I took a deep breath and slowly lifted my arms in front of me. I latched onto his wrist and forearm with both hands, lifting my right shoulder to hold his arm in place as I twisted underneath his arm. I wrenched his arm behind his back and kicked him in the face, then shoved him to the ground.
In my mind, I still saw that crazy fucker holding the knife against me, but I somehow knew that it was Knight on the ground and quickly dropped the knife, taking a step back before I grabbed it again and stabbed him in the back. I was breathing hard, my chest heaving with every breath I took. I could faintly hear cheers all around me, but my mind was still trying to process what had just happened. I had worked my way out of the attack. I hadn’t had a complete breakdown.
A wobbly smile filled my face as Knight struggled to his feet. He had blood dripping from his nose and when he smiled at me, I could see that his teeth were also outlined in blood. I gave a shaky smile back and almost screamed when I was swept off my feet a few seconds later in a big bear hug.
“That’s my girl,” Hunter grumbled in my ear. I squeezed him tight, relishing the feel of his arms around me for the first time in a long time. I had been so busy pushing him away because of my hatred for what he had done that I didn’t even consider how much I had missed my teammates.
When he set me down, I looked at him with tear filled eyes and nodded. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Does that mean that you’re not going to attack me anymore?”
“Not unless you do something to piss me off,” I answered.
“So, we’re good?”
I nodded and took a step back, letting Derek wrap me in a similar hug.
“Good to have you back,” he said in my ear.
“I think a few more times of that and you won’t even hesitate,” Knight said.
I wasn’t looking forward to going through that again, but now that I knew I could do it, I knew I would get stronger every time.
“That was so awesome,” Claire said as she ran up to me. “But we’re gonna have to talk about what you did to my husband. I had big plans for tonight.”
“Sorry about that. It was payback.”
“Well, as long as it’s out of your system and I don’t have to worry about you going all crouching tiger on his ass again. Ooh,” she gasped. “Maybe I should have you show me some moves. That could be kind of fun, you know, me being the badass warrior instead of him.” She winked and turned around to go help Derek limp off to the side of the training center. Honestly, it was a little ridiculous how far these men were taking their injuries. They were all walking around like they had just been shot. I guess a shot to the nuts counts.
I quickly said my goodbyes, not wanting to stick around for anything more. I was shaken more than I would like to admit and I needed to get out of there. I went home and took a shower, washing away the feel of the psycho’s hands on me. Realistically, I knew that he was dead, but whenever something like that happened and I was thrown back to that night, my mind just couldn’t erase those feelings that came along with it.
I tried to relax the rest of the day. I worked out in my home gym, trying to wear myself out. It didn’t work and I took another shower. Watching my favorite TV shows didn’t help and neither did going to the gun range for target practice. There was no way I would be able to sleep tonight. I was too wound up. I grabbed my keys and headed to The Pub, hoping that Ryan was there and available. I drove on autopilot and quickly parked my truck, not even realizing that I had already made it when I swung the door open to the bar.
CHAPTER FOUR
Ryan
I WALKED INTO The Pub, looking around for Lola. She wasn’t there, but the night was still young. When she slipped that card into my hands the other week, I knew I would be using it. I didn’t want to just outright call her though. It felt wrong. At least if I picked her up at the bar, it felt like we were choosing to go home together. If I called her, it would feel too much like I was using her as a prostitute.
Seeing Logan, Jack, and Cole at a table, I headed over to them and raised my hand, signaling the waitress.
“Hey, man. How’s it going?” Logan asked.
“Not bad.”
“So, Cassie’s parents took James for another night?”
Just her name brought an ache to my chest that had me pressing hard against it to ease the pain. “Yeah. Her dad wanted to take him to some robotics convention this weekend. They’re out of town until tomorrow night.”
“The whole weekend free,” Jack grinned. “Taking anyone home tonight?”
I shook my head with a slight smile. I hated that this had become my life. I was once the only man of our group that actually wanted a monogamous relationship. Now, I was the current man-whore. All my friends were happily married and I was the widower that slept around when my kid was at his grandparents’ house.
The guys liked to give me shit now, probably because they didn’t know how else to address the fact that I took a different woman home every weekend. It had been almost five years and I was still acting like she had just died a year ago. No matter how I tried, I just couldn’t get her out of my head.
“Not seeing anyone yet,” I responded. The waitress brought over my beer and I quickly drank it to force images and thoughts of Cassie from my mind. The one thing I didn’t want to think about tonight was her. I wanted to find Lola and sink myself deep inside her so that I could forget.
Jack hitched up his leg on a bar stool and grimaced. “What’s wrong?” I jerked my chin at him.
“Sebastian had this self-defense thing at Reed Security this morning.”
Cole snickered next to me and Logan groaned.
“Yeah? And?”
“And the women all took turns beating up on us. After what happened with Reed Security, Sebastian thought it would be a good idea for all the women to know how to defend themselves. Someone invited along all of our wives and we got our asses handed to us. If you thought Harper had a mean streak before, you should have seen her today. She literally tried to take out my balls.”
“Yeah, you’re lucky. I’m pretty sure Cece cracked a few of my ribs.” Logan lifted his shirts, showing bruises all down his side.
“You’re right. I’d much rather have a swift kick to the balls than some bruised ribs,” Jack shook his head sarcastically.
“What’d Alex do to you?” I asked Cole.
“Nothing. She didn’t want to fight me. She said if she freaked out, she didn’t want me to be associated with that.”
“So, who kicked your ass?”
“I got lucky. No one fought me,” Cole smirked. “But the most impressive one there was that chick that works for Sebastian.”
That perked up my ears. “Who?”
“Lola. Remember, she was one of the ones on Alex’s guard duty all those years ago?” I nodded. “That Jones guy really fucked with her head. I guess she’s been having a rough time all these years, but she’s been pretty good at hiding it. Knight has been working with her and today she was able to work past some of it.”
“What did he do?” I was almost a little pissed by this, but I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t know much about Lola, but suddenly, I was feeling very protective of her.
“He held a knife on her just like the night she was attacked. I guess she goes into some kind of trance when shit like that happens. This time, she was able to get herself out of it. Honestly, it was fucking brutal to watch. It was like when Alex would have those flashbacks and I couldn’t break through to her. I don’t think I ever want to see someone like that again.”
“Then why the fuck did you allow it to happen?” I snapped.
Cole jerked back in surprise and I shook my head at my outburst. “Sorry. Shit just gets to me sometimes,” I mumbled, though I wasn’t sure this had anything to do with Cassie. The idea that Lola suffered through that shit really grated on me.
“Did you guys see what Maggie did to Sebastian?” Logan laughed. “Dude, you should have seen her take him down. It was fuckin
g hilarious. He was thinking that he needed to be all gentle with her, but you know Maggie. She handed him his ass.”
I felt her before I saw her. I looked up to see a panicked looking Lola storm into the bar, chest heaving and her eyes looking wild. I instantly knew that whatever was going on in her head was more than she could handle. I didn’t even think about Jack, Logan, and Cole as I walked away from the table and over to her, grabbing her hand as I pulled her out the door. I could hear her ragged breathing as I pulled her over to my truck. Her hand was clenched tight around mine. After shoving her in the passenger side, I quickly got in the driver’s side and threw the truck into drive.
She was shaking slightly as I drove away from the bar. She squeezed her eyes closed and her hands were clenched tight into fists.
“Just hang in there, Lola.”
“I’m okay. I just need some space to breathe,” she said shakily. If space was what she needed, I could definitely give her that. I drove out of town toward my house and the peace of the country. It wasn’t until I was pulling into my driveway that I even thought about the fact that she was the first woman since Cassie that had been to my house. I shoved that thought aside because Lola needed me and I could help her. When I parked, I pulled her out of the truck and led her over to the patio. She took one of the chairs and stared up at the stars, her breath puffing out in a fog in the cold night air.
I grabbed a few beers out of the house and sat down beside her, waiting for her to say something. We sat there for a good hour before she opened her mouth.
“Thank you for that.”
“All I did was take you out of there.”
She laughed lightly. “You saw that I was freaking out and you took care of me.”
“Yeah, well, you did the same for me. Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“Bad memories. I just couldn’t shake them this time.”
“Cole told me what happened today. Why would you put yourself through that?”
“Because I need to get past it. I’ve been hiding from the memories for so long, but I can’t keep doing that.” She took a sip of her beer and then looked over at me with sad eyes. “I was on a job a few months ago and a guy pulled a knife on me. I went into a complete meltdown. I don’t even remember what happened. I just know that I was back in the safe house the night that psycho tried to scalp me. My team leader went to Cap and told him that I needed help. He said that I had been avoiding it for too long.” She huffed out a laugh as she pulled at the label on her beer. “The truth is, I thought I was handling it pretty well until then. I mean, I had nightmares almost every night, but I was fine when I was working for the most part.”
“So, what happened?”
“I don’t know. I think my mind just had enough. I’ve been taken off my team until I get counseling.”
“That was years ago, Lola. Why haven’t you gone yet?”
“I guess I didn’t want someone telling me how fucked up I am. I thought I could handle it myself. Knight had this idea that if he could force me into a similar situation and I learned to work through my fears, that I could finally get past it.”
“How’s that working so far?”
“The first time, I completely freaked out. I was out of it for at least a day afterwards. I had some rough ones after that, but I’m getting better. Today? I was able to fight my way through, but now I’m just messed up. I don’t know what’s different about this time, but it’s like I’m still fighting what happened. I just need to clear my head.”
She looked up at me and I knew exactly what she needed, what she was asking for. I stood and held out my hand to her. When she took it, I pulled her beside me into my house. I stopped inside, not sure that I was really ready for this, but what she was saying resonated with me.
“Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, here?” she asked.
“Like you said, how can you move past it if you don’t try? The only thing I know for sure is that I’m stuck in the past with Cassie and I can’t move forward.” I looked toward my bedroom and sighed. “I don’t want to be this shell of a man anymore. I don’t know that I’m ready to move on, but I want to at least try.”
I pulled her into my room and looked around, seeing Cassie everywhere. I really didn’t know if I could do this. It felt like a betrayal. The only woman I had ever truly loved lived with me and made love to me in this very room and now I was going to sleep with another woman and erase all those beautiful memories.
Lola stepped in front of me, her lithe body swaying so temptingly in front of me. She cupped my cheeks with her hands and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Let’s help each other forget,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes and took what she offered. When she kissed me harder, I walked her backwards until I was pushing her down on the bed and climbing on top of her. I opened my eyes and saw her beautiful eyes staring back at me with the same lust I felt for her. Sliding down her body, I unbuckled the belt on her jeans and slid the zipper down as I flicked the button open. All hesitation was lost as I pulled her pants off her beautiful, toned legs. God, she was fucking gorgeous.
Her legs spread wide for me as I kissed and licked my way up her legs. I could smell the desire wafting off her and I wanted a taste more than anything in my life. When my tongue flicked across her soaking pussy, I groaned at the sweet taste of her juices. She was fucking edible. I lapped and sucked at her until she was writhing on the bed and coming apart underneath me.
Her legs wrapped around my neck and then she was twisting me beneath her, straddling my face. She tried to move away, but I wasn’t through tasting her yet. My hands wrapped around her ass and I held her to my face as my tongue darted in and out of her sweet cunt. She started grinding against my face and my cock hardened at how much she wanted my mouth on her. I slid my hand up her smooth skin until I latched onto her tight bud and pinched. Her pussy clenched around my tongue and her cream flooded my mouth.
I licked her clean as her orgasm shuttered through her. When her body finally relaxed, she stood on shaky legs and yanked at my pants, completely forgetting the zipper. I groaned as the pants caught on my strained erection and she chuckled, like I wasn’t in excruciating pain. But it felt fucking amazing to know that she was that impatient for me.
Somewhere between trying to calm down my dick and watching her pull my pants off, she straddled my hips and sank down on me. I almost exploded inside her the minute I was fully seated in her tight pussy. Damn, it was fucking amazing. I had taken her before, but this felt different somehow. Like this was the first time I was really paying attention to the sway of her hips as she rocked against me or the way her hair fell down from her ponytail and tickled my nose.
I sucked a nipple in my mouth, memorizing every shudder of her body and the way she tightened around me when I flicked my tongue a certain way. There was so much of her that I wanted to taste and every lick of her neck had my hips jerking against her. She cradled my head in her arms as she pulled me in closer. Her breath fanned against my face as she rode my cock, pulling me deeper and deeper into my lust-filled haze. Her body was perfect, the smell of her hair was intoxicating, and the way she felt in my arms was more than I could have ever hoped for.
When she collapsed against my sweaty body, I pulled her tighter against me and fell back to the bed, keeping her tight in my arms. Our breaths mingled in the blissful silence of the room until it slowly evened out and she drifted off to sleep. As I started to slip off, two thoughts floated through my brain. I really liked her wrapped in my arms and in my bed. And second, I didn’t know how I was going to keep this casual knowing now what this could be like for us.
✯✯✯✯✯
I woke to fingernails digging into my skin, and not in a pleasant way. Lola’s head was resting on my chest and her fingers were scratching against my chest like she was trying to fight me off. I gripped onto her hand only to have her twist mine back painfully until I was writhing in pain. Damn, this girl was a hellcat.
“L
ola!” I shouted, not getting through to her. “Lola, sweetheart, wake up. Hey!”
Her eyes flew open and she was panting wildly as she looked around the room. “Sorry,” she mumbled as she stumbled from the bed and over to the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her and returned several minutes later, sliding into bed like nothing had happened. I pulled her into my arms and stared at the ceiling in confusion. What the hell was I supposed to do? I didn’t particularly want to relive anything that happened when I dreamed of Cassie, but maybe she needed to talk about it.
“You want to tell me what that was?” I asked.
“Nope,” she said swiftly. “Good night.”
She rolled over, effectively cutting me out of her life and I realized that I didn’t like that. I didn’t want to be cut off from her. Whatever this was between us, we had something and it was good, even if it wasn’t meant to last. She helped me and I knew that I was doing the same for her. I pulled her back against me and nuzzled her neck.
“When I close my eyes at night, I still see Cassandra’s body in the morgue. I wake up most mornings in a panic, like it just fucking happened, even though it’s been almost five years. On nights that I don’t dream of her dead body, I dream of the accident, like I was there or something. I can see her getting killed and I see her suffering. Then there are other times that I just dream of her and the short time that we had together. Any one of those dreams is fucking painful, so much so that I hate sleeping at night. If I could make it without sleep, I’d do it just so that I don’t have to see her in my dreams.”
She was quiet and didn’t say anything for a minute, but then I felt her chest rise, like she was taking a deep breath. “I dream of the night I wasn’t strong enough to get away. I think I hate that more than anything else. I’m trained and I should have found a way to get away, but I was terrified and I let that control me. I hate that my teammates suffered when I could have prevented that. If I had just turned around a second sooner, he wouldn’t have gotten that knife around my throat. And even then,” she laughed, “I knew how to break someone’s hold when that happens. I should have gotten away.”
Lola: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 8) Page 6