by Mia Monroe
He shifts his gaze to me. “Yes. They are pink and lacy with a silk ribbon to hold them together on the side. The denim of my jeans creates a very nice friction. It is like my little secret, no?”
“Now it’s not a secret.”
“Now it is our secret. You can know all of mine, Apollo. Can I know yours?”
“I don’t have any.” Except the one forming right now. I want to kiss my best friend’s little brother. Bad. Fuck me, I’m in trouble.
Felix’s eyes seem to twinkle as he gazes up at me. “Maybe we can find some together.”
I nod, not trusting myself to let words out.
“Have you ever seen a man in lingerie, Apollo?”
“Nope.”
“I will send you an Instagram page. It is…” He tilts his head. “Perfect.”
“Cool.” We stand in front of the shop for several more seconds, eyes locked, unspoken words lingering between us. I think he’s feeling me as much as I’m feeling him, but I have to be the strong one here. I can’t take advantage of his trusting nature. We both know Lucien would shit a brick if I fucked his brother.
My eyes widen at the thought. When did I go from wanting to kiss him to wanting to fuck him? No, no, no. I steal a glance at the bulge pressing against my zipper. Down, boy.
“Are you all right, Apollo?”
“I’m so good, Felix. Anything else you want to see tonight?”
“Nothing could compare to this.”
I agree. Man, do I fucking agree.
Felix rubs my arm. “If you want to go home now, it is okay with me. It’s late.”
“Yeah, okay.”
We turn back to the car. As we walk, Felix leans into me, briefly bumping my arm. “I like that you can drink as much as I can without getting drunk.”
I laugh softly. “I’m Greek.”
“Yes, we have an innate tolerance, no?”
“Right.”
After a short drive I pull into Felix’s driveway, hit with a mixture of sadness and relief that the night is over. I need some distance before I do something I can’t take back.
“I had a wonderful time again,” Felix says. “Merci, Apollo.”
“My pleasure, Felix. We’ll do it again soon.”
“I will wait with anticipation.”
He searches my eyes, and I see the invitation there, I think. Maybe not. He’s hard to read. He’s always looked at me like that. Maybe after all this time, he still sees me as a big brother stand-in for Lucien. It’s affection, yes, but not necessarily romance. Maybe. I’m not good at this.
“Well, good night, Apollo.”
“Night, Felix.”
He smiles and my stomach flutters again.
As I watch him walk inside, I rub my forehead. I have no idea how to handle this. But I know one thing.
I want more.
Felix
I nervously dial Lucien. I avoided his last message yesterday. I can’t avoid him forever, but I can’t lie to him either, so I tried to buy time, but I’ve run out.
“Ah,” he answers. “You have decided to call your brother. I was close to pushing our maman to check on you.”
“I do not need to be checked on, mon frère. I am an adult. Remember.”
“Yeah, yeah I remember. What kept you?”
“Just getting settled and sleeping a lot. I start a new job tomorrow.”
“I know. Are you excited?”
“Very.”
“Wonderful. Have you seen Apollo again?”
“Yes. Friday, but you know this.”
“Oh, not since?”
“It is only Sunday, Lucien.”
“I know. Does he seem happy to you?”
“He does. Are you worried he is not?”
“Yeah, a little. I think struggling to find a relationship is wearing on him.”
“Yes, a little maybe, but overall, he seems okay to me.”
“Good. Put me on the video.”
“No, Lucien. I look terrible.”
“Who cares? I am your brother. I want to see your face.”
“Fine.” I click the button, frowning to show my annoyance, but it quickly morphs to a smile when I see his face.
“There he is.”
I shake my head. “Happy now?”
“Yes. You’re settling in well?”
“Well enough. It is...uncomfortable to sleep here. I feel like a child again. I will start to look for my own place.”
“I’m sure maman hopes you do not.”
“True.”
“You’ll go with Apollo, though, so he can help you with neighborhoods?”
“Yes. I was thinking maybe near the bakery so I can walk to work, but Apollo says that is a very expensive neighborhood.”
“Well, it’s important to be in a safe neighborhood.”
“Yes, of course.”
His brow pinches. “Apollo tells me you wear makeup now.”
“Does he not like it?” I said that far too quickly.
Lucien’s expression changes to surprise. “He likes it fine. He just mentioned it to me to see if I knew.”
Now it’s my turn to frown. I don’t want Apollo giving every detail of my life to my brother.
“Yes, I wear makeup, and before you get all overdramatic, I am careful where I go and who I am with. Okay? I know what I am doing.”
Lucien smiles. “Fair. Is there anything else I should know?”
“About what?”
“The reason you wear makeup?”
“I wear makeup because I am pretty and it makes me feel even prettier, le bien?”
“Of course it’s okay. I want to be respectful of you, Felix. That is why I ask these questions. Do not be defensive.”
“I am not defensive, and I tell you everything.”
“You were afraid to tell me you were gay. You held that in for too long. Remember?”
“Yes, but I was a child then. I appreciate you asking, I do, but there is no story other than makeup makes me feel good. It is like armor to me.”
“Armor?”
“Yes. I have been told so many times in my life that I am feminine. I could choose to push it away, not accept it, try to be more masculine. Or I can embrace this part of me and tell the world yes, I am feminine, I am beautiful, I am happy, and I am proud of who I am. The makeup is my way of saying that.”
He smiles. “Okay, then. I bet you look good. Apollo says you do.”
“He said that?”
“He did. He sounded impressed by you.”
“That’s very nice.”
“Felix?”
“Yes?”
“Do you like Apollo?”
“Of course. I have always. He’s even sweeter now than he was.”
“Not what I meant, brother. Do you like him romantically?”
My entire body tenses as heat shoots to my cheeks. “N-n-no. It’s not like that, Lucien. We’re just friends.”
“Because if you do, it’s okay with me.”
My mouth drops. “What?”
“It’s okay with me. I think I know you well enough to know how you feel. I can hear it in your voice, see it in your face when his name is mentioned. I think it’s always been this way, no?”
Shifting my eyes to my lap, I nod. “Yes.”
“Felix. Look at me.”
I force my eyes up.
“Apollo is a wonderful man. You are incredible too. If there could be more, I would not stand in your way.”
“But...what if something goes wrong? It would hurt your relationship with him.”
“It would be difficult, but this is a situation where I have to trust you both to make the right decisions for yourselves. Apollo has a good heart. He would never purposely harm you. He would sooner harm himself.”
I nod, feeling my eyes tear up.
“If things did not last, I know it would be handled respectfully on both sides. I would have to separate it, but, Felix, you are not a child. I cannot make your decisions.”
&nbs
p; “But he’s your best friend.”
“Yes.” Lucien smiles. “Who better to protect my brother’s heart?”
“I do not think he likes me that way.”
“Listen to me, Felix. I’m going to give you a tip.”
“Okay.” I lean back on my pillow. “I am listening.”
“Apollo is fiercely loyal. He will worry about how I feel about it.”
“Right.”
“He is also incredibly stubborn at times. For this to work, you will have to be the initiator.”
Apollo’s words about wanting someone to take the lead come back to me.
“Why?”
“He will need to know you want him and that is he is not taking advantage of the age difference.”
I nod. “But what about you?”
Lucien smiles. “If I know my friend well, and I do, then he will need to see for himself that this is a decision the two of you are making together as adults. He will come to me when he is ready, and I will give my blessing at that time. If I offer it now, he will deny it because he does not know yet how you feel.”
I nod, thinking over his words. “He has not been with a man yet.”
“I know.”
“How could you not tell me Apollo realized he liked men?”
Lucien laughs. “I honestly did not think about it until I saw your face when I said his name to you. I think you should take the chance, Felix. Pursue Apollo.”
I exhale slowly. “What about the age difference?”
“Has it mattered so far?”
“No, but we have only been out twice.”
“Is there attraction? Are you able to talk easily with him? Is he respectful of you?”
“He is amazing, Lucien,” I answer, dropping my guard. “I thought he was incredible when I was younger, but now, he is a dream.”
“He’s real. He has his flaws, as you have yours, but maybe you will find chemistry. Your flaws will balance his. It could be your dream come true, no?”
“I want it so much. I feel so many things when he’s near. On Friday, I swear there was a moment when I thought he might kiss me. And then it was gone.”
“He’s afraid. That is why you will have to show him the way. Are you brave enough, mon frère?”
“Has a Marchand ever backed down from a challenge?”
“Not yet.”
“It will not start with me. I want him.”
“Then get him, Felix. I will be watching.”
I smile. “I was afraid to talk to you. I knew you would know. I thought it would disappoint you.”
“You underestimate me and how I only want joy for you. If that joy comes through Apollo, what kind of brother would I be to block it?”
I nod. "How should I start?”
“How would you start if it wasn’t Apollo?”
I think over his question for a moment. “I would ask him out.”
“You have your answer, no?”
“Yes. Thank you, Lucien. Your blessing means a lot.”
“I know. Thank you for considering the situation carefully. This is why I have no fear of the outcome. Apollo is ready for love. You are ready for love. It is good you have found your way to each other.”
“I hope so.”
After hanging up with Lucien, I lie in bed, staring at my ceiling. Apollo said more than once he is looking for a man to take the lead and help him navigate a relationship. I can do that. I am a natural leader, often described as dominant. There are risks here, but I believe what I told him. Risks are how we know we are alive. Without risks, there is no gain. I could spend years pretending to be only his friend, watching him date and fall in love with someone who isn’t me. Or I can take the chance.
I pick up my phone, and after a deep breath, I press the button next to his name. It rings once, twice, and just as I’m about to hang up, he answers.
“Felix. Hi.”
His voice is warm, deep, and filled with affection.
“Hi, Apollo. I hope I am not interrupting anything.”
“Just laundry. Glad for the distraction. Are you excited about tomorrow?”
“Yes, very.” I swallow the lump in my throat. Now is the chance. “I was calling to ask you something.”
“Anything.”
I close my eyes. “Can I take you out?”
“Yeah. When?”
My eyes shoot open. That was easy. “Euh, you said you are off on Thursdays. Does that work for you?”
“Yeah. Where we going?”
“I will come up with something by then. It is the least I can do for you.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Felix. I hope you’re asking because you want to hang out with me, not because you think you need to repay me.”
“Absolutely the former. I want to spend more time with you.”
“Then I’m in.”
“Good. I will take the lead.”
“Exactly how I like it.”
My cheeks burn instantly with heat. His delivery of that made my stomach tighten with lust. “I happen to be good at taking the lead.”
“Nice. I’m looking forward to it. I’ll text you my address.”
“Perfect. Oh. My mother wishes to have you for dinner. Are you up for it?”
“Sure. When?”
“Tomorrow, to celebrate my first day, but I know you work, so it’s okay if you cannot make it. My mother just thought it would be nice, since you helped me.”
“You know what? I’ll make it work. What time?”
“Seven.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Wonderful. I will tell her.”
“Great. Have a good day tomorrow. I’ll pop over and say hi if I can.”
“That will be nice. Bye, Apollo.”
“Bye, Felix. Thanks for asking.”
“My pleasure.”
I doubt I’ll ever get this smile off my face.
At precisely four a.m., I ring the bell to the bakery. Briar comes in view from the back, smiling as he opens the door to let me in.
“Good morning,” he greets.
“Bonjour.”
I smile, bouncing with excitement as I gaze around even though I’ve already been here. It’s different this time. I work here now.
“I’ll give you a quick orientation and show you where everything is. Genesis will be here in about an hour.”
“Wonderful.”
We spend the next thirty minutes touring the back part of the house and the kitchen. It’s all equipment I’m more than used to using. Briar pulls out a clipboard, explaining the pending orders and his organization system, which is one of the tightest I’ve seen, and asking me which ones I feel comfortable doing.
“I am more than happy to take on the madeleines and the macarons for the Stanford birthday party. After I finish those, I could work on the cupcakes for the Santos baby shower.”
“You can do all that in the same day?”
“Oh yes. This is normal for the hotel work.”
“Awesome. Then Gen can get the Orlando groom’s cake going, and I can work on the wedding cake.”
“Divide and conquer, no?”
“Yes. This is amazing. If we can pull this off, we’ll be caught up and maybe work some reasonable hours this week.”
“I am at your service. I can bake for ten hours a day if that is what we need to do to catch up.”
Briar smiles. “A power baker. Nice. Now I won’t be the only one around here.”
“Is this a bad thing?”
“No, I just get teased. All in good fun though. No one ever means anything maliciously. It’s like working with a bunch of brothers.”
“That sounds okay to me.” I clap my hands. “Shall we get started? One hundred macarons will not bake themselves, no?”
Briar grins. “Nope.”
An hour passes, and Genesis arrives, quickly finding his place, and the three of us spend the morning baking and frosting and filling. We’ve moved to the front counter since Briar likes customers fro
m the other shop to see us creating. It’s a good idea.
Hours later, my tummy growls loud enough that we all hear it and start laughing.
“We should break for lunch,” Briar suggests.
“Five more macarons filled, and I agree,” I reply.
My eye catches on a group of men entering the other side of the bakery. I smile when I see Apollo and Jude heading our way. When the door between the two sides swishes open, my whole body fills with excited energy.
Jude waves, walking straight to Briar, whose neck he kisses as Briar finishes stacking a cake layer. The blond one leans over the counter stealing a kiss from Genesis. Luca, I think, is his name. My eyes shift up to Apollo, who is leaning sideways against the counter, his sexy smirk firmly in place.
“Good first day?”
“It’s been lovely.”
He glances down at the trays of filled macarons. “Those are pretty.”
“Thank you. They are for a birthday party tomorrow.”
“You made all of these this morning?”
“Yes.”
“Wow.”
“The life of a baker, no?”
“I guess so. You ready for lunch? We came to snag you boys.”
“I am starving.”
Cairo comes over to our side, squeezing between Luca and Gen behind the counter. Gen complains, playfully pushing both of them away from his cakes. He’s a perfectionist, which one must be to make the best creations, and I admire his dedication to his work. So far, it seems Briar, Gen, and I are compatible. This is good news.
“Sushi or sandwiches?” Jude asks.
“Sushi,” Gen and Cairo reply at the same time, making Luca laugh.
“I’m so hungry,” Briar says. “I want a sandwich.”
I look to Apollo. "What do you want?”
His eyes search mine just a few seconds too long. “Whatever you want, Felix. I’m easy.”
“I do not love sushi,” I whisper. “But they usually have teriyaki chicken or something I can eat.”
“I vote sandwiches,” Apollo says to the group, winking at me.
“Yeah, I’m down with sandwiches,” Jude says.
“Why don’t we go to Vic’s?” Luca says. “They have that nice outdoor patio.” He turns to Cairo and Gen. “I’ll take you boys for sushi tonight.”
“We’re so spoiled,” Cairo says.
“Deserved,” Luca says, kissing them both.