Rylee eventually lifted herself off of me and rolled onto the blanket next to me. We both lay there for a while speechless and motionless except for the quiet panting of our breath and the slow rising of our chests. The sun had finally settled beyond the horizon and twilight was hanging over us in the night’s sky with the distant twinkling of the stars. It was then that I realized that what I felt for Rylee wasn’t going to change.
The thought struck me like a freight train. Not only did I need to convince Rylee to be with me because I wanted her, but also because my life would be empty without her. I’d spent most of my adult life unattached and only then did I realize how lackluster it was. I’d missed out on the most important and exciting things in life, like spending time holding the woman I really care about in my arms or making her life or taking her to new, exotic places. I knew that Rylee wouldn’t be easy to convince, but I also knew I couldn’t give up on her. I believed that no matter what the complications were, we could overcome it together.
Just then, Rylee sat up and I felt the whole world around me disrupt. Her absence felt like a thorn in my heart and painful pangs of sadness hung low in my chest. It felt like a part of myself had somehow detached itself and I couldn’t bear it. She had started to get dressed again (sans her ripped panties) and I knew she’d be wanting to get back soon, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to say something.
I zipped my pants back up and then reached out and took her hand. “Rylee, it’s clearer now more than ever that we have unfinished business with each other,” I told her. “Our chemistry is undeniable and I don’t want to let go of that all because of what some gossiping locals might say about us just because they’re bored with their own dull lives.”
Rylee turned to face me as she buttoned up her blouse again. She was frowning. “You know it’s more complicated than that,” she retorted.
“I know, but it doesn’t matter, Rylee. You’re worth any kind of complication,” I assured her and held her hand tighter, hoping to persuade her to believe me.
Rylee stared at me for a long time after that and I couldn’t decipher the look on her face. I wanted to believe that she was starting to trust me, but I had no reason to think that. I wished I could tell what was going on in her head. Before I could say anything more, Rylee was standing and straightening her skirt. She slipped her shoes back on and coughed.
“I need to get home now,” she said as she looked away from me.
“Okay,” I responded, feeling like even after making sweet love to her for the first time in five years, that I had somehow lost her again.
We proceeded to pack everything up and head back to the car. The drive home was a comfortable silence. All I could think about was finding more and more ways to convince Rylee that I really wanted to be with her and to get her to trust that I wouldn’t disappear again, but it was difficult. Not once in my life had I tried this hard to win over a woman and that proved just how important Rylee truly was to me. I started to think about telling her how I was retired comfortably with a lot of money. I could really take care of her and she wouldn’t need to work a day in her life if she didn’t want to.
I opened my mouth to tell her all of this, but as I glanced over at her, I found that I couldn’t. “I really enjoy spending time with you, Rylee,” was what I said instead. I couldn’t help it. It was the truth and it came tumbling out of me before I could stop it. I knew it wasn’t half as convincing as the many other reasons we should be together, but it was the one that meant the most to me at that moment.
She smiled over at me and oh, how I adored that beautiful smile of hers. “I enjoy spending time with you too,” she admitted, “but I’m just not sure that it outweighs the risks of us being together.” She let out a sigh and shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe we should just take a break, especially while you’re still pretending to date my mother.”
I frowned. “I don’t think I can bear to stay away from you, Rylee,” I admitted.
Rylee let out a quiet chuckle. “You’re forgetting that we spent five years apart, Spencer. I’m sure you can hold out another few months,” she reminded me with a pointed look.
“I guess you’re right,” I agreed with a toothy smile. “But I don’t have to like it.”
“Tough,” Rylee teased me with a laugh.
It felt good to laugh with her again, but it was cut all too short as I pulled up outside her mother’s house shortly after. I watched her get out of the car and wave goodbye to me with her hand before rushing inside. I waited outside for a little while longer, thinking more about the whole messy situation before I finally turned the keys in the ignition and headed back to Sam’s ranch again.
I felt like a zombie. My mind was in a complete daze about the whole thing and I felt a little bit lost. Just half an hour ago, I had been wrapped in the arms of the woman I loved and now I was thrown back into reality where I was sleeping at my old high school friend’s ranch. Even worse was the fact that Rylee still didn’t want to give our relationship a chance—at least, not yet. It gave me hope that she was considering being with me again in the future, but honestly, I wasn’t sure if that future would ever come. She seemed so unsure of what she wanted and it still felt like there were things she wasn’t telling me.
I threw myself into bed that night with head swimming with confusing thoughts and a heart feeling heavy and bruised. I guess Rylee was going to be a tougher nut to crack than I thought.
10
Rylee
The next morning, I laid in bed for longer than normal just thinking about Spencer. No matter how much I thought I should push him away and leave the whole thing alone, I couldn’t stop wanting to be with him. It didn’t help that he’d turned out to want me too. I’d originally thought he just wanted a quick fuck with a younger woman, but now I knew that he wanted something more… It made everything ten times harder.
Not to mention the way we’d made love the night before had been hot, frantic, and passionate. It was just as good if not better than the very first time. I didn’t want to give up the incredible spark we had between us, but at the same time, I needed to be logical. I wasn’t the only one who was involved in all of this and I still hadn’t broken the news to Spencer about Jayden. How could I even think about a happily ever after with him when Spencer still didn’t know that he had a son?
“Ugh.” I groaned and rolled out of bed, attempting to focus on getting ready for the day ahead. It was a futile effort to take my mind off of the whole complicated situation and no matter what I did it was always in the back of my mind.
Being with Spencer again after so long was just as amazing as I’d remembered. The way he touched me and manipulated my body with his big, strong hands made me feel excited and hungry for him. Even the next morning, I felt desperate to have him again. The way that he made me feel was so addictive that I was dying to give into him. I wanted to let him sweep me off my feet without a care in the world… but I couldn’t. It was far too dangerous.
Before we could even think about a potential relationship, I needed to tell him about Jayden. He deserved to know and besides, it’s not like I could hide my son from him forever. One day, he was going to come over unexpectedly to see my mom or me and Jayden would be here. Spencer’s a smart guy. He’ll put two and two together pretty quickly, even if he didn’t actually know he was the only guy I’d ever slept with. Besides, the resemblance was pretty striking when you looked at Jayden closely. They had a similar complexion and their noses were almost the exact same shape!
I was still nervous about what Spencer might say, but the longer I delayed the inevitable, the longer I was going to feel nervous. I really hoped he wouldn’t get upset or angry about it. I imagined scenario after scenario as I got cleaned and dressed ready for my shift at the store. I remembered how I always fantasized about Spencer coming back into my life with an apology and a bottle of wine or flowers. I imagined how he would beg my forgiveness and be overjoyed about having a son, but now that it had actua
lly happened, I didn’t know what to feel!
Things would’ve been easier if Spencer hadn’t gone and offered to be my mom’s pretend boyfriend. I bet he was kicking himself over that too if what he’d told me was true. Going around in circles in my head didn’t seem to be getting me anywhere and I felt like I needed a second opinion, so as I walked to the store, I thought about what I was going to say to Dahlia about everything. After all, Dahlia had always helped and supported me throughout my whole life. She was always there for Jayden and practically acted like the aunt he didn’t have. If anyone could help me, it was her.
When I arrived at work, I rushed to the locker room to put my bag away before heading out to the check out. It was super busy, however, so I didn’t get a chance to speak to Dahlia at all even though she was standing right next to me. Instead, I was bombarded with customer after customer. Luckily, when it hit midday, Colin let us both take a break together. We headed to the break room which consisted of two old comfy couches and a small wooden coffee table. There was a tiny kitchenette to the right with a mini fridge and a sink, but it was hardly luxurious. Luxury didn’t matter right now, however. All I needed was a quiet place where I could speak to Dahlia without interruptions or anyone eavesdropping and thankfully, the break room was just the place for that. We both headed inside and sat down with our packed lunches. It’s now or never, I told myself, so I decided to go for it.
“I need to talk about something,” I told her as I unwrapped my sandwich from the cellophane. I looked down at it awkwardly for a moment before I managed to utter in a whisper, “I saw Spencer last night.”
Dahlia gasped and pushed aside her lunch. She looked at me with her dark hazel eyes and flicked her red hair behind her shoulder. “Tell me all about it! What happened? Did you kiss? Did he declare his undying love for you?” she questioned. “Tell me! Tell me!”
“Well… we slept together,” I admitted in a whisper. Dahlia immediately gasped. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, honestly, but it did. I feel super awkward about it though because he still doesn’t know that Jayden exists and I really need to tell him, Dahlia, but I just don’t know how!” The whole thing was becoming more and more of a problem with every passing day. It was like I was rolling a tiny ball of snow down a mountain until it accumulated more and more snow and became a huge, unstoppable boulder.
Across from me, Dahlia nodded along to what I was saying and pursed her lips. “You definitely should tell him. I think you’re right. He’s going to find out one way or another and it’s better that he hears it from you,” she agreed.
“But how do I tell him? It’s not like I can just walk up to him and say, ‘Oh, by the way, Spencer, I had your son four years ago and I never told you. I hope you’re okay with it!’” I blurted out in frustration. “Besides, I don’t have the first clue how he might react once he finds out. I mean, I hope he’ll want to get to know Jayden and be excited, but what if he runs when he finds out? What if all he wanted was to screw me again and then he’s going to take off once a better opportunity presents itself? After all, he’s forty-eight and he’s never been married, he’s never settled down. He’s been a life-long bachelor at this point, so why would he change for me?”
After I got it all out of my system, I noticed Dahlia was looking at me with kind eyes and a sympathetic smile. She reached out and took my hand in hers before running her thumb over my palm in a comforting manner. This was exactly the reason why we were best friends. She always knew how best to ease my worries.
“I’ll admit that I don’t know this guy like at all, Rylee,” she began with a small shrug. “But from what you’ve told me, he doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would cut and run from his responsibilities when times get tough and even if he does… Well, you said it yourself. Spencer deserves to know that he’s a father. Even if it ends badly for you or for Jayden, at least you can tell yourself that you tried and then you won’t have to carry around the guilt from not telling him anymore.”
I nodded. I knew she was right, but that didn’t mean my fears disappeared. I started thinking about my son and just how young and innocent he was. I could suck it up and take it if Spencer rejected me, but I had no idea how Jayden might take it. I didn’t want to risk anything happening to him that might scar him emotionally.
“What if he hurts Jayden?” I muttered under my breath while looking down at mine and Dahlia’s joined hands. “I don’t know if I want to risk him being rejected, even if it is by his own father. That kind of thing changes a person and he’s such a sweet little boy…”
Dahlia’s eyes seemed to burn at the suggestion and she scowled. “If anyone ever hurt poor little Jayden, you know I’d help you hunt them down and castrate them!” she exclaimed and squeezed my hand tight before laughing. “But in all seriousness, Rylee, that might happen and yes, it would totally suck, but it’s not like he’s lacking for love or support. He’s got you and your mom and me, of course. Even if his father turns out to be a total douche bag, we’ll more than make up for it. You should definitely do the right thing and tell him, no matter how hard it is.”
I nodded again. I knew that everything Dahlia was saying was accurate, but I still wasn’t sure I could summon the courage to finally confront Spencer and confess a secret I’d been hiding for s0 many years. I still didn’t know how to approach the subject at all or when might be the right time to do it. If it was going to end in tears, I wanted Jayden to be as far away from the madness as possible. So, perhaps it was best to wait until the weekend when I could arrange a sleepover for Jayden at a friend’s house? Or maybe I should convince Spencer to take me out of town again to break the news?
Thought after thought was whirring around my head and I couldn’t take it much longer. I let out a sigh and sent Dahlia a half-hearted smile. “I’ll do it, Dahlia. I promise I’ll do it. I just need more time to think it all over. Thanks for your help.”
“Anytime. You’re my best friend, Rylee,” she told me.
“And you’re mine.”
After that, we both ate our lunch while making conversation about what we were planning to do over the weekend and I left the break room feeling, if not better about the situation, at the very least, I was certainly feeling like I had more of an idea of what to do. For the duration of the rest of my shift, my mind mulled over the options I had laid out before me. I knew that I was going to tell Spencer everything, I just needed to figure out how best to break the news without Jayden being fully involved. If Spencer wanted to see him, we didn’t have to tell him Spencer was his father straight away. No, perhaps we could wait and see if Spencer flits off again on his next venture.
Yes, no matter what, I was certain that I’d never let my baby boy come to any harm.
11
Spencer
It was Friday evening and it was the night of my big, fake date with Robin and I couldn’t help but feel awful about it. A huge part of me wanted to cancel the whole thing, but I knew how important it was to Robin. She’d been dealing with her sleazy boss’ come-ons for far too long and I wanted to help get the guy off her back. But did this really have to be the way we did it?
Yet, here I was sat at the table of Halston’s most prestigious restaurant (which wasn’t really saying much) making polite conversation with Robin over steak tartare and wine. Surrounding us were fancily dressed waiters in suits and bow ties who were carrying around silver platters. The atmosphere was more romantic than I’d have liked considering Robin was just a friend, but I guessed that was the whole point. On every table there were candles burning bright and the room itself was decorated with heavy, red curtains, rich furnishings, and golden chandeliers which twinkled in the candlelight.
While I took everything in, I failed to notice that Robin had already begun chatting with me. She was wearing a rather nice deep purple dress and what looked like some expensive jewelry. I supposed that she looked nice, but honestly, I just couldn’t see her that way. Still, I felt rude not listening to her and I wanted to
pay more attention to what she was saying, but honestly, my thoughts kept going back to Rylee. What was she doing right now? Was she thinking about me? How did she feel about me being on a date with another woman—albeit a fake one?
I took another sip of the wine in front of me and nodding along to what Robin was saying, pretending to take an interest while my mind wandered. However, when she mentioned her daughter’s name, my interest was suddenly peaked. I turned my gaze to her and started listening intently.
“He still comes back to town every few months to see Rylee, of course, and we remained friends after the divorce, but it doesn’t make things any easier,” Robin confessed and I began to feel guilty that she was sharing her feelings with me while I wasn’t really paying attention.
“I understand,” I told her with a sympathetic smile and reached out to touch her hand in a way I hoped would offer her some comfort. “About Rylee, though… How long has she been living back with you now?” I asked, hoping that Robin wouldn’t get suspicious of my interest in her daughter.
“Oh, just over four years now, I think,” Robin replied as she tapped her chin in thought. “Or is it just over five years? I’m not sure. It’s been a good few years though!”
“Ah,” I responded with a nod. “And do you think she’ll be moving out anytime soon?”
“I doubt it!” Robin exclaimed with a broad smile. “I should think she’ll be staying with me for a few more years at the very least.” She reached for a piece of bread and tore off a section to nibble on.
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