by Lea Coll
I busied myself by starting a load of laundry. My phone rang in the kitchen just as I was shutting the washing machine’s door to start a load. I hurried to answer it before it went to voice mail.
“Hello?” I asked, the phone to my ear.
“Hey.” Mason cleared his throat.
I headed to the living room, sitting with my legs curled under me on the couch. “Hey.”
I felt like I was sixteen again, talking to the first boy I liked. I was fidgety, afraid of sounding stupid.
“I got reservations for Saturday at six p.m. at Lynnhaven Fish House.”
I grabbed the phone, rising to pace the room as excitement filled me. Lynnhaven was considered fine dining, boasting a view of the bay and he was taking me there on Valentine’s Day. “Yeah, that’s perfect.”
My voice cracked on the word perfect. I stilled, barely breathing. I’d thought I’d liked guys before who hadn’t made nearly the effort that Mason was for this one date. How would I survive this? I stood, heading to the kitchen to pour a glass of water.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, sorry, my throat was dry. Just getting a glass of water.” I filled the glass, letting the water slide down my throat. “I’m okay now.”
“I don’t want to keep you—”
If this was awkward what would we talk about on Saturday night? “You’re not. I’m glad you called.”
I was? I didn’t have anything planned to talk about. I wracked my brain for possible topics.
“Were you out today?”
“Yeah, I went to brunch with my friends. How did you know?”
“I stopped by, hoping to take you to the dog park. The one we went to together a few weeks ago?” Embarrassment evident in his tone.
“I know the one.” My lips tilted up in a smile. Warmth spread through my body, making my limbs weak. I sat back on the couch, settling in to talk. “You could have called.”
“I know. It was a spur of the moment thing.”
I loved that. I wasn’t usually a spur of the moment girl, but I loved that he thought I was. “I’m sorry I missed you.” So, so sorry. I’d take the dog park with Mason and Everett any day over brunch with my friends.
I tilted my head back. No that’s wrong. Friends come before guys. Friends stick around. Guys come and go. Why did I do this to myself every time?
“Not a problem.”
But it was. Mason Arrington wanted to hang out with me. He’d called and gotten a reservation for a fancy dinner date on Valentine’s Day. I was standing on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I needed to rein myself in, take things slow. Be pragmatic about things. One date, one spontaneous drop by my house did not make a relationship.
“How was your brunch?” he asked, his voice low and rumbly over the line. I let the timbre wash through my veins leaving me languid and content as I sat in a patch of sun on my love seat.
“It was okay. My friend is getting married so there was a lot of wedding talk.”
“You don’t like that? I thought all women loved planning weddings?” His voice was filled with concern.
I liked that he was interested in how I was feeling. “Mine maybe. Other people’s not so much. I mean, I’m happy for her, but—”
“I can respect that.”
I sighed, my stomach knotting all over again. “She handed me a spreadsheet with tasks to do.”
“Did she hand out a spreadsheet for the whole wedding party or just to you?”
“Just for me. I don’t mind helping—”
“Are you the maid of honor?”
“No. Her sister is, but I don’t think she’s very reliable.”
“If you’re doing all the work then you should be the maid of honor.” Mason’s tone was indignant.
I couldn’t stop the smile that spread over my face that he was willingly talking about weddings because it bothered me. “You’re surprisingly opinionated about weddings.”
He was quiet for a few seconds. “You’re nice, almost too nice.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” My heart sped up.
“I don’t like people taking advantage of you.”
A tingle starting at my neck traveled down my spine that he was concerned about me, what I was feeling, how people treated me. No one but maybe Hannah had ever expressed concern for me like this.
“You should delegate tasks to everyone since she put you in charge.”
That’s what I wanted to do, but wasn’t sure how to go about it. I was afraid Sierra would be upset if I handed tasks off to other people. “I was thinking of sending an email sign-up for the tasks that need to be done.”
“If you do that, people might not sign up at all or argue over things. Assign them yourself and send out the list. Be firm.”
“That’s a good idea.” I liked Mason worrying about me, that he’d taken the time to think of a solution to my problem. One that had to pale in comparison to the ones he’d experienced in the military and as a parent.
“I promised I’d take Everett to the park to throw some balls. I’d better get going.”
Something about that simple sentence warmed my heart. I loved he was playing catch with his son, putting him first. “Of course. See you Saturday.”
Mason wasn’t a talker by nature, but he was trying for me. I had to keep reminding myself Mason wasn’t a long-term solution. He couldn’t give me what I wanted, but my heart always won out over my brain.
Chapter Eighteen
Mia
Mason pulled into the last available parking spot at Lynnhaven Fish House. The restaurant itself wasn’t much to look at. It was clearly built in the seventies, but it was known for its fine dining among the numerous fish fry restaurants on the beach.
I waited while he rounded the hood to open the truck for me, helping me out. I put my shaky hand in his, drawing strength from the warmth of his fingers as he guided me inside. Mason told the hostess his name. She led us to a table overlooking the bay and the Lynnhaven Pier.
Mason pulled out my chair so I could sit. I draped the napkin over my lap before looking up at him.
“Is this too much?” Mason frowned as he glanced around.
I had a sinking feeling he was talking about the romantic holiday. Every table was filled, the dining room louder than usual. “No. I love this restaurant. You can’t beat the view.”
“No. I meant going out for Valentine’s Day. It’s too much for a first date, isn’t it?” Mason’s tone was uncertain.
“I wouldn’t say it’s too much.” I thought it was romantic and if we worked out, I’d be able to look back on this night with fondness. At least I hoped so.
“I wanted everything to be perfect.” The admission shone in his eyes, making them more blue.
“It already is.” It was perfect when he’d shown up with daisies at my front door. He’d been shy when he’d handed them over to me as if he’d never given a woman flowers before. Nothing had ever meant more to me. Some guys brought flowers as a matter of course. I’d always been touched by the gesture, but it was more with Mason. Knowing when he did it was rare and special.
On dates, I usually talked a mile a minute, coming up with interesting questions to keep the guy talking about himself. Instead, I busied myself looking at the menu so I wouldn’t be tempted to fall back into old habits because of my nerves.
We ordered when the waitress came by, handing her our menus. Our gazes met when she left. I was at a loss for words. I didn’t need to get to know him. I already knew so much about him. That came with a comfort I didn’t usually have on dates but left an awkward silence I desperately wanted to fill.
“How was your week?” Mason asked, his tone hesitant.
The idea that it was probably as new for him as it was for me settled my nerves.
“I enjoy connecting with students, helping them work through whatever issues are preventing them from doing their best. I connected with one child this week whose parents were getting a divorce. We discussed strategies to d
eal with stress so she could focus on schoolwork and other responsibilities.” I shrugged. “I know it doesn’t seem like much, but—”
“You felt a sense of pride and accomplishment.”
“Yes.” I smiled, pleased he understood. Some thought my job was unnecessary or superfluous, but it was vital.
“Our jobs may be different, but both are important.” His eyes traveled over my face, respect for me evident. “I put Everett to work so he can pay off the damage to the locker room.”
“Doing what?” I was proud he was following through with his plans to make Everett pay for the damage and curious as to what he’d come up with.
“The landlord said we could paint the house as long as we change it back to white before we leave. Everett’s helping me paint. This spring, he can help me with landscaping. It’s not enough. I’ll need to come up with other odd jobs. Any ideas?”
I smiled. “Not really, especially since you rent. There are not many other improvements you could do. Maybe you could talk to your boss about helping with landscaping there?”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll talk to Mark.” He was quiet for a few seconds as if thinking. “Is there something we could do at your house?”
Excitement flowed through me because I’d always wanted shelves for my books. “I’d love built-ins in the living room on either side of the fireplace and in the office. I priced it but it was so expensive.”
He nodded as if satisfied by my answer. “We’d do it for cost.”
“Are you good with wood?” The minute the sentence was out of my mouth, my face felt hot, and I couldn’t meet his gaze.
“I am, actually.”
My gaze shot to his, no longer able to resist a peek. His lips were spread into an honest to God smile, his eyes twinkling with amusement
I narrowed my eyes on him, but I loved when he was playful. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“I know what you meant, but it’s still true.” He popped a piece of bread into his mouth, but his lips twitched.
My cheeks were warm either from the wine, our conversation, or both. My chest was light. I was happy to be here, experiencing this with him. The other diners, the conversations going on around us, dimmed. It was just him and me.
The waitress placed our plates in front of us before leaving again.
I couldn’t believe I’d said that, but at the same time, the double entendre was well-timed, alleviating any awkwardness between us.
We dug into our food, falling into a comfortable silence.
Mason finished before me, pushing his plate back. “What will you do at the end of the school year?”
The familiar pang of unease settled on my chest thinking about it. “I’ll apply for any open positions. I’ve been moving from one temporary job to another since I graduated with my master’s.”
“I hope you’ll be able to stay. You’ve made such a difference in Everett’s life. I’m sure you’ve done the same for others.”
It was what I hoped for, but it felt good to have him acknowledge it, to understand how important this was to me. He’d listened when I talked. That was something missing in my past relationships. I had to talk more, come up with funny stories, anything to keep the guys’ attention on me. With Mason, I felt like I was enough.
“I hope so. That’s the goal. If the counselor I’m filling in for doesn’t want to come back, I’d be the likely choice if Principal Bryant is happy with my work. He’s different than my past principals, a little more likely to explore how we can help the student versus doling out automatic punishments.”
“I could see that most principals would be interested in punishment, eliminating the problem. Your goal is to get to the root of the issue. Hopefully, he sees the value in that.”
I was tired of worrying about my job, whether it would ever be a permanent placement. I wanted to see what he looked like when he was discussing something he was passionate about. “Tell me what it’s like to fly.”
He leaned forward, excitement shining in his eyes. “It’s the most incredible rush. I feel powerful, like I can accomplish anything.”
He was usually so detached, cold almost, but when he spoke of what he loved, flying, his whole demeanor changed.
“I hope you can be happy flying regular commercial planes.”
He leaned back. “It’s not the same, that’s for sure, but it’s what’s best. I can still fly fighter jets in the reserves. There’s a time and place for everything. Right now, Everett needs me.”
“When you have children, you sacrifice for them.” I referenced Mason’s situation, but my mind was on my aunt and uncle. How they’d so easily dismissed me. It was no different than any boyfriend I’d had, eventually replacing me with the newest model.
A shadow passed over his face as if remembering our conversation about my family at the dog park. “No offense, Mia, but your aunt and uncle were total shit for not making you feel part of their family at a time when you needed that. I’m not going to apologize for swearing either. There’s no other way to say it.”
I laughed, the gloom of my memories easily lifting at his words. “They were. I’ve never looked at it that way.”
“Your aunt and uncle were so focused on their issues they couldn’t see that you were hurting, that you needed them. I don’t know them but maybe they weren’t capable of anything else.”
How to explain it wasn’t just their actions that hung over me, but every man I’d been with since. As a counselor, I knew I was repeating a pattern, but even with all my training, I was powerless to stop it. I was chasing the elusive feeling I’d had as a child: love, family, belonging.
“My parents’ disapproval was slower moving, harder to interpret. Although, it became clear when they sent me off to military school. My sister, Avery, got decent grades and followed their rules.”
An ache settled in my throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize they sent you to military school.”
“It worked out because I learned how to follow rules, I discovered the Naval Academy. I’d always wanted to fly, so it was a good goal for me. I worked hard and got what I wanted.”
“Not everyone can say that.”
“I sacrificed a lot along the way—a relationship with my child.”
I covered his hand with mine, much the same as the other night at his house. His hands were larger, harder than mine, but warm. I stroked my thumb back and forth, hoping to pass comfort through our joined hands. “We’re both a mess, I guess.”
He winked. “We can be a mess together. I’m the one who can’t express emotions and you—”
“Express too much. But you’ve been doing a good job lately.” The detached guy I met back in August was nowhere to be seen, at least not around me. I wanted to believe I was special. That I was enough to break him out of his armor, but I couldn’t let go of the worries niggling my brain. That I was never enough for anyone—not my aunt and uncle, not my boyfriends.
I wanted a family of my own.
I wouldn’t let my mind wander to what it would be like to eat dinner with Everett and Mason every night. That was a pipe dream, one I couldn’t hope to achieve. Eventually, I’d let my guard down, my true needy self would pop through, and Mason would get sick of me. I smiled to cover my thoughts, removing my hand from his.
I’d live in this dream, drifting along the clouds, full of hope, as long as he’d let me. I didn’t want to think about the eventual fall to the ground when I’d be left broken. Most were born into a family, some made their own, and others like me were destined to be alone.
Mason
The date was going well. At first, I was uncomfortable. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever taken a woman on a date. I worried I’d mess something up, fumble over my words, or look like an idiot. The situation was more pressure-filled because it was Valentine’s Day. I should have done anything other than take Mia out to dinner on that day.
Instead, things were going well. I was able to block out the other diners, focusi
ng on Mia’s expressive brown eyes when she spoke of her job and hopes for the future. She might not have gotten the same thrill I did from flying, but her job fueled her in a similar way. Excitement filled her eyes, her fingers drummed on the table with passion, and her lips tilted into a breathtaking smile.
Our date got off on a rocky start just like the first time I took off in a jet off an aircraft carrier. Dating Mia was bound to be bumpy. The more times I took off and landed on the carrier, the smoother it got, the more confident I was. It would be the same with Mia. We’d weather the bumps and come out stronger.
I’d keep trying to get in touch with my feelings and expressing them to her, because she loved it.
When I spoke of flying, Everett, or my past, Mia’s eyes filled with sympathy and concern for me. It was a heady feeling. I didn’t know I needed that until I had it. I didn’t want to lose it.
I wasn’t ready to take her home. I wanted more time with her. As soon as the waitress left the check, I asked, “Do you want to go for a walk?”
A soft smile spread over Mia’s face. “I’d love to.”
I signed my name, pocketed my credit card, and stood, holding my hand out to her. She placed her hand in mine, walking with me as we exited the restaurant. Being with her like this, side-by-side felt right. When I’d planned this date, I’d wanted to do something more unique. I’d wanted it to be memorable. Hopefully, a walk on the beach in February would be.
We slid off our shoes to navigate the sand. Mia wrapped her jacket tighter to her body. “Cold?”
She nodded tightly. “A little.”
I shrugged off my coat, draping it around her shoulders. “I want you to enjoy our evening not turn into a Popsicle.”
She held the jacket closed with one hand. “Thank you.”
We walked in silence for a few seconds. I could tell she was thinking about something.
“I never thought you’d be like this on a date—all gentlemanly, romantic.”