“Huh?” I turned to him and saw the question in his eyes. “You wanted to know what happened to your mom. Are you sure you still want that?”
“Yeah,” he nodded.
“Then let’s do this.”
We walked into the police station and when Sean met us, he walked over and led us down a hall to an interrogation room. Cassie’s file was sitting closed on the table, just waiting to be opened. I closed my eyes tight and backed up a step. If I couldn’t do this, how was James going to.
“I don’t think-”
“Dad. I need to do this.” James insisted. I nodded and he sat down at the table, staring at the folder. “So, what exactly happened?” James asked Sean.
“Your mom was driving to a meeting. A pickup truck was driving too fast and blew the stop sign.” Sean looked at me, wondering if he should continue. I swallowed hard and nodded. “The truck hit the driver’s side of your mom’s car, smashing in the whole side of her car. The coroner said she was killed on impact. The force of the impact pushed her car into the field.”
“What happened to the guy in the truck?” James asked.
“He walked away with a few bumps and bruises.”
“Did he go to jail?”
Sean looked at me again, waiting for me to answer. “The guy was in his early twenties,” I told James. “Your grandma felt that the guilt was punishment enough.”
“For killing my mom?” James asked incredulously.
“I know this is hard for you to understand right now, but at that age, you just don’t understand the consequences of your actions.”
“What are you talking about?” James asked furiously.
“When you’re that young, you don’t really get it. You think you’re a good driver and that you can text and drive because you assume that nothing bad could ever happen. You drive fast because you think… you assume that you’ll never get in an accident. It’s not until you see what really happens that it really hits you and makes you slow down and think what happens if you’re not being a careful driver. That guy was still too young. He didn’t intentionally blow that stop sign. Yeah, he killed your mom and that’s something that you and I have to live with the rest of our lives. But that’s something that he’ll have to live with also. He’ll always know that he took another person’s life because he wasn’t paying attention. Because he assumed that he would always be in control.”
“I don’t get it,” James huffed. “You let a killer walk away. You let him get away with murdering my mom.”
It killed me to try and explain this to him, the way his grandparents’ viewed Cassie’s accident. “James, imagine if it was you. Imagine you’re out driving and you’re driving a little too fast, but it’s the back roads and no one else is around. You don’t see the stop sign in front of you and by the time you see the car in front of you, it’s too late. Imagine you were him, a cocky twenty-three year old that didn’t think he was driving too fast. Suddenly, you’ve killed a person and not just anyone, but some kid’s mother. Your whole life is now destroyed because the guilt will eat away at you the rest of your life. Isn’t that punishment enough? Do we really need to send that guy to jail and ruin his life further?”
“What about my life? What about the fact that your wife died? Don’t you care about that?”
I hung my head, sad that I didn’t really know how to explain this to him. “James, taking someone else’s life and destroying it won’t bring your mom back. I know that you don’t get it right now and maybe you’ll never see it the way your grandparents and I do. But your grandma believes very strongly in forgiveness.”
“You keep saying grandma. What about you?”
I shook my head. “Sending that guy to prison wouldn’t make this right for me. I don’t believe that your mother would have wanted me to be so angry at that man. She would have told me that people make mistakes and I should forgive him.”
“He’s probably out there doing the same thing,” James sneered. “He probably hasn’t thought about us once since he walked away from that accident.”
“Look at the pictures,” I yelled, flipping the folder open as tears blurred my vision. “Look at the pictures of the accident. Tell me that that wouldn’t haunt you the rest of your life.”
James slowly looked down at the folder and picked up one of the pictures of Cassie’s car. As tears slipped down my face, I tried to hold it together. It killed me every day that Cassie was gone, but I didn’t want James to go through life filled with hate. I wanted him to see what one simple choice could do and how it could completely change everything.
“It was an accident, James,” I said quietly. “I hate every day that your mother died and it kills me that I see her in my dreams every night. But you can’t go through life carrying that kind of hate around with you for another person. It’ll eat away at you until it consumes you. Your grandparents chose forgiveness and I agreed that was the best choice. I’m sorry if you don’t like the decision, but it’s what we felt was right.”
James put the picture down and closed the folder, walking out of the room without saying another word. My heart was breaking for the kid. I didn’t know if I had made the right decision bringing him here. If anything, it felt like we were further apart than ever.
CHAPTER THREE
Lola
I WALKED INTO Reed Security feeling stronger than I had in a long time. After what happened the last time I was here, I thought maybe I would be hesitant to come in here and try again, but I kept reminding myself that the only way to truly move on was to push through. Now that Knight knew my limitations, I had no doubt that together, we could get me on the right track. It wasn’t that I particularly wanted to keep reliving my worst nightmare, but the idea of it not plaguing me anymore was enough to keep trying.
I went into the locker room and quickly changed into some workout clothes. After loosening up, I headed up to the gym to find Knight. He was working with Pappy in the ring. Not the person I wanted to see right now, but I was a professional. I could deal with it.
“Hey, Lola,” Pappy shouted. “You doing okay?”
“Bite me.” Okay, maybe I couldn’t deal with my anger toward him as well as I thought.
He jumped out of the ring and stalked over to me, grabbing onto my arm and dragging me across the room. If I really wanted, I could break his hold and his neck in a flash. He knew it too. But I was in a better mood today and I wanted to keep that zen feeling going. Whatever the hell zen was.
“When are you going to stop punishing me?” he barked.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe when you decide that you have my back?”
“I do have your fucking back. Wanting you to get help isn’t a betrayal.”
“No,” I sneered, “but the way you went directly to Cap instead of talking about it with Derek and I first wasn’t exactly what I expected of a teammate.”
“Look, I’m sorry if I handled it the wrong way, but we need you back on our team. Shit’s just not the same without you. Can’t you just go to the fucking therapist so that we can move on with our lives?”
That was the crux of everything right there. Deep down, I knew that I needed help; that whatever was going on in my head wouldn’t just go away with time. But Hunter seemed to think that me going to a therapist would suddenly make everything better and we would all just move on. I wasn’t sure that I would ever be able to just move on.
I got in his face and spoke quietly. “You mean you want to move on. You want to pretend like none of this ever happened. I’m sorry that I’m fucked up and can’t just drop all this shit going on in my head. I’m sorry that you felt I was too weak to deal with everything. But mostly, I’m sorry that you couldn’t be the friend that just stood by me and helped me deal with everything.”
I took a step back and watched the anger wash over Hunter’s face. If he thought he was angry, he had nothing on me. Anger would work in my favor right now. I had a battle for my sanity to get back to and I didn’t have time to deal with his shit.
I walked over to the ring and lifted the ropes, stepping inside. Knight quirked his eyebrow at my angry expression and started jumping from foot to foot, keeping his body warm and mobile. I stretched for a few minutes before I went into attack mode. Looked like we were skipping the whole knife incident for today. The one thing I needed right now was to beat the crap out of somebody, and luckily, Knight was always ready for a fight.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Come on, killer.” Knight walked up to me and flung an arm around my shoulder. I looked at him strangely. Knight never touched anyone else unless he had to. Whatever this was, he was freaking me out.
“Uh, what are you doing?”
“We’re going for a beer. Some of the guys are meeting us down at The Pub. I need a drink after you almost kicked my ass in the ring.”
“Almost? I’m pretty sure when I was standing over you, yanking your arm behind your back and you were tapping out like a little bitch, that was the point that I thoroughly kicked your ass.”
“Whatever, Brave.”
I grumbled at the nickname. I hated it. The guys all used it on me whenever they wanted to piss me off. My last name, Pruitt, meant brave and the guys thought it was a good nickname. It didn’t use to bother me as much, but ever since that night, I didn’t feel so brave. I felt like I was always putting on a brave front to appear like I had my shit together, when deep down, I was still trembling in the corner of the room and praying that that ugly fucker’s face wasn’t the last I saw.
“Do you need another ass kicking?” I asked Knight.
His arm slid from my shoulder and he held them up in surrender. “You won’t hear it again out of my mouth. But if the guys ask why my face is so bruised, I’m gonna tell them the truth, that I fought off a four hundred pound crazy woman at Walmart that was going for the last candy bar in the check out lane.”
I stopped and took a step back from him. “What’s with you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“All this banter bullshit you’re doing? This isn’t like you at all. You hate chitchat and you hate trying to be someone’s friend. You don’t go hang out with the guys unless you absolutely have to because you hate being around other people. In fact, the only people you like being around are Kate and Hunter. So, why are you trying to drag me off to a bar with other Reed Security members?”
He looked away and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m trying, Lola. Believe me, living on your own gets fucking lonely.” He looked back at me and I could see how the years as a lone assassin had knocked him down. “After all the shit we just went through, the way Maggie traded herself for Kate? All those people will have our backs no matter what. I know that now. Before, I thought it was just a bunch of bullshit. I let my views on life cloud my judgement, but all of those people would do anything for any one of us. They may not always have a great way of showing it, but they fucking care.”
“My team didn’t have my back,” I said fiercely.
He nodded in understanding. “I can see how it looked that way, or maybe they just finally woke up and realized that if they really cared about you, they had to make sure you got the help you needed before you got yourself killed. I know that pisses you off, that you feel like they betrayed you, but I’ve known Pappy my whole fucking adult life. When I needed someone the most, he was there for me. And when you were going out of your fucking mind, who was there for you?”
I lowered my eyes, not wanting to see the truth in his. He was right. Hunter had always been there for me until I pushed him away.
“You have to let people in and let them help. That’s what I’m trying to do anyway. So, we’re going to go grab a few beers, spend time with other fucking people, and pretend that we’re okay with it.”
“Fine,” I said sharply. “But I’m not singing any fucking karaoke.”
Ten minutes later, we were walking into The Pub and I was already itching to leave. Half of Reed Security was there and they all turned and looked at me curiously. I had never had a problem with people staring at me, but ever since that shit went down, I always felt like people were judging me, assessing whether I was going to break.
“Lola, my darling,” Maggie said as she came up to me and wrapped me in a big hug. I looked over her shoulder to Sebastian who was just shaking his head. She pulled back and placed air kisses on my cheeks. What the hell was in the water? “Darling, I’m so glad you could join us,” she said in a snooty accent as she placed her fingertips delicately against her chest. “It’s been ages since we’ve gathered for drinks.”
I looked at Sebastian again and he signaled that she had been drinking quite a lot. Perfect, Maggie was fucking loaded and acting like a snooty middle-aged socialite. I sighed and let Maggie drag me over to a table where Florrie was currently sitting with a beer in front of her.
“My dearest friends.” Maggie placed an arm around each of us and pulled us in close. “Okay, here’s the deal,” she said quietly. “Sebastian’s driving me fucking crazy. I need your help here to get me some action.”
“What kind of action?” I asked.
“The kind that sets your panties on fire and makes your heart race,” she grinned.
“Ewww,” Florrie shoved Maggie’s arm off her. “I’m not helping you get laid. That’s just….no.”
Maggie rolled her eyes and turned to me. “You know what I’m talking about. I want grenades. I want sticky bombs. I want…a machine gun,” she wistfully.
I quirked an eyebrow at her and then Florrie. “Why don’t you just tell him that’s what you need? Use your hand as leverage.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t work. Every time he sees my hand, it reminds him of that night and he thinks that I need to be babied. But what I really need is to blow something up. I need some action in my life before the only thing I’m allowed to do is say Yes, Sebastian.”
“Is it really that bad?” Florrie asked.
“He takes care of Caitlin one hundred percent of the time. He won’t allow me to pick her up because I might ‘hurt myself’. Making dinner is off the table and so is driving. Basically, anything that you can think of that would require me to act like a human being is off the table.”
“I say take it,” Florrie said as she tilted her beer to her lips.
“You don’t understand,” Maggie said, gripping her arm tightly. “I’m not allowed to shower alone.”
“Is there a happy ending?” Florrie asked.
“Every time.” Maggie said it as if it was the worst thing in the world.
“I don’t understand,” I cut in. “You basically have Sebastian at your beck and call. You could use this to your advantage. Imagine all the fun you could have with this.”
“I already had my fun,” Maggie hung her head sullenly. “It lasted a whole week before it got old. Now, I just want to be able to take a shower without him going in with me and insisting on washing my hair. I want to be able to pee without him standing in the doorway to make sure I don’t hurt myself grabbing the toilet paper. I want to be able to brush my own fucking teeth!”
She slapped her hand over her mouth when she realized how loud she’d gotten and spun around with a large grin on her face, holding up a martini glass. “Darling,” she shouted to Sebastian. “Would you be a dear and grab me another martini?”
Sebastian nodded and headed straight for the bar. “See? He’s basically a robot. No more intense, commanding Sebastian. I’m now stuck with a man that’s sole purpose in life is to be my bitch.”
She rested her chin in the palm of her hand and sighed.
“Here you are, Freckles. Are you feeling ok
ay? You’re not too cold are you?”
She patted his cheek lightly and looked at him lovingly. “Darling, I’ve never been better. Go play with your friends.”
He gave her a chaste kiss and then walked away after she was firmly seated on her bar stool again.
“Ugh, you see what I mean? If I have to put up with this shit for one more day, he’s going to have to worry about me taking out Reed Security.”
“So, what do you need from me?” I asked.
“You have an in with Knight. I need you to get him to set up a course for us. I want bombs. I want gunfire. But above all, I want to have some goddamn fun!”
“Maggie, are you forgetting that you already have an in with Knight? You saved Kate’s life when you took her place. Why would you need me?”
“I figure that I can only use that on him so many times before he starts refusing me. I have to save them up. And since you and he are like apples and bananas right now, I figure you can help me out.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because you want it just as badly as I do. People are walking on eggshells around you and all you want is to kick someone’s ass. Come on, ladies,” she pleaded. “I need this so bad. Please don’t tell me no.”
I looked at Florrie and she just shrugged. “You know I’m in. I can always go for blowing something up. But you know what would be even better?” A devilish look crossed her face. “I think you need to set it up that Maggie needs to go through a self-defense course where she’s going to be attacked by the men of Reed Security. We could ask them to set it up so that it’s like we’re leaving a nightclub. They could all start attacking us and we’ll all kick their asses.”
“How do you know that would work? Eventually they’ll catch on,” Maggie said.
“Probably not. I can guarantee that Sebastian will threaten their lives if they so much as hurt a hair on Maggie’s head. Imagine how much fun this could be.”
“Ooh, ooh. I want to do that. That sounds like so much fun!” Maggie bounced up and down.
Lola: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 8) Page 4