The taste is not what I’m talking about. “Leith is going to know that I’m cooking stovies especially for him.”
“How could he possibly know that?”
“This is Leith’s favorite meal. His mum’s recipe.”
Our mothers were best friends. I was the closest thing that Leith’s mum had to a daughter, and after my mum was killed, she took me under her wing and began teaching me how to cook. I love her like my own mother, and despite the problems that Leith and I have had, our differences have never affected my relationship with Jenny.
“Leith is going to love this.”
“It’s just so obvious that I’ve cooked his mum’s recipe for him. I feel silly.”
“You shouldn’t. This is a very thoughtful thing to do, and he’s going to love it.”
“Well, it’s too late to back out now. I don’t have time to cook anything else.” I’m fully committed whether I want to be or not.
Sin comes in and chases the babies, taking them to their seats while Bleu helps me prepare our plates. I don’t know how the two of them manage with three wee ones going in three different directions all at the same time. It must be maddening. But it’s a madness that I’d happily love to share with Leith one day.
I inhale deeply and exhale slowly through pursed lips, trying to calm my nerves.
“Stop worrying and enjoy this time with him,” Bleu whispers as we’re carrying the dinner plates to the dining room.
I smile when my eyes meet Leith’s. It’s like an automatic physical response that I couldn’t stop if I tried. “Hi.”
He sits taller in his chair. “How are you?”
“I’m all right.” Much better now that I’m seeing you again.
Leith’s smile fades, and I know it’s because he’s noticed what remains of the bruise on my face. I tried to cover it with makeup, but no amount of concealer is going to hide what Wallace did to my face when he punched me.
I sit beside Leith and lower my head, hoping that my hair will fall forward and hide the ugly mark on my face. And I think that it does, but it’s too late.
Leith reaches over and places his hand beneath my chin, forcing my face to turn in his direction. “What the hell is that?”
I reach up and cover my cheek. “It’s just a bruise, Leith. I’m okay.”
He bites his lower lip and his nostrils flare while he shakes his head. “That… mother… fucker.” He mutters something else beneath his breath, but I can’t make it out. And I don’t want to.
“Calm down, Leith.” Sin’s voice has a hard edge to it. “Wallace got what was coming to him plus some. You can take comfort in that.”
“It’s impossible to take comfort in anything while her face looks like that.”
I lower my head, forcing my curtain of hair to cover my cheek again. This mark isn’t what I want him to see when he looks at me.
“Has Jamie looked at that?”
“Yes. It looks worse than it really is. The discoloration will be gone in another week or so.”
“I’m so sorry. I should have taken you somewhere safe. Instead, I delivered you to that bastard’s house.”
“He was drunk. There was no way to predict what he’d do. He could have just as easily come home and passed out. You had no way of knowing.”
“I should have protected you.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
I don’t want this to overshadow our time together tonight. “Can we not talk about it right now?”
“Lorna worked hard to prepare dinner. How about we enjoy it while it’s hot and this can be a conversation to be continued after dinner between the two of you in private?” Thank you, Bleu.
Leith looks at his plate and clears his throat. “You made Mum’s stovies?”
“I did.”
“You know how?” His voice has softened. The anger that was there only a few seconds ago is gone.
“Jenny’s been teaching me to cook.” And giving me words of advice.
Lorna, I know that you and Leith are going through a bit of a rough patch, but it will pass. You are destined to be his wife. I truly believe it with all of my heart. And that means you have no choice but to learn how to cook your husband’s favorite meal.
“This is my first time to cook it on my own.” I’m so nervous about what he’s going to think.
Leith takes a bite and closes his eyes, nodding. “Mmm… so good. Tastes just like Mum’s.”
My body relaxes a bit after hearing his approval. “I’m happy you think so. I know how much you love her version.”
Leith looks at me before taking a second bite. “This was unexpected… and very appreciated. Thank you.”
“I was happy to do it.” And I want to do it more. A lot more.
I’m thrilled as I watch Leith devour every bite on his plate. I may even mentally pat myself on the back when he asks for a second portion. And I may even gloat a little on the inside when he leans back in his chair and rubs his stomach.
“I enjoyed that so much. It was amazing.”
“Jenny has taught me how to cook a lot of things.” You don’t know it, but she’s been grooming me for a while to become your wife.
“When did she teach you all of this?”
“We have a lesson every week or two.” It’s been hell trying to dodge Leith at her house.
“You see her that often?”
“I don’t go more than three days without visiting.” Jenny would be very upset with me if I didn’t go see her.
A crease forms across Leith’s brow. “I had no idea.”
Is he upset that I’ve been visiting Jenny without his knowledge? “Is something wrong?”
“No. I think it’s nice that you see her so often. I just… I wish that I had been there.”
“Me too.” You don’t know how much.
Leith turns and looks me directly in the eye. “Would you take a walk with me?”
Bleu flicks her wrist over the mess on the table. “You cooked. I’ll clean. That’s how it works around here. I’ve got this.”
“Are you sure?” I feel bad about leaving her with a mess when I know she needs to bathe babies and get them down for bed.
But I want to take this walk with Leith. I want to hear everything he has to say to me.
“One of the beauties of stovies is that it’s an easy cleanup. I can have these dishes cleared and the kitchen cleaned in no time.” Bleu winks at me. “Go on. Get out of here.”
“All right then.” I turn around as I’m leaving the dining room and mouth, “Thank you.”
Leith gestures for me to walk out of the door ahead of him, but he makes a point to step around me, placing himself on my right side. “You don’t have to do that anymore. We have an alliance with The Order in case you’ve forgotten.”
“There are always other dangers lurking out there. I can better protect you if you’re to my left.” Even if unnecessary, his gallantry is still swoon-worthy. Because that’s what a Fellowship man is taught to do for his woman.
“I hope that I don’t need protecting.”
“Unfortunately, you needed protection before tonight and I wasn’t there to give it.” He reaches over and pushes my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “You’ve hidden behind that too much tonight.”
“Only because I can see how angry you become when you look at the bruise on my face.”
“I’m not sure which I hate more—seeing the evidence left behind by what he did to you or seeing you hide from me.”
“I need you to know without any doubt that I didn’t encourage him.”
Leith stops walking and grabs my hands, forcing me to stand face-to-face with him. “I never, not even for a second, thought that you did.”
“He told me after he attacked me that I was out of my mind if I thought that Fellowship brothers considered me anything more than…” I stop because I don’t want to say the rest. It’s so degrading.
“Anything more than what?”
I
look away when I say the word. “Fuckable.”
Leith shakes his head. “That couldn’t be further from the truth. You know that, right?”
“No brother has ever said anything like that to me before.” I lift my shoulders and lower them. “But I don’t know. Maybe that’s what they think of me.”
It’s always possible that our secret trysts weren’t so secret. The brothers could somehow know that I asked three men to have sex with me at the same time.
“I hear everything said about everyone at the pub. No brother thinks of you that way.”
“Well, one good thing about what happened is that it gave me a reason to get out of there and never work for him again.” Although I will miss the children terribly. And I’ll never stop worrying about their well-being.
“I’m thankful you’re no longer there but not at the expense of what you had to go through.”
“I’m jobless. Again.” And with no prospects for new employment.
“And I still don’t have a head barmaid worth a damn.”
“We’ve had this conversation more than once.”
“I wouldn’t call it a conversation. You told me that you couldn’t come back, but you never gave me a legitimate reason why.”
I can’t bring myself to tell him the whole truth, so a partial will have to do. “I saw a lot of things happen in that pub. Some of them were very painful, and I choose to not place myself in a position where I will have to go through that again.”
“I hurt you and I know that. I have to live with it every day of my life, but I swear to you that it will never happen again.”
“I don’t think that you would ever deliberately hurt me. It’s all of the unintentional things that I worry about.”
“Intentional or unintentional… I swear that I will never hurt you again.”
“My decision to not come back is a form of self-preservation.”
“All right. I’ll leave it at that for now, but you should know that I’m never going to stop wanting you to come back.”
The truth is that I don’t want Leith to ever stop wanting me to come back. “You’re sweet for saying that.”
“If you won’t come to work for me, what do you plan on doing? Where are you going to live?”
“I don’t know yet.” But it’s something that I have to figure out soon. Bleu says that she’s grateful for the help that I’m giving her with the babies, but I can’t stay with them forever. I’m a disruption to the routine in their home life.
“You wouldn’t have to worry about a job if you married Maddock Hendry.”
Shite. Sin told him about the meeting with Maddock. I wish that he hadn’t done that. I would have liked to have had a few more interactions with Leith before we are forced to discuss that.
“You’d never have to work as a barmaid or nanny again. Hell, you’d have your own nanny. Maybe even two with all of the kids that you want to have.”
“I’ll never have a nanny. I will mother my own children.”
“Lorna Hendry. It has a nice ring to it.”
“Please don’t say that.”
Why would Leith say something so horrid to me? Is he lashing out? Or maybe feeling me out to get my thoughts on meeting with Maddock Hendry?
“You’d be the wife of a council member. Sister-in-law to Kieran Hendry, leader of The Order. The proposition must be an attractive one.”
“He hasn’t propositioned me. We’ve never even been properly introduced.”
“A proper introduction isn’t necessary. Ask Westlyn. I’m sure that she can validate that.”
“Kieran and Westlyn’s situation was different and unique.”
“Maddock Hendry might not have propositioned you, but he has propositioned your leader on your behalf. And Sin is going to grant his request.”
Is that anger I hear in Leith’s voice? Frustration?
“Sin has no choice. And do I need to remind you that neither do I?”
“Choice or not, I don’t want you to spend time with him.”
I’m certain that Leith must hear the quick sharp breath that catches in my throat. It’s too loud for him not to hear it. “Why do you not want me to spend time with him?”
“You know why.”
Oh no. We’re not playing that game.
“Wrong, Leith. I don’t know why.”
“Are you going to force me to say it?
“I think that I deserve that much.”
I want to hear him say it. I have to hear him say it.
“You expect me to show my cards when you’re going to be spending time with another man?”
“I didn’t agree to any of it. My leader told me that a man from our alliance wants to get to know me. Sin can’t refuse him because I don’t have a mate. I have to go.”
“I know, and I’m sorry that I’m acting this way. I don’t know any other way to handle it.”
He still isn’t telling me what I need to hear. Maybe because he isn’t feeling the way that I am.
“Spending time with Maddock is exactly that—spending time together. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Unless he decides that he wants you and makes an offer. Or hell, you might even decide that you want him.”
“Maddock isn’t going to want me. And I’m damn sure not going to want him.” The thought of being with a man other than Leith is ludicrous to me.
“You are beautiful and intelligent and kind and interesting. Of course, he’s going to want you to be his wife.”
“Trust me. He won’t.” Because I’m going to ensure that he doesn’t.
“What are you planning to do?”
“I haven’t decided for sure.” But it’s going to be bad enough to get me out of spending any more time with him.
“Please don’t do anything that you’ll regret.”
“What I would regret is doing nothing and have him make an offer for me—one that Thane and Sin can’t refuse.” That would be devastating.
“You’re in good favor with Thane and Sin. You shouldn’t risk angering them.”
Have I read all of this wrong? Does Leith not care about me the way that I care about him?
“Do you want me to be married off to Maddock Hendry? Because if it makes no difference to you, I need to know now so I can move on with my life.”
Leith squeezes my hands and looks up, down, and up again. Stalling. And then his eyes are on mine. “I would sooner die than see you marry him or any other man.”
We’re getting somewhere now. Finally.
“My life was a happy one until my parents died. In a flash, the life that I had known was gone. I was so sad, Leith. And I know that I didn’t go about it the best way, but I found happiness again… with you. And then in another flash, that was taken away from me and I was left miserable again.”
“You haven’t been the only miserable one.”
“I’ve been incredibly unhappy the last four years, but I feel a shift happening—a change between us. And I won’t let that slip away because some man that I don’t know thinks he wants me as his wife. But I need you to tell me that you feel what’s happening between us and that I’m not imagining it. Because if you don’t feel the same, I might as well leave The Fellowship and marry him.”
“You’re not imagining anything. I feel things changing between us.”
Oh my God. What a relief.
He breathes in deeply and slowly exhales. “Through everything that has happened, happiness is the only thing that I’ve ever wanted for you. If I thought that Maddock Hendry could make you happier than I could, I would step aside. But I don’t think that he can. We aren’t done, Lorna. And we’re never going to be done. You and I are always going to come back to each other no matter what happens.”
Finally, he gives me something real.
It’s not I need you.
It’s not I love you.
It’s not I want you to be my wife.
But it’s enough. Enough to keep me holding on, hoping for more, and wonde
ring where we go from here. “It’s been so long. I don’t know where we pick up.”
“We’ve seen that nothing good comes from our past, so maybe we don’t try to pick up with anything from that point. We aren’t the same people that we were four years ago. Is it all right to start fresh with who we’ve become?” Leith says.
I think a fresh start is a brilliant idea but as much as I want that, I don’t think that we can proceed without first having a very difficult conversation that neither of us really wants to have.
“As much as we’d like to pretend that the past didn’t happen, it needs to be brought to light once and for all so we can move beyond it.”
Leith groans. “I’m tired of the hurt that goes along with our past. And I know that you must be tired of it too.”
“I am, but we’re broaching the topic under different circumstances this time. This isn’t about rehashing the past and being hurt by it. It’s about discussing what went down so that it never happens again.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to get it right this time.”
I’m not sure that he really wants to do this. Hell, I’m not even sure that I want to, but I feel that it’s necessary if we are to have a healthy relationship moving forward.
“Where do you want to start?”
He clears his throat. “The night of Logan and Emilia’s wedding. And I want to go first.”
I’m actually relieved that he wants to begin because I have no idea what to say. “Go.”
Leith gestures to the furniture in the courtyard. “Is it okay if we sit? I want to be able to look at you while we have this conversation.”
I nod instead of answering because I fear that my voice will fail me.
I sit beside Leith on the loveseat and we face each other. And I’m finally going to be able to explain what happened with Sin in the storage room.
“I told you that night that I wanted you to be mine. Only mine. But what I didn’t tell you was why.” He pauses and there’s a noticeable increase in his breathing, which causes mine to increase as well.
“What did you not tell me?” I whisper.
His thumbs stroke the tops of my hands. “I was in love with you.”
I was in love with you.
Was.
Does that mean that he loved me four years ago but doesn’t anymore?
Sin Series Stand-alone Novels Bundle: Endurance, Unintended, and Redemption Page 48