by Ella Miles
Her eyes bleed with pain and sorrow at my words. There is some reason she’s not telling me as to why she thinks she can’t love me—why she is fighting this so strongly. Because having her wrapped between my arms, I can feel her heart beat for me. Her breaths are for me. It’s taking all of both of our restraints to keep our bodies from colliding with each other.
Just tell me, stingray. I can help you, whatever it is.
“This kind of love never fades. It either grows into an unstoppable connection, or it rips us apart piece by piece as we fight it, taking everyone close to us down with us like a sinking ship. Stop fighting it, stingray.”
Tears stream down her cheeks.
Fuck, I can’t handle more tears.
I lean close to her, unable to stay away. Unable to tread slowly. And then my lips kiss her cold tears from her soft cheeks. Her eyes flutter at my touch.
So I kiss her other cheek, risking everything so my selfish lips can touch her skin as many times as she will let me.
As I move my lips to kiss her other cheek, her head tilts up, and I catch the corner of her lips instead.
I gasp into her lips at the sudden touch I’ve craved for weeks. I don’t move. My hands stay on the wall, and my lips barely open to accept the kiss.
If this is all I ever get from her, I want this moment to last forever. Even if it isn’t the perfect kiss. Even if our lips aren’t aligned. The kiss is like a sucker punch to my core. Reminding me of how amazing she is, but how far I have to go to make her mine again.
We are both frozen. I will not be the first to pull away. She will have to pull away first. She will be the one to break the connection. Not me.
Her lips shift, and I wait for the break. I prepare my heart for the rip of the bandaid about to happen.
But her lips shift to mine as she moans quietly.
Fuck yes!
I can’t help myself anymore. My resolve is gone, and I’m thinking with dick instead of my brain.
My tongue collides with hers as I push past her wet lips, barely escaping the wrath of her teeth as she nips at me. Punishing me for touching her and not giving her enough of what her body craves at the same time.
I feel high from the kiss as I put all my feelings into the kiss. I don’t touch her with my hands; I don’t let my body press against her; our only point of contact is our lips and tongue.
But she knows exactly how much I want her. Need her.
And her hungry kisses back tell me she’s just as needy.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I don’t know if I’m helping my cause or hurting it. When this kiss ends will she realize what she’s done? Will she go back to hating me? Or will this kiss force her heart open wider?
I can’t think about any of that now. All I can think is more, more, more.
I can’t fuck her like I want. I can’t touch her without scaring her off. So I do the only thing I can. I fuck her with my tongue.
And I watch her body open for me. Her lips spread wider. Her eyes glaze over from the heat of the kiss. Her tongue pulls me in deeper. Her nipples pebble beneath the fabric of her shirt. Her legs inch apart. Everything about her tells me she wants this. She wants me.
But it’s not enough for her body to tell me. Not anymore. Not after what happened.
She has to tell me she wants more. I need to hear the words leave her throat. And more than anything, I need her to tell me she loves me again.
But from the rough purrs leaving her throat, I know she’s incapable of speaking right now. So I’ll have to settle for the most incredible fucking kiss. One that’s going to leave my cock hard for days and my balls blue wishing for a release.
I won’t give in to my desires. I’ll wait forever for her. I won’t even get myself off. That will be my punishment. But even if I tried to jerk off, it wouldn’t matter. My cock would realize it’s not her hand touching it.
My cock only hardens for her.
I can feel her kisses slow, and I know her brain is operating again, telling her how bad of an idea this all is.
I try to hold onto this moment and spread it longer. My tongue swirls in her mouth, pulling another delicious moan from deep in her core.
Don’t stop, baby. Not yet, I’m not ready to let you go again.
But it does end.
I close my eyes just before it does, to hold the memory of the kiss deep in the vault of my mind. It’s one of the memories I never want to forget.
“I’m sorry,” she says, ducking under my arm and running out the door.
My instinct is to chase her, but I know I can’t. She deserves the freedom to choose. I’ve already chosen her, but she hasn’t chosen me back. And I’ll wait forever until she does.
10
KAI
THE KISS WAS WRONG, and oh so good.
It’s been weeks since I’ve felt anything between my legs. I haven’t had the desire to even touch myself. I haven’t felt turned on since before the incident with Milo. I can’t even bring myself to think the words to describe what he did. I won’t let him have that power over me.
But one kiss from Enzo and everything returned. I’m a horn-dog. I want sex. I want my nipples squeezed, my clit teased, my pussy filled. I want Enzo.
I can’t have him.
He’ll hurt me.
He’ll put the baby’s life in danger.
We can’t be together.
But my pussy disagrees. She doesn’t see any reason why we can’t fool around with a man who knows all the buttons to press on my body to get me off.
If it were just sex, then maybe I’d do it. But unfortunately, my heart is still hooked up to my pussy. And once Enzo gets his hands on me, my heart will fall—fast, and fully for a man who is dangerous to me.
The one kiss is all I get.
I have to stop more from happening.
But that kiss already did enough damage. I don’t know if I have enough restraint to keep my hands off of Enzo. Or to stop his advances. He knows I’m weak right now, and I’m terrified of what will happen if I let him win back my heart.
I spend the rest of the day avoiding Enzo, which is easy enough. He gets stitches and medical care, and then he’s off barking orders to all his men to prepare for the next inevitable attack.
That night I get in bed, knowing I will need Langston to keep me grounded more than ever. The knock comes at the door, but it’s Enzo standing in my doorway, not Langston.
“Langston is working. He’s gathering our allies to prepare for more attacks. I’ll be right out here if you need me,” Enzo says, reluctantly.
I know he wants to jump into my bed. But I won’t invite that level of temptation into my life.
I nod, and he closes the door. I pull the covers over my head, knowing sleep won’t come easily. I try fingering myself under the covers, but that gets me nowhere but frustrated. I’m nowhere near coming, and sleep isn’t close either.
Fuck, what are you doing to me Enzo?
Enzo’s right about my feelings. Even after everything Milo did, they aren’t gone—not completely.
But that doesn’t mean I can be weak and give into them.
I need to be strong. I stroke my stomach. Another life depends on me being strong.
ENZO KNOCKS on my door at six in the morning.
I’ve slept less than an hour.
I moan and put on a robe as I get out of the bed. I throw the door open with a grumpy snarl on my face. My hair is a nest of hair on top of my head; my face is covered in wrinkle marks from tossing and turning on the bed.
“What?” I snap, still frustrated from last night.
I look at Enzo. If it’s possible, he looks worse than me. There are stitches under his eyes and on his shoulder from where the doctor fixed him up. He changed his clothes from yesterday, but his skin is turning purple and blue and red and angry from the beating he took yesterday. And from the swollenness of his eyes and the exhaustion all over his face, I know he didn’t sleep much last night either.
; “Archard called a meeting for the vote to happen. Apparently, it will be happening at the crack of dawn every day,” he says, thrusting a cup of coffee into my hands.
I take it, my fingers brushing against his. The touch jolting us both awake more than any cup of coffee ever could.
“Thanks,” I say, letting our fingers linger for longer than I should. I’m only giving him hope each time I touch him. But maybe it’s myself I’m fooling?
He clears his throat, and I see his length pressing against his jeans from just the touch.
My insides melt at what I do to him.
No!
I shake my head and sip my coffee as I walk upstairs.
Archard has already assembled the team of people who will vote on who the next leader will be for today.
I yawn as I take a seat at the long table. Enzo takes a seat next to me.
“The vote will happen every day promptly at six,” Archard says, glaring at Enzo and me for being five minutes late.
I roll my eyes and sip my coffee.
It’s only after a few sips that I realize I don’t know if I’m allowed to drink coffee or not. Will the caffeine hurt the baby?
I set the cup down, but I know I need the caffeine to stay awake today. I decide one cup can’t be that bad. But I need to corner the doctor to ask. He’s not an OBGYN, but I assume he has basic knowledge of what I am and am not allowed to consume while pregnant. When the chance arises, I’ll make an appointment with a doctor who can give me better advice.
“Alright, let’s get this started. You are all voting based on yesterday’s performance who you think should lead the empire today—Enzo or Kai. The majority rules. But everyone will vote out-loud regardless, so Enzo and Kai understand where they stand with each of the judges,” Archard says. He nods to the first person.
I already forgot all their names. I would make a seriously terrible leader.
“Enzo,” the first man says.
“Enzo.”
“Enzo.”
The first three men all voted for Enzo. So he remains the leader. It doesn’t surprise me. All I did yesterday was fire a gun to kill one man, while Enzo fought off an entire team of men trying to kill him.
“Enzo,” the fourth man says, which leaves the lone woman.
“Enzo,” she says.
The vote doesn’t shock me. It’s better that Enzo is the leader. I’m in less danger than if I were in charge. But some part of my ego is hurt just a little. I wouldn’t make that bad of a leader, would I? And I did kill the man in charge of the attack yesterday. But I guess that’s not enough to earn me a single vote.
Enzo’s lips tighten, instead of turning smug like I expect as he stares down the five people that voted.
“Thank you, that ends the vote for today, you can all return to your usual tasks,” Archard says.
But as soon as the words leave his mouth, gunfire erupts.
Enzo’s eyes meet mine; this is what we were afraid was going to happen. Daily attacks to test the leader. From every enemy we’ve ever faced. They’ll be relentless. They will attack daily for a month. A new attack and surprise every day.
This is the worst place for a pregnant woman to be. I need to go lock myself away somewhere or better yet, get off this yacht and away from Enzo. But something keeps me rooted next to Enzo.
He tosses me a gun, which I catch automatically. Is he going to let me fight with him?
“Go lock yourself in my bedroom. It’s the most secure room on the yacht. And don’t open the door for anyone,” Enzo orders.
I frown.
“Go,” he shouts again and then runs off to start giving orders as more guns are fired.
Fuck.
Okay, little one. You win. I’ll keep you safe.
And I know as I head to Enzo’s room to barricade myself how much I will never be able to put Enzo first in my life. This baby will always come first. Always. It’s not fair to Enzo to love him. It’s better if I hate him. And that’s exactly what I plan on doing.
11
ENZO
THE DAYS PASS AS A BLUR, each worse than the previous one.
The morning starts with a six o’clock meeting that always ends with a unanimous vote in my favor. It’s beginning to piss me off, because Kai is just as capable, if not better, at leading. But I guess I prefer it this way, it keeps her out of harm's way.
But that isn’t the worst part. The hard part is the relentless attacks—every fucking day.
I will admit, I like fighting. I like the adrenaline pumping through me. I feel alive with a gun in my hand.
But I hate being separated from Kai. And with each day that passes, it seems we grow further apart instead of closer together again. And I can’t stand it. I don’t know what changed since that kiss, but something did. And I’m going to get us back on track, tonight.
I fire my gun again, wishing Langston had returned with more reinforcement. Not because I’m not strong enough to take on an army by myself, but because I need someone else to talk to. He might have an idea of how to get through to Kai. Langston might have an idea of what is happening with Kai.
My last attacker falls.
Only three o’clock in the afternoon. I grin. I have hours until the next battle. Although, I’m guessing soon, my father will have arranged multiple attacks in a day. But it’s only the first week, so hopefully, those won’t kick in until the second or third.
I should thank my father for giving me an easy task to win, one that shows off my strengths. But I want to curse him because this task lasts so fucking long.
I just want this over. As soon as the game is over, then I can figure out a plan to keep Kai in my life.
My phone buzzes—Langston.
“Tell me you have good news.”
“I do. I’ll be back tomorrow, with reinforcements.”
“Thank fuck.”
“Miss me?”
“Something like that.”
I end the call and then head toward my bedroom where Kai holes herself in during the assault. But I know when I open the door, she’ll be her usually icy self again. And I can’t wait to melt her shell.
I unlock the door with a complex code and key but know I need to up the security on this door if the raids are going to keep getting worse. I don’t want to risk Kai’s life every time my father sends another attack from the grave.
I usually knock to warn Kai before I open the door, but in my excitement and high adrenaline state to get to her, I forget. I throw open the door, desperate to ensure she is okay after our latest onslaught.
I find her lying in bed; the covers pulled lazily over her waist. Her eyelids are hooded; her cheeks flushed, her mouth parted with her tongue rubbing over her swollen lip. Her arm rests on her stomach, disappearing beneath the boxer shorts she’s wearing poking out from the comforter.
Lust consumes me as I watch the scene in front of me. What I wouldn’t give to replace her hand with mine. I would gladly chop off my own arm just to be able to make this beautiful woman come.
Kai doesn’t notice me at first. She’s too busy trying to get herself off.
And being the sick bastard I am, I don’t tell her I’m here. This might be the only time I get to watch the sweet look of euphoria cross her face. She may never let me make her come again. And I want to hold onto this.
I stand frozen like a pervert watching a beautiful woman through a window. I have my own personal peep show lying in the bed in front of me. The only woman I’ve ever wanted but never knew I needed.
I never understood the difference between a need and a want. Not until Kai. Now I know. I need Kai. She is my everything. My reason for existing. My motivation for taking out our enemies. My purpose for becoming as strong and powerful as I can. Everything is for her.
Kai moans loudly as her fingers rub faster under her blanket.
Jesus.
I bite my fist to keep from moaning with her. She’s so damn beautiful. Her hair is splayed out on the pillow like a fan. An
d her skin glows against the sheets.
There is something different about her. I can’t quite place what it is. But I feel a different energy off her than before. For weeks, I haven’t been able to feel anything from her without concentrating hard. But now, I can feel her again. And there is something new I can’t figure out.
Physically, she looks the same. Her hair and body are the same. She still doesn’t wear much makeup or dress up unless Liesel forces her to. But none of that matters. She will always be the most beautiful woman in the room to me. And somehow, the strength that oozes from her pores is more powerful than ever before.
She gasps and arches her back as she circles her clit with her fingers.
Instinctively, I take a step forward but stop myself. She’s so lost in her own world that I could probably crawl into bed next to her and she wouldn’t notice until she finished. But as desperate as I am to participate, I won’t. If all I can get is watching her from afar, then that’s what I’ll do.
Her head rolls back against her pillow. She’s getting close. So close.
I swallow the suffocating lump in my throat as I ball my hands into tighter fists. I need a release, and I resist the urge to pull my cock out and start jacking off right along with her. It’s been too long since I’ve gotten off. But I don’t have the desire if it’s not with her. But now, my cock hardens, pushing roughly against the zipper of my jeans.
I close my eyes for a single second, trying to pause the moment long enough to get myself under control, but there is no calm to find. I’m desperate for Kai.
But I don’t let myself move; I am a statue. I don’t deserve to feel one happy moment of pleasure. I deserve to suffer in hell for all I’ve put Kai through. My only job now is to protect her with my life.
Her breathing picks up from lazy moans to quick pants. Her teeth bite down on her bottom lip, trying to stifle any impending scream about to rip through her body with her orgasm. One hand stays buried between her legs, but her other hand curls up under her tank top to grab her breast. I can just make out her dark nipple beneath the white tank top. She moans as flicks the bud with her fingers.