Soft Limits: A Deviations Novel (Deviations Series Book 6)

by Jodi Payne

  Nikki sat in the chair opposite his desk. “I’m not sure I know what to say. I feel…I felt…it hurt to be rejected like that, Bradford.”

  He went to Nikki, took the boy’s hands and leaned against his desk. He noted the injury to Nikki’s knuckles but thought it best not to distract the boy by mentioning it just now. He would see to it later when things were calmer. “My boy. I didn’t reject you, I refused you. It’s not the same thing.”

  “It felt like the same thing. And why do you have to…to…do that? You said no, Bradford. What’s the difference why?”

  “It’s a world of difference, boy.”

  “I’m not your fucking boy right now, Bradford. I’m Nikki. Just Nikki. I’m just…who I am.”

  “Who you are?” He rubbed his forehead. “These aren’t exclusive identities, boy. You’re not trying on costumes. You are Nikki and you are a sub, and you are—”

  Mine. You’re mine. God, I want you.

  “See? This is why I left. I don’t belong here if I can’t understand what you’re saying to me. What you’re doing.” Nikki’s tone was stressed, anxiety so plain.

  “It’s not your job to figure out how to understand, it’s mine to ensure that you can.” Bradford tried to be reassuring, calm, but Nikki was working himself up, shaking his head.

  “I’m not like the other subs! They’re all so perfect and I’m…”

  “Different, Nikki. You’re perfect too.” He understood that; it was what had drawn him to Nikki from the beginning.

  “Just say it. I know, okay? I’m a fuckup!”

  He reached for Nikki, taking the boy by the shoulders despite every brain cell he possessed screaming at him not to. “You are not a fuckup!”

  Nikki tensed and blinked at him.

  “Oh, dear God, I am sorry. I didn’t intend to shout at you, boy.” Bradford loosened his grip on Nikki’s shoulders but couldn’t quite bring himself to let go entirely. “I am so terribly sorry. But you have to understand, boy. I have worked with so many subs in the club. They are all wonderful in their way. I know how it looks, but they are far from perfect. And I have never wished to call any of them—or any sub at all apart from you, for that matter—mine. You are not a fuckup. You are learning. What more could I possibly ask of you?”

  Nikki was still as stone, breathing deeply and staring at him.

  “Boy?”

  “S…sir.”

  The moment felt so fragile, he almost didn’t dare breathe. “Good boy. I think you should get some rest.”

  “Yes, sir.” Nikki returned the nod and moved closer. “Thank you, Master.”

  Oh. Oh, what a lovely gift. Now he could breathe. Bradford inhaled deeply, the scent of his boy filling his nostrils and the warmth filling his arms.

  They’d rest. And when they woke, they’d make this official. They both deserved it.

  21

  “I want to introduce you to Master Tobias.”

  “Okay. What does he do?”

  Bradford gestured to the chair opposite his desk. “That’s personal information. I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it when he’s ready.”

  “But…I don’t know much about him.” Noah sat, leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs, settling an ankle on one knee.

  “So much the better.”

  “But…I mean, he’s been MIA for a while, right? The way people talk it sounds like he’s been—”

  “Busy. Working hard.” Bradford knew damn well that wasn’t what “people,” especially the longtime subs, said about Tobias. But he decided to play with Noah a bit.

  Noah snorted. “A recluse.”

  “Really?” Well. That was probably true at the moment. He hadn’t heard that term used himself, but just as Doms had their confidants, subs, when permitted, would talk as well. “No, boy. Master Tobias is no recluse.” Lonely and heartbroken? Yes. Depressed for sure. Turning forty-one and in need of a new boy?

  Absolutely.

  Not that Tobias knew that. That was what best friends were for, right? To know these things. And as Tobias had made a reservation for dinner on the occasion of his forty-first birthday, Bradford could comfortably spring a gift on him. With any luck, Tobias would be a gift to Noah as well.

  “Rumors among this community, boy, are abundant and prolific. I don’t encourage them among the membership, and my advice is you ignore them. They are useless at best.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Something about the way Noah said “Yes, sir” was so satisfying. It never felt like lip service or habit. It felt honest.

  Tobias would love that. He would be drawn to the boy’s sincerity, to Noah’s raw need. Much like the animals that Tobias looked after day in and day out, Noah needed looking after. Tobias wouldn’t be able to resist.

  The boy was the perfect birthday gift.

  “I want you to give him a try.”

  “But he’s never at the club.”

  “No. You’re right, he’s been scarce of late. But he’ll be here Friday night for his birthday, and I want him to meet you.”

  Noah sighed heavily. “Bradford, I have to tell you, I’m—”

  “I know, my boy. And I’m so sorry.”

  “This shouldn’t be so hard.”

  “Oh, yes.” He got up and moved around the desk to sit in the vacant chair beside the boy. Noah wasn’t a sub for just anyone. The depth of the boy’s need and Noah’s polished training deserved someone who would recognize it. “You’re wrong there, boy. It should be hard. You want it to be right. It should be a hard search, but an easy decision.”

  Noah looked at him, searched his eyes. “You’re saying I’ll know…when I know.”

  “That is exactly what I am saying. When you meet the right man, the right Dom, you will know.”

  “At a certain point, I have to wonder if it’s me.”

  Bradford shrugged. “It is you, in fact. But don’t give up. I’m not. What good to you is a Dom that doesn’t…click?”

  “Click?”

  “Like a key in a lock.”

  Noah laughed softly and nodded. “All right, sir. Master Tobias, on Friday.”

  “Don’t be late, boy. He’s a stickler. Be here at six.”

  Noah nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  22

  Nikki lifted the note off his dresser, familiar now with the stationery. Bradford had left it for him while he was showering after work. The request was familiar too—mostly. This one had a bit of a twist.

  My dear boy,

  I would be honored if you would join me for dinner this evening. Come in casual and comfortable clothing, and please bring with you a notebook or journal and a pen as you may wish to take notes.

  Respectfully,

  Master Bradford

  Take notes during dinner? Odd. But Sir loved little games like this, and Nikki had learned it was best, and wisest, to follow the Dom’s instructions to the letter.

  So he did.

  Nikki wore soft pants and a loose T-shirt and was feeling horribly underdressed as he approached the door from Bradford’s private quarters to the club. He was just thinking he should change his mind when the door opened, and Brian smiled at him broadly. “You’re here! Master Bradford asked me to come check on you.”

  “I’m fine. Thank you, Brian.”

  “Something big is happening tonight, right? He’s already ordered dinner for both of you and he’s reserved a room. You’re so lucky.”

  “Thank you, Brian.” He didn’t know any of that until now, of course, but he wasn’t going to let on.

  “Master looks so good too.”

  “He—but he told me to be casual and comfortable.”

  “I’m sure he has his reasons. But see?” Brian elbowed him and gestured to where Bradford was seated with a quick nod of his head.

  Bradford stood as they made their way over. The Dom did look amazing. A light-gray suit, lavender tie, hair combed perfectly, eyes warm.

  So handsome.

  Nikki felt horribly uncomfort
able now.

  “Good evening, Nikki. Thank you for joining me.” Bradford stepped out from behind the table to hold his chair.

  Whoa.

  Nikki hesitated a second before smiling and taking a seat. “You look amazing. I look…I mean, when you told me casual and comfortable I—”

  “You look perfect. You’ve done just as I asked. Thank you.” Bradford reached for a pitcher of water on the table to fill their water glasses, and that was when Nikki noticed Brian was suddenly nowhere to be found.

  “You’re welcome, sir.”

  Bradford held a hand up. “No need for ‘sir’ right now. For the moment, I’d like it to be just Bradford and Nikki. Two men having a conversation as equals. That’s important.”

  Uh oh. Was that bad? It kind of sounded bad. Bradford was a stickler for formalities, so what did it mean that he didn’t want titles used at all? “Did I do something wrong?”

  “Not at all. I want to discuss a long-term arrangement with you.”

  “A…?” Long-term arrangement?

  “An agreement. I’d like to negotiate a long-term agreement with you. Three months, perhaps, for starters?”

  “Three months?” He sounded like an idiot, repeating everything Bradford was saying, but it felt like Bradford was miles ahead of him in the conversation already.

  “Oh. Perhaps that’s too long. Of course. Would you be more comfortable with a month to begin with?”

  He shook his head. “Can you just…hold on. Let me catch up here. You want, like, a contract?”

  Bradford smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Not quite, no…I’m so sorry. I launched into this thinking you knew what I was talking about.”

  “I might. I think I do, but can I just clarify?” Because he’d learned that he and Bradford did much better if he double-checked everything.

  “Of course. Let me start this differently. Why don’t you open your notebook?”

  “Oh. Good idea.” The notebook. Now he understood what it was for.

  “You and I negotiate terms for every scene, right? We sit here and have dinner, I tell you what I’d like you to agree to, you have the opportunity to express your own needs and set your limits, and we specify a duration. A few hours, overnight, two days…etcetera.”

  “Right, okay.” He nodded and wrote, “Agreement with Bradford” at the top of the page. “So this would be negotiating but for three months?”

  “Or a month, if you’d prefer shorter.”

  “Like when? Just weekends or something?”

  “Well, I would prefer around the clock actually. Twenty-four seven.”

  “Around the clock like, all day?”

  “And all night. Every day. For whatever duration you agree to. Assuming you agree at all, of course.”

  All day and all night for three months. Whoa. “So…the rules would apply all the time?”

  “Every minute.”

  Nikki looked up at Bradford. “But…what if I screw up?” He was going to screw up. He knew it, and Bradford expected it. It wasn’t a matter of if, but when.

  “What if you do? Mistakes happen. One of the really helpful things about a long-term arrangement is that when you live as a sub every day, all day, you get lots of practice.”

  Nikki laughed. “I get more opportunity to make a mistake.”

  “That too.” Bradford looked at him patiently. “But you will learn. That’s the point.”

  He nodded slowly. That did make sense. But no one had made decisions for him since he was fourteen. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it now. “I have questions.”

  “So, ask them.”

  “How serious is this?”

  “Very serious. I would consider it binding, like any other gentleman’s agreement.”

  Binding, he wrote in his notebook. “What if we’re two weeks in and it’s not working?”

  “Well, we can amend as needed, though you don’t want to mess with it too much.”

  Okay. So he had an out, and the ability to change the deal if he really needed to. But what about— “Do I get…time off?”

  “Time…off.” Bradford repeated it like the words didn’t make any sense.

  “Yeah. Like if I want to go out to a movie or to a bar with friends or something.”

  “Ah. Personal time. Yes, of course. You are still under contract when we are not physically together, such as at work, or on personal time. All you need to do, however, is ask.”

  “Ask?”

  “Exactly. Ask for my permission.”

  Wait. What? “I need your permission to see friends?”

  “Yes and no. You will see your friends, but it will require my permission for you to see friends at a particular time. You need to be sure I don’t have other plans for you. As in a scene, my needs would remain your constant priority. You would be mine, first and foremost.”

  He squinted at Bradford. “So, are you going to say no?”

  Bradford snorted softly and shook his head. “I don’t intend to hold you hostage, Nikki.”

  Shit. “I didn’t mean…I know. I’m sorry.”

  Bradford leaned forward, reached across the table, and took his hand. “There’s no need to apologize. This is all new to you and I understand your concern. If you’d like to try this, let’s agree on a month for now. That ought to be long enough for you get a taste of full-time service without trapping you in something we might have to dissolve. That would be terribly discouraging.”

  Nikki chewed his lip thoughtfully. He wanted to learn more, but he wasn’t interested in working with anyone else. Bradford took everything slow—sometimes it even felt too slow—and he thought they had a real trust between them. If he was going to try this with anyone, Bradford was the right choice.

  There were full-time subs under long-term contracts all over the club. There were experienced subs like Noah and Cade who were actively looking for contracts and hadn’t found them. Bradford was offering him that chance. He was curious. He wanted to know.

  “Okay. I’ll agree to a month-long contract.”

  Bradford squeezed his hand and sat back again. “I’m glad to hear that. But, to be clear, I’m not offering an actual contract. I’m not sure either of us is ready for that yet. I’d like to make it a formal agreement on a handshake.”

  “No contract? But isn’t that what everybody does?”

  “It’s customary at a certain level, yes. But a simple agreement will allow us to build trust. We have to put faith in each other’s word.”

  Nikki thought about that. “I have to trust your word…”

  “Exactly so. And I will trust yours. It calls upon our integrity and our continued desire to work together, instead of being bound by and falling back on a signature.”

  Oh, he knew what was happening now. “It’s a test.”

  “No, boy.” Bradford squinted at him. “It’s a show of faith.”

  God, this man and his words. “What’s the difference?”

  “The difference is that you will have the right to point out my mistakes without the need for a safe word. When we’re not in a formal scene, where of course you would always have full use of your safe words, we could adjust and fine-tune when necessary, with an eye toward a contract in the future.”

  “Oh. Oh, I get it. So we can talk a lot about what’s happening and not have to negotiate all over again.”

  Bradford gave him an approving smile. “Do you want to start with what you want, or should I?”

  Did he know what he wanted? “You start.”

  Bradford nodded. “Very well. For the period of one month, I would like you to be mine full-time, night and day. I will teach you about long-term service. I will see to all of your needs—the obvious ones such as food and rest, and the less obvious, which we’ll discover together in-scene and elsewhere. I will offer you an opportunity every day to speak your mind freely so we can negotiate further and fine-tune—perhaps even experiment. As your Dom, I demand your devotion, and as my sub, I expect you to learn to ant
icipate me and to put my needs and desires before your own.” Bradford stopped talking and watched him. “How does that sound so far?”

  It sounded like Bradford really wanted to take care of him. He wasn’t used to that, and it made his chest ache a little. “Good. So far, good.”

  Bradford nodded. “Very well. I would like to establish some limits now, so we don’t have questions come up that will interrupt our rhythm. I know we’re still discovering your pain limits and your interests in-scene, and I will continue to take that slowly and carefully as we have been.”

  “Can we fuck?” He blinked as the words just popped out.

  Jesus, Nikki.

  Bradford blinked right back at him, and he smiled slightly. “I was getting to that, but as long as we’re there, yes. I would like sex, without restrictions, to be on the table.”

  “Without restrictions?”

  “Well, you can set your boundaries of what you’ll allow, but I want intercourse and oral to be specifically addressed. I’d like to keep things like rough sex and sex while restrained on the table. You can always end anything that makes you uncomfortable with a safe word. I will always use protection, of course.”

  Rough sex? Jesus Christ. Was he supposed to be turned-on during a negotiation? “Sure. Fine. Sex is on the table. Without restrictions.”

  A knowing grin pulled at the corner Bradford’s lips. “Thank you for that trust, Nikki. I promise to be worthy of it.”

  He nodded. He did trust Bradford. With everything.

  And he was really into rough sex.

  “I’m demanding, Nikki. But I promise you I’ll do everything I can to reward your devotion. Whatever your needs, I will meet them, as I believe I have done to this point; Brian and Levi are entirely different subs, but I work well with each of them. Feel free to speak with them any time.”

  “About that…” He got to ask for things, too, right?

  “About?”

  “Levi and Brian and…all those overnight subs.”

  Bradford smiled slowly. “What are you asking, Nikki?”

  Dammit. Bradford was going to make him say it? “If I’m yours then…then you’re mine.”