Zip, Zero, Zilch

by Tammy Falkner

  “Yes, ma’am,” the operations manager for the tour says. He wipes his brow with a handkerchief.

  Fin shakes out her hand. “That really hurt.” She winces.

  “You should have let me deck him.”

  “We need your hands more than we need mine.” She grins. “By the way, you can’t have all the fun.” She chucks my shoulder with hers, then looks at a spot over my shoulder and smirks. “Speaking of fun…”

  Another fucking arm snakes around my middle, but this time I’m prepared. I let whoever it is spin me around, and then I throw a punch just like Emilio taught me to. The heel of my hand hits him straight in the nose and he jerks back, holding his hand to his face.

  “Fuck!” he cries.

  “Oh, that was awesome,” Logan says. He high-fives Emily and she’s almost bent over laughing.

  “God, cupcake…”

  “Sam?” I say.

  He looks up. “Nice to see you too,” he says. Someone presses a towel into his hands, and he wipes his nose.

  “Oh my God,” I cry. I grab his forearms and try to pull them away from his nose. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was you. I thought it was the asshole.”

  “What asshole?” Sam pulls the towel back and a thin trickle of blood runs down from his nose.

  “Never mind,” I say. I pull his arms down and look into his eyes. “Are you really here?”

  He nods. “I would say that the blood confirms it.”

  I jump against him and wrap my arms around his neck. He puts his arms around me and holds me close, despite the fact that I just hit him in the nose. “I can’t believe you’re here.” I pull back and look into his face. “Is everything okay?” I ask.

  “It is now,” he says, and then he kisses me.

  Sam

  Facing death makes you eager to prove you’re alive.

  I start pulling her clothes off as soon as we get into the hotel room, before the door is even closed. I grab the tail of her shirt, which is wringing with sweat, and pull it over her head. She’s wearing a purple bra, and I stop to stare at her tits. I lick my lips and she covers them with her hand.

  “No fucking way,” I tell her, and I grab her arms to pull them down.

  Her cheeks are blazing red and I know she’s not comfortable naked, so I kiss her. I kiss her like there’s no tomorrow. Like we’ll never get to kiss again.

  And she responds the same way.

  “I need a shower,” she says. She scrunches up her face. “I’m sweaty.”

  “Later,” I say. I reach behind her and unhook her bra. Then I slow things down and pull the straps down her shoulders and off. The wires of her bra hold it up, and she covers it with her hands to keep it from falling off.

  I reach for the waist of her jeans and unbutton them, since her hands are busy holding up her bra.

  I shove them, along with her panties, down over her hips, and then I kiss her as I walk her back toward the bed. “Next time, we’ll do this slowly. But I can’t wait.”

  “Okay,” she says against my lips. Her tongue tangles with mine, until I push her back on the bed. She sits down, and I unbutton my jeans and start to slide them down, but she grabs my ass and pulls me down on top of her. “Now,” she says.

  I reach down between her legs, because I need to be sure she’s as ready as I am. She’s slick and wet and so hot. I pull a condom from my back pocket, which is now down around my knees, tear it open with my teeth, and roll it on.

  I swipe past her clit and she sifts her fingers through my hair, pulling gently. She spreads her thighs wide, and I settle between them. My pants are half on and half off, and I don’t care. I couldn’t get them down over my boot without a lot of work, anyway. I sink inside her in one harsh thrust.

  She cries out.

  “Are you okay?” I look into her face. Her eyes are closed, her mouth hangs open, and tiny little breaths fall onto my cheek like humid raindrops.

  “Don’t stop,” she says.

  She grabs my ass and pulls me into her. The musky scent of her sweat tickles my nose, and I lick the salt from the side of her neck. She lets go of the bra, and I pull it away with my teeth, and look down at her tits. I wrap my lips around one of her nipples and give it a tug as I press as far inside her as I can go. I hold it, grinding into her.

  “God, you feel so good.”

  “Fuck me, Sam. Hard. Please.”

  She rocks her hips and takes me deeper. I can’t wait. I can’t. I want to make this last, but I can’t. My balls are already trying to crawl up my throat.

  I sit up a little and push her right leg against her chest, and put my weight on it. I can see myself sinking inside her from this angle, my dick all shiny and wet. I spread her lower lips and find her clit. It’s swollen and round and my thumb slides across it. She stops pushing against me and stills. “Yeah,” she breathes.

  I push in and pull out in quick, deep strokes. She cries out my name. “Sam!”

  “Oh God, Peck,” I say. “God, you feel so good. I can’t stop.”

  She squeezes my dick when she comes. I stop, and enjoy the little flutters of her pussy squeezing me tightly, like a hot, wet fist. She rocks against my hand, and I let her ride out her orgasm, watching her face closely. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. So right. So mine.

  “I need to come,” I plead. I wanted to make this last at least thirty seconds, but that’s not going to happen.

  She freezes. I take my weight off her leg and she lowers it. I don’t know what she wants for me to do. I’m going to marry this woman. I know that.

  “Come, Sam,” she growls in my ear. “Come for me now.”

  I wrap my arms under her shoulders so I can power into her, pressing as hard as I can go, as deep as I can get. She holds me close, her arms wrapped around me as I let go deep inside her.

  I’ve never come so hard in my life. I feel like part of me is pouring into her. My heart. My brain. My center. Me.

  “God, I love you so much,” I say, as I collapse on top of her. She tangles her fingers in my hair and scratches my scalp with her fingernails. I’m spent. I don’t even have enough energy to roll off of her. “God, I didn’t know it was going to be like that,” I tell her quietly.

  She jerks under me. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that was the best, most explosive fucking orgasm I have ever had. I thought the top of my head was going to blow off.”

  She laughs, and it pushes my softening dick out of her. I lift my head and kiss the tip of her nose.

  Her cheeks are rosy and she’s suddenly fidgety. “You okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah.” She smiles softly up at me. “I’m okay. Now that you’re here, I’m fine. I really missed you.” She squeezes my arm. “Why are you here?”

  “Well, I almost died, and when I didn’t, I realized the only thing I wanted was you, so here I am.”

  She shoves my shoulder so I have no choice but to roll off of her. She jerks the edge of the blanket to cover herself. “What?”

  I heave a sigh. “It’s a long story.”

  “Then you had better start telling it.”

  I dispose of the condom and spend the next half hour telling her all about my afternoon. She’s appropriately wounded, offended, relieved, and grateful. She lies quietly beside me when my story is over.

  “Thanks for doing that,” she says. “For me. You didn’t have to.”

  “I’d do just about anything for you.”

  “Well, if you ever do anything that stupid again, I might have to kill you myself.”

  She lies there for a long while without saying a word.

  “Hey, cupcake!” I say, like I just had a great idea.

  She laughs. “Hey, Sam.”

  “We need to get married.”

  She lifts her head. “What?”

  “We’re in Vegas. We can get married by an Elvis impersonator.” I press my hands together like I’m praying. “Pretty please,” I beg.

  She laughs again. I don’t think
she’s aware that I’m serious.

  “I’m serious. Totally.” I stare into her dark eyes.

  “Why?”

  I start to tick items off on my fingers. “One—I love you. Two—I don’t want to be apart from you anymore. Three—we just had sex, and if you refuse to marry me, I’ll think you just used me for my body.” I snake a hand beneath the covers and lay it on her belly. “Not that I’m complaining.” I tick off one more item. “And four—you punched me in the nose, so you have to marry me. It’s a rule.”

  She giggles. “It is, huh?”

  “Yep. So, what do you say?” I toss the covers back and press my lips to her belly. She holds my head there for a second, and then her belly jiggles with laughter.

  “Can I shower first?”

  I look up and see that she’s grinning at me. “Seriously?” I ask.

  She nods. “Yeah.”

  I jump to my feet and dig my phone out of my pants pocket. My pants are still hanging around my shins, which is kind of embarrassing, so I hitch them higher. I call Logan and put him on Face Time. Dude, I need a best man, I sign to him.

  “What?” he asks, his voice groggy.

  I need a best man. I’m so fucking excited that I can barely sit still.

  “Give us thirty minutes,” he says.

  I get ready to hand Peck my phone, but she has already fished hers out and is talking to one of her sisters. I can hear multiple squeals on the other end of the line. She holds the phone out and curses. “Thirty minutes,” she says. She nods, and then she gets up and dashes into the bathroom to take a shower.

  I go with her, just because I like the sight of her ass naked, and all the rest of her too, not to mention that it’s about to be mine for eternity.

  ***

  It’s almost four in the morning by the time she comes out of the bathroom. I went in there and showered with her, but it just made me want her again, so I climbed out and got dressed. I don’t have anything to wear aside from what I wore here, so I’m feeling a little out of sorts. Particularly when she comes out of the bathroom wearing a dress, some strappy silver sandals, and her hair has been blown out and styled. She’s wearing a little makeup, too.

  I grab her and growl into her neck. “Damn, you look good enough to eat.”

  She laughs and shoves me away. “Maybe later.”

  I scratch my chin. “I wonder if it’s any different eating out your wife.”

  She blinks her pretty brown eyes at me. “I don’t have a wife.”

  I laugh out loud. “God, I love you.”

  A knock sounds on the door and I open it to find Logan leaning in the doorway. He has a nice outfit hooked on a hanger over his shoulder. I recognize it. It’s one of the ones Emily’s mom gets from Madison Avenue, the clothing line they own. It’s classy. And really great. “You didn’t buy this, did you?”

  He shakes his head. “I brought it just in case.”

  “Just in case I got married?”

  “Just in case we had to go somewhere nice on the tour.” He shakes his head and grins. “Just put it on and shut up.”

  “Where’s Em?” I ask.

  “She had to wake Kit up and get her dressed.”

  Oh, fuck. I totally forgot about how much this would inconvenience them. “Tell her to go back to bed. I didn’t mean to mess up your whole night.”

  He scoffs. “Are you kidding? She wouldn’t miss it. And she’s going to hold the camera for the rest of the crew.”

  “What crew?”

  “Your brothers. Pete? Matt? Paul?”

  “They’re awake?”

  “They are now. They’re waiting to see you tie the knot.”

  My heart swells in my chest and I have to swallow past the lump in my throat.

  “Go get dressed,” Logan says.

  I go in the bathroom and change clothes. I can’t hear him talking with Peck, which means they’re either standing there looking stupid at one another or they’re signing. My bet is that they’re signing. I just wish I knew what they’re talking about.

  I walk back out and point to my feet. I have no nice shoes. Logan toes his own black tennis shoes off and kicks them toward me. I throw mine at him and he slides them on his feet.

  There’s a squeal on the other side of the door and a rapid knock. Peck opens the door to her sisters, and they swarm her all at once.

  When they finally let her go, I take her hand in mine. “You ready to go get married?” I ask.

  She nods, chewing on her lower lip. “I’m ready,” she says quietly.

  There’s one thing I know for sure. I am the luckiest man in the world.

  Peck

  Sam takes my breath away. He’s dressed in a blue button-down shirt that makes his eyes even bluer than normal, and black pants. We walk to the first drive-through marriage convenience center we see, and they do have an Elvis impersonator to perform the ceremony, so Sam is happy. They sell him a package, including rings for the two of us, flowers for me to hold, and they give us petals for Kit to toss, although she tries to eat them all first.

  When the owner of the chapel finds out we’re Skyping all the family in, he hooks our phone up to his big screen, so we can see them all. They’re all at their own houses, but the screen is split so we have Matt and Sky, Paul and Friday, Reagan and Pete, and Marta and Emilio on conference call. I see one extra box on the screen. I lean toward it and say, “Who is that?”

  Sam grins. “Henry.”

  I wave. “Hi, Henry!”

  He waves back.

  “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I murmur to Sam.

  His eyes narrow. “You don’t want to?”

  “No, no! I do.” But I point to the Elvis impersonator and laugh. “But this guy…”

  Sam chuckles.

  Elvis starts to sing “Viva Las Vegas” as Sam and I walk side by side down the aisle. I cover my mouth and laugh.

  “I want you to repeat after me, Sam,” Elvis says. He lifts one corner of his lip in that classic snarl. “I, Sam, promise you, Peck, never to step on your blue suede shoes. I promise never to leave you at Heartbreak Hotel. I promise to be your hunka-hunka burning love, forever and ever, amen.”

  “Wait,” Sam says. “That’s Randy Travis. Not Elvis.”

  “Close enough,” Elvis says.

  Sam rolls his hips like Elvis did when he repeats the words.

  I can’t stop laughing. I laugh so hard that I have to wipe tears from my eyes. But I don’t feel bad, because Emily is doing the same thing. And the rest of the brothers and their wives are laughing it up too.

  “Now you, Peck,” Elvis says. He swivels his hips and someone does a rim shot on a set of drums. “I, Peck, solemnly swear to love you tender for the rest of my life, and never leave you with a suspicious mind.”

  I repeat the words. I barely stutter, and it warms my heart when I realize that.

  Suddenly, Elvis gets serious. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

  Sam’s eyes meet mine, and he takes my hands. I pass my flowers to one of my sisters and look up at him. We recite the official vows, and I have to blink hard to get through them, particularly when I look at the TV screen and see Marta crying into her handkerchief.

  “Who gives this woman to be married?” Elvis asks.

  Emilio’s voice rings out. “Her mother and I.”

  This time, a hot tear tracks down my cheek and Sam very gently wipes it away. “You okay?” he whispers.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Elvis declares. “Now let’s have a little less conversation and a really big kiss.” He swivels his hips again and I laugh through my tears.

  Sam pushes my hair from my neck and wraps his hand solidly around it, and pulls me to him. He kisses me long, deep, and I feel like it might go on forever. And I’m fine with that.

  But then Emilio coughs into his fist. I hear him say, “Enough,” over his hacking, and Sam pulls back with a grin.

  “I couldn’t help it,” he whispers. />
  Elvis congratulates us and makes his exit, because he has a ceremony to perform next door. “You can stay and talk with your family for a few minutes if you want to,” a lady tells us.

  Sam pulls up a chair and then draws me into his lap. We face the screen as we accept congratulations from his family and from mine.

  This feels like a dream. It feels like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and it’ll all be over. But I want it to be real. Forever.

  Marta and Emilio sign off, and so does Henry. My sisters are yawning, so I send them to bed too, with promises that we’re almost done here. The brothers linger, though, and I wouldn’t expect any less of them. It may be almost morning, but they’re a unit, and I’m so happy Sam has a family like this.

  Suddenly, Logan pulls his cap off and faces the screen. “Can I talk to you guys about something?” he says. He’s signing while he’s talking, and Paul signs back.

  “Of course. What’s up?” Paul tilts his screen so that it looks like he’s closer.

  Logan looks at Sam and signs sorry. Sam just furrows his brow and looks at Logan’s head, directly behind his ear. He can clearly see where his hair was shaven for his implant. Sam looks at me, confusion clouding his face.

  “Right before we left…” Logan begins. He has to stop and clear his throat. “Right before we left, I went and got a cochlear implant.”

  He stops talking, and I can see his eyes moving from one house to the other on the monitor. No one says a word. Not even Sam.

  “I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you’d try to stop me. And then I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you wouldn’t try to stop me. I was really afraid to do it, but it was something I really wanted. Something I really needed.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us?” Paul asks. Everyone else is quiet.

  “I just felt like I was betraying myself. And all of you. And I didn’t like it. But I needed to do it.” He clears his throat again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and I hope you can forgive me.”

  “Why are you telling us now?”

  He jerks a thumb toward Sam. “I wanted to ruin his perfect wedding.” He laughs, but it’s a watery sound. He closes his eyes and waits a beat. “So, I was wondering… When we get home, they’re going to activate this thing… And I was…kind of hoping…I was hoping you all could go with me when they do it.” He takes a deep breath, and it’s almost like he sucks all the air out of the room. I feel like there’s an elephant sitting on my chest.