Paid In Full

by Rachel Rawlings

  You know where to go. You know the one who can keep you safe. Keep you alive. Why do you run from him when you should be running toward him? My master needs you, wants you. He would never hurt you.

  To emphasize her point, the demon inside me replaced the images of my impending demise with ones of Apollyon. Need swelled up inside me. Hers, his and mine. She was his favorite, his servant, and therefore so was I. Flashes of his hands gripping my body, his lips leaving trails of fire in their wake as they explored every inch of me. With each wave of pleasure, my body betrayed me. Apollyon was everything to the Elioud, and in that moment, captured in her thoughts, drowning in her desires, he became everything to me. For one more touch I would have let the world burn to nothing more than a pile of ash and cinders at my feet.

  In an instant, his hands were gone. Cold and shaky from the absence of his touch, I reached for him, all but begging to bask in the warmth of his affections again. I wanted nothing more than to please him, to give him everything he’d ever wanted.

  “Jacqui-girl, when will you realize how special you are?” Apollyon kissed the sensitive spot just behind my ear. His voice dripped sweet and thick like honey from his lips. Lips I wanted to feel in other places than just along my neck. “I will devote myself to seeing to your every need, satisfying your every desire. All I ask in return is for you to do this one little thing. Such a tiny thing.”

  Tartarus.

  I woke from the dream drenched in sweat, the taste of Apollyon still on my lips, the sensation of his hands caressing me still lingering on my body. Raw and confused from the intense need to do whatever he wanted, my mind’s grip on who I was and what I wanted began to slip. The Elioud was only too happy to fill the void left behind. Stronger with each visit from the Devil, my personal demon was closer to the surface. Closer to gaining control.

  After the Principles’ betrayal, I struggled to find a reason to stop her.

  You are deluding yourself with a fantasy of two separate entities. I’m not some castaway lesser demon trying to possess you. I am a part of you, Jacqueline Lillith Rhoades. I am you.

  The spear lashed to my belt dug into my hip as I pressed my hands to my temples and willed the voice inside my head to shut up. For a moment I contemplated using the spear and ending the nightmare once and for all. Satisfied she’d made her point, the Elioud slunk back into the dark recesses of my mind, her laugh echoing inside my head.

  Left alone with nothing but my own thoughts for the first time in days, I found myself swamped with doubt and self-hate. The sudden realization that the Elioud spoke the truth, that we were one and the same, was like a knife to my heart. There wasn’t a monster trapped inside me struggling to get out. I was the monster. I wasn’t the chosen one, destined to save the world. I was a weapon of mass destruction.

  Choking down the sob stuck in the middle of my throat, I looked down at Dane, still sound asleep and undisturbed by my inner turmoil. So perfect and peaceful. He deserved more than a life with me offered. He’d almost died because of me, and it was almost certain to happen again if he stayed the course. Which he would. Dane had made it perfectly clear he wasn’t leaving my side.

  That left only one option.

  Easing my way off the mattress, I was careful not to wake Dane. It wasn’t courage or selflessness that made me run like a thief in the night. It was weakness. If he tried to stop me, looked at me with eyes filled with love and the pain my leaving would no doubt cause, I’d lose my nerve. I’d let him wrap me in his strong arms, hold me close to his chest, and lie when I said I believed his promises that we would get through this.

  Grabbing my messenger bag, I pulled out my notebook and a pen. After scrawling five words, I set it down, open to the page with my note. Dane stirred, rolling onto his back, and I froze. My breath hitched in my throat. I didn’t dare make a sound for fear of being caught. When I was certain he wasn’t going to wake, I went back to making my escape. Rather than take the time to unfasten the spear at my side, I slipped off my belt and set it beside the note.

  Sparing one last look at my Sin Eater, I walked out of Dane’s apartment and out of his life.

  Chapter Sixteen

  With no real plan or destination other than to put as much distance between myself and Dane as possible before he realized I was gone, I stepped out onto the street and started walking. After spending the better part of your childhood and teenage years on the streets, you pick up a thing or two about survival. Keep your head down, eyes and ears open. Walk with determination and confidence. If you don’t want to be prey, don’t look like prey. Bullies and street thugs aren’t actually looking for a fight. They’re looking for an easy target. If your body language says “Don’t fuck with me”, ninety-nine percent of the time they won’t.

  But there’s always that one percent.

  “Back off, Tobias.” Without turning around to offer further greetings, I turned up the collar of my jacket and kept walking.

  “How did you know it was me?” Quickening his pace to match mine, the angel tried to catch up.

  “The breeze, the smell of ozone. Your cologne.”

  “I don’t wear cologne.” With a defeated sigh, he acknowledged my sideways glance. “It’s not vanity. I like the way it smells, all right?”

  “What do you want, Tobias? I said everything I had to say back at Mt. Royal.” Unfastening the buckle on my messenger bag, I slipped my hand inside and discreetly felt around for my gun.

  I didn’t want to shoot Tobias, not really. Okay, maybe a little. After our last conversation, who could blame me? But if Tobias just happened to be walking the same block as me at the same time, I was betting the heavenly hitwoman wasn’t far behind.

  “I want you to come home.” Tobias reached for me, his hand falling short when I jerked away. “The Principles want you to come home.”

  “Oh, I’ll just bet they do. A hell of a lot easier to kill me if I make myself a sitting duck. Don’t take this the wrong way, but fuck off, Tobias.” Widening my stride as much as possible without breaking into a jog, I tried to shake the angel.

  “We don’t want to kill you. We want to save you. Jax, please.” Tobias’s footsteps slowed and finally stopped.

  Sensing the trap, I gripped my gun and pulled it from my bag. Hip-firing, I plugged two into Ariel’s center mass as she came around the corner. She dropped to her knees in the middle of the sidewalk. Tobias rushed to her side, applying pressure to the wounds even as she tried to stand. Less than a week had passed since Tobias had stood at my side. How quickly things changed.

  “You don’t want to save me. I should have seen Thomas’s offer for what it was. A hustle. I have to give it to you, though. You’re one hell of a grifter. I see where Apollyon learned it from.” With my gun still aimed at Ariel’s head, I kept walking, not turning my back until I felt safely out of arm’s reach.

  I hadn’t accounted for the length of her blade. Ariel managed to pull a knife before I’d completely passed them on the sidewalk, slicing through my jeans and into my calf.

  “Bitch.” Raising the short-barreled gun, I aimed down the sights and fired a third shot into her hand. The knife clattered against the ground, light from the lamppost glinting off the steel. “You know, for someone who’s supposed to be better than me in every way, you’re a real disappointment.”

  Darkness swirled on the corner across the street. Like fog, thick and murky, it rose from the storm drain, making its way toward us. Recognizing the source of the mysterious cloud immediately, I wasn’t surprised to feel the magic resonate with something inside me. I should have been. A month or a week…hell, even the day before I would have been. But the voice in my head, the one I’d tried to ignore, was right.

  I was the Elioud.

  Slipping through the murky darkness, I stepped off the curb and into the cover the Devil’s ilk provided. My kin. I saw recognition of who and what I was reflected in Tobias’s eyes as I left him on the sidewalk to tend to his defeated hunter.

  Roun
ding the corner, I ducked into the alleyway between two sets of row homes just as Dane came barrelling down the street. Safe under cover of darkness, he couldn’t have seen me, but had recognized my handiwork. My name echoed off the brick-built homes as he called after me. When I didn’t turn back, he focused his attention on Tobias. The sounds of their argument followed me for two blocks.

  So did something else.

  “You.” I rounded on the creature lurking behind me. The same demon from the cemetery and Mt. Royal.

  “May I walk with you?” Something had changed in him since our last encounter. He seemed less intense, almost timid.

  “Tell Apollyon I don’t need a bodyguard or a babysitter. Or whatever the hell he sent you to do.” Killing me obviously wasn’t it, or he’d have done that already. Waving him off, I risked turning my back and walking away.

  “I’m not here to do either. We seem to be headed in the same direction, and I could use the company.” The demon waited for my answer.

  “I doubt I’ll make good company right now, but whatever.” I started walking, not waiting for him to catch up.

  The demon fell into stride beside me. We walked in an unexpectedly easy silence. Occasionally he’d cast a sideways glance in my direction, mouth poised to deliver a question or comment, but as if attuned to my mood, he never asked it. Never pressed for conversation, just stayed by my side as I crossed each block.

  Rather than fight the cloying shadows, I welcomed them; used them to hide me from Dane and the watchful eyes of the Principles. The internal demon alarm I’d used to escape the Devil’s grip since the day I’d signed my life away tolled like a church bell. My body hummed, vibrated with each step. Instead of running in the opposite direction or preparing for a fight, like I would have in the past, I followed it; let it guide me like a beacon to my destination.

  Block by block, I made my way across the city. For a moment the familiarity of hopping fences, ducking down alleys and cutting across the small yards behind rowhomes as I used the shortcuts I’d picked up over the years made me yearn for home. A dingy one-bedroom apartment with the teeniest view of the Fells Point waterfront and within walking distance of work. I almost headed in that direction, pulled by memories of a life lost. No one would remember me. Thomas had assured me of that when he’d recruited me. There was no need to stop by the shelter or the bar. I’d become just another face in the crowd, unrecognizable. Squashing memories that made me yearn for a life that had never belonged to me, I ignored the desire to chase down happier times and kept following my internal alarm. Demon at my side.

  The soft glow of smoldering rubble peppered the skyline, breaking through the blackness that swirled around me enough to make out the neighborhood. My body resonated like a tuning fork, alerting me to our destination. I should have been surprised, but I’d come to realize that shit like this was par for the course when it came to me.

  Mt. Vernon. The Basilica. Unlike the homes and businesses that made up the city’s cultural district, America’s first cathedral kept its lights on. A different type of beacon. One that exemplified everything Tobias claimed we were fighting for. I stood on the sidewalk ringing the exterior of one of the oldest temples I’d ever seen, preparing to defile it.

  Familiar with the route to the catacombs, I managed to slip by the nuns lingering past evening prayer, making it to the entrance of the burial chambers unnoticed. Not at all surprised the demon was able to do the same. They’d proven to be a stealthy lot, when they wanted to be.

  The gate was still unlocked. Rather than press my luck and question the unusual good fortune that had placed me beneath the cathedral before the night guard who was supposed to lock up, I hauled ass down the first tunnel. Unlike during my first trip into the church’s underbelly, I knew where I was going. Weaving my way down each brick corridor with ease until I came to the reverse arches. Given his size, I expected the demon to have more difficulty maneuvering through the space beneath the church, or to have some sort of reaction to the holy grounds, but he stayed close to my side, careful to step where I stepped.

  We made our way over the brick and stone underpinnings, heading toward the portal I’d closed only a couple of days earlier. The lights placed throughout the catacombs to illuminate the paths for tourists and parishioners faded as I went deeper beneath the church. Even without the soft thrum of power seeping from the portal, I still managed to find the right tunnel. Pulling out my flashlight, I searched the wall for the angelic script.

  Closing my eyes, I placed my left palm in the center of the dead portal. Heat flared in the symbols carved into my palm. Apollyon’s mark. The Elioud came to life, unfurling herself from the darkest corners of my psyche. Pumping knowledge older than time itself through my mind, she struggled to take control. And for the first time, I let her. Taking a deep breath, I gave myself to the demon halfling living inside me.

  A bell tolled. Ominous in tone, it signified the beginning of the end. Giving myself to the Elioud, I’d started a series of events foretold long before I was born, written in scripture never included in the canon and hidden from the eyes of Heaven’s most beloved in the hopes that the prophecy wouldn’t unfold if it was never told.

  “Finish it.” For the first time since joining me on my journey, the demon spoke. Sensing my reluctance, he nodded and offered a reassuring smile. “It is your destiny. You must fulfill it.”

  I pulled a knife from my bag and sliced the tip of my left index finger. Blood continued to well up as I traced over the angelic script, this time in reverse. My blood, tainted as it was, held power. The portal’s magic hummed with life again. My hand hovered just above the portal’s surface, the energy between myself and it a constant circuit. Closing my eyes, I took a step closer, my body all but pressed against the bricks, ready to step through from this world to Purgatory.

  A hand gripped my shoulder, spinning me around. My eyes flew open, taking in all of him. I’d expected him to try to follow, to track me down and try to stop me, but I’d hoped to be through the portal before he figured out where I’d gone. As much as I didn’t want him to see me like this, riding the Elioud’s power, finally accepting what and who I was, I was glad to see him.

  “Jax?” The way he said my name, the hesitation in Dane’s voice; he knew something was wrong. He knew what I’d done. “What are you doing?”

  “I thought I had a big enough head start.” Pressing my back against the portal, I reconnected the circuit and let the energy course through me.

  “I’ve been following you around for a long time. You can’t shake me that easy.” Dane made a grab for my bag, pulling the strap and jerking me away from the wall.

  “Stalker.”

  He smirked, and I had the overwhelming urge to kiss the corner of his mouth. I ignored it. My fist connected with his wrist in an attempt to break his hold on my bag. The sound of ripping fabric heightened the fear of being separated from my messenger bag and its contents. Hammering Dane’s ribs with body blows until he let go, I clutched the bag to my chest.

  “Your note was a nice touch.” Wincing, Dane wrapped an arm around his middle.

  “I meant every word.”

  “All five of them? It has to be you? What the fuck, Jax?” He held out his hand. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Give me the map.”

  “No.” I shook my head, clutched the bag tighter. “No. I need it. The spear is yours. Don’t give it to the Principles. I’m trusting you to know when the time comes.”

  “So what’s your plan? Take a short cut to Hell through Purgatory and face off with Apollyon on your own?” Scoffing, he crossed his arms over his chest, wincing again from the sore ribs.

  “Honestly, I hadn’t gotten that far. All I know is no one is trying to kill me over there.”

  “Enough.” Loose rock rained down from the ceiling as the demon’s voice bellowed through the catacombs. If that didn’t send the night guard running down here, nothing would.

  “He’s with you?” Shocked, Dane reeled ba
ck, taking in my demon companion.

  “Remove your hands from my daughter, Sin Eater, or I shall remove them for you. Permanently.”

  Did he just say daughter?

  “Did he just say daughter?” Echoing my thoughts, Dane looked to me for clarification.

  Since it was the first I’d heard of it, I couldn’t offer any.

  Black wings unfurled from behind the demon, casting eerie shadows on the rock walls around us. Hands on knees, I dropped my head, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth to keep the water and protein bar from making a repeat appearance.

  “Daughter.” The demon, or more appropriately the Fallen, nodded in my direction, claiming me in front of Dane.

  “Jax.” Dane gently rubbed a hand along my spine, offering comfort and concern that I didn’t deserve.

  Jerking away from his touch, I stood up and looked my father in the eyes. There was something in his face, something familiar in his features, something that was reflected back at me every time I looked in the mirror that might have confirmed his declaration, but the wings…the wings sealed the deal. Stained black from his sins, the raven feathers were beautiful despite their damning nature.

  “What’s your name?” Marveling at the fact that he not only existed but was standing right in front of me, I resisted the urge to bombard him with questions. The fact that he was obviously there to ensure I did what Apollyon wanted did nothing to quell the need to know more about who I was. To know more about my mother. If he actually told me the truth.

  “Father?” The Fallen hesitated, uncertainty in his voice.

  “I’d say that’s wishful thinking on your part. Try again.” There weren’t any father-daughter dances in our future, and as much as I wanted to know my family history, to know who and what I truly was, there was no way in hell I was calling him Dad.

  “My name is Dumah.” His expression shifted just before his body did. One second I was beside him, the next I was behind him, moving through the portal.