The (Not So) Perfect Fiancé

by Dallen, Maggie

  Heat rushed to her cheeks. She’d avoided all talk of Brent this whole week for a variety of reasons. Mainly because she was supposed to be engaged to Cole, and her ex was hardly a lovely romantic story for the viewers. But also, because she hadn’t wanted to see…this.

  The judgement. The glares. The…pity?

  She looked away before she could be certain, but she’d seen it before, hadn’t she? She knew very well what he thought of her for holding out hope.

  Lately it didn’t even feel like hope, it just felt…inevitable. Brent was her future. Things happened for a reason. He was the man she was meant to be with.

  These were the mantras that had been running on a loop for so long, she didn’t even question them anymore.

  She cleared her throat. “Brent didn’t like the tiles or the fixtures.” Her gaze was riveted on the steak on her plate as if all the answers to life’s mysteries could be found there.

  “And that matters…why?” he asked.

  Her head snapped up at the coldness in his voice. She was so used to his warmth, she’d almost forgotten that he could look so distant and hard. This past week he’d only ever looked at her with affection and kindness and…and maybe something more?

  She shook off the thought. It was impossible to even consider that he might share the same silly infatuation that she harbored when he was staring at her like he was right now. Her crush didn’t mean anything; it was just the remnants of a decade watching this man on the football field and then fixing up houses. It was just a harmless crush.

  The way he was staring at her right now? Nothing about that look said he had a crush, and it was certainly not harmless.

  She straightened in her seat, her hands clutching her napkin in her lap. “Don’t look at me like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like you just discovered I’m a Cowboys fan,” she said with a tremulous smile. She’d hoped to ease the tension with a joke about their mutual dislike for the Texas team, but it went over like a lead weight.

  He shook his head. “I just don’t get it, Callie.”

  She pressed her lips together. He didn’t have to ‘get it.’ This was her life. She didn’t owe him any explanations.

  So why was her belly twisting with anxiety? Why were doubt and shame vying for a place in her chest alongside fear and hurt and every other jumbled up emotion she’d been stewing in since Brent’s desertion?

  No, that wasn’t quite true. She hadn’t been mired in those icky emotions this past week. They’d vanished in the face of her new job, and her new friends, and her new… She glanced up at Cole’s glower. Her new fiancé.

  The thought made her heart contract, which was silly. He wasn’t really her fiancé. They both knew that, even if everyone else had fallen for their lies.

  “You’re so smart, Callie,” Cole said. “You’re smart, and beautiful, and honest, and strong…”

  She struggled to swallow as her throat grew tight.

  “You don’t seem like someone with low self-esteem—”

  “I don’t,” she interrupted with a frown. “I have excellent confidence, thank you very much.”

  Despite the hard glare, his lips twitched ever so slightly. “I know. That’s one of the things I love about you.” He leaned over the table. “You know who you are and you embrace it. You know what you want and you go after it.”

  She blinked rapidly because his voice had shifted—it was once again filled with warmth, but it still held that same intensity as before. “You love that about me?”

  She wasn’t sure where the question had come from but she needed him to say it again. Why? Why did she have such a hard time believing that he loved those things about her?

  Maybe because Brent never did.

  The thought startled her into silence as Cole’s frown deepened. “Of course I do. You’re strong and brave, and…” He trailed off with a shake of his head and she thought he might not continue. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman.”

  She gasped for air. What happened to the oxygen in this restaurant? She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t look away from those dark, hypnotic eyes. Her eyes were so wide they were starting to hurt.

  You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman.

  The words played over and over, and she knew without a doubt that they were ingrained in her—that she’d be hearing them until the day she died.

  Not to be too melodramatic, or anything.

  She swallowed. “That’s…that’s so nice to—”

  “So tell me, how can such a strong, smart woman be so blind when it comes to her ex?” His voice turned harsh and cold so suddenly she got whiplash.

  “I’m not blind,” she snapped—a little too loudly judging by the stares coming her way. She cleared her throat, lowered her voice, and turned back to face him. “I’m not blind.”

  His brows hitched up in disbelief. “So you really think that after more than a month of ignoring you, your ex is coming back?”

  She reached for her fork and knife, gripping them tightly. “Yes.”

  The word came out strong, but it rang hollow in her ears.

  Do you still believe that? Truly?

  His brows dropped back down into a frown as he studied her. “Fine. You think he’ll be back. Then I guess the better question is, do you really want him back?”

  She opened her mouth to say yes, but it wouldn’t come out. Her lungs were as frozen as her mind. It was eerily similar to the feeling she’d gotten the first time she’d taken her SATs and had frozen in the middle of testing. She’d blanked. She knew that the answers were in there somewhere, but they wouldn’t come to the surface. They were out of reach.

  The same thing happened now. She knew that she had an answer, that it was supposed to come out—but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t think of any of her reasons for wanting Brent back, she couldn’t bring herself to say yes—she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

  After a long moment, he sank back in his seat with a sigh. “You know what? Forget it. You don’t owe me any explanations.”

  He dug into his meal as she sat there staring. She had no appetite anymore, and she had to fight the urge to argue with him on that last point. He was right—she didn’t owe him any explanations.

  So why did it feel so wrong to end the conversation like this?

  Why did it hurt so badly that he wasn’t looking at her? Why did his disappointment sting?

  They ate the rest of their meal in silence, and with each glance in his direction, she could see that he was just as lost in thought as she was. By the furrow of his brow and the distant look in his eyes, she found herself wondering if he was just as confused, too.

  After they finished their meal, they walked outside and headed in the direction of her house. Was the cameraman around? She wasn’t sure. She didn’t really care. They wouldn’t get any usable footage if the two of them kept walking together in silence, all frowns, scowls, and awkward tension.

  They’d only just rounded the corner, when the tension in Cole seemed to snap. He stopped suddenly and turned to face her. One hand on her arm had her stopping too, so she was standing there staring up at him in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want us to end the night like this,” he said. His voice was gruff, but not cold, and his eyes were filled with that warmth she loved, along with regret. The fact that he was the one broaching the silence, that he didn’t want them to be on bad terms…it meant more to her than she cared to admit.

  Of course, maybe he just didn’t want to be on bad terms for the sake of the show.

  That thought was sobering, and she looked past him to see if the cameraman was around. She spotted him in the distance, talking to a woman she didn’t recognize near his van. Well, at least they had some privacy to talk openly and honestly.

  “I…” She shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  His gaze darkened as he studied her again, his expression inde
cipherable. When he spoke, his voice was little more than a growl. “Maybe I don’t want you to say anything.”

  He pulled her close and kissed her—but this kiss wasn’t like any others they’d shared. His lips moved over hers with urgency…with passion. She let out a little whimper as sensations shot through her body, her muscles melting as she leaned against him, unable to keep her distance.

  That earned her another growl as he wrapped his arms tight around her waist and held her close, his head tilting to deepen the kiss. With his body pressed against hers, his arms wrapped tight around her waist, and his mouth laying claim to hers…she felt like she was being branded. Like he was telling her she was his.

  She was kissing him back with the same ferocity, the same passion, the same urgency and sense of possession. Yes, that was what this feeling was. She kissed him like he was hers to kiss, her hands clutching his neck and holding him tight as though he were hers to claim in return.

  The heat and connection that formed between them felt like more than mere chemistry. This was a bond. Their kiss was a vow. This embrace…it felt for all the world like they were making a commitment.

  The kiss ended as suddenly as it started and she found herself being gently moved a few inches away as Cole dropped his head so his forehead rested against hers as they both fought for air.

  The moment reality hit, so did panic. She straightened, her lungs struggling for air as she backed up one step, then two. Her legs were shaky, but that was nothing compared to the way her heart was racing, or the way her hands shook when she went to shove her hair back behind her ears.

  She couldn’t look at him. There was no way she could face him right now, not when her head and her heart and her body were in such a disarray. She looked past him instead and found herself watching the cameraman’s van drive away. “We weren’t on camera,” she said. He didn’t answer and she flicked her eyes over to meet his. “We weren’t on camera,” she said again, that panicking feeling growing beyond reason.

  His eyes moved over her face, no doubt reading her panic, her fear. His own emotions were impossible to read. Those dark eyes were filled with…something. But they were shuttered, unreadable. Meanwhile she felt like her whole world was exposed, like her heart and her soul were standing naked in the street for anyone to see. “We weren’t being filmed.”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  She struggled to swallow. “You mean…you mean…”

  He took a step closer. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  He’d kissed her. Cole Harding had kissed her. Not because of the TV crews or to save her reputation, or his own, but because… “Why?” Her voice came out all breathy and high. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Why did you do that?”

  He shook his head and thrust a hand through his hair. “Because I wanted to.”

  Because he wanted to. Because he wanted to? Somehow that sounded too simple and too complicated all at once. “What do you…what does that even…” Crossing her arms she turned away from him abruptly before she could embarrass herself even more with her sputtering.

  His hand on her shoulder felt heavy and intimate but she didn’t fight him when he nudged her to turn around so she was facing him once more. “I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I needed to.” His voice was low, solid, filled with that warmth she’d come to know and love. Right now, though…that heat made her shiver.

  She forced her gaze up to meet his, and she didn’t try to hide her fear or her uncertainty. Her whole world felt like it was being flipped upside down, and it was all thanks to him. “This isn’t real,” she said, a note of pleading in her voice that she didn’t entirely understand. She gestured between them. “None of this is real. We’re just pretending.”

  Even as she said it a little voice mocked her. Were they just pretending?

  That kiss didn’t feel fake, and neither had their time together this week. Her conversations with him, working side by side, running errands together…all that had felt more solid and real than anything else in her life right now.

  Cole narrowed his eyes. “It’s not real, huh? So tell me, what is real? Your relationship with Brent?” Before she could answer, he continued, “He left you, Callie.”

  She blinked in the face of his intensity as he said it, at the anger so clear in his voice, though she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She waited for the pang of hurt that accompanied thoughts of Brent, but it never came.

  Her heart was too occupied with everything else going on. It was still reeling from that kiss.

  He took another step closer and she could feel his heat, at once reassuring and nerve wracking. “He’s gone, Callie.”

  “I know that,” she said. “But that doesn’t change the fact that less than two months ago I was ready to make a vow. I was ready to make a lifelong commitment to him.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to say Brent’s name. “That has to mean something…right?”

  She didn’t mean for the doubt to creep into her voice, but it did and the answering flicker of sympathy in his eyes made her cringe. “I mean, it has to.”

  Didn’t it?

  “If I was going to promise to stand by him until death do us part, and in sickness and in health, then shouldn’t I stick by him while he takes some time to think through his future? He just asked for space—”

  His groan cut her off. “He didn’t just ask for space. He left without a word like a thief in the night.” He scowled down at her, frustration clear in his eyes. “He left like a coward.”

  She opened her mouth to protest but couldn’t find the words. Probably because she’d had the same callous thought countless times since he’d left. His actions had been cowardly.

  “You’re loyal, Callie. I love how devoted you are to the people you care about.”

  She blinked up at the tenderness in his voice. His gaze met hers and she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

  “But…what if you’re giving your loyalty to the wrong man?”

  She sucked in air like a drowning person, his words hitting her straight in the chest and leaving her wounded. The words stung. They hurt more than they ought, and she had a sneaking suspicion why. The words hurt because she heard the truth in them.

  “But—” The word slipped out before she could stop it. Her thoughts were spinning out of control, that panicky sensation back in force.

  “But what, sweetheart?” His gaze had softened again, the gray dark enough to lose herself in, and filled with so much affection it made her heart ache in response.

  She swallowed convulsively, trying to find the words. The term of endearment wrapped around her, giving her the strength to voice the fears that had been plaguing her for weeks. “How could I be so wrong? I mean…” She licked her lips and tried again. “If I’m wrong about something so important, then…what else am I wrong about?”

  He stared at her for so long that she shifted uncomfortably, her own words echoing in her ears and making her cringe. But she couldn’t call them back, because that fear…the fear that she could have been so wrong about someone—about her own heart—It made her question everything.

  Finally, Cole broke the silence with a sigh that seemed to ease some of the tension between them. “Callie, are you still in love with your ex…or are you just afraid to admit that you made a mistake?”

  She stared at him blankly, mostly because the question pricked her pride. It made her feel silly and young and totally ignorant of her own wants and needs. But mainly she kept quiet because she had no idea how to answer.

  That frozen, blank sensation was back

  “I—I don’t know,” she finally said, her voice quiet and shaky. “I just…I need…”

  To think. To make sense of all this. To process these new feelings that his kiss stirred up. But she didn’t say that. What came out was, “I need time.”

  He nodded, stepping out toward the corner to hail a cab that was waiting nearby and help her inside. “If time is what you need, then that’s what you’l
l get.”

  She had no idea what he meant by that, but she could feel her heart sinking as he stepped back and shut the door.

  She rolled down the window. “You’re not coming?”

  He shook his head. “I’ll meet you there.”

  She tried to swallow her disappointment but she was fairly certain it showed. This was what she wanted, she told herself as she watched him walk away. She just needed time, and some space, and…ugh.

  The car pulled away from the curb just as it dawned on her that those were the exact words that Brent had used.

  Chapter Twelve

  “What do you mean you’re taking the day off?” Tyler’s voice rang out in the empty office.

  Cole was hard at work on the old floorboards, though his crew had taken their Saturday to be with their families.

  But that wasn’t what Tyler meant.

  “You can’t just take a day off from being engaged,” Tyler informed him through the speakers. “Fake or otherwise.”

  Cole huffed. His bad day wasn’t getting any better with this conversation. “This is non-negotiable, Ty. Call off the camera crews. Callie deserves a day off from being under their scrutiny, and so do I.”

  “I thought things were going well with you two. From what I could tell, you two were hitting it off.”

  “Yeah, well,” he muttered as he attacked the floorboards with new zeal. “That wasn’t real.”

  Her words still nagged at him, making his gut twist and his rib cage tighten. He’d known what she meant…it wasn’t real. It hadn’t been real. At least, not for her.

  And for him?

  When exactly had it stopped being fake and started being genuine? Maybe from that very first moment, or perhaps after that night in his hotel room when he’d shared a more intimate moment with her than he could ever remember having with anyone.

  He rubbed a hand over his face. It had taken all week for him to realize it, but last night at dinner, listening to her talk about that creep of an ex, he’d no longer been able to deny it. He was falling for his fake fiancée.