This Isn't Goodbye

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This Isn't Goodbye Page 6

by K. R. Reese


  I have no idea what she’s talking about. I’ll have to ask Mason tomorrow. Right now, my only concern is surviving this night without another fight.

  “We can pack up and go. I’ve only had two drinks and can drive. Is that what you want to do?”

  Cheyenne’s eyes are riveted on Dylan, but she nods. I nod in confirmation and start to pack the few things we had hauled out of her trunk. Once that’s done, we drive silently back to our houses, all three of us separating without a word when we get there.

  Tomorrow may be interesting. Is it wrong that I hope Cheyenne and Dylan’s date doesn’t happen after tonight? Deep down, I know it’s wrong to wish that on them. They’re both my friends. But everything that came out tonight made things a hell of a lot harder.

  I’ll need to talk to Cheyenne, too. Alone. About my decision to enlist in the Army without her by my side, without her knowledge. And why I made the choices I did to keep it from her until I was ready to tell her. Who knows what that conversation will lead to?

  I don’t bother with anything once I’m in my bedroom. My parents have long since gone to bed, so I don’t have to have the conversation about the game or what happened afterward. I strip out of my clothes and throw myself on my bed, my eyes closing not long after my head hits the pillow.

  “Wake up, sunshine, it’s morning!” Mason’s voice ricochets through my head and I groan, pulling the covers closer. “Oh, no, that isn’t going to work, Chey. I don’t care how hung over you are.” He tugs at the covers and I hold on tighter.

  “Go away, Mace, I need more sleep.”

  He chuckles loudly, and a pain registers like a jackhammer through my skull. “What’s wrong, Cheyenne, have a bit of a hangover?” I don’t answer my annoying brother. “Tough luck. I want to know why I covered for your ass, then you crept back into the house in the middle of the night.”

  I groan again, louder, and throw the covers off. The sunlight blinds me, and I cringe against the brightness inflicting torture on my retinas. “Because you were right,” I mumble.

  A smile graces his face. “Say that again. I didn’t hear you.”

  “I said you were right. It wasn’t a good idea to go camping with Cole and Dylan, the three of us together and drinking alcohol. Apparently, Dylan and I can’t handle our alcohol very well and emotions run very high.”

  The smile vanishes and anger ignites behind his eyes. “What happened? Did he hurt you? I swear to God, Chey, I’ll kill him.”

  I’m already shaking my head. “Are you mad? He would never hurt me. Besides, had he laid a hand on me; Cole would’ve skinned him alive. No, I’m completely fine, but there were punches thrown.”

  “So, Playboy One and Playboy Two finally decided to show their true colors and fight over you, huh? That’s rough, Chey, I’m sorry.”

  I roll my eyes at Mason’s nickname for Cole and Dylan. He’s made it clear he doesn’t like how close I am to either of them, but he tolerates it because he knows he doesn’t have any say in the matter.

  “I wouldn’t say they fought over me, really, just that they fought. It was my fault though. Dylan told me he enlisted and I kind of went nuts. Then I confronted Cole, asked him if he did it behind my back, too, and he didn’t deny it.”

  Mason sits beside me and sighs. “You knew they were going, Chey, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise.”

  I close my eyes from the glare still shining through my window and take a deep breath. I refuse to cry anymore over what I can’t change. “I know, Mace. That’s exactly what Dylan said. But I thought we had more time. We haven’t even graduated high school, yet, and they’ve signed their lives away. Now it’ll loom over our heads the rest of our senior year.”

  Mason doesn’t say anything and shifts uncomfortably on the bed beside me. I eye him warily and sit up. It’s a mistake the moment my head lifts from the pillow, but I plow through the pain and stare him down.

  “What aren’t you telling me?” I bite the words out, anger in my voice.

  “I, uh,” he stumbles over his words. “I talked to Mom and Dad before they left. I told them I wanted to join the Army, follow behind Cole. I can’t enlist, yet, I have to be seventeen. But they agreed to sign.” He turns his gaze to mine. “I was going to talk to you about it after your date with Dylan tonight, but since you’ve brought it up, I thought I’d get that out of the way. I don’t want to hide it from you, Chey, you’re my sister.”

  I clench my fists and fight the tears that threaten to fall again. “So, my two best friends are leaving me this summer, and my little brother will leave next. Where’s that leave me?”

  Mason nudges my shoulder and smiles. “You can always go to college, Chey, do something you’ve always wanted to do.”

  I frown and bite my lip. I know he’s right, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. “I’ll think about it.”

  Mason nods and leaves my room. I lie back down and cover my head with the blanket, determined to get a few more hours of sleep before I have to face what happened last night.

  Uninterrupted sleep seems impossible in this house. As soon as I close my eyes and fall back into a peaceful, albeit painful slumber, my bedroom door opens again. I don’t have to open my eyes to know who it is. Cole carries an aura with him wherever he goes. I know it’s him before he ever opens his mouth to talk.

  “Mason said I could find you buried in here. Made some joke about your hangover and that you may not be in the mood to talk right now.” He sighs before he continues. “But you know I’m not one to listen to his warning. I don’t care what kind of mood you’re in. I don’t even care if you talk or not. You do, however, have to listen to me, because I’ve barely slept and thoughts about last night keep running through my Goddamn head on repeat.”

  I don’t move. I keep myself as still as possible in hopes that he’ll leave and not say anything about last night. I humiliated myself; I overreacted. In truth, Mason’s right, it shouldn’t have been a surprise. Cole has talked about it for years; Dylan told us that first day we met him. My irrational reaction, I blame the alcohol. What’s that saying, though? What we say drunk is our sober thoughts? In my case, it’s the truth. I’ve always supported Cole in his idea to join the military and do what he believes in. That same sentiment was given to Dylan as we became friends, and then even after we got closer. But last night, reality smacked me in the face when I learned they had both enlisted without acknowledging me at all, without talking to me about it. They’ve kept it from me for weeks and I was clueless about how close we all were to being separated for who knew how long.

  “I know you’re awake, Chey, so you could come out of the blanket and talk to me. If not, that’s okay, I’m still going to talk. Last night wasn’t supposed to play out like that. Honestly, I don’t know how it was going to play out. Dylan was drunk. You were drunk, which, by the way, I don’t condone that sort of behavior because it isn’t you. I kept to myself and I hated it, but it’s all I could do. Otherwise, I would’ve said something that I wasn’t able to take back. Then, everything imploded anyway.” I feel his weight sit on my bed beside me, on his side where he slept the night I got hurt at the track. “I wasn’t going to keep it from you until last minute. I planned to tell you; I was just waiting for the right time. I didn’t know what your reaction was going to be. We’ve done everything together, Chey, and this is something that I’m doing on my own. It’s terrifying, even for me.”

  Cole sounds broken, lost. Afraid. I pull the blanket down and stare at him. He isn’t looking at me. His head is leaned back against the headboard, his eyes on the ceiling. I scoot closer and lay my head on his chest. I know we shouldn’t be this close again, sharing the same bed again after what happened last time. But I can’t let him think he’s alone.

  “You don’t have to be afraid, Cole. We were bound to do our own thing eventually.” I huff. “I’m sorry for last night. Dylan sprung the sentence out there like it was just another day, just another conversation. I was drunk and that intensified my re
action, I think. But that still isn’t an excuse either. I know that.”

  Cole’s arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me closer. We’re skin-to-skin, chest-to-chest, and if anyone walked in the room right now it would look highly inappropriate for two friends. But it’s who we are and that isn’t going to change.

  “It’s not an excuse, but I still accept your apology.” He uses his finger to tip my chin up toward him. “We’re not going to let this ruin our senior year, Chey, because we’re still going to do everything we planned. Winter homecoming. Our senior trip. Spring break. Prom. It’s still ours for the taking.”

  Sometime during his mini-speech I had inched my face closer to his, our lips almost brushing when he speaks.

  “It’s going to loom over us. It’s going to be in the back of our minds. Every memory will be tainted with the thought that I have to say goodbye in the end.”

  Cole closes his eyes and nuzzles his nose against mine. “It’s never goodbye, Chey, ever. No matter where I go, no matter how far. It’s never going to be goodbye.”

  My heart gallops in my chest, splitting my sternum and trying to burst free. Images invade my head of the night where we had crossed the line, and I sit up a little straighter. Just then, my phone vibrates on the nightstand with a text. The sound pulls Cole out of whatever trance he was stuck in and he gulps in air, releasing his hold on me.

  “You should probably check that. You’re supposed to go on a date tonight, remember?” There’s a flash of pain in his eyes, but it’s gone as fast as it appeared. I bite my lip and nod, backing away to the opposite side of the bed.

  When Dylan’s name flashes on the screen, my heart beats wildly for a different reason. I don’t know how he’s going to act today. I don’t know if we’re still going on our date or if we’re even friends anymore. I unlock my screen and his message appears.

  Dylan: We need to talk.

  Nothing good has ever come from that sentence. Last night was a mistake. If I had just listened to Mason, none of this would’ve happened. Sure, I would still be oblivious to what they had done without me, but we could have had a few more good memories together. Just the three of us. Now I’m afraid it may go back to being just Cole and I.

  “What is it, Chey? What’s wrong?” Cole’s voice looms behind me, reading the message I just had.

  “He just wants to talk. That doesn’t mean it’s bad, Chey, just that he has something to say. I had to come over for the same reason. You felt the need to apologize. We’re all having a very shitty morning because of our actions last night. Just give him a chance and see what he has to say, okay?”

  “But…” I hum and try again. “What if he doesn’t want to hang out anymore? What if he doesn’t want to be around me? I...I don’t want to lose his friendship.”

  Cole arches his brow at me and gives me his signature smirk. “Still holding onto that friendship card, I see. You know what I think?” When I don’t answer, he forges ahead. “I think you feel something for Dylan, something unfamiliar, and it terrifies you. But it doesn’t have to, Chey, because if it’s something you want, it’ll be worth it to try.”

  “When did you get so philosophical?” I grumble.

  Cole laughs and, minutes later, I join in. I grab my phone and text Dylan back.

  Chey: Come over in 15.

  Cole smiles when he sees my reply and ditches out the back door to cross into his backyard. I’m supposed to call him later and let him know what happens. I dash to the shower to wash the remnants of alcohol and my hangover away before Dylan gets here.

  Cheyenne gleefully kicked me out of her bedroom to get ready. But I knew her well enough to know that she was going to have a meltdown in the shower and would pace the floor until she talked to Dylan and cleared the air. At least I hoped that’s what he wanted to talk about. Because if he was ending whatever this thing is, he had started, I would kick his ass. Mason would probably help based on his sour mood when I dragged him out of the house behind me with claims that we were hitting the gym today. He knew I was full of shit, even though we were at the gym. I was trying to give Cheyenne and Dylan some privacy.

  Not my brightest moment. Certainly, it was something I could regret. But Cheyenne needed to give him a chance, and I wanted to do the right thing. Of course, my mind kept playing tricks on me, running questions through my head that I’d pushed so far into the recesses of my brain they had cobwebs.

  Was I pushing Cheyenne and Dylan together because I was afraid of failure? Specifically of failing her, of not being enough. Of ruining our friendship if things escalated more than they had already?

  On the other end of the spectrum, though, did I just want Cheyenne to be happy? To give her that chance to explore who she really was without me by her side?

  The real kicker? The answer to every one of those questions was yes. I did want Cheyenne to be happy; I wanted her to explore who she was outside of our friendship. And, as far as I could tell, Dylan made her happy. She felt something for him. They’re both my best friends, and if they were going to be together, I needed to back off Cheyenne some. Our behavior would be a problem for anyone who wanted to date her. When you’ve been friends as long as we have, it was natural to us and those who knew us best. But to an outsider? That shit screamed feelings.

  I push the button on the treadmill to increase its speed, forcing my mind to shut off for a little while. Mason eyes me curiously from the corner of his eye. I ignore him as best I can until he smacks the emergency stop on my machine and glares at me.

  I pull the earbuds out of my ears and shoot daggers back. “What the hell, Mace?”

  “You’re not fooling anyone. Especially not me. Why did you really drag my ass out of the house? This isn’t our scheduled gym day; we aren’t even doing our planned exercises. Hell, I’m not supposed to be doing any of our exercises because of my shoulder.” He huffs. “What the fuck is going on with my sister, and why are you hellbent on letting it happen?”

  Others in the gym are beginning to stare from Mason’s outburst. I grab his arm and drag him out of the gym, shoving his back against the wall.

  “I don’t know what you think you know, Mace, but let’s get some things straight. Whatever is going on with Cheyenne is no one’s business but her own. She’s her own person and can make her own decisions. We may not like them; hell, we may not even agree with them, but ultimately, it isn’t up for us to decide. And for the record, I’m not letting anything happen.”

  Mason shoves me off and I stumble backward. There once was a time he didn’t stand a chance against me. Now, I wouldn’t bet against him.

  “You’re pushing Cheyenne into the arms of some other guy because you’re too chicken shit to go after what you want. I don’t know if it’s because your best friends, you grew up together and know every little thing about each other, or if it’s because you’re leaving, and you think she’ll move on without you. Newsflash, she’s moving on without you now because you’re forcing her to. Dylan’s leaving, too, or have you forgotten? She’s going to be left here alone no matter what.”

  I snarl and lunge at him, but a quick uppercut catches me off guard and my head flies back. I growl and stomp toward him.

  “I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen, for your sake, and we’re going to go back inside that gym quietly. You are not going to mention this to Cheyenne. Let her be, Mace, she has to make her own choices. As she’s clearly pointed out. Dylan makes her happy and there isn’t a huge risk of ruining a lifetime friendship if they’re together. You haven’t seen how she is with him like I have.” The words make my stomach churn, even if they are true. I turn my back and walk toward the door.

  Mason yells from behind me. “She’s making the wrong decision! Why can’t you see that? You know nothing about how Dylan really is.”

  I stop in my tracks. “What did you just say?”

  “I said,” he takes a breath. “You don’t know anything about how Dylan really is.” He lowers his voice again. “But I do.” I
turn on him and glare, cross my arms and lean against the wall. I nod my head for him to continue. “Chey’s been covering for me to hook-up with a girl from school. What she doesn’t know is I’ve just been going out to parties and hanging out. Something our parents would never let me do. Dylan’s been to every party that hasn’t been on a game night. Including the parties that happen after practices and on school nights.” He looks away, his jaw clenched. “He’s not the saint he pretends to be. Nowhere close to the guy I’ve met, hung out with at my house and let get close to my sister. That’s my fault, I’ll admit. He’s different with her. But I had hoped you would pull your head out of your ass and step up before things got too serious with them. Now, you’re shoving her right into his arms.”

  I have to take deep breaths to keep myself from throttling Mason. The urge is there, fueled with anger I’ve never felt before. But Cheyenne would never forgive me if I strangled her little brother, so I keep my cool.

  “So, let me clear things up. You’re telling me that Dylan’s not the ‘good guy’ we all think he is? That about sum it up?”

  Mason takes a step back – smart kid – and nods his head. “I didn’t think it would go this far. I thought they would just stay friends. But then I heard her talking about a date and it took everything I had not to flip my shit.”

  I clench my fists at my sides, and he notices. “You didn’t think to tell me? I just left her at the house with him!”

  Mason’s eyes go wide before he sprints to my truck. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go!”

  We make it back to the house faster than we should have. I broke a lot of traffic laws to get here. But Cheyenne’s worth it. Mason jumps out of the truck and storms up the porch. I follow closely behind. Once he throws the door open, he starts storming up the stairs.

  “Chey! Where are you?” Mason’s voice carries through what seems like an empty house. I stay downstairs, listening for any sound. There is none.

 

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