alone.
"Maybe you can escort us both to our hotel, Matti?" Anna's voice sounded pinched.
There would be time to talk to Anna later. "Of course. What things are we bringing with us tonight?"
Anna glanced at the train and then back at him. "The conductor said they would load our supplies onto the platform for us to get tomorrow. Tonight it's just too cold and icy. So for now, just my trunk.And Kaino's."
Matti grabbed Anna's trunk in one hand and Kaino's in the other and the women followed him out into the cold, as he did his best not to stare too hard at the woman he already loved.
If only he could find a way to tell her.
28
Helsinki, Finland
"So where are we going?" Since she'd been in Helsinki, she'd hardly had time to sit down, much less talk to him. And now, after two crazy days of delivering boxes to refugees, she was in the mood for a nice long conversation.
That and maybe a stolen kiss. She bit her lip. No kissing Matti. Not when so much was left unsaid between them.
"Suomi's. They have the best lingonberry cake that I've ever tried. And I want you to meet the guys in my company. That's where they like to hang out."
Anna furled her brows. She had wanted Matti to herself. But she had no claim to him, did she?
They walked up to a ten-story brick building with intricate white molding outlining the windows. The place was pitch-black, and Anna would've thought it was closed if loud music and boisterous laughter wasn't spilling onto the street.
"I think this used to be some sort of apartment building, but the new owners converted the upstairs into offices and the first floor into the now infamous Suomenlinna piano lounge. It's the place to come to in Helsinki for great music and the best hot cider in Europe." Matti's voice grew mock-serious, as if he were an official tour guide.
"I see. And why is it so dark?"
"The offices are probably closed, but with blackout orders, most of the buildings in Helsinki stay dark in the evenings. It's safer."
Anna shivered, partially from cold and partially from the thought that Russian planes could be scoping out their location at that very minute, waiting for one stupid person to turn on a light. She looked at Matti to distract herself. There was no use thinking thoughts like that.
He pulled her close. "Don't worry. This will be fun."
They walked up four steps and moved inside, stomping off their boots and removing layers of scarves, coats and hats. They handed their snow gear to the attendant and entered the main room, which boasted a large, wooden dance floor surrounded by small tables. In the back left, a bar made out of what looked like carved pine held a boisterous bartender who seemed to have four arms as he handed out steaming mugs to a crowd of soldiers around the bar.
"Over here, Ranta!" A loud, masculine voice called them to a table near the back.
"Hi, Käärme!Hey, Uotila!" Matti strode over to the men in his company, with Anna trailing behind him trying to keep her heart from beating out of her chest.
The men seemed nice enough. Blond-haired and strong, the six of them sat around a tiny round table, each holding a blue ceramic mug. They laughed and joked raucously.
"May I introduce Anna Ojala, my, uh...friend from Kalajoki? And Anna, these are…the men." Matti waved to his friends at the table as each shook her hand and offered a name.
"It's a pleasure to meet you. Matti has told me so much about you."
"And he has also told us plenty about you." A gap-toothed solider called Käärme winked.
"Don't even think about it, Käärme," Matti said. He put his arm around Anna's back and winked at her.
"Sit down, stay awhile." Uotila pulled out a chair for Anna before heading toward the bar. "Anyone want anything?"
"Get us a couple of coffees, please. With cream if they have it." Matti shouted above the din.
She sat on a plush purple bench and leaned forward. "So, please tell me what kind of trouble Matti has gotten himself into since he's been here."
Takala, the group leader, drew closer and placed his hand on Matti's back. "Last week, Ranta here got kitchen duty from our commanding officer because he was late to morning check-in."
Anna looked at Matti, her eyebrows raised.
He shrugged. "What? I got this letter from this girl back home, and I just couldn't help but give it one more read before reporting in."
She beamed.
"Anyway, it was oatmeal morning and Matti managed to burn it. The entire division spent breakfast picking tiny black flecks out of their mush. Let's just say that Matti will be getting outhouse duty next time he's late."
The guys erupted into laughter, and after seeing that Matti was also laughing, Anna chuckled as well.
Matti raised his hands in the air in mock surrender and looked at her. "It wasn't my fault. I was distracted. Remember what I said about a letter from Kalajoki?"
A round of laughter circulated the table. Soon the guys told more stories about their times at the fish packing plant and the barracks.
The pianist began a lively tune, prompting Takala to stand. "I think it's time for some dancing."
Anna looked to Matti, who quickly grabbed her hand and dragged her onto the dance floor. He spun her and foxtrotted around the room before pulling her close and swaying softly to the first slow song. As she inhaled the scent of him, she couldn’t help but feel a sudden outpouring of desire. For him. For the life he represented. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be a Finnish soldier's wife.
Especially not if that soldier could dance his way into her heart as this one had.
She leaned her head against his shoulder and breathed deeply. The aroma of hot spiced cider filled her nostrils. His heart beat steadily and she pressed in closer to him, allowing his warmth to chase away the chill of the day.
And for the first time in months she felt safe and peaceful and…content? Yes, content. She closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling, allowing herself to get lost in the music and in his arms.
The sound of a siren jolted her.
"What was that?"
Matti's eyebrows dropped. He grabbed her by the wrist and guided her off of the dance floor toward his company mates. "They're bombing raid sirens. They installed them during the Winter War and we used to hear them almost every night, but I haven't heard them go off for months."
; "What do they mean?"
"It means I have to get you out of here." Matti pulled her over to Takala, whose eyes were cloudy and dark. He dug in his pocket and handed Matti his keys without saying a word. Matti took them with a grim nod. He strode toward the coat check where he grabbed their coats from a pile, and they raced out the door just before a sea of people descended on the club's only exit.
"What's going on, Matti?" The sirens throbbed in her ears, making cadence with her rapidly beating heart.
"I need to get you out of Helsinki. I can't bear the thought of you getting caught in a raid."
"Out of Helsinki?" Anna yanked him to a halt in front of Takala's car. She grabbed his chin, forcing him to stop and look at her.
"Yes, you need to leave. I would never forgive myself if I let you get caught up in this war. I need you up in Kalajoki, where you are safe."
"But what about the refugees? Kaino and I were to deliver another load of items out to the camp at Vironniemi tomorrow." She couldn't keep the desperation from her voice.
"We'll get some of the men in my company to do it. I'm taking you to the train station." His lips narrowed and his eyes darkened. The seriousness in his voice took her breath away. "Now."
Anna turned from him and sank into the front seat of the car, her shoulders trembling as she realized she would be leaving Matti within the hour—before she had the chance to really talk to him. To tell him what she was feeling. And now she was going home, back to Kalajoki where the contentment that she had felt only minutes ago would surely be replaced with restlessness and bitterness.
She inhaled sharply as the car engine roared to life and squealed away from the club, all her hopes for these four days disappearing in a blur of darkened buildings. "Matti. I don't want to go," she whispered, hoping she would change his mind and convince him to take her somewhere else. Anywhere but the train station.
Surely there was somewhere safe in this city?
But he kept on driving, his jaw set and his eyes dark. He only stopped long enough to round up Kaino and fetch their belongings from the hotel before squealing next to a log mire of cars parked in front of the station.
An hour later as the train roared out of the station and into the snowy night, a troubling thought rolled through her head. In the desperation of buying tickets and finding her platform in the crowded station, she hadn't even had the chance to say goodbye.
29
Leningrad, Russia
The first pain struck at nine o'clock, right as Tanya settled into her bed. She clenched her abdomen. Her face contorted with pain. Was it her time? She gripped the edge of the bed, doing her best not to moan out loud. That would scare the living daylights out of Vera. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the searing contraction subsided. She slumped down into the pillows.
When would Feodora get home?
Probably not until midnight.If at all.
Did she have the strength to climb down the stairs to ask Vera for help? She must try. Tanya hoisted herself out of her bed, and gripped the wall as she maneuvered the rickety steps—hoping another contraction wouldn't start until she had made it downstairs.
It worked.
The next contraction hit right as she stepped onto the first floor landing, causing her to cry out in pain. She gulped. Where was Vera? She cradled her lower abdomen and sank down to the floor to wait for the contraction to pass.
When it did, she stood and teetered down the hall to Vera's room. She hoped she wouldn't give the old woman a heart attack by barging in like this. "Knock, knock?" she whispered, willing her voice not to sound desperate. Was the door open?
"What is it, dear?"
"I think...it's my time."
"Oh, goodness!" Vera scrambled out of bed and slowly wrapped her robe around her shoulders. "You lie down in here, my dear. I'll go get water and towels."
"In your bed?" Tanya couldn't imagine taking her kind benefactor's bedroom, even at a time like this.
"Why, of course. Where else will you have this baby? Certainly not upstairs where it's cold and drafty."
Tanya started to protest, but her words were cut off by another sharp contraction. She moaned before reaching for something to support her weight. "Maybe…if I just…just walk…around…"
"Oh, no. You will do no such thing." Vera grabbed a stack of towels sitting on the chair next to the window and threw them onto the bed. Then she grabbed Tanya by the arm and led her to the bed, propping several pillows behind her head before gently laying a threadbare blue blanket across her trembling legs.
"Thank you, Vera." Tanya bit her lip and shuddered at the thought of what it would've been like to give birth in the Azoz Sanatoria. She didn't want to think about it.
A surge of pain tightened her abdomen once again and she screamed, her fingers twisting the bedsheets as she tried to ride out the wave.
Vera limped across the room and laid a calloused hand on Tanya's back, rubbing gently. "Heavenly Father, we thank You for choosing to give life to this precious baby. Protect her and Tanya right now. Ease her pain and help this baby to come into the world easy-like. Amen."
Tanya sighed as tears sprang to her eyes. She was strangely relieved by Vera's simple prayer. If only she could believe that Someone really was watching over her and this baby, maybe it would ease her pain. But that was all a fairy tale, wasn't it? The God she had once believed in would never have allowed her to be giving birth to Nicolai's baby without Nicolai there to see it.
Another contraction tore her from inside. She gasped for breath, pleading with her body to relax. When the pain finally subsided, she turned to Vera. "Please, pray more. Keep praying." She may not believe in God anymore, but she undoubtedly felt more peaceful when Vera was praying.
"I will, my dear. I will." And with that, Vera pulled out her own Bible and read scripture, praying the words over Tanya and her baby as minutes of agonizing contractions blurred into hours, each contraction steadily growing stronger. But through it all, Vera continued to whisper encouraging words and prayers into her ear, leading straight to her soul.
30
Leningrad, Russia
Feodora burst into Vera’s room, jolting Tanya from her most recent contraction with a scream.
"Shh! She's right here." Vera rested in a chair next to Tanya’s bed, gently stroking her sweat-soaked hair.
"Oh, dear. Is she all right?"
Feodora's voice was filled with worry, but Tanya couldn't focus on Fedora right now. She moaned louder than she’d intended to, the pain taking her to new levels.
Vera rushed to her side. "I think another contraction is coming on. Grab that hand!"
Feodora threw herself across the bed, grabbing Tanya’s hand as she screamed, writhing back and forth as another contraction stole her breath.
"I…I can't…I can't do this…" she managed to gasp as the contraction subsided. She sank back into her pillows. Another moan escaped her before she closed her eyes. Each ensuing contraction sapped every morsel of strength she had left in her body.
Feodora sank onto the bed next to her. "Will she be all right, Vera?"
Tanya opened her eyes to catch Vera’s smile.
"Yes. I think we'll meet this little one within the hour."
Another scream. Tanya couldn’t help herself.
Feodora clasped Tanya’s hand into hers once again.
Vera rubbed her back, praying as Tanya rode out the contraction. "You're doing great, Tanya. It's almost time to push."
Tanya moaned as she relaxed once again, her body gasping for relief from the torture.
Vera pressed a cup to her lips and forced water down her throat, reminding Tanya that if she didn't drink, it would make the contractions stronger.
Tanya gulped, but most of the water dribbled down her chin as another contraction began. "Oooh…" She groaned, motioning toward a ceramic bowl that sat on the bedside table.
Vera seemed to read her mind and held out the dish.
Tanya vomited into it.
&
nbsp; Vera tossed Feodora a wet rag. “Hold it to her forehead.”
Tanya writhed and struggled to sit up straight, her legs arching toward her rock-hard abdomen. She grasped Vera’s hand.
“I'll catch the baby. Can you stay up by her head and talk to her, Feodora?" Vera stood up and shuffled to the end of the bed. "I think it's just about time."
Feodora nodded frantically and moved to the top of the bed, stroking Tanya's hair gently as she did her best to assure her it would be fine.
"Nooo!" Tanya screamed before sinking back once again.
"You can do this, Tanya! Do it for Nicolai." Feodora's words sank in.
She grew more determined. She would have this baby—she must think of Nicolai. "For…for Nicolai…" The words stuck in her throat.
"Yes, that's right. Do it for Nicolai." Feodora looked her straight in the eyes and cheered her on.
Tanya clenched her fists and grimaced, letting loose an agonizing scream before bearing down and pushing with everything she had left in her.
"It's a girl!" Vera whooped. She whisked the tiny baby into a towel and called out to Feodora to grab a knife from the butcher block in the kitchen.
"A knife?" Feodora looked at her, horrified.
"To cut the cord!"
Tanya moaned again, relief flowing through her veins. It was over. She must see the baby. She struggled to pull herself to her elbows and strained for a glimpse of her tiny daughter, who screamed wildly in Vera's arms. Tears glistened down her cheeks, and she was overcome with emotion as she saw her baby for the first time.
Vera hobbled over to Tanya and laid the bawling baby on her breast before gently toweling her off. "You've done well, my dear."
Feodora burst back into the room with a kitchen knife in her hand. "What do we do?"
"I'll take that. Ideally, we'd have scissors to do this, but I don't own a pair. A knife will have to do." Vera grabbed the knife from Feodora and gently sawed through the umbilical cord before moving back to her spot between Tanya's legs. "Now we catch the placenta."
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