A wave of nausea swept through her as she looked down the street. Thousands of leaflets flittered in the summer air, eventually settling on the ground, making it look as though it had snowed in August. Tossing her leaflet into the trash can on the corner, Tanya scooped up a huge load of the vile leaflets and shoved them in as well before kicking the garbage can.
Just wait until Agripina heard about this.
Her emotions shifted from sad to angry. The Nazis couldn't rob her daughter of her homeland. Not after they'd already robbed them of Fe.
Tanya looked both directions to make sure no one was watching before scooping one more off the ground and stuffing it into the pocket of her dress. Ten minutes later, she was on a tree-lined street with stately, gated houses. She checked her address to be sure she had the right one, ambled up the walk, and knocked gently.
A woman in a black dress and white apron answered. "May I help you?" She barked gruffly.
"Yes ma'am, Tanya Egerov here for Agripina."
"Is she expecting you?" The woman's scowl matched her cold demeanor.
"No, she isn't. But I think she'll want to see me. I was with her in Luga."
The maid cringed at the word Luga, and Tanya realized that Agripina's family may not have supported her venture in the Volunteer Corps. "I'll ask her. You may wait out here."
Tanya blinked in surprise as the door slammed in her face. Sinking down onto the step, she remembered the many slammed doors when she’d first moved to Leningrad. Apparently, there was still something about her that made people cringe.
Two seconds later, the door banged open and Agripina rushed out. "Oh, Tanya! Come in! I'm so sorry about your welcome. I will definitely be talking to Magda about that."
"It's all right." Tanya choked back tears. Seeing Agripina reminded her of Feodora.
"Come in! Let's go to the parlor and I'll have Magda bring us tea."
Tanya stepped inside the ornate entry room, a giant crystal chandelier hung above antique furniture. She had never seen anything like it, and had to resist the temptation not to stop and gawk at the gorgeous paintings and golden vases that lined the stately hall.
"Sit down." Agripina pointed to a peach-colored sofa that looked as if it had never been used. "How are you, Tanya?"
"I'm all right. It is so wonderful to see Verushka. When she is around, I am able to distract myself with her for a time. But then when the house is quiet and I'm all alone, I remember the truth. She's not coming back."
"I know. Every morning I wake up and expect to find her lying on a cot beside me. Without her it's so quiet."
Tanya quickly wiped tears from her face, trying to find the right words to say. "She was the person who gave me hope when things seemed impossible. I don't know how I'll survive without her."
Agripina laid a hand on her leg and squeezed. "I will pray that you…that we both…find the strength."
"I don’t…want to talk about God right now."
"I respect that. But I do want to tell you Feodora's biggest worry was you would…go back to your old lifestyle if things got desperate."
"She told you that?"
Shock flashed on Agripina's face as Tanya spit out the angry words.
"I didn't mean any harm. I don't judge you, Tanya. I just want to help."
"Well, you can help by keeping your mouth shut." Tanya drew her face into a frown, shame heating her cheeks. She couldn't believe Feodora had told Agripina her secret…as if she’d found God and suddenly she was all high and mighty. "I think it's time for me to head home."
"Oh, Tanya. I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you, and I will be here for you no matter what you need. We are in this together."
"I wouldn't want you to have to lower yourself to associate with a woman like me, so I'll stay away." Tanya regretted the words as soon as she said them.
Agripina sniffled. "I loved Feodora too. Her past and all. I would never judge you for making choices that I never had to make."
"Good day, Agripina."
Her friend stood wide-eyed as Tanya stormed out the door, racing down the street to get out of view before she crumbled onto a park bench. Why had she gotten so angry with Agripina?
It wasn't her fault that Feodora had revealed her secret.
And Agripina hadn't been cruel about it.
But still, how could Tanya ever be friends with someone who knew what she had done? Agripina lived in a beautiful house with a maid and a housekeeper. She couldn't understand the desperation Tanya felt every day.
Agripina would always look down on her, no matter what she said.
It was probably better to stay away and let Agripina worry about her own life and troubles while Tanya worried about hers. She hardly knew the woman anyway, so there was no need to invest in someone who would never understand her. Yes, it was better to just walk away and forget about Agripina. But why did it feel as if she was ripping a scab off of her heart with every step she took?
49
Somewhere in Karelia
"Our orders are to hold the pre-winter war border right about here." Takala pointed to a line on the map he’d drawn about fifteen kilos north of the Leningrad suburbs, and then passed the map around the group so the men could look closer.
"What do you mean, hold the border?" Matti stood with a frown, hands on his hips.
Takala gave him a look that would've scared Hitler. "It means when we get our orders we march to Kirjasalo, set up camp, and then hold our line. We've been told that nothing comes in or out of the city while the Germans prepare to attack."
"We're not invading Leningrad?" College ducked his head, seemingly to avoid one of Takala's looks as well.
"No, doesn't appear so. We’re just supposed to hold the border—to make sure no supplies or weapons or artillery make it in to military groups inside the city."
"Like a siege?" College said the words that Matti was already thinking.
"Yes, I guess it's like a siege. Hopefully, a very short siege while the Germans march through Leningrad toward Moscow."
"But what about women and children in the city?"Matti's head pounded. "They'll starve without supplies."
"Assuming they've been preparing for the invasion and will have stocked up, they'll probably hole up for a few weeks eating canned goods and be fine until the border is opened." Takala had clearly been fed this line by his higher-ups.
Matti hoped his friend was right.
Käärme was studying the map closely.
Takala grabbed the map and pointed to an arrow at the pre-winter war border. "We may hit resistance right here. Intelligence says that there is still one Russian division stationed there to hold the border. Which is why we'll be marching at zero-two-hundred hours so that we can do it under the cover of darkness."
"Will we have air support?"
"Yes, the flyboys from Tiedustelulentalaivue 12 will support our push."
Takala continued to give them instructions, pointing out specific rally points and targets. Then, he tossed the map into the fire and used a stick to make sure it was completely burned. "Don't want anyone in that Russian division getting hold of that."
The men stared at him in solemn silence.
They were going into Russia.
Käärme pulled out a flask and began passing it around the group, encouraging the men to get their liquid courage.
Matti frowned. He had hoped the war would bring some maturity to this group, but they were still the same wild party boys they had been before. Of course, they hadn't faced any real resistance either.
"Put that away, guys. We have a job to do tonight." Takala said sternly.
Matti's gaze shot up. Maybe Takala had changed?
Käärme blinked in surprise and then tucked his flask into his coat pocket. "Sorry. I thought we could celebrate our progress."
"We’ll celebrate when we get there, Käärme. Until then, let's stay focused."
~*~
Rain filtered through the branc
hes of the birches, giving music to their slow and methodical march toward Kirjasalo.
"Come on, men, just a little further," Takala whispered from the front of their queue.
Matti burrowed his head and took another hunched step forward, praying they would reach Kirjasalo without any resistance. As much as he wanted to fight, he wasn't sure he was ready to face Russian soldiers this morning. He trudged on in the dim light of a northern summer night, the squish of clay-like mud on his boots telling every step. Anxious to see the edge of the forest, he raised his head above the line of soldiers in front of him. An unexpected bullet whizzed by his ear. He slammed his body into the muddy ground.
Rookie mistake.
"Enemy fighters at right!" Matti hissed as the men in his company sank into the muddy terrain and aimed their rifles in the direction where the bullets had come.
He flattened himself onto the ground behind a stump and squinted, trying to get a read on who was shooting at them. Scanning the horizon, he spotted a small Russian troop hunched behind a ledge to their southwest.
"There. Do you see them?" he whispered to Takala, who crouched behind him with rifle ready.
"Yes."
The muscles in Matti's shoulders tightened as his fingers trembled over the trigger. He dreaded what the next few minutes would bring. They had faced so little resistance in the last weeks that Matti had almost forgotten what it felt like to have the adrenaline of battle pumping through his body and the fear of death in his heart—a feeling he'd hoped he'd never feel again.
A burst of rifle fire opened up.
Matti squinted to see as shells whistled around his ears. He straightened, making himself as thin as possible before slowly moving his rifle over the stump and taking aim at one of the black barrels that peeked over the ledge. Swallowing a sick feeling, he hesitated as explosions caused the woods to tremble.
A shell burst about fifty meters to his left, raining down dirt and leaves on his helmet. He reached up to brush the dirt out of his eyes and a bullet whizzed by, his arm hairs rising with its seemingly magnetic pull. Jerking his arm back behind the tree, Matti closed his eyes. Whew. A close one.
"Cover them!" Takala shouted as he pointed toward Käärme and College, who eased out from behind their hiding spot in a grove of trees and rushed the Russian unit's flank.
Matti took a deep breath and gripped his rifle tightly before peeking out behind the tree and opening fire at the Russians who shot at his friends. "Oh, no, you don't!" Matti shouted at a Red Army soldier who seemed to have a clear shot at College.
A bullet hit the Russian soldier right in the rifle scope, knocking the weapon out of his hand.
Two seconds later, another Russian soldier popped up, shooting wildly as Takala and Matti desperately tried to get a scope on him. One…two…there!
The Red Army soldier went down.
The forest fell silent.
50
Kirjasalo, Karelia
"I recognize that guy over there." Matti pushed his canteen to the side and pointed across the mess tent toward a soldier who made his way toward the chow line.
"I've never seen him." Käärme looked up from the letter he was writing and squinted at the man walking toward one of the other Finnish encampments on the ridge.
"I've seen him before," Matti said, squinting. Matti's skin prickled. "Johannes!"
Johannes stopped and narrowed his eyes. Recognition lit his face. "Oh, hi. Matti, is it?"
"Yes! Matti Ranta. I'm Anna Ojala's boy...I mean, friend."
"Oh, yes." Johannes's eyes narrowed, as if he were confused. "How are you?"
"Hit a bit of resistance yesterday as we marched down, but we made it all right. Glad to be here."
"This camp sure beats sleeping in bags in the woods, doesn't it?"
"I hear you. Three warm meals a day and coffee to boot."
"And don't forget mail service!" Johannes said.
"Speaking of, have you heard from Kaino?"
"She's good. She keeps talking about a fall wedding." The side of Johannes's mouth wrinkled as if the idea of a wedding made him queasy.
"You don't want to marry her?"
"I mean, she's great and all, but we're still so young."
Matti frowned. "Anna's last letter was stained with tears. I think she was hoping for a fall wedding too." Matti didn't add that he would be happy to give her one if he could just get home. He had no desire to sow his wild oats.
A cloud of confusion crossed Johannes's face. "Oh, she still writes you?"
Now it was Matti's turn to be confused. "Why wouldn't she?"
"I thought with her planning to go to America, you two maybe had called things off." Johannes rambled.
Matti's heart pounded in his chest so hard he wondered if Johannes could hear it. "Go to America? What does that mean?"
"Oh. You didn't know?" Johannes stuttered. "Anna applied for a visa to the United States a few weeks ago. It could come through at any time. Kaino was fretting about how much she would miss her."
Matti closed his eyes. Anna. Had she been lying to him this entire time?
"I'm…I'm sorry. I feel as if I just inadvertently delivered a Dear John letter."
"No, it's fine. I'm glad I know." Matti said, realizing what a fool he'd been. Here he had been pining away, working so hard to get home and marry Anna and all the while she'd been scheming to leave him. And she didn’t even tell him about her intentions.
"Well, it was good seeing you. We're stationed just down the road so I'll see you around."
"Yes, good to see you." Matti turned around and raced toward the woods, desperate to get away and find some solace. But no peace came. Not when the woman he loved had just betrayed him.
How could Anna have done this to him? All this time he had assumed she was waiting for him, working on her war committee meetings and on the farm. Her letters had come almost daily, filled with news of life on the farm, of her plans for their future. Never once had she mentioned a visa or America.
Was this her strange way of breaking up with him? Or did she plan on stringing him along until he finished with the war?
Oh, yeah. She said she wouldn't send him a Dear John letter on the front as she had done for Henrick. She must be waiting until he got home to tell him. That, or she was just leaving and would never say a word.
Either way, she clearly wasn't the woman he thought she was.
Lord, what do I do? He didn’t stop to wait for an answer. Instead, he raced back to camp and grabbed a piece of paper and an envelope. He wasn’t letting a woman make a fool of him.
Anna,
I have been dreaming of building a future with you for months, but it turns out you are not the woman I thought you were. I'm glad I figured it out before it was too late. I wish you the best in your life and pray you find happiness wherever you go.
Matti
There. Short, sweet and honest.
Matti quickly folded the letter, doing his best to ignore the ache in his heart as he thought about what had just happened. He sealed the envelope and ran to toss it into the mailbag before the last transport of the day headed north. No need to drag this farce on any longer.
Matti bit down hard on his lip. He was a soldier. He wouldn’t cry over a girl, even if he’d thought he loved her. No, he wouldn’t let this destroy him.
Because no girl was worth that.
51
Leningrad, Russia
September 8, 1941
Tanya covered her ears with her hands, doing her best to block out the sound of the air raid sirens. "Up and out of there, Verushka." She scooped the baby out of her bassinet and put her in Vera's bed next to her.
The baby cooed and then fell back asleep, leaving Tanya alone with her thoughts. The sirens had been blaring since six that evening, bringing with them a constant supply of nightmares and flashbacks to her time in Luga. She hadn't slept a wink.
And now the sirens blared again, signaling another attack on the city somewhere. At the rate
the Germans had been bombing tonight, this was probably the start of the invasion. Which was maybe a good thing. Leningrad was about as prepared as it could be and the sooner they got started, the sooner it would be over.
A soft knock sounded on the door.
"Tanya? Are you OK in there?"
Tanya opened the door. "Verushka's fine. I'm…shaken up."
"I thought you might be, dear. Do you want tea?"
Tanya sank into the soft green velvet of her chair, wishing that maybe she could pray. It would be nice to talk to Someone Who could actually do something to help.
Fifteen minutes later, Vera came back, holding the Leningradskaya Pravda.
"It looks as though it's begun." Vera set the paper on the table in front of her. "But we already knew that. The bombing last night left little doubt."
"I'm surprised the Pravda still printed last night." Tanya yawned.
"You know what they say—rain or shine—and now we know, bombs won't stop them either." Vera pursed her lips and handed Tanya the wet paper.
"I guess we just hole up here for a few weeks and wait for it to blow over?"
"We have a little food and lots of firewood and good company. We can't ask for much more."
"No, we can't. The street looks exactly the same as it did yesterday. You wouldn't know that half the city was on fire if the sky wasn't glowing orange."
Vera pointed to a dark cloud of smoke to the north. "I think that's the Badayev warehouses. It says here that they were bombed last night and the entire complex is on fire."
"What are the Badayev warehouses?"
"The city's biggest storehouses for food. According to this, more than one thousand tons of flour were burned. If they don't get the fires out, we could lose equal amounts of sugar, meat, and butter."
Tanya's heart sank.
The city was already rationing food. If they lost their biggest supply, they'd all be in trouble.
"Let's just pray they get those fires out." Vera's words drifted off and the two women fell into a comfortable silence, as Tanya contemplated the fate of their city.
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