Lola: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 8)
Page 25
“Say what?” Hunter asked.
“We need to surrender. We need someone to dress up as General Lee and surrender to General Meade. Then they’ll stop fighting.”
“Sure, let me just pull on my spare Confederate uniform that I packed with me,” Ryan said sarcastically.
“Ooh!” Claire shouted. “You should do it, Derek. I’ve always wanted to see you in uniform.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of calling in the National Guard,” he muttered. “I was really looking forward to not being shot on this vacation.”
“But General Lee doesn’t get shot at the Battle of Gettysburg,” I pointed out.
Derek looked at me with crazy eyes and pointed at the battlefield. “They’re all fucking nuts! They’re shooting cannons and real musket balls. Do you really think they can distinguish between what’s real and what’s not? They won’t give a shit if General Lee wasn’t shot here.”
“Derek!” I snapped. “We can all die here or you can put on someone’s uniform, get up on a horse, and pretend to be General Lee. Which is it going to be?”
“You guys all suck,” he shouted as he marched out onto the battlefield to find a uniform he could use. We watched as he struggled to get off a soldier’s coat and pants.
“Should one of us go help him?” Claire asked.
“Nah, it’s not like we can shoot anyone here. What good would it do?” Hunter said.
“I don’t know,” Claire said hysterically. “Keep him from getting killed?”
“He’ll be fine,” Ice said cooly. “The guy’s got brass balls.”
“I like how calm all of you are being about the safety of my fiancé,” Claire shot back.
Derek came running back to us, bloody uniform in hand. “I can’t believe that you’re making me fucking do this. That guy was actually dead. Like dead, dead. Not just faking it dead. Actual fucking dead.”
“Relax, man,” Chris rubbed his shoulder. “You’ve seen a dead guy before. This is normal.”
“Yeah, but not on fucking vacation. Please tell me what part of this whole fucking scenario is normal?”
Gabe walked up to him and started rubbing his shoulders soothingly. “It’s okay, man. It’s a lot of pressure for everyone, but you got this. You’re a hero. Those union soldiers got nothin’ on you.”
Derek slowly turned around and pierced Gabe with a death glare. “Except cannons and muskets,” he said slowly.
“Well, yeah. If you want to look at it that way,” Gabe said with unease.
“It’s the only fucking way too look at it. Not much of an upside here,” Derek gritted out through his teeth.
Hunter came running over with a white flag and Jules was pulling a horse behind him. Derek was finishing dressing as Hunter thrust the flag into his hand and Jules cupped his hands to make a step for Derek.
“You know, I don’t actually know how to ride one of these,” Derek said fearfully. “It can’t be that hard, right?”
“Sure, just don’t kick the horse and stay upright,” Ryan suggested.
“And don’t show fear. They can smell it,” I threw out.
“Yeah, I’ll just pretend that I’m totally fine riding a horse that I’ve never ridden into a fake battle with actual weapons and surrender as a guy that died over a hundred and fifty years to a bunch of idiots who are stupid enough to shoot actual muskets at each other in the name of reenactment!”
“That’s the right attitude,” Hunter said, clapping him on the back. Hunter slapped the horse’s ass and it took off toward the battlefield where Derek was being jostled around on his horse, trying to wave his flag.
“You know, the whole cowboy thing is kind of sexy,” Claire said. “Maybe we can work that into my next fantasy. You know, minus the bloody uniform and all.”
“I don’t know. He could play the wounded confederate soldier and you could be his nurse,” Lucy surmised.
“What’s wrong with your friends?” Ryan muttered in my ear. “They’re all a bunch of lunatics.”
“So are yours,” I eyed him, waiting for him to say something in return. He nodded and took a step back. We watched over the next fifteen minutes as Derek was able to talk down the crazy idiots on the field. Then police arrived and started arresting people, and when Derek was pulled off his horse and thrown to the ground, Hunter and I ran in to the rescue, explaining what had happened. The police let us go and we walked back to the group, Derek grumbling about smelling like death.
“You should be proud,” Hunter said. “Not only did you get to be a part of a reenactment, but you saved a shit ton of people.”
“You know what I’m proud of right now?” Derek asked. “I’m proud that I live in a country where I can choose to never take a fucking vacation with you again!”
He stormed off, leaving Hunter and I staring after him. “I’m sensing that he’s not very happy with us.”
✯✯✯✯✯
“We might as well head back tonight,” Hunter said as we sat in a diner in town. “The police have closed down the whole place while they finish the investigation.”
“I’m all for not staying in that motel anymore,” Lucy said with a shutter. “Have you seen how dirty the tubs are?”
“Oh yeah,” Ryan grinned. “We got a real close look at it last night.”
“Dad, come on. It was bad enough that I heard it. I don’t need a visual.”
“So, Derek, what did the police tell you?” I asked as I popped a fry in my mouth.
“Apparently, a small group of the reenactors thought it would be cool to show tourists what it was really like in a battle back then. They swear they didn’t realize that people would be hurt.”
“Are you serious?” Chris asked in disbelief. “How could firing a cannonball not result in death?”
“You can’t fix stupid,” Gabe said.
“So, we’re heading back tonight, then?” James asked.
“Looks like it, little man,” Ryan shrugged.
“I think it’s safe to say that we should never do a company vacation again,” Ice said.
“It wasn’t a company vacation,” I growled.
“Yeah, but if we hadn’t been along, who would have pretended to be General Lee and save all your asses?” Derek pointed out.
“He has a point,” Hunter said. “You would never have passed for General Lee.”
“What about me?” Ryan asked.
“Let’s be real here,” Derek said. “If anyone was going to ride out waving a flag, it wouldn’t be you. Face it, your woman has bigger balls than you.”
“You know, I should probably be offended, but it’s true and she knows it.”
“Come on,” Gabe said as he stood. “Let’s hit the road. I’ve had enough of this town. Let’s choose someplace quiet for our next trip. Maybe we could go somewhere and get massages together or something.”
Ryan started laughing and Hunter shook his head. “No fucking spas. No massages. Nothing that requires removing clothes of any kind.”
“So, does that mean that going to Hawaii is out too?” Gabe asked. Hunter shook his head and stormed past him out of the diner. Gabe looked back at us all in confusion. “Was it something I said?”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Ryan
WHEN I WOKE up this morning with Lola wrapped in my arms, I could almost forget what today was. I didn’t really want to think about it. Now that I had my new life with Lola and things were going good, I didn’t really want to dredge up those old feelings. I didn’t want to cry today and I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to just be happy.
But I would never let James know that I wanted to forget. That was the same as saying I didn’t want to remember his mother. I’d always remember Cassie, I just didn’t want to remember the pain. As I laid in bed, I looked outside at the bright sun that was rising in the sky and I thought of Cassandra’s smile. It was just as bright and always lit up my day. Was it possible that Cassandra was smiling down on me right now?
When I was finished cleaning up, I leaned against the bathroom door and tried to figure out what to say to Lola. How did I tell her that I didn’t want her here today? It would be disrespectful to James, his grandparents, and Cassandra. Now matter how much everyone liked Lola, I just didn’t think anyone would be happy with seeing her today.
The knock on the door startled me and I quickly moved from against the door, staring at it like it would bite me. After shaking off my nerves, I pulled the door open and stared at Lola with a crazy smile. She knew I was flipping out. I could see it on her face. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight to her body. I slowly relaxed into the comfort of her arms and let her hold me. I was nuts. This was Lola. It wasn’t disrespectful to have her with me. James would understand and appreciate her support and it would mean the world to me.
“Are you okay now?” she asked against my chest.
“Yeah.” I ran my hands up and down her back, relishing in the feel of her body against mine. “I just had a little freakout, but I’m good now.”
“If you don’t want me around today, I’ll understand.”
I stepped away and cupped her jaw in my hands. “I want you by my side, if it’s not a problem for you. I love you.”
“I love you, too. And I love James. I know this is a hard day for the two of you. I just don’t want to make it harder.”
She looked at me with so much uncertainty that I decided to just tell her the truth. “I wasn’t worried about having you there. It’s more how I’m feeling about today. Normally, it’s my one day to really think about Cassie and let it just settle with me, you know?” She nodded. “But today, I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want to cry over Cassie and think of what I lost. I just want to spend the day with you.”
“But that wouldn’t be fair to James,” she said quietly.
“I know. I don’t ever want him to think that I’ve forgotten his mom, but I don’t want to mourn her forever.”
“Maybe you guys should do something different today. There’s nothing that says you have to do the same thing every year. But I also don’t want you to think that because you and I are in a relationship that you can’t mourn the loss of your wife.”
“Stay with me today?” I asked before I kissed her. She nodded and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in close to her. I detached myself from her before I mauled her in the bathroom and went to get dressed. James was already downstairs when I walked out of my bedroom and he looked sad. I felt like shit now. I was so worried about how I was feeling with everything that I yet again forgot to think of James.
“James-”
“I don’t want to do this today. This whole thing we do every year,” he said quickly. I looked at him in confusion and shoved my hands in my pockets, not sure what to say.
“James, if this is too hard-”
He shook his head. “It’s not that. You know I miss mom, but it’s starting to feel a little morbid. I don’t think she would want us spending the whole day mourning her.”
I just stood there in stunned silence. I wasn’t sure what to say to that. When I didn’t say anything, he looked down and shook his head.
“I didn’t want to say anything before, but I was kind of hoping that with Lola here…things would be different.”
“You don’t want to do the cemetery and the beer afterwards?”
He sighed and looked off. “Does that make me a bad son?”
“No,” I said emphatically.
“It’s just…I don’t feel anything when we go to the cemetery. She’s not really there. When I want to think about mom, I do. And I think that’s what she would want more than anything. I think she would want us to think of her from time to time instead of spending one day crying over her.”
I blew out a breath and ran my hand through my hair with a chuckle. “I, uh…I was thinking the same thing. In the past, I thought I needed today, but this morning I woke up and I dreaded going through the motions of today. I want you to know that I still think of your mom all the time and I won’t ever forget her.”
“I know, Dad, but it’s time to let her go.”
This kid was so smart. It amazed me when he just seemed to completely get shit that even adults had a hard time struggling with. “So, what do you want to do today instead?”
“I just want it to be a normal day.”
“Okay. Then that’s what we’ll do.”
The doorbell rang and I winced. “Who’s gonna tell your grandparents?”
“Not it,” he shouted as he ran from the room. After explaining things to Calvin and Jane, they said a quick hello to James and headed home. James left for school and then it was just Lola and I. I had already taken the day off work and since I wasn’t expected to be anywhere, I thought I would do something fun today. There was just one thing I had to take care of first.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Hey, Cassie.” I stared at her grave and felt a lightness wash over me. “I want you to know that I’ll always love you and I will always love that you gave me James. He’s the best part of you, and even though you’re gone, I have him to remind me of you everyday. But it’s time for me to let you go. I thought that I had, but I was really just saying goodbye for the day. Because there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you and wish that you were back in my life. But I can’t hold on anymore and I know you wouldn’t want me to.
“If I’m going to move on with my life, I can’t do it thinking about you every minute of every day. The last five years of my life have been wrapped up in missing you day in and day out. I really didn’t know how I was going to move on when I lost you. James and I talked and we decided that we weren’t going to come out here anymore. He figured that you wouldn’t want us spending one day mourning you every year and I think he’s right. So, I’m going to say goodbye and I won’t be coming back. Because I think that’s the only way I’ll really be able to move on. I just don’t know how to walk away for good. I don’t know how to say goodbye and never see you again. But I don’t think I can stay with you anymore either. It’s killing me slowly to want something that I know I’ll never have.”
Saying it out loud hurt more than I thought it would, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I brushed the tears from my eyes as I prepared to say my final goodbye. I sucked in a deep breath as tears fell down my face.
“So, since this is the last time I’ll be coming to see you, I thought I’d tell you a little about what’s going on in our lives.”
“James is driving now, which totally freaks me out, but he’s a good driver and Sebastian gave him defensive driving lessons. He, uh…” I swallowed the lump in my throat and sniffed back the tears. “He insisted on seeing your file from the accident. I wish that he had never seen you like that, but I think it’ll make him a really careful driver. He’s also dating,” I laughed. “And you’re not around to witness my freakouts. I actually called the guys over to help me talk to him about sex. You know them. It was a complete disaster. I think it scarred me more than anything. He’s such a smart kid and I really wish that you could see the man he’s becoming. You would be so proud.
“Your parents are doing great. Your dad still does his woodworking with James and your mom is still the most fantastic cook I’ve ever met. She really spoils us. And all our friends miss you. I can see it when they look at me. I know they’re thinking about you and the short time we had together. I didn’t let any of them come with me today. I just wanted this to be you and me. One final time.”
I looked up at the sky and took a deep breath. “And me, I’m doing better. The last five years have been rough on me and there were times that I
just didn’t know how I was going to get through. I fucked up a lot with James because I didn’t know how to deal with my own grief around him. But I met this woman and she helped me a lot when I was drowning. She saved my life more than she’ll ever know. And even though I’ll still miss you every fucking day, I’m so glad that she’s come into my life. Because she’s just what I needed and she’s good for James too.
“Cassie girl, I know that I told you I loved you many times, but I don’t know if I ever told you how much you gave me. Not just James, but you gave me something that I had been wanting my whole life. You gave me a family and you gave me all of your love. Sean told me about the baby and I’m so sorry that we never got to meet it. I’m sorry we never got to have that for ourselves. I really wanted to see you pregnant and waddling around the house. I would have looked forward to that look you got on your face every time I stuck my foot in my mouth. Which I’m sure I would have done a lot.
“I want you to know that you were everything I wanted and needed in my life and I’m so grateful that I had you for the short time we had. I’ll never regret it. I love you, Cassie. And I’ll be seeing you again someday. But for now, I’m moving on. I know you’ll be watching over us, and I’ll do my best to make you proud.”
A hand clasped my shoulder and I stiffened. With tears streaming down my face, I turned around to see Logan standing behind me, tears in his eyes. The rest of my friends were standing at a distance, Lola right beside Sebastian. They had all come for me, even when I said that we weren’t doing this.
“It’s okay to let go, man. She’d want you to.”
I nodded. “I know, but this is…”
“I know. We all know. But it’s time.”
My chest heaved as I tried to catch my breath and stop the tears. Taking a few calming breaths, I pulled myself together and looked at her grave one last time. “Goodbye, Cassie girl,” I whispered.
Logan put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in for a hug and I let him. I had kept my friends at a distance for so long and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t let Cassie’s death steal anymore of my life away. I gripped the back of Logan’s shirt as a small sob tore through me and I felt him squeeze my shoulder.