Sins of Omission

by T S McKinney

  As the giant ship had glided gracefully out of port, Ari had been lying in bed, a wet rag on his face, and a bucket next to him. After calling down to the customer service center to have some motion sickness meds brought up to him, I’d unpacked our belongings and tucked them into their proper places. When I hadn’t thought they were getting the meds up to the room fast enough, I’d left him only long enough to go to one of the stores on the boat and purchase them myself. I’d gotten him the pills, drops, something to stick behind his ears, and some type of wrist bracelet that resembled sweat bands from the eighties. Back in the room, I’d forced a couple of pills down him, followed by a few sips of Ginger Ale, and then watched as he slept.

  Fuck, I’d missed that…just being able to look at him.

  I couldn’t be sure what the past three years had been like for Ari, but they’d been hell on me. Yes, I’d been pissed when I’d learned the truth about his age. More than that, though, I’d been hurt that he’d lied to me, led me on to the point that I almost did something stupid. Even if I hadn’t known the truth, I would have never forgiven myself if things had gone too far with Ari. It had taken me months to forgive him—fucked with my life to the point that if my step sister hadn’t gotten involved and shoved me back onto a healthy path, I wasn’t sure where I would have ended up. Yes, it had taken months for me not to hate him, but even after that, it had taken many more months to even try to understand why he would have done what he did. At some point, I couldn’t even remember when, I’d stopped caring or trying to understand. I’d finally just accepted that I loved Arizona, no matter how big the lie had been or how much damage it could have caused. None of that burned brighter than the love I felt for him.

  I’d forced myself to wait—had tried my damn hardest to wait until he turned twenty-one before I reappeared back into his life, dedicated to winning him back. I’d failed, though. My desperation to hold him again, to hear his laugh, or get lost in his eyes, became too much for me to even attempt to fight off. I’d told Samantha of my plans to find Ari again and to try and make him mine and it was only then that my utterly evil, magnificently wonderful step sister told me she’d been keeping eyes on my man for me.

  Imagine my surprise when Ari hadn’t fallen on his knees, begging me for forgiveness for his dangerous lie, on our first face-to-face encounter. No, he was pissed at me. What. The. Ever. Loving. Fuck? He’d been the one to lie about something that could have very well sent me to jail and marked me as a sex offender for the remainder of my life…and he was pissed at me!

  Once again, I’d struggled…even considered going back home and trying to forget how much my heart ached for him. I have a dominant personality that demands to be in control of every situation, but I can’t control my own heart. That, it seemed, was truly fucked up.

  So, here I was—on a gay cruise with him, in the same cabin for seven fun-filled days, with him hating me to the point that he’d gone online and created a new identity in order to try and escape being near me. My head told me that things were only going to get worse with each passing minute of each day. My heart, however, told me to stand my ground—go big or go home. This could very well be my last chance with Ari, so if I failed, it needed to be a failure based on me giving it everything I had and him rejecting it. I truly believed that was my only hope of getting Ari completely out of my head, heart, and soul…if it was even possible.

  My night was spent either on the balcony or sitting in the large chair next to the bed just watching him as he slept. Back and forth from one spot to the other, my mind racing with plans to win him back while my heart tried to prepare for rejection. Now, as the early morning sun began to creep through the cracks in the closed curtains, looking at him made me smile. He was sprawled, catty-cornered, on the king-sized bed, taking up as much space as humanly possible. It had been that way the entire night, but with different positions every time I’d return from the balcony. One time he’d been longways across the bed. The next time I’d checked, his head had been at the foot of the bed and his feet were resting on the pillow I would have been using if we’d shared a bed last night. Another time, one leg had been dangling precariously off the side of the bed. All through the night, he’d flipped and flopped into different positions…telling me he’d be hell to try and sleep with.

  And heaven.

  I’m sure he wouldn’t remember that I’d removed his shorts, T-shirt, and flipflops before tucking him into the bed. I hoped he wouldn’t remember my gasp of surprise and arousal when I found that beneath his shorts, he wore nothing but a pair of rainbow print itty-bitty briefs that failed miserably at covering the gorgeous globes of his ass or the impressive package in front. Always reserved in the past, I’d expected to find tighty-whities on my man. When it’d been something else, something even sexier, I was torn between arousal and jealousy. Arousal because he looked fucking hot with all his junk barely hidden beneath the flimsy fabric but jealous because someone other than me had been the man to convince him to be a bit more adventurous.

  What else about him had become more adventurous? What things had other men taught him while I’d been away…licking the wounds he’d inflicted on my soul? Who’d been his first? His second? Was he with someone now, like he’d insinuated? I had hundreds of questions but suspected I wouldn’t like any of the answers.

  I was still staring when his green eyes slowly fluttered open. He looked confused at first as his gaze swept around the room, stopping when it landed on me. I sat perfectly still, waiting for the attack that I suspected would be coming my way. It would either be that or he’d be making another dash for the bathroom because the sea sickness pills weren’t working properly. He did neither, though—just lay there, looking at me with a strange expression on his face.

  When the silent stare became too much for me to handle, I whispered, “Happy Birthday, Arizona.”

  A soft smile, the first one he’d directed toward me since I’d walked back into his life, curved his plump lips. “You remembered,” he answered. His voice sounded scratchy from the horrible heaving he’d done before his stomach finally settled enough for him to drift off to sleep.

  “Of course, I remembered,” I answered. “I tried to wait until your twenty-first birthday, but found my desire to be near you again just too much to resist…so here I am.”

  “Bullshit,” he muttered but the prettiest blush in the world colored his cheeks.

  He wasn’t nearly as immune to me as he liked to pretend. Whether he cared to admit it or not, the bond we’d once shared was too hard to break. I continued to stare at him while he continued to have an odd fascination with every spot in the cabin except for where I sat. That was fine; I was a patient man. I had seven days to win him back.

  Well, six now. Day one had been wasted with his head dangling over the loo and me holding his hair away from the waterfall of liquor and stomach acid.

  “You stayed in my cabin all night?” he asked.

  “I stayed in our cabin all night,” I answered. “Just like I will tonight, tomorrow night, and the remainder of the cruise. It’s safer that way, Ari.” Yes, it was safer, but we all knew that wasn’t the real reason why I’d demanded the IT person from work add me to his cabin when booking the cruise. It wouldn’t have been a huge stretch for them to rearrange the cabins and make it where we could have enjoyed adjoining cabins, giving each of us some privacy. I hadn’t wanted that, though. Nope, not me.

  “Absolutely not, Eli,” he barked quickly. “I’m not sharing a cabin with you. Not now. Not ever. I…I might want to entertain a new friend.”

  His argument was weak, at best. “A new friend? As opposed to all the old friends you were supposedly traveling with for your birthday celebration?” That comment might have been a hit below the belt, but he needed to know that lying to me was going to be a waste of both our time. I knew him too well—just like he knew me.

  “You’re a bastard, Eli,” Ari snarled viciously. His voice was vicious, but the look in his eyes was nothing but
pain. “You’re a fucking bastard for saying that.”

  “I wasn’t implying you couldn’t make friends, Ari—only that you bundle yourself up so tight, afraid of not fitting into whatever mold you believe you think you should fit in to, that you won’t put yourself out there and make new friends. You don’t trust anybody…especially yourself. Hell, babe, anybody would be honored to be considered your friend, but you won’t let them in.”

  “Not true, idiot. I have Baker and Seth,” he said smugly. Then, with a strange expression on his face, he asked, “Is that what you want to be, Eli? My friend? Is that what this is all about? You missed my playful banter so damn much you just had to come crawling back for more?”

  “Playful banter, huh? No, it wasn’t that, Ari. I missed you. Believe what you want and blame me for everything that went wrong between us if it makes you feel better. The past is the past. I’m more than ready and able to leave it right where it belongs—in the past. I hoped you’d be capable of doing the same thing.”

  I watched the emotions play across his face and wondered exactly what he was thinking. He was still the Arizona that I’d fallen in love with years ago, but he was also incredibly different. There’d always been a part of him that he held back from everyone except me, but even I no longer got to see that side of him. I wanted that Arizona back…the one that looked at me like I was the most valuable trinket on the planet.

  I also wanted to fuck him so hard that he’d never again doubt who he belonged to.

  Mine. The animalistic thought echoed in my mind.

  “You’re only here to hurt me, Eli. Admit it,” he hissed. “Why can’t you just let it go? I lied. I shouldn’t have. Is that what you wanted to hear? You want an apology, Eli? Okay, I’m sorry! I’m fucking sorry that I lied! There…now leave.”

  The sadness in his eyes was the only thing that kept me from being hurt from his outburst. Those damn eyes—they’d always been the window to his soul and my biggest weak point. From our first date until now, I’d never been able to deny him anything. It was the very reason I’d had to walk away.

  And the very reason I’d had to return.

  “Yes, I appreciate the apology, Ari. Very much. It wasn’t necessary, though. I’d already forgiven you.” I winked at him. “It doesn’t mean, however, that I intend to let you off without some…punishment for being so naughty. From where I’m sitting, I owe you a spanking for lying about your age and a birthday spanking on top of that.”

  He blushed really pretty but then snorted in disgust. “I’m not into that spanking, cropping, or flogging…or whatever the hell you people call it. If you, Seth, and Baker want to dabble into that kind of sordid kink, go for it. Just keep my ass out of it.”

  Okay…good to know.

  So much for hoping he was anything like Baker.

  It was probably at this moment when I’d one day look back and really regret the words that were about to come out of my mouth, the words that made me nothing more than a hypocrite and liar, but when faced with being honest and risking losing any hopes of getting back together with Ari before we even had a chance to explore adult feelings…I chose to lie. It was nothing more than an itsy-bitsy little lie that, with enough truth-twisting, I couldn’t almost present a fairly good defense of the validity of my next statement.

  “I’m not into the BDSM stuff like Seth and Baker, so that’s nothing you have to worry about,” I assured him and, because there was enough truth to the statement, my eyes didn’t give me away. However, once my tongue start flapping, it wouldn’t seem to stop. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. You do deserve a spanking for lying about your age. You could have gotten me into a lot of trouble, Ari. That shit’s not fair and you have to know that. Second, everybody gets a birthday spanking, whether they are into spankings or not.” I stood up and made a move in his direction, half-expecting him to cower in a corner to race toward the balcony doors, so he could make a dive into the deep blue sea in an attempt to escape me.

  He didn’t scamper away, though. His cheeks flushed a deeper red and his chest rose and fell at a quicker pace than a few seconds earlier. His teeth nibbled at his bottom lip, making the damn beauties even puffier and more kissable than they already were. The lip nibble—it got to me every damn time, and Ari was an expert lip nibbler. It was one of the first things that had made me notice him. He’d been in the library, intently studying what I’d mistakenly thought to be a textbook for one of his upper-level classes. His face had been crinkled into a frown and he’d been working that bottom lip with enough emphasis that I’d gotten rock-hard just from a minute-long glance. Being the arrogant motherfucker I was, I’d swaggered straight over to him and made my move. As I’d walked in his direction, a plan had formed in my head—I’d fuck him senseless and walk away. Perfect plan. Solid plan. Perfect, solid plan that had worked for me since early high school days. It was my go-to plan.

  Arizona Honeycutt had been the first time the plan hadn’t worked. When he’d looked up at me, those bright jade eyes wide with surprise, I’d found myself lost in their depths. Oh, and he had the longest motherfucking eyelashes I’d ever seen on a man. I remember thinking they looked like damn angel wings. From that moment right up until I’d been forced to leave him, I’d given him the nickname Angel. He hadn’t known why, and that fact had nearly driven him mad with frustration. I guess being super smart made one think they needed to know and understand everything. Just to aggravate, I’d never told him. Hell, I’d always thought we’d have plenty of time.

  When I’d noticed it wasn’t a textbook he was reading, but something called Social Interaction for Dummies, I’d fallen in love. Boom. Just like that. People say it isn’t possible—that insta-love doesn’t really exist. I say nay, nay—not true. It does exist, and I was living proof of it. Between his picture-perfect body, pouty lips, long eyelashes, and that damn Social Interaction for Dummies…I’d been hooked—the hook so deep in my mouth that I’d never be able to wiggle my way off his fishing line.

  He hiked his chin upward, met my eyes, and said, “You aren’t spanking me, Eli, so get that ridiculous thought out of your head.”

  I grinned. “Sure, I am but not right now,” I conceded. “Right now, we’re going to get your teeth brushed and your body a good hot shower—you kinda reek of puke right now. After that, we’re going to get some beach clothes on and head down to the breakfast buffet. You need something in your stomach as quickly as possible and a trip to the upper deck will help us see if your motion sickness bracelets and ear stickies are going to work.” I tugged the blanket. “I really hope they work because I’d hate for you to have to take the pills. I remember how any pills, baby aspirin included, can make you a bit loopy.” When he scrambled to reach for the blanket, I tossed it across the room and out of his reach.

  I watched, probably with more enjoyment than I should have, as his eyes widened in shock when he noticed he wore nothing but his itsy-bitsy rainbow briefs…that failed miserably at hiding his morning wood. With his ire raising at such a rapid pace, now might not be the time to mention that I could clearly see the head of his cock sticking out of the waistband. Hell, what did he expect? They were tiny briefs.

  “Who undressed me?” he snarled as he made a futile effort to cover his junk with both hands.

  “The guy who brought the motion sickness medicine up,” I answered casually. “Up with you, angel. You really need that shower and toothbrush.”

  His eyes were wide as saucers. “You…you…you let a complete stranger undress me? Seriously, Eli? What kind of fucking bodyguard do you claim to be?” He rolled his eyes as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Clearly you only got a job with the agency because your sister owns the company!” His eyes whipped around the room, probably looking for a robe so he could hide his pretty little ass from my hungry gaze. Ha! Good luck with that shit; I’d placed those out of his reach.

  “Hell, no, Ari. You damn well know I didn’t let a complete stranger lay a finger on you last night! You kno
w better than that shit, so stop acting like you believed me for one second.” I pointed toward the bathroom door and said, “That way. Oh, and I work for the family company because I’m damn good at what I do.” I waved toward the bathroom door again. “Shake that ass, birthday boy. The longer its here, on glorious display, the more it begs to be spanked.”

  He blushed, and it was fucking gorgeous. “Stop looking.”

  With a roll of my eyes, I turned my back on him and muttered, “Stop looking so damn hot if you don’t want me looking.” My only answer was the slamming of the bathroom door. Fuck, but this was going to be even harder than I’d imagined…and I’d imagined it many times. In all those times, though, I’d never imagined myself telling him I wasn’t into BDSM…or him telling me he hated it.

  *****

  Ari

  I leaned against the heavy wooden door and tried to catch my breath, calm my thundering heart, and figure out a way to keep my legs from feeling like half-cooked noodles. Eli was on my cruise. On my gay cruise. In my cabin. He’d undressed me. Cuddled, soothed, and cleaned me after I’d spent hours purging my stomach of every single item that had ever crossed my lips. No, seriously…ever fucking bite I’d ever taken.

  And my nemesis had witnessed every second of my disgusting ordeal.

  And had acted like I was a special treasure while doing it.

  Fuck…what did it all mean? How did it make me feel? How did Eli feel? Was there a chance his sweet words were more than an evil, long-planned trap to exact revenge on me for what I’d done to him?