This Isn't Goodbye

by K. R. Reese

  Nope. I don’t say any of those things. Instead, I pull her back into a hug and hold her there. I am glad she’s here, even if it isn’t for me.

  “Doesn’t this look cozy,” Dylan’s voice drawls from behind my back.

  Cheyenne pulls away quickly and plasters a fake smile on her face. If I can see it, I’m sure he can, too, and he eyes her warily.

  “We need another picture. But let’s get someone else to take it!”

  Dylan and I stand on either side of Cheyenne as she ropes someone into taking our photo. I’ve never liked her crazy selfie tirades, but tonight seems like a good night to do it since she went all out for the big game. Once Cheyenne has her phone back in her hands, she gives us each a hug and a peck on the cheek and wishes us luck. Dylan pulls her into a hug one more time and squeezes, his eyes on me overtop her head. I don’t acknowledge him and head back to the locker room. I’ve never been a jealous person; I don’t know why my mind has decided to start now. Either way, it’s game time. And no amount of jealousy will get in the way of tonight’s win.

  When Dylan darts into the end zone as the final whistles blow on the field, we all run to him. That’s it. We won. And the final regular season game of my senior year is over. I search out Cheyenne who has stood along the fence by our sideline all night, but she’s no longer there. Parents and all the town are pouring onto the field, but I’m still searching for the person that matters most.

  Dylan rushes me and knocks his helmet into mine. The smile on his face is huge, permanent and I can’t help but reciprocate.

  “You did it, man, congratulations! We’re finishing our senior year with a bang!”

  I throw my head back and laugh. “What do you mean? You’re the one who ran it down the field. I just threw the ball.”

  He shakes his head but doesn’t lose his happiness. I finally spot Cheyenne at the same time Dylan does, and we both brace for impact. She hurls herself at us, her arms wrapping around us and her face between our chests.

  “I can’t believe that game! Congratulations, boys, I’m taking you to celebrate.”

  Dylan gives her a high-five after she pulls away and I groan. I don’t celebrate. I’m not a fan of parties. While I’m varsity captain and quarterback, it’s never been my style, so no one expects to see me there. Cheyenne picks up on my sour mood right away.

  “Oh, don’t be a party pooper, Cole. You won! You’re going to the playoffs and it’s your senior year!”

  “If we didn’t party, I wouldn’t be a party pooper. You know I hate that stuff, Chey.”

  “Tough shit, Mr. Varsity, we’re going.”

  Dylan and I exchange a look, but don’t argue further. What Cheyenne wants; Cheyenne usually gets when it comes to the two of us. We’re suckers for her charming personality and inferior attitude.

  The entire team is in the locker room, but we ignore them the best we can. We shower and change quickly, then meet Cheyenne back out in the tunnel. She drags each of us along, holding our hands between us.

  “Where are we going, Chey? We did just play a long ass game and we’re tired. This can’t go on all night.”

  Cheyenne laughs and squeezes my hand. “It’s all night, Cole, and I promise you’ll love it. Mason is vouching for my ass, though, so hopefully my parents don’t get wind that I left the game with the both of you. Just trust me on this, please.”

  I frown and glance at Dylan again. He shrugs his shoulders before averting his eyes in front of us. I can tell it bothers him that she’s still holding onto me. I don’t know what else he expects; he knew how we were before he decided to pursue any sort of relationship with Cheyenne that wasn’t friendship.

  When I decided that I was going to the last game of the season, I made a few arrangements for Cole, Dylan, and me. Whether they won or lost, I wanted to celebrate because it was a big moment for them. In a way, I guess it’s a big moment for all of us since it marks that half our senior year is gone, and there’s only a few months left of school.

  Mason didn’t agree with my plans when I asked for his help. With our parents out of town again, I could talk openly with him. Our argument in the kitchen earlier today has been heavy on my mind.

  “Hey, Mace, you home?” I yell the moment I’m through the front door. I toss my backpack on the floor and slip off my shoes.

  “In the kitchen,” he yells back.

  I jog that way and catch him sneaking sugar treats he shouldn’t have. I scowl, but he ignores it.

  “Don’t start, Chey, it isn’t going to hurt anything. It’s not like I can play tonight, or during the playoffs, the doctor won’t release me for my shoulder.”

  I wave him off and he continues his quest to devour the snack cakes in front of him. I slap my hands on the island between us and stare him down.

  “I need a favor. And before you say no, let me explain all of it, and really consider it.”

  He steps back to lean against the opposite counter and crosses his arms. “Let’s hear it.”

  I smile and sit on a stool. “Tonight will be the last time Cole ever steps foot on that field for a game. Even if they win, none of the playoff games are being held here. I want to celebrate with him and Dylan, win or lose, but I need you to vouch that I went to someone else’s house if Mom or Dad ask. They won’t let me hang out with those two all night.”

  Mason glares at me and remains quiet. I push forward. “It’s only for one night, Mace, and we’re just going camping. I wouldn’t ask if it didn’t mean a lot to me. It’ll mean a lot to them, too, you’ll see. Please.”

  The moment the last word is out of my mouth, he’s leaning over the island and staring daggers. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Chey. First, there’s a reason Mom and Dad don’t let you hang out with them all night. There’s a reason that Cole hasn’t been allowed to sleep at our house in years. And if you’re adding Dylan to the mix, there’s a reason they haven’t let you stay out late with him either.” He half laughs, half coughs. “Listen, I know you’re oblivious to how the two of them stare at you collectively. You see them as your best friends and nothing more. And that’s great, it’s fine. But they see you as something more and you’re asking for trouble if you invite the two of them on a camping trip overnight with you.”

  Mason has argued this point before. I’ve solely ignored it and the other comments around school, even if I knew that part of what they were saying is true. That doesn’t deter me from taking the two of them on a camping trip to celebrate this game. I lean closer to my brother to make my point.

  “I know your concerns. I know our parents’ concerns. And I know every other person’s opinions in this town on the subject. I. Don’t. Care. Tonight's monumental for them, for us, and I want to celebrate with my best friends tonight, then come home tomorrow and start all over next week.” I cross my arms now and don’t let my gaze waiver. “Come on, Mace, please. I’ve covered you when you decided to have a hook-up and tell Mom that you’re staying at Cooper’s house.”

  He sighs and hangs his head. Mason knows I’m right because I’ve done it a lot lately. I wouldn’t call him a manwhore, necessarily, but his reputation is beginning to rival Cole’s. And that’s not a compliment in the least.

  “Fine, Chey, but when tonight becomes a pissing match to win your attention, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Mason stalks out of the kitchen and I smile victoriously.

  Now, Dylan, Cole and I are in my car and driving to the destination I have in mind. It’s a small spot, a little gem that Mason and I had found when we were in the woods one day. It isn’t a dangerous spot to camp and there aren’t any private property signs or hunting warnings in the area, so we’re clear of those, too.

  Both have asked a million times where we’re going since I left the town limits and it’s well past the time they could have been home and in bed after their long day. I won’t tell them anything, though, and they’re getting anxious.

  “How much longer, Chey? When you said you wanted to celeb
rate, I thought that meant alcohol, a party and civilization.” Dylan glances out the windows into the black night. “We’re in the middle of nowhere.”

  I smirk and look in my rearview mirror at him. “It isn’t the middle of nowhere. I know exactly where we are. Cole probably does, too, so it’s only you who has no clue.”

  Dylan scowls and I glance at Cole. There’s a frown marring his features, too, and I bite my lip. Maybe he doesn’t know where we are, maybe he doesn’t remember. When I make the right turn onto the dirt path, I let out the breath I’ve been holding and follow it until we’re in the clearing.

  Bright moonlight shines down through the circle of trees and I switch off my car. No one moves. “I know Cole doesn’t like parties. Or people in general. I know you like alcohol and parties. So, I’m compromising for the both of you. There are clothes, a tent, and all the supplies we’ll need in the trunk. Including alcohol. But I wanted this to just be us tonight. We’re best friends with no clue where we’ll be this time next year or whether we’ll be together.” My chest clenches at the thought. “Tonight is for us. For our senior year. For the past and present memories. And the memories we can still make.”

  Neither of them says a thing and I’m worried Mason was right. Maybe I did make the wrong choice by dragging them along with this deluded plan of mine. But they pile out of the car nonetheless. They unload the trunk and set up the tent, throwing everything inside. Cole uses the flashlight on his phone to find everything he’ll need to start a fire, then proceeds to glance at me from the corner of his eye. Dylan wandered a bit into the woods for a minute, so it’s just us two.

  “Was this a bad idea? I thought, maybe, you guys wouldn’t mind just hanging out around the fire, drinking a little, and just being together. Just us three. If this isn’t what you want to do, we can go home. We’ll celebrate a different day with dinner, ice cream and movies night.” I cringe with the hopefulness in my voice.

  Cole sighs and sits beside me on the log. “This is perfect, actually. When you dragged us from the field, I thought you were taking us to some loud ass party where I’d have to fight the urge to strangle everyone there. I’m glad it’s not that. Though I’m not sure our friend over there is very happy about it.” He nods his head toward Dylan, and I turn to look.

  “I’ll talk to him when he comes back over here. If he wants to leave, he can take the car and come back to get us in the morning.”

  “Who’s talking about leaving? This place is pretty awesome. Quiet. Secluded.” Dylan’s voice comes from close behind me and I jump. “Well, someone’s a little jumpy. You afraid of the dark, Chey?” There’s a smile on his face and Cole laughs with him.

  “I’m not afraid of the dark. I’m afraid of what could come out of the dark.” That just makes them laugh harder and I stick my tongue out at them. But I can’t hold my straight face for long and I burst out laughing with them.

  “Don’t worry, Chey, we’ll protect you should something sinister come out of the woods to attack you.”

  A look passes between them and they smile wickedly. I swing my finger between the two of them. “Nuh uh, no way. I don’t like that look on either of you. Whatever plan you’re concocting, stop now. I can still leave your asses here and you can walk back.”

  Cole nudges my shoulder. “We’re not planning anything, Chey, it was an innuendo.”

  My face flames red and I stare at the ground. I don’t want either of them to see the effect they have on me. By themselves, they can be intimidating; together, they’re tempting. Heat rises further up my face and I clench my thighs together.

  I need to gain control of my body and my emotions before I do something I’ll regret. Consequences be damned.

  I’m sure that wouldn’t end well. Dylan and Cole both have possessive tendencies. When I was wrapped in a hug in the tunnel before the game, Dylan seemed jealous of the attention I was receiving from my best friend. But Cole was equally jealous after our group photo when Dylan did the same. Maybe Mason was right, and this was going to turn into a pissing contest before the end of the night.

  It’s been hours since the end of the game. Dylan and Cheyenne are thoroughly drunk, while I’ve barely sipped the two beers I’ve had. I know I’m showing obvious discomfort with the two of them sitting so close, flirting openly, but they’re drunk enough not to notice. I’ve engaged in conversation with them some, but I’ve mostly left them alone to stew in my thoughts. They are currently on the opposite side of the fire, trying unsuccessfully to roast smores. They keep dropping the marshmallows off the sticks I acquired for them earlier.

  I haven’t paid any attention to what they’re talking about in the past few minutes. So, when Cheyenne yelps, my eyes snap straight to her.

  “You what! Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you were going to, I don’t know, talk to me about it first. Since you asked me out and everything.” Her arms are crossed, her stance rigid, and her face marred in a scowl.

  I slowly stand, but don’t make any move toward them. I won’t intervene unless I need to. Dylan’s standing across from her, looking toward the sky.

  “I don’t see what the huge deal is, Chey, you knew what my plans were after high school. It shouldn’t come as a surprise.”

  That wasn’t the right thing to say because Cheyenne lunges at him, punching into his chest over and over. I make my way to them and pull her back, pinning her arms against her sides.

  “Someone want to explain to me what the hell is going on? A minute ago, you were both laughing at the number of marshmallows you wasted by melting them in the fire. Now, you’re in the middle of an argument and fists are being thrown.”

  Dylan stares at me, a hard glint in his eyes. Cheyenne finally gives up, collapsing against my chest.

  “Dylan enlisted in the Army and didn’t say anything. I thought we were…” She stops and clears her throat, her eyes on her feet. “I don’t know what I thought.”

  I don’t break eye contact with someone who has become like a brother to me. I know what he’s silently saying; he wants me to tell Cheyenne that I enlisted with him. That we’ll both be gone next summer, right after we graduate. I don’t think now is the right time, so I hold my ground.

  Cheyenne speaks again, more quietly this time. “I’m sorry I hit you, Dylan. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  I release my hold on her, confident she won’t go after him again. As soon as she’s free, she turns on me. “Did you do it, too, Cole? Might as well tell me because the secrets out of the bag now. There’s no way he went by himself and did it, and his parents aren’t the supportive type.”

  I scowl over top her head and refuse to look at her. I don’t have to confirm or deny her suspicions, my non-answer is enough.

  “You’re fucking kidding me, right? Both of you went behind my back, enlisted in the Army and haven’t said a word about it? When were you going to tell me, huh, when it was time to board a bus and tell me goodbye?” There are tears in her eyes, a few leaking from the corners. My chest tightens at the sight, but I stay quiet. Cheyenne’s drunk, not thinking clearly, and anything either of us say will be words we regret tomorrow.

  “I can’t believe this. Tonight was supposed to be about celebrating your game. Celebrating the memories we have made and will make. Now, you’ll both be leaving, and I’ll be stuck here by myself.” She sits on the log beside the fire and doesn’t say anything else.

  I stare at Dylan closely, trying to gauge how much alcohol he’s consumed. If I say something to him, it could end in a fight. And I don’t want to lay him out while he’s drunk.

  “Come on, I know you want to say something, so fuckin’ say it,” he spits out.

  I cross my arms and arch a brow. If he thinks he’s going to intimidate me, he’s got another thing coming. When I don’t budge, he steps closer, anger simmering beneath the surface.

  “You think I told her on purpose. You think I did it because I’ve been drinking. I didn’t. I hadn’t planned on telling her tonight, it ju
st came out.”

  “Is this the part where I’m supposed to hug you and pat your back, and tell you everything’s okay? Because in case you haven’t noticed, everything is not okay.”

  “Don’t patronize me, Cole. Jealousy isn’t a good look on you.”

  I laugh. Like really laugh. I’m doubled over, holding my stomach. That’s why I don’t see the hit coming. I don’t expect it either. Dylan has me on my back, pinned to the ground, fists flying. I put my arms up so he can’t get any hits in. Cheyenne’s yelling at him, standing behind his back. I glare over his shoulder, urging her with my eyes not to step between us. I don’t want her to get hurt.

  “This is your one warning, Dylan. You won’t get another one,” I say through gritted teeth. But it does nothing to deter him from his actions. I lift my weight and throw him off, standing over him, teeth bared. “What the fuck is your problem?”

  He runs a hand through his hair and points. “You! You’re my fuckin’ problem, man. I know you’re her best friend, I’ve known that since I met you. But it bothers me. I see the way you look at her, the way you hold her when she comes in for a hug. I try to ignore it, but I don’t think I can.”

  Cheyenne gasps as her eyes dart between the two of us. Something flickers behind those eyes I can’t decipher, but I don’t have time to figure it out before I stalk toward where Dylan has pulled himself off the ground.

  “Let’s get one thing clear, Dylan. Cheyenne is my best friend. Has always been my best friend. No one is going to come between that, no matter what jealous tantrums you throw. And if you try, I will personally kick your ass back to wherever the fuck it is you came from.”

  I step back to Cheyenne’s side and stare at her. “You okay, Chey?” Her eyes are wide in shock, and she shakes her head.

  “We should go home. Mason said this was a bad idea, and I swore it wasn’t. Now, I can see that he was right. Everything he said was true.”