This Isn't Goodbye

by K. R. Reese

  “I’m good. I think. My arm and shoulder are pretty sore, but I’ve had a lot worse. Then again, I could be in shock and talking out of adrenaline. I wouldn’t know the difference.”

  I cringe and keep her wrapped in my arms to hide her from view. “You scared the hell out of me. You knew you couldn’t do that jump. Why did you try?”

  Cheyenne huffs and moves closer. “You pissed me off. You treated me like a child. I wanted to prove you wrong.” She mumbles into my shirt and flinches. “But, turns out I should have listened. I need to go get my arm checked out. You two should ride for a bit. I’ll come find you when I’m done.”

  “Like hell. We’re going with you. Dylan, will you grab her bike? It probably needs to be looked over before she can ride it again anyway. That was a pretty big hit.”

  Dylan does as I ask and pushes it alongside us, no hesitation this time. It’s funny he won’t ride them, and never has, but I wouldn’t let him right now either. Who knows what damage Cheyenne caused to herself or her bike?

  The medic at the track said Cheyenne didn’t show any signs of a concussion, but she shouldn’t be left alone and would need to be watched for 24-hours. She also dislocated her shoulder, and it was a suggestion to get her arm checked out at the hospital. Cheyenne argued she didn’t need to go, but I took her anyway.

  The doctor on call, of course, was someone she has dealt with regularly from these types of injuries. When she walks in the room, Cheyenne’s face turns beet red and she looks at the ground.

  “You know, Cheyenne, I thought after the last time I wouldn’t see you in here again unless it was truly some freak accident. Yet here you sit with what I’m told is an arm injury.”

  Cheyenne nods but still won’t make eye contact with the doctor.

  I step up instead. “Cheyenne thought she should try a new jump today. She didn’t land it. The medic at the track said her shoulder is dislocated, but he wouldn’t touch it since there was possible injury to her arm. That’s why we’re here.”

  The doctor shakes her head and washes her hands. “Let’s see it then. I’ll order an x-ray, too, just to check for other injuries in the arm. I can fix the shoulder after we get those results. You’re going to be sore for a few days, and you’ll need to wear a sling. As you know, per protocol, you should be watched for the next 24- to 48-hours for a concussion. When are you going to stop riding those bikes? They’re dangerous, as you’ve evidenced enough yourself.”

  I smirk and keep my mouth shut. I can’t deny Cheyenne’s use of her bike. I ride, too, and that would make me a hypocrite. Dylan stands off to the back, in the corner, but he doesn’t say anything. I had offered to drop him at home first, but he insisted on coming with us to make sure Cheyenne was okay. I had to hold my tongue after that.

  Once the doctor checks the shoulder, she leaves the room. Cheyenne stands and paces near the door. “Why does it always have to be this doctor? She’s seen so many of my injuries that she probably knows my medical history by heart, I’m sure. My parents are going to kill me.”

  I drop my smug smile and turn away from her. I have her phone, so she doesn’t know that there are already missed calls and text messages. I had to text Mason from my phone and let him know what’s going on so he could tell their parents. He thought it was hilarious that his sister was oblivious to her limitations, but I didn’t say more because I would knock him out.

  When they take Cheyenne back for her x-ray, I grab us all a drink from the vending machine. As expected, she has a fracture that’ll need a cast, and six- to eight-weeks to heal. The doctor gives her the information she needs to get the cast and sends us on our way with a scowl.

  We walk out to my truck and I sling my arm around her shoulders, careful not to jar the one in the sling. “How does it feel, Chey? Was the jump worth it?”

  Cheyenne pulls out from under my arm and walks faster in front of us. “Bite me, Cole.”

  I smile the entire ride home.

  Once Dylan is safely across the street, we’re putting our equipment away in the garage. I haven’t spoken to Cole since his remark about the jump when we walked out of the hospital, and I don’t plan on it. He was being a smug asshole and I plan to ignore him for a little while, make him sweat.

  When my stuff is out of the way, I head inside, and he follows closely behind. I stop and turn on him.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I ask, staring up at him.

  “You heard the doctor. You need to be watched for 24- to 48-hours. I’m going to do exactly what she said.”

  “And how do you plan on doing that, smartass? Your parents will want to know where you are, and mine aren’t going to let you stay here. They haven’t in, like, four years.”

  Cole leans closer and stares down at me. “They don’t have to know. My parents think I’m with Dylan.”

  I gasp. I’m honestly shocked. Cole and his parents aren’t the closest, but he’s not one to lie to them either. It’s sweet he wants to look out for me, but I won’t let him get into trouble because I made a mistake.

  “You’re not getting into trouble on my account, Cole. Just go home. I’ll have Mason stay in my room tonight. He’ll check on me and wake me up every two hours. At least he might be less annoying.”

  I start laughing and Cole joins in. “Yeah, not going to happen, Cheyenne. That’s not how this is going to work. You’ll send Mason away the moment I’m back at my house. When I call you tonight, you’ll make up some excuse as to why he isn’t there with you. The only way to make sure you follow doctor’s orders is to stay tonight and tomorrow night. Take it or leave it.”

  I sigh and continue to my bedroom. I know better than to argue with him. It’s pointless. Once Cole has his mind set on something, that’s how it’s going to be. It doesn’t matter if he’s right or not.

  I close the door to my room behind him and he plops on my bed, kicking his shoes off the bottom. This isn’t uncomfortable. We used to do this all the time until our parents said we were too old. I thought they were crazy, but I can see why they would be concerned. We’re both teens who’ve grown up together, and we’re comfortable with each other. If there was ever anyone to try new things with, it would be my best friend. Too bad I’m not willing to risk our friendship for that possibility.

  “So, what do we do now? Since you’ve taken it upon yourself to stay the night, we can’t leave this room.” Then a thought occurs to me. “What’s Kenzie going to think?” The mention of his girlfriend is the perfect reminder on why we can’t be more than friends.

  “Kenzie and I split up yesterday. She said some…things that I can’t and won’t forgive. I’m done with her. It was long overdue. You’ve been right all along anyway; she wasn’t the right person for me. Kenzie fed off the popularity I could bring her. That’s not the type of girl I want long-term.”

  I stand still, shocked. I never thought Kenzie could say something that would make Cole turn his back on her. Unless it had to do with me, he would always defend her.

  “Wait, what did she say? You ditched me yesterday to go with her, and now you’re telling me you split up. What the hell happened?”

  Cole sits against the headboard and I join him on the other side. “I kept checking my phone at the lake. She thought you had texted me, and that’s why I was coming home early. There were a few other words shared, but none of them were compliments to her and she didn’t like it.”

  I lean against his chest and he puts his arm around me carefully again. “Well, thank you for defending me then. Kenzie was really awful. But you knew that already.”

  Cole laughs and it rumbles against my ear. “Nothing will come between us, Chey, not even a woman. Especially not a woman.”

  There isn’t much I can say to that statement without revealing feelings that I shouldn’t have. Feelings I don’t understand myself.

  “So, what do you want to do? It’s still early.”

  Cole chuckles again and leans his chin against the top of my head. “I can think
of a few things to do. None of them are appropriate.”

  I lean up on my elbow and quirk a brow at him. “Seriously, Cole?” I smack his chest and he grabs my wrist, eyes smoldering. Nothing but trouble.

  “Are you telling me you haven’t thought about it, Chey? You’ve never wondered what it would be like to be with me? How it would feel to…”

  I cut his sentence off when my lips connect with his. He’s my best friend, we’ve always been close. But of course, I’ve thought about it. A lot. More than I’ll ever admit to myself or anyone else. The idea of hooking up with Cole scares me, though, because there’s already feelings involved.

  Cole controls the kiss, his hands on both sides of my face, his tongue circling inside my mouth. My body is on fire, and I’m shameless to the need coursing through my entire being. I pull back to take a breath and lean my forehead against his. I leave my eyes closed; I can’t meet his gaze.

  “That was…unexpected.” When I don’t respond, he strokes my cheek with his thumbs. “Open your eyes, Chey.”

  I climb off his lap and scoot to the edge of the bed. That shouldn’t have happened, and I’m fully responsible for it.

  Who am I kidding? Cole is partially responsible; he had to ask inappropriate questions and suggest inappropriate things to do, even if he didn’t outright say it.

  “That can’t happen again, Cole.”

  I feel his breath on the back of my neck, by my ear. Then he whispers, “And why not, Chey?”

  “Because it can’t. You’re my best friend. My only friend, when you truly think about it.” I turn toward him and put a small bit of distance between us. “This,” I gesture between us. “could ruin years of friendship. Years of memories and experiences. I won’t do that.”

  Cole leans back against the headboard again, staring at me. “But you have thought about it or you wouldn’t have kissed me.”

  He’s staring intently, waiting for my response. Like he needs to hear what I have to say. I throw my hands up in defeat. “Of course, I’ve thought about it, Cole, but that doesn’t mean we should act on it.”

  He smirks slightly. “I think we should. Add another experience, another first to your list of memories that you’re so fond of.”

  I frown and shake my head. “That’s not how I want to remember it, Cole. I won’t be another notch in your bedpost. That’s not what memories mean to me, even if that’s what they mean to you.”

  Now, Cole’s frowning and he reaches for me. I let him pull me back into his side. “Memories aren’t useless to me, Chey, sometimes they’re all we have. The good and the bad. I’m sorry for being an asshole just now. We can pretend it never happened, okay?”

  I mumble into his chest. “Maybe I don’t want to pretend it never happened. We did cross a line, Cole.”

  “So, what do you want?” he whispers in my ear.

  “I’ve only wanted you.” My face is bright red, but I’m tucked into his chest so he can’t see it. “But I don’t want to lose our friendship over it.”

  Cole pulls away from me to stand and I slide up the bed against my pillows. “Life’s full of risks, Chey.” His gaze is intent on mine, looking for what, I’m not sure. “If there’s anyone I’d want to take a risk on, it would be you.”

  There is a hesitant pause as he stares at me. But it only takes a few seconds before he clearly found the signs he was looking for. Cole strips out of his jeans, unaffected by the way my eyes trail down his body. Once they’re discarded on the floor, he crosses the room again, climbing on the bed toward me.

  As Cole moves closer, his thighs sliding against my bare legs, I open my mouth to suck in a large gulp of oxygen. I’ve only ever been with one person, sophomore year, and it was lackluster. But that time, my heartbeat hadn’t quickened, and my panties hadn’t been soaked without a single touch. Before I can think too much about it, Cole’s hand moves up to cup my cheek and then his lips are on mine.

  I pull away a moment to catch my breath and Cole pulls me down the bed so he’s leaning above me. When I expect him to come in for another kiss, he catches my bottom lip between his teeth, and I gasp. Pleasure and pain ripple through my body at once, the power of that one movement so intense my hips rise involuntarily up toward him. He smiles down at my reaction and tries to do it again.

  “Cole,” I groan into his mouth. He pulls my shirt up slowly, removing it, then snakes his hand underneath my back to unhook my bra and pull the straps down my arms.

  Holy shit.

  He leans closer again and flicks one of my puckered nipples with his tongue, circling it a few times before he closes his lips around it. When he pulls back again, I twist my fingers in his short hair and pull. He chuckles lightly before he squeezes each one of my breasts with his hands and grazes my nipples with his finger.

  A moment later, the sensation is gone, and I glare at him. Cole just smiles above me before he reaches for the edge of my shorts. He hesitates, watching for a reaction. I nod my head and bite my lip.

  That’s all the confirmation he needs before he pulls my shorts and panties down in one motion, and I’m stripped to nothing in front of him. I lean up to reach for his shirt, but he shakes his head and pulls it off for me. Next, his boxers follow somewhere on the floor. When he climbs back over top of me, my breath quickens. I can feel the weight of his length against my thigh, my hands gripping the side of his torso, his biceps.

  Cole leads his length between my legs, rubbing the tip over my clit, back and forth, until I am crazy with need. I thrash my head from side to side and bite my lip to quiet the moan that wants to escape. Cole leans back in search of something and I open my eyes.

  “What are you doing?” My voice is low, barely audible.

  “Condom,” he mumbles.

  I shake my head and pull at him. “It’s okay. I’m on the pill, I have been for years.”

  Cole stares at me, indecision on his face. He scoots back up the bed, taking himself in his hand and gliding it along my slit again. “I’ve never done it without a condom, Chey. I…I don’t know if…”

  I place my finger over his lips to hush him. “I trust you.”

  Three little words. Cole’s irises darken, almost black now, as he holds my gaze and slowly guides himself inside. We both groan in unison and I watch his face transform. This is something I’ve thought about a million times, fantasized about. But I never thought it was going to happen. He remains still for a short moment, then starts to move in and out.

  After a few thrusts, my eyes involuntarily close and my toes begin to clench. I try desperately to slow my breathing and hold off my impending orgasm, but my body isn’t listening. When Cole’s teeth latch on to one of my nipples while he thrusts, I lose all control. My walls tighten around him and I hear his grunt of pleasure, a guttural, sexy sound that tells me he was to the point of no return.

  When warm liquid coats my thighs and his thrusts are no longer rhythmic, I shatter into pieces once again. It’s like a bomb detonated between us and rocked my whole body to the core. Cole swallows my moans with his mouth, his tongue fighting a battle with my own as I cry out.

  No longer with the ability to hold onto him, I let my arms flop down to the mattress. Cole kisses me firmly one more time before he pulls out and lies beside me on the bed.

  “God, Chey,” Cole says, breathless. “That was…I didn’t expect it to be like that.”

  I twist sideways on the pillow to stare at him. “I don’t want this to ruin anything.

  “Was this a momentary lapse in judgement?” he asks. I think I hear a little disappointment in his voice, but it’s gone a moment later.

  I snuggle into his side, my head on his chest. “I don’t think we should let this become a thing. We don’t have to pretend it never happened, but everyone else doesn’t need to know that we crossed the line. We’ve been friends forever, too long to allow this to complicate things.”

  “Whatever you want, Chey.” He kisses the top of my forehead.

  I close my eyes and lis
ten to his heartbeat. When I’m about to drift off, Cole scoots down the bed and covers us with the blanket. Today might not have been the day I had hoped for. I may not have got to spend too much time with Dylan or get him on the bikes, but we could take him out to the track again. Cole is my best friend, and anyone who expects to have a relationship with me needs to respect that right away. As he’s said in the past, no one will come between us. Even at the risk of being alone the rest of my life, I won’t trade our friendship for anything.

  What just happened crossed the line. We are no longer firmly in friend territory, but it doesn’t have to change anything either.

  “A one-time thing doesn’t have to be complicated. It doesn’t have to change our friendship, Chey. Let’s go back to normal.”

  I giggle lightly, but it’s cut off by a yawn. “Goodnight, Cole.”

  “Night, Chey,” he whispers with another kiss to my forehead.

  We’re both still gloriously naked under the covers. But my door is locked, and my parents aren’t home. I doubt Mason heard anything since his room is around the other side of the hallway, and if he did, he doesn’t need to know who was in here.

  Cole’s breathing slows and I feel the tug of sleep while thoughts are still racing through my mind. Tomorrow is always a new day with a ton of new possibilities.

  Over the next few weeks, Dylan, Chey, and I hang out every day. Now that Kenzie isn’t in the picture, I’m free to do what I want the rest of the summer. It is great considering I have my two best friends by my side. Chey even convinced Dylan to get on her bike, but he wrecked five minutes after he took off onto the track. We laughed uncontrollably while we made sure he was okay, and he scowled the rest of the day.

  While I could pretend all day, as Cheyenne had asked, it was impossible at night when I was alone in my bedroom. My mind is full of memories of my one night with her; the one night where she let me fuck her and how it had felt to move inside her. Fuck is a harsh word to use when it comes to what Cheyenne and I did, but it’s the only thing that keeps it separate from what I’ve been feeling. And I have to do that.