I had become what Logan was before he found Cece again. He had been a manwhore and that’s what I was now. Before Cassie died, I was a one woman man, always looking for love that would last a lifetime. I found that with Cassandra, but our lifetime ended after only a year. I would never look for that again or want it.
I got out of bed and went through my morning routine of getting dressed. James came running down the stairs, backpack flung over his shoulder. The kid was at least as tall as I was now. He had hit a growth spurt this year. Almost sixteen and learning to drive. If only Cassie could see this. I shook those thoughts from my head and made him some breakfast. If I thought about her too much during the day, I couldn’t function.
“Dad, I want to go to a party Saturday. It’s at Charlie’s house.”
“Charlie? No.”
Charlie was the most reckless little shit I ever laid eyes on. He got in more trouble than any kid I knew and while at one time I would have wanted to hang with a kid like him, there was no way I was letting James go down that road. He was a good kid and I was going to make sure that he made his mama proud, even if she wasn’t here to see it. I would not fail at this whole parenting thing. I would be the father that Cassie always wanted me to be.
“Dad, come on. Charlie’s not that bad. Most of what people say about him isn’t true.”
“His arrest record says differently.” I probably wasn’t supposed to reveal that, Charlie being a minor and all, but I wanted James to understand exactly what kind of kid Charlie was.
“That’s bullshit. Those were trumped up charges. All of his family says so.”
“Sean says differently. You’ve known Sean for years. He would never lie to you.”
“This sucks. I just want to have some fun.”
“Then why don’t you invite some friends over here? You guys can camp in the back yard.”
“And you’ll get us alcohol?” he asked excitedly.
“Sure.”
“And cigarettes?”
“Why not.”
“Really?” he asked wide eyed.
“Fuck no.”
His face dropped and he grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. “This sucks. You suck.”
“I know. I’m such a terrible parent. I won’t let you smoke or drink when you’re not legally allowed to.”
“You’ve let me drink before,” he grumbled.
I grabbed my keys and headed for the garage. “That’s different. We drink together one time a year with all my friends and your grandparents. We celebrate your mom’s life.”
“This sucks. All my friends’ parents let them drink.”
“James, you’re a teenager. You don’t need to rush into being an adult. You’ll get there soon enough, along with all the other joys of adulthood.”
“Whatever. Can I have the keys? I have to get to school.”
I tossed him the keys and followed him out to my truck. After getting in the passenger seat, I went through all the rules with him. I hated that I had to teach him to drive. What was worse was that it was still winter and there were more things to factor in. More ways for him to get in an accident.
“No phone while you’re driving. No music. No other kids in the truck. No-”
“Dad, do we have to do this every morning? I just have my permit. You’re sitting right here in the truck with me. It’s not like I can do those things anyway with you in here.”
“I just want it drilled into your head. I don’t want any distractions.”
“Mom didn’t have any distractions and look at what happened to her,” he muttered.
For a moment, my heart stopped beating as I stared at James. That day came crashing back to me, ripping me apart piece by piece. I could feel my throat constricting and the tears welling in my eyes. No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t get away from her. She was always there, in every part of my day. But this was different. This was more than just seeing her smile in James. This was a reminder that if James wasn’t paying attention when he was driving, I could lose him just like I lost Cassie. I could never let that happen.
I cleared my throat before I completely lost it in front of him. “That’s why you have to be very careful. If it could happen to your mom, it could happen to you. You can only control what you’re doing. You can’t be sure that other drivers are always paying attention.”
“You never really told me what happened that day. All you said was that she was in an accident.”
“That’s really all there is to it.”
He turned and looked at me. “I think I’m old enough now to know. I’m about to turn sixteen. I want to see the police report.”
“James,” I whispered as the tears slipped down my face and I squeezed my eyes closed. “No. I can’t do that again. I see it in my dreams every night. I can’t…”
I turned away from him and tried to pull myself together. I swiped at my eyes, feeling ridiculous for still crying over this as if it had happened yesterday. It had been almost five years.
“Dad, what do you think it’s like for me? Nobody will tell me what happened. I need to know. What if all Sean told you was that she died in an accident. Wouldn’t you want to know every last detail?”
“I do know every last detail!” I roared. “I see it in my dreams every night. I saw her in the morgue after she died. I can’t get those images out of my head and that’s not ever something you need to see.”
“She was my mom. She might have been your wife, but you only had her for a year. She was mine my whole life. I deserve to know!”
He was right. As much as I wanted to protect him, I had always treated him like he was a man. He dealt with his mom’s death better than I had and still remained the same great kid as before she passed. Maybe it was time.
“I’ll talk with Sean. If this is something that you really want, I’ll ask him to set up a time to show you the file, but I will be there with you.”
“Good,” he nodded.
He started the truck and I placed my hand on his arm. “Just remember, once you see your mom like that, you can’t unsee it. You won’t see her laughing and feel her hugs. You’re going to see her as I see her now and it will haunt your dreams.”
“I need to know,” he whispered.
“Okay.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I walked into Jackson Walker Construction in a piss poor mood. It was bad enough that I just hadn’t felt like myself since Cassie died, but every time James did something that reminded me that he was growing up without his mom, it was like a knife to the chest. The only thing that helped was getting laid and forgetting for just a night, but James wouldn’t be going to his grandparents again for two more days. That meant two more days of feeling this unbearable pain and two more days of feeling like I was drowning.
“Ryan,” Logan said as he walked into my office. “We’ve got that meeting this afternoon with Rita Prescott.” He cringed and shook his head. “Please tell me you’ll take this one.”
“Why would I take it? She’s mostly dealing with your side of the business. I’m only there because I’m a partner.”
“I know, but she’s got those killer legs and she’s always shoving her chest in my face. Cece would kill me if she found out that I had a meeting with a woman like that.”
“I doubt Cece would care if she knew it was business. Besides, she’d probably take it out on you in the bedroom. Isn’t that kind of your thing?”
“Not lately. With the kids being older, she’s always saying that we might wake them up or they might walk in on us.”
“So lock the door.”
“I tried that. When they start banging on it, she won’t tell them to go away. She just pushes me off her and tells me that she needs to take care of our children.”
“Yeah, that sucks. You have a wife that takes care of the children,” I said, shaking my head.
“It’s cutting into our sex life. We have sex maybe once a week now. It’s fucking killing me.”
“So, be more spontaneous.”
“I tried that. I showed up on a lunch break once, thinking she would be at home. She was over at Drew and Sarah’s house helping with the horses.”
“Well, why don’t you tell her that you want her waiting at home?”
“That’s not spontaneous.” He shook his head in disgust. “I’m telling you, man. After a while, sex has to be scheduled into your life. We’ve lost so much of that fire that we had when we first got together.”
“That was mostly her taking revenge on your body.”
He snapped his fingers at me. “You’re right. I need to do something to really piss her off.”
“Like ask her to meet you for a business lunch and let her see Rita Prescott drooling all over you?” I said.
“Yeah. That might just work. Either that or she’ll make me sleep on the couch.”
“It’s worth a try. You’re not getting any, so what does it matter if you end up on the couch?”
✯✯✯✯✯
We met Rita Prescott at the Italian restaurant in town, getting a table for four. Logan had called Cece and asked her to join us for lunch. I had a bad feeling about all this, but it was his marriage. I was just the best friend that was there to watch his downfall.
“Rita, it’s very nice to see you again,” Logan said as he held out his hand. She practically purred as she slid her hand in his. I rolled my eyes and glanced away at her blatant flirting. She knew he was married and she didn’t give a fuck. I didn’t understand women like that. Why would you want to be second best to someone else?
“Ryan,” the she-Devil smiled. “Lovely to see you also.”
I nodded, not wanting to touch her hand. I had no idea where it had been recently. I took the seat to the right of Logan, thinking that Rita would take the seat across from him and leave the other for his wife, but she must not have gotten our message because she sat right next to him and even slid her chair a few inches closer.
“I was just thinking that it’s been ages since I last saw you.”
“It was last Tuesday,” I said bluntly. She ignored me and I watched as she slipped her hand under the table on Logan’s leg. His eyes widened and he looked over at me in panic. I stifled a laugh as I drank my water. That’s what he got for playing with fire.
“Am I interrupting?” Cece asked as she approached the table, her eyes glued to Rita’s hand on Logan’s leg. He shoved his chair back suddenly, exposing Rita’s hand on his crotch. He had to physically remove her hand so that he could stand up. Apparently, Rita didn’t care if his wife saw.
“Cece-” He cleared his throat and pulled at the tie around his neck. “This is Rita Prescott. You remember me telling you about her, right?”
“The man-eater? Yes, I do remember you telling me about her. I just didn’t realize she was also a home wrecker.” Logan barked out a nervous laugh as Cece raised an eyebrow at Rita. “I do hope you’ll forgive my rather harsh appraisal of you, but it seems that the wedding band would be enough to dissuade you from trying to sleep with my husband.”
Rita shrugged and took a sip of her water. “Just because he’s wearing a ring doesn’t mean that he wants to be.”
“And just because I’m not carrying a gun doesn’t mean that I won’t find one and shoot you,” Cece said sweetly.
“Ladies,” I said as I stood, trying to dissolve the tension before someone picked up a knife and tried to stab someone else. “Why don’t we order and talk about the project?”
Rita shrugged and I pulled out my chair for Cece so she could sit next to Logan. I wasn’t sure what the hell he had been thinking when he decided this was the way to fix things between the two of them. I took the seat across from Logan and placed my napkin in my lap. Rita started talking to Logan about the project and what she expected when I saw him jerk slightly in his seat. I narrowed my eyes and saw his throat working hard, like he was struggling to stay in control. My eyes flicked to Cece and I noticed one hand under the table and she was leaning slightly toward him.
It was fucking working. That asshole had called it. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t thought it would work. Back when they first got together, you couldn’t take them anywhere without them groping one another. I heard the distinct sound of a zipper being lowered and I threw my napkin on the table. I didn’t need to be here for this.
“Rita, how about we go back to the office and I’ll show you some of the plans we’ve designed for you?”
Logan nodded. “That sounds like a great-”
“No.” Cece smiled at Rita and then looked at Logan. “I would love to hear how this all works out. Please stay and…finish.”
Logan’s eyes rolled back in his head and the silverware on the table clanked when his knee jerked into it. This was so twisted. We all knew what was happening under the table and yet we all sat there and tried to pretend like it wasn’t happening.
It reminded me of when I had fucked Cassie up against the window and her parents came home with James early. Her dad hadn’t realized that he had rubbed her cum off the window with his thumb. I laughed at the memory and then did my best to fight the pain slicing through my chest, but it was too much. Sometimes a memory of Cassie hit so hard and out of nowhere that I just couldn’t control myself. The memories overwhelmed me until I was sweating and felt like I could barely control my breathing. I couldn’t sit around this table for the rest of the meeting and pretend to be fine. I needed to get out of here now.
I shoved my chair back, Logan’s eyes immediately flying to mine and concern crossing his face. He had witnessed enough of my freak outs to know that I was not okay right now. Cece must have known also, because she immediately pulled back and started talking to Rita. I mumbled out an apology and left the restaurant in a haze. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t care at the moment. I just needed to escape the memories that were assaulting me. Her laugh, her smile, the smell of her hair, her lying on that cold slab.
My body started shaking and I broke out in a cold sweat as I pushed harder down the sidewalk, trying to shake myself of the memories. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes and the pain in my chest intensified. It was so strong that I thought I might actually be having a heart attack. I leaned up against the side of the building and took deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. No matter how hard I squeezed my eyes shut or rubbed the heels of my palms against my eyes, I couldn’t get the memories to stop replaying in front of me.
A hand brushed down the side of my face and I jerked at the contact. I looked down to see the woman from the other night staring at me. She didn’t look concerned or scared. She looked at me with understanding. It was the same look she’d had on her face at the bar. It was how I knew that she was the perfect woman to wrap myself up in and forget. She crushed her lips to mine, shoving her tongue in my mouth as her hands roamed my body. Slowly, the images started to fade and my body hummed to life.
Before I knew it, I was dragging her behind a building and shoving her up against a wall. It all happened so fast that I didn’t even realize what was happening until I was panting as I released myself inside her. My mind was suddenly clear and I could breathe again. I felt relaxed. I felt…free. I leaned my forehead against hers and breathed in her strange scent of gun oil and lavender. She didn’t say anything else as she cleaned up. She handed me a card and gave me a kiss on the cheek before walking away.
I looked down to see a business card with her name on it. Lola Pruitt. When I looked up, she was gone. I wasn’t sure she was even real right now. Everything from the last half hour was so unclear, but one thing I was certain of, whatever that woman did, I needed more of it.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Keys,” James said as he finished up his breakfast.
“No,” I said firmly. “I’ll drive.”
“But, I need to get in my hours.”
“I said no,” I snapped. “Look, you’re just not ready.”
“You mean, you’re not ready.”
“No, I’m no
t fucking ready!”
“You can’t keep me locked up in the house or drive me everywhere for the rest of my life,” he yelled.
“Then you can learn how to ride a fucking horse,” I yelled back.
“Nobody rides horses anymore.”
“Drew has them on his property. I’ll take you out there and buy you a fucking horse if it means you won’t be getting behind the wheel of a car any time soon.”
“If I have to ride a horse, then so do you.”
I glared at the kid. “Fine.”
“Fine.”
He picked up his backpack and headed for the door. I grabbed the keys and followed. I didn’t really have any intention of learning to ride a horse, but it seemed like a good argument at the time. Now, I was just praying he didn’t actually want to learn to ride a horse.
When I got to work, I was pacing my office, trying to figure out how the hell to get James to see reason. He wasn’t going to be driving. End of story. Except that he would learn eventually and he was right, I couldn’t take him everywhere he needed to go.
I picked up the phone and called Sean, requesting that he get Cassie’s file out so that James could see it. I would take him after school and he could see first hand what poor decisions when driving could do. It was a cruel lesson, but one that I felt would be effective.
When I picked him up, I drove in the direction of the police station, feeling like this was completely wrong. But he wanted to know. He asked for it. I parked the truck and sat there a minute, just staring at the doors and wondering if I could really go through with it. The thing was, I wasn’t sure who I was more worried about; him or me.
“Dad.”
Lola: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 8) Page 3