“He started talking about using his hand and knowing that I was screwing other women because I needed a release. Then he said he didn’t want to have sex for the first time and not know what he was doing.”
“And what did you tell him?” Cole asked.
“I fled the room.” I shook my head and started pacing. “I’m not prepared for this shit. My dad didn’t have the talk with me. I fumbled through it and found my way. I don’t know the first thing about sex talks.”
“What would Cassie say?” Sean asked.
“Are you fucking kidding me? She’d yell at me and tell me not to tell him more than he needs to know.”
“Well, you can’t just send the kid out into the wild, sticking his dick wherever he wants. The boy has to know how to use it,” Sean huffed. “Come on. His uncles will set him straight.”
They all walked into the living room like this was the easiest thing in the world. I brought the beer. I knew better.
“James,” Sebastian jerked his chin at him. James shut off the TV and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Listen, your old man is being awkward about this whole thing. Sex is natural. Ask anything you want and we’ll tell you.”
“Cool,” James nodded. “Okay, so when I want to have sex with a girl, what’s the best way to tell her?”
Sean snorted. “Well, you don’t just go up to her and tell her you want to stick your dick in her. You date her for a while and if you feel a connection, then you start moving on the bases.”
“Which bases?” James asked.
“Christ, Ryan. Didn’t you tell this kid anything?” Jack crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “Bases, like in baseball. First is kissing. Second, is touching her boobs, and third is touching her pussy. I think you can guess what a home run is.”
“No, that’s not the way it works,” Logan said. “First is french kissing. Second is groping. Third is oral sex. A home run is the full monty.”
“Really?” Sean quirked an eyebrow. “That’s not what I went by.”
“Of course you didn’t, jackass,” Drew shoved him.
“Listen, it’s really easy. First is kissing and light petting. Second is oral. Third is intercourse. A home run is when you stick it in her ass,” Sean said.
“Whoa!” I held up my hands and shook my head. What the fuck was wrong with these guys? “You can’t say shit like that to my kid.”
“Girls really let you do that?” James asked in wonder.
“Kid, if you get that, it’s like going on a fucking world tour,” Jack said.
I dropped my head in my hands and sighed. This was not what I had in mind when I called them over. Advice? Sure. This? This was my worst fucking nightmare.
“You know, I was thinking maybe we could stick to the basics and stay away from ass fucking for now,” I glared at all of them.
“Alright,” Cole sat down by James. “Basics. You have to know how to please a girl. You can’t just ram it in there and hope for the best. You have to take care of her first. I’d suggest watching some porn.”
“Porn? Really?” I snapped.
“You could read one of Harper’s books. She’s very descriptive,” Jack grinned. “It’ll give you a good idea of what women like.”
“It’s not stuff that the two of you do, is it?” James’s nose scrunched in disgust.
“Maybe. It’s not like I’m going to tell you what, though. You won’t know the difference.”
“Okay, but you still haven’t told me how I know when it’s time. How will I know she’s ready?”
“She’ll be wet,” Logan said.
“But how will I know? I can’t just go grab a girl and test her moistness,” James said.
“Well…” Sean scratched his jaw as he thought about it. “You just know.”
“Shouldn’t you be advising against sex, Mr. Lawman.” I glared at Sean, but he just shrugged.
“What? I was a kid once. I had sex before I was eighteen. Just don’t get a girl pregnant. Then you’re fucked.”
“What about speed and all that stuff. How do I know what to do?”
“If you really want to know what to do, find an older woman that wants to teach you. That’s your best source of information,” Logan said, taking another sip of his beer.
“How old?”
“The older the better. I’m not talking fifties, but late twenties, early thirties is ideal,” Logan said.
“Please tell me you did not just tell my kid to go fuck an older lady.”
“What? They know what they want and they’re willing to teach,” he shrugged.
“You know what? This was a really bad idea. I shouldn’t have asked you guys to come over.”
“What? We just answered his questions,” Jack shrugged.
“So far, you’ve talked to him about fucking girls in the ass, told him to watch porn, and told him to go fuck an old lady.”
“Hey, I advised him not to get a girl pregnant,” Sean pointed out.
“Right. So helpful.”
“So, back to ass fucking. What’s that like?” James asked.
“It’s the holy grail,” Drew said quietly.
“I don’t know. I love head,” Sebastian said.
“You know, when Caitlin is fourteen, I’m going to have a sex talk with her. See how you like it,” I glared Sebastian.
He snorted. “You can’t even talk to your son. What makes you think you could talk to my kid?”
“It’s different when it’s your own kid,” I growled.
“Okay, back to my questions,” James interrupted. “So, this girl, she’s really awesome and totally hot. How do I get her to go out with me?”
“Just ask her if she’d like to go out to dinner with you,” I said.
“Yeah, only if you want to get turned down,” Logan snorted. “Listen, kid. Women want to be finessed. You have to tell her how gorgeous she is. Let her know that you want her and only her. Whisper in her ear all the things you want to do to her body.”
“Dude, the kid’s fifteen. He’s not picking up a chick in a bar.” Drew punched Logan in the arm and Logan feigned injury.
“What did you do when you picked up Lola?” James asked me.
“Lola?” Sebastian’s eyes went wide and he stalked toward me.
“What? She’s a grown woman.”
“She’s my fucking employee. Why her? She’s going through some shit right now and she doesn’t need you using her as a fuck toy.”
“My kid is sitting right here. Watch your mouth,” I snapped.
“Yeah, now he needs to watch his mouth,” Jack grumbled.
“She’s an adult. She doesn’t need your permission to have a good time.”
“She’s messed up,” Sebastian growled.
“Yeah? And how do you think she’s getting through that?”
“So, what? You two are using each other to forget?” he snapped.
“You want to forget Mom?” James asked.
I glared at Sebastian before turning to James. “This has nothing to do with forgetting your mom. Lola and I enjoy each other’s company. We’re just trying to see where this is going.”
“Whoa,” Logan shook his head. “Are you fucking serious? You think you’re ready?”
“I don’t know, man. I’m just trying to be happy again, and Lola does something to me-”
“Gives him orgasms,” Logan muttered.
“It’s not just that. We just fit. We’re just taking it a day at a time.”
Sebastian assessed me before giving me a chin lift and finishing his beer. “Well, this has been fun, but I’ve gotta get home to Maggie.”
“Sure, give my kid the worst advice imaginable and then hit the road.”
“I figure we’ve done enough damage for one night,” Jack agreed.
“Did we help, James?” Cole asked.
“Not at all, but maybe I’ll check out some porn for some tips.”
“See? This was good practice for us,” Sean said. “Now w
e all know what not to say to our own kids.”
They all walked out, leaving me alone with my kid in an uncomfortable silence that felt like it was strangling me.
“So…you want to watch some porn?” James asked.
I shook my head and stood. “First, you don’t watch porn with other dudes. Second, if you really want to see that, I’ll get you your own TV for your room. I can guarantee that I don’t want to see what you do when you watch it.”
If Cassie had heard that conversation, she would be so fucking disappointed in me right now. Ass fuckings and porn. Just what she wanted her kid to know. I was failing miserably at this single parenting thing.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Thanks for doing this,” I said to Lola as James and I walked into the Reed Security training center.
“No problem. I love running the course.”
“Are you ready for me to kick your ass?” James grinned at me.
The thing was, I was pretty sure that James could kick my ass. He had a ton of energy and while I worked out, I just wasn’t in the same shape that I was ten years ago. And I hated running.
“You know, you’re gonna eat those words, little man.”
James grinned and walked over to the course, checking it all out.
“So, just how difficult is this course?” I asked Lola.
“Well, let’s put it this way, we use this course to decide if people qualify to work here. If you don’t pass the course, you don’t stand a chance at working here.”
“Perfect,” I grumbled. “That kid really is going to kick my ass.”
“What’s wrong, Ryan?” Lola smirked. “Not in top shape anymore? You look like you can hold your own.”
“I can definitely hold my own, but there’s a difference between working out and doing a training course that the military would use.”
“Well, it should at least be entertaining. Would it make you feel better if I did the course with you?”
“I’m pretty sure that would make me feel a whole lot worse.”
“Come on. I’m sure you’re not as bad as you think.”
Twenty minutes later, I was panting and gripping my side like I was in extreme pain. Lola was laughing at me and James was telling Sebastian how he had just kicked my ass on the course.
“Your kid beat you?” Sebastian asked.
“As surprising as this may be to you, I’m not the badass that you are.”
“Yeah, but you look pretty strong and you’re fast.”
“Apparently not fast enough,” I panted.
“You want a job, kid?” Sebastian asked James.
“Hey, back off,” I growled.
“What?” Sebastian grinned. “Did you expect me to offer you a job?”
“He’s just a kid. Don’t go putting ideas in his head.”
“He’s just a kid that beat your ass and was damn close to my slowest guy’s record. A few more years and this kid will be working for me, kicking ass and taking names.” Sebastian rubbed his hands together greedily.
“You try that and I’ll make sure you never walk again.”
“You’d have to catch me first.” Sebastian winked at Lola and walked out of the training center. Lola came over and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
“Don’t let him get to you. Just because your kid is faster, stronger, and smarter than you doesn’t make you less of a man,” she grinned.
“I’m sorry, were you hoping to have sex again with me anytime soon?”
“Yep, just giving you some motivation.” She threw me a sly grin and then went over to help James with something on the training course. I shook my head in disbelief. Damn, that woman was going to be the death of me.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Alright, before you even think about pulling out onto the road, you check your mirrors. Make sure your seat is adjusted properly and that your feet reach the pedals perfectly.”
James rolled his eyes next to me. “Dad, we’ve already gone over this in Driver’s Ed. I’m just supposed to get in my hours with you.”
“And when you’re driving with me, I’m going to be making sure that you follow the instructions to a T. Now, check your mirrors.”
He sighed and went through the process of checking all his mirrors and adjusting his seat. He put on his seat belt and stored his phone in the console where he couldn’t be bothered by it. He pulled on his sunglasses and then checked that he was all in the clear to back out of the driveway. I held my breath as he moved the gear shift into reverse. He backed out more swiftly than I would have liked, but overall, he had done a good job.
Then he threw it into drive and my heart started racing in panic. Shit. He was going to be out on the road alone soon. I wasn’t one of those dads that couldn’t wait for my kid to get his license so that he could drive himself places. I was the parent that freaked the fuck out because my kid was going to be driving on the streets with all the other crazy assholes.
He pulled out onto the country road and drove around for a while with me slamming my foot on the imaginary emergency brake that was on my side. He passed a car that was going five miles under the speed limit and drove way too fast to get back in his lane. We were coming up on an intersection and I saw the truck up ahead and totally flipped out.
“Pull over the fucking truck right now!”
“What?”
“Just do what I say,” I shouted.
James maneuvered the truck over to the side of the road as the truck that was on the crossroad came to a complete stop before crossing the intersection. Shit. I felt sick to my stomach. I shoved the door open and climbed out on shaky limbs as I coughed and heaved at the bile churning in my stomach.
“Dad, what the fuck is going on?” James asked as he walked around the side of the truck. I knew he was irritated with me. He seemed to have moved on over the past five years while I was still stuck with every fucking memory. Of course, I had been dealing with the images of Cassie’s death for a lot longer. They had time to simmer and fester in my brain, eating away at my sanity day by day.
The road we were just driving down was the same one Cassandra was on the day she died. The intersection up ahead was the one that the truck had blown and smashed into her car, killing her instantly. Now, I had to teach my son how to drive and he would probably cross this intersection weekly. Maybe I could ban him from ever taking this route.
“Dad.”
“Just give me a minute.” I sank down on the ground against the side of my truck and held my head with shaky hands. This was fucking crazy. I couldn’t do this. Images of Cassie tortured my mind as I sat on the cold ground, trying to pull myself together.
“Love you, Mrs. Jackson.”
“Love you too, Mr. Jackson.”
A tortured sound burst from my mouth as pain shot through my chest. It was like she had just fucking died. My face was wet and my body was racked with sobs. The pain was so intense and I just couldn’t fucking take it. I squeezed my eyes tighter, but the image of her lying on the cold slab in the morgue assaulted me over and over no matter how hard I tried to forget. I could feel her cold skin under my fingers and see the blue tinge to her lips. I could still remember the hope that filled my chest as I placed my fingers against her neck, hoping to feel her pulse fluttering underneath. The shattering feeling of knowing she was never coming back to me consumed me.
“Ryan.” I could hear the voice in the distance, but my mind wouldn’t leave the hell I was in. “Ryan.” A smack to my face finally brought me out of that day and back to the present. Though the tears and pain, I could make out Logan squatting in front of me, his eyes crinkled in concern.
I dropped my head into the crook of my elbow, ashamed that I had broken down on the side of the road with my kid watching. I hadn’t had a meltdown like this in years. I felt a hard squeeze on my shoulder and heard the shuffling of feet and some low voices murmuring near me. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to know who else was here to witness this.
When my bre
athing finally returned to a somewhat normal rhythm, I swiped at the stray tears on my face and lifted my head, resting it back against the door of my truck. Logan sat down next to me and rested his arms on his knees.
“You never told James this was the road, did you?” I shook my head and he sighed. “He didn’t know why you were freaking the fuck out. He called me in a panic, said you were having some kind of heart attack on the side of the road.” He chuckled and ran his hand over his jaw. “You’re lucky I only called Sean. He was already in the area and saw you. He knew what was happening and blocked the road so that you didn’t get hit by another vehicle.”
“Where’s James?” I asked, my voice hoarse from all my fucking crying.
“Sebastian came, picked him up and took him to Reed Security. He figured he could keep him entertained for a while.”
“I was taking him out for a driving lesson. It was that fucking intersection. All the sudden, I just couldn’t fucking breathe. How the hell am I going to teach him to drive? I can’t stand the thought of being in the truck with him right now. I’m so fucking scared that he’ll end up like his mother.”
“We’ll take care of it,” Logan said, patting me on the shoulder. “We’ll make sure he gets in his hours. When you’re ready, you can take him out with you again. Hell, we could have Sebastian give him a defensive driving class. If anyone can teach him the shit he would need to know, it’s his guys.”
“I appreciate that,” I mumbled, staring off across the corn field. I felt wrung out now and I didn’t know what the hell to do. I felt like I could crawl into bed and sleep for a year. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Keep James for the night for me. I just need some space to get my head on straight.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I’ll call James and explain.”
“Alright, man. Anything you need. Let me drive you home.”
“I got it.”
He stood and brushed off his pants. “Yeah, I’m sure you do, but it would make me feel better if you let me do this for you.”
Lola: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 8) Page 8