Festive Fling with the Single Dad

by Annie Claydon

  ‘Papa’s just going to put out the fire. He won’t be a minute.’ She said the words as if it was nothing. Maybe it was nothing to Aksel, but right now it seemed a great deal to her.

  She watched as Aksel’s dark figure approached the fire. A plume of shadows emitted from the fire extinguisher and the flames died almost immediately. He disappeared for a moment and then reappeared with a bucket, tipping its contents over the ashes to make sure that the fire was well and truly out.

  Okay. Everything was okay, and now all she wanted to do was to get warm. By the time Aksel reappeared her teeth were chattering.

  ‘Everything all right?’

  ‘No.’ He took his coat off and wrapped it around her. ‘You’re freezing.’

  ‘The fire’s out, though...’ He was hurrying her towards her own front door, his arm around her shoulders.

  ‘Yes. I made sure of it.’ Aksel pushed the door open and glorious warmth surrounded her suddenly. ‘Come and sit down.’

  He was gentle and attentive, but his eyes were dead. Whatever he felt was locked behind an impervious barrier.

  ‘Stay with Mette and I’ll make a hot drink.’ Flora was trying to stop shivering.

  ‘No, I’ll do that. You sit and get warm.’ He picked up the woollen blanket that was folded across the back of the sofa and waited until Flora had sat down, then tucked it around her and Mette. Then he disappeared into the kitchen.

  He came back with two cups of tea, and Flora drank hers while he went upstairs to the bathroom to wash his hands and face. When he came back and sat down, Mette crawled across the sofa, snuggling against him and yawning. Flora waited for the little girl to fall asleep before she asked the inevitable question.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘I was asleep upstairs. Kari and Mette were downstairs, and Kari herded Mette out into the hallway and shut the door. Then she came to wake me up.’ He held out his hand, and Kari ambled over to him. He fondled the dog’s ears and she laid her head in his lap.

  ‘You taught her to do that?’

  He nodded. ‘I didn’t even know that Mette was out of bed.’

  ‘What was she doing downstairs?’

  ‘From the looks of it, she’d gone downstairs and lit a candle in the grate. It must have fallen over onto the hearth rug...’ His voice cracked and broke with emotion.

  ‘Where did she get the matches from?’ Aksel had clearly already tried and convicted himself, without even listening to the case for the defence.

  ‘They were in one of the high cupboards in the kitchen. I didn’t think she could get to them, but when I went back inside I saw that she’d dragged a chair across the room. She must have climbed up on it, then got up onto the counter top and into the cupboard.’

  It was quite an achievement for a six-year-old with poor sight. ‘What made her so determined to light a candle in the middle of the night?’ Flora’s hand flew to her mouth. She knew the answer.

  ‘When I packed her things, I forgot her electric candle. So I lit a real one for her. It’s all my...’ He fell silent as Flora flapped her hand urgently at him.

  ‘Don’t. You’re not to say it. It’s not your fault.’

  ‘That’s not borne out by the facts.’ His face was blank, as if he’d accepted his guilt without any question.

  Flora took a breath. Whatever she said now had to be convincing. ‘Look, Aksel, I talk to a lot of parents in the course of my work. The one thing that everyone agrees on is that you can’t watch your children twenty-four hours a day. It isn’t possible. But you’ve come up with a good second-best, and you trained Kari to watch over her.’

  He narrowed his eyes. ‘You’re just making excuses for me.’

  ‘No, I’m not. You let her say goodnight to her mother, Aksel, she needs to do that. And you put the matches away, somewhere that should have been out of her reach.’

  ‘She did reach them, though.’

  ‘Well, you might be able to take part of the blame for that one. She takes after her father in being resourceful. I imagine she has all kinds of challenges up her sleeve...’

  ‘All right. You’re making me panic now.’

  If he didn’t like that, then he really wasn’t going to like the next part. ‘You need to let her know, Aksel, that she mustn’t play with matches.’

  He sighed. ‘Yes. I know. Her grandmother always told her off when she was naughty...’

  ‘Yeah, right. You can’t rely on her to be the bad guy now.’

  Right on cue, Mette shifted fitfully in his arms, opening her eyes. ‘Papa, the fire’s out?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Did you save all the crocodiles, and the penguins?’ Mette was awake again now, and probably ready to play. Aksel’s face took on an agonised look, knowing that the time had come for him to be the bad guy.

  ‘Yes, the crocodiles and penguins are all fine. Mette, there’s something I have to say to you.’

  Mette’s gaze slid guiltily towards Flora and she struggled not to react. Aksel had to do this by himself.

  ‘I love you very much, Mette, and you know that you can talk to Mama any time you want.’ He started with the positive. ‘But you mustn’t touch matches or light candles when I’m not there. And you mustn’t climb up onto cupboards either. You could hurt yourself very badly.’

  A large tear rolled down Mette’s cheek. Flora could almost see Aksel’s heart breaking.

  ‘Is the fire my fault, Papa?’

  ‘No. It’s my fault. I didn’t tell you not to do those things, and I should have. But I want you to promise not to do them again.’ He waited a moment for Mette to respond. ‘You have to say it, please, Mette. “I promise...”’

  Mette turned the corners of her mouth down in a look of abject dismay. Even Flora wanted to forgive her immediately, and she wondered whether getting to the North Pole had presented quite as much of a challenge to Aksel as this.

  ‘I promise, Papa.’ Another tear rolled down her cheek and Aksel nodded.

  ‘Thank you.’ Finally he broke, cuddling Mette to his chest. ‘I love you very much.’

  ‘I love you too, Papa.’

  ‘What was it you wanted to say to Mama?’ He kissed the top of his daughter’s head.

  ‘I forgot to tell her all about our house. And that I like my room...’

  ‘All right. We’ll go back to the clinic and find your candle. And you can tell Mama all about it.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘Right now, Mette.’

  Mette nodded, satisfied with his answer, and curled up in his arms, her eyelids drooping again drowsily. Flora handed him the woollen blanket and he wrapped his daughter in it, leaving her to sleep. Finally his gaze found Flora’s.

  ‘Forget wrestling crocodiles. That was the most difficult thing...’

  ‘Have you wrestled a crocodile?’

  ‘Actually, no. Mette thinks I have, but that’s not as dangerous as it sounds because she thinks that her cuddly crocodile is a true-to-life representation. I tell her a story about crocodiles and penguins that I met when I was in the Andes.’

  ‘Right. Even I could wrestle a cuddly toy. I didn’t know there were crocodiles in the Andes.’

  ‘There aren’t. She added a few things in as we went along. The penguins act as tour guides and show you the right way to go.’

  ‘Penguins are always the good guys.’

  He nodded, finally allowing himself a smile. ‘I’m going to take her back to the clinic, now.’

  ‘What? It’s three in the morning, Aksel. Why don’t you just stay here?’

  ‘I said that we’d go now so that she can talk to Lisle. And I want her to wake up somewhere that’s familiar to her.’

  ‘But...’ Flora saw the logic of it but this felt wrong. ‘She’s asleep. It seems a shame to take her out into the cold now when you can let her sle
ep and take her back first thing in the morning.’

  ‘You heard me promise her, Flora. I’ll stay the night so that I’ll be there whenever she wakes up. You can’t help me with this.’

  There was more to this than just practicality. More than a promise. She could feel Aksel slipping away from her, torn by his guilt and the feeling that he’d let his daughter down.

  Flora had to let him go. He’d feel differently about this in the morning and realise that he could be a father to Mette and a lover to her as well.

  ‘Okay. You’ll be back in the morning?’

  ‘Yes.’ He reached for her, and Flora slid towards him on the sofa. His kiss was tender, but it held none of the fire of their nights together.

  ‘You’re tired. You’ll sleep in?’

  If she could sleep at all. Dread began to pulse through her. What if he decided that this was where their relationship had to end? She pushed the thought away. She had to trust Aksel. There was no other choice.

  ‘I’ll phone in and take a couple of hours off work, I don’t have any patients to see in the morning. I’ll be here when you get back.’

  He nodded. ‘I’ll come as soon as I can.’

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  FLORA WAS UP early and let herself into Aksel’s cottage with the spare key that he’d left with her. The place stank of smoke, and there were deposits of soot all around the sitting room, but apart from that the damage was relatively minor. She tidied the kitchen, putting away the evidence of Mette having climbed up to reach the matches, and tipped the remains of the hearth rug into a rubbish bag. Then she brewed a cup of strong coffee to jolt her tired and aching limbs into action and started to clean.

  Ten minutes after she’d returned to her own cottage for more coffee and some breakfast, Flora heard the throaty roar of the SUV outside in the lane. Running out to embrace him seemed as if it would only make the awful what-ifs of last night a reality again, and she forced herself to sit down at the kitchen table and wait for him to come to her.

  When he did, he looked as tired as she felt. But the first thing he did, when she let him into the cottage, was hug her. His body seemed stiff and unresponsive, but it was still a hug. Things were going to be all right.

  ‘I appreciate the clean-up, but I was hoping to find you’d slept in this morning.’ He sat down at the kitchen table while she made him coffee.

  ‘Your early mornings are starting to rub off on me.’ It wouldn’t do to tell him she’d been awake most of the night, worrying. Normal was good at the moment, even if she was going to have to fake it.

  She put his coffee down in front of him and sat down. ‘So how’s Mette?’

  ‘Fine. She told me that a fire’s a very second-league adventure. Fighting crocodiles is much more exciting.’ He smiled suddenly, and Flora laughed.

  ‘Shame. If we could have tempted a few out of the loch then you could have done that too.’

  He laughed, but there was no humour in his eyes. They were going through the motions of believing in life again, without any of the certainty.

  ‘Aksel, I... What happened last night was a terrible accident. Mette’s all right and so are you.’

  ‘Yes. I know.’ He might know it, but he didn’t seem to believe it.

  ‘You’re a good father. You can keep her safe. We’ll do it together, we’ll go through the whole cottage and check everything... We can learn from this and make sure that it doesn’t happen again.’

  He looked at her blankly. ‘We?’

  ‘Yes, we. You’re not alone with this, we’ll do it together.’

  ‘I need to do it, Flora. When I go back to Oslo...’ They both knew what happened then. When he went back to Oslo, she would stay here in Cluchlochry, and it would be an end to their relationship. Aksel couldn’t bring himself to rely on her.

  She’d thought about this. It was far too early to say anything, but maybe it needed to be said now. Maybe they both needed to know that their relationship didn’t have to be set in stone, and that it did have a future.

  ‘When you go back to Oslo, there’s nothing to stop me from visiting, is there?’ Flora decided to start slowly with this.

  He looked up at her. The look in his eyes told Flora that maybe she hadn’t started slowly enough.

  ‘I just... It seems so very arbitrary, to put an end date on this. What we have.’

  ‘We’ll always have it, Flora. There’s no end date on that.’

  It was a nice thought. A romantic thought, which didn’t bear examination. Over time, the things they’d shared would be tarnished and forgotten.

  ‘That’s not what I meant. I was thinking in a more...literal sense.’ Flora’s heart began to beat fast. This wasn’t going quite the way she’d hoped, and she was beginning to dread what Aksel might say.

  ‘You’re thinking of coming to Norway?’

  ‘Well... I’m a free agent. I can come and see you, can’t I?’

  This wasn’t about Mette any more. It was about Aksel’s determination to do things on his own. About hers to find someone who trusted her. It was a bright winter morning, warm and cosy inside with snow falling outside the window, but Flora could feel the chill now, instead of the heat.

  He was still and silent for a moment. When he looked at her, Flora could only see the mountain man, doggedly trudging forward, whatever the cost. Whatever he left behind.

  ‘Do you seriously think that if you came to Norway, I’d ever let you go?’

  Flora swallowed hard. That sounded like a no.

  ‘Okay.’ She shrugged, as if it didn’t matter to her. ‘That’s okay, I won’t come, then.’

  ‘Flora...’ He reached across the table, laying his hand on her arm. The sudden warmth in his eyes only made her angry and she pulled away from him.

  ‘I heard what you said, Aksel.’ He didn’t want her. Actually, not wanting her would have been relatively okay. Flora knew that he wanted her but that he was fighting it.

  ‘I didn’t mean...’ He let out a breath, frustration showing in his face. Clearly he didn’t know quite what he meant. Or maybe he did, and he wasn’t going to say it. In a moment of horrible clarity Flora knew exactly what he meant.

  Aksel wouldn’t take the risk of things becoming permanent between them. She’d trusted him, and he was pushing her away now. They’d tried to be happy—and surely they both deserved it. But Aksel was going to turn his back on that and let her down.

  ‘Don’t worry about it. I know what you’re saying to me. That you’re in control of this, and it comes to an end when you go. Well, I’m taking control of it and it ends now. I’m going to work.’

  ‘Flora...’ he called after her, but Flora had already walked out of the kitchen. Pulling on her coat, she picked up Dougal’s lead, which was all she needed to do to prompt him to scrabble at the front door.

  He’d made her feel him. He’d been inside her, in more ways than just physically, and she’d dared to enjoy it. Dared to want more. When he caught her up in the hallway, and she turned to look at him, she still loved him. It would always be this way with Aksel, and she had to make the break now, for her own sanity’s sake.

  ‘Can’t we talk about this?’

  ‘I think we’ve said all we need to say, haven’t we? If you see me again, just look the other way, Aksel. I don’t want to speak to you, ever again.’

  She pulled open the front door, slamming it in his face. Aksel would be gone by the time she got home from work this evening, and hopefully he’d take what she’d said seriously. If they saw each other in the village, or at the clinic, she’d be looking the other way, and so should he.

  * * *

  He’d messed up. Big time. Aksel had been in some very tight spots, but he couldn’t remember one as terrifying and hopeless as this.

  He’d spent most of the night sitting in the chair next to Mette’s bed, staring
into the darkness and wondering how he could make things right. How he could be a father to Mette, and love Flora as well. He’d come to no conclusion.

  Last night’s fire wasn’t the issue. But it had shaken him and dredged up feelings that he’d struggled to bury. Lisle’s lies. His guilt over not having been there for Mette. And when Flora had spoken of coming to Norway to visit...

  He knew what she’d been doing. She’d been trying to patch things up and convince them both that nothing was the matter. Flora always tried to mend what was broken, and he loved her for it. But she deserved someone better than him. Now that he was responsible for Mette, could he ever be the man that Flora could trust?

  The question hammered at him, almost driving him to his knees. He’d travelled a long way, and it had seemed that he’d finally found the thing that he hadn’t even known he’d been looking for. Did he really have to turn his back on Flora? Aksel couldn’t bear it, but if it had to be done, then it was better for it to be done now.

  He took a gulp of his coffee, tipping the rest into the sink and clearing up the kitchen. Then he signalled to Kari to follow him out into the cold, crisp morning air. As Aksel shut Flora’s front door behind him, he knew only two things for sure. That this hurt far more than anything he’d experienced before. And that now he had to go on the most important journey of his life. One that he’d told himself he’d never make, and which might just change everything.

  * * *

  Anger had propelled Flora through the morning. But anger was hard to sustain, particularly where Aksel was concerned. When she couldn’t help thinking about his touch, the honesty in his clear blue eyes, and the way he gave himself to her...

  But now he’d taken it all away. As the day wore on, each minute heavy on her hands, the sharp cutting edge of her fury gave way to a dull ache of pain. She hurried home after work, trying not to notice that his cottage was quiet and dark, no lights showing from the windows.

  Flora spent a sleepless night, thinking what might have been, and wondering if a miracle might happen to somehow bring it all back again. The feeble light of morning brought her answer. It had been good between them, and Aksel was the man she’d always wanted. But he couldn’t handle the guilt of feeling himself torn in two directions, and Flora couldn’t handle trusting him and then having him push her away.