by Ella Miles
I wait for the most explosive orgasm of either of our lives. I don’t care if watching her is wrong. It feels right. Like I was meant to be here in this moment to watch her.
She’s so close. Yes! I moan silently, egging her on. Needing her to feel all the pleasure of the world.
Suddenly, the moment approaches. The orgasm hangs on the edge of her body, but it never comes.
I’ve brought her to orgasm enough times to know this was the moment. She did all the right things. Her body was responding. I can smell the wetness of her sex in the air. But no matter what she did, it never happened. She didn’t come.
And I don’t need a connection to her to be able to see the frustration on her face.
She spreads her arms and legs out like a star in the bed, completely exacerbated with her body. Her eyes are closed, and she pants hard, like she just finished running for her life.
“Is the attack over?” she says suddenly. She still hasn’t opened her eyes. I’m surprised she knows I’m here.
“Yes,” I say at the same time I clear my throat, so it comes out muffled and strained.
She sighs and sits up, pulling the covers over her waist as she does.
“When do you think the next raid will happen?” she asks, acting like I didn’t just watch her almost come like a pervert. And like she isn’t sexually frustrated as hell and needs a release more than I need to breathe.
I shrug. “Probably tomorrow. So far, there has only been one attack a day, but I know my father. Soon he will increase the attacks until all we are doing is fighting off enemies. I would also guess he has more up his sleeve than invasions; I just haven’t figured out what yet.”
She yawns and stretches her arms up in a high V above her body. “Well, you’ll be ready for whatever attacks come our way. I have no doubt about that.”
I nod, but I’m not thinking about what onslaughts are coming. Or how the hell I’m going to keep her safe. I’m thinking about how much my chest aches because she didn’t get to come.
“When is the last time you made yourself come?” I ask.
Her eyes widen into large green orbs. I don’t think she’s going to answer me. We may have kissed, but she’s made it clear she won’t make a mistake like that again. She doesn’t want me anymore.
“I haven’t come since the night we were together.”
I exhale all the air in my lungs in a furry, and it feels like a hurricane sized swell just left my body. The pain on her face at not being able to make herself come is one thing, but the emotion I feel is another. I’m in so much fucking pain. Because I can tell from the way she’s looking at me, she’s not sure she’s going to be able to make herself come again. And that is not acceptable.
“Do you trust me?” I ask. Fuck, why did I ask that? Of course, she doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t love me. I’m one-half of her nightmares. She has a secret she won’t tell me. And hearing her say she doesn’t trust me will only drive the knife deeper into my heart.
“Yes,” she breathes.
Wait…what?
“You trust me?” I ask again.
She nods. “I trust you.”
“Why?” I really can’t help myself. I need to stop talking.
“Because you are the only person who loves me. I trust that you won’t purposefully hurt me. You will do everything to protect me, even if it isn’t enough.”
My heart clenches at her words. So true, yet so painful.
“I want to show you something,” I say.
I hold out my hand to her, not expecting her to take it. But she does. I pull her out of the bed. She’s wearing my boxer shorts and a white tank top. Her hair hangs down in messy strands.
“Beautiful,” I exhale.
She grins timidly. Like if she grins too much, she will let her guard down and do something she sees as stupid, like fall in love with me again.
If only it were that easy.
“Where are we going?” she asks.
“You have to trust me.”
I don’t tell her anything else. But I’m fulfilling a need both of us have. I’m doing the one thing I can do to fix it.
I pull out my phone and send off a few text messages, and then I pull her out into the hallway.
I’ve lived my life knowing an enemy could attack at any moment. I’m always ready, but letting Kai trust me with her life alerts me on a whole other level.
I will not let her get hurt. Not again.
Not when I should be showing her the beauty and pleasure of the world.
I sneak her through the ship, careful to hide her in the shadows when one of my crew get too close. I don’t know who to trust anymore. And tonight is just about us.
I let Langston know he is to stop traveling and keep his eyes on the security footage at all times. And if he sees anything suspicious, he should alert me, but otherwise, handle everything himself. Kai and I need tonight to ourselves. Even if Kai doesn’t realize it yet.
We make our way to the back of the yacht where a small boat waits.
Kai freezes when she sees it. And I don’t think she is going to go with me without me explaining to her what we are doing first.
“Am I dressed alright?” she asks.
I smile and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, sending shockwaves reverberating between our bodies.
We both gasp at the sudden shock. A feeling we haven’t felt since before our lives were taken from us.
“No one will see you but me. You are dressed perfectly,” I say.
She stands taller as if needing the confidence boost to trust me in this moment.
“Ready?” I ask.
She nods.
I hold her hand as I jump down on the small dingy boat. And then I hold out my other hand. She grips both of my hands with hers, even though she doesn’t need me to climb down onto the boat. She’s more than capable of doing it herself, but she lets me help her. It’s a start.
Our relationship has been anything but healthy. Neither of us knows how to trust. Neither of us knows how to show our love. Neither of us knows how to not be selfish.
We still don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with each other. And we are both so fucked up that if we survive this game, it would take us the rest of our lives to figure out how to heal from all the pain we’ve caused each other. Our pasts have fucked us up. We need a fresh start away from all of this, but unfortunately, I don’t think this world will ever let us go.
Kai takes a seat on the small bench, still gripping one of my hands as the electricity continues to spark back and forth between us.
This is what I’ve been searching for my entire life. And I’ll do everything to get it back.
We speed off into the sunset, our hands connecting us in a way our hearts won’t let us. There have been too many lies, too much pain, too much suffering because of each other for us to let it all go and just love each other. But the flickering of energy going between us gives me hope we can overcome all our past mistakes. That we can grow together. We can heal ourselves and each other. We can overcome the mistakes our fathers made and the suffering we have experienced. And we can have a future together rid of any evil.
As I drive the small boat closer to Miami, I can feel the tension in her body. Her hand grips mine tighter.
“Trust me,” I whisper. There is nothing else I can say. Just trust me.
Our eyes meet, and I know she does.
I drive faster, wanting to show her what I have planned as fast as possible.
We reach a dock on the edge of the city, and I tie off the boat with rope before helping her out. A car is parked on the edge of the dock. It’s only then I realize I didn’t even let her put on shoes before I whisked her away. There aren't any people on this portion of the dock, but I don’t want her walking barefoot.
“I trust you,” she says when she sees the hesitation in my eyes.
I scoop her legs up silently as I cradle her and walk to the waiting car, begging my cock to calm the hell down. N
othing is happening. But having her so close does things to my body I can’t control.
I put her in the passenger seat and then jump in the front seat of the Escalade. The keys are already in the ignition. I had one of my men park it here for me. I didn’t want Kai to have to interact with anyone but me tonight.
“Are we headed to your house?” Kai asks. I can feel the hope and anxiety of that possibility in her voice. So many things have happened in my house here. So much in our relationship changed there. Good and bad. But tonight isn’t about the past. Tonight is about reminding her the future is only good. It’s about her. Us.
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Good ‘oh’ or bad ‘oh’?” I take her hand again and kiss the back of it.
She stills, shocked that I kissed her like that.
“Good,” she says, surprising me. Her tight smile weakens into a softer one.
I grin. Tonight, I’m going to give her the only thing she should ever have to experience in this world—pleasure.
It takes twenty minutes to reach the club. This club is very different than Surrender, which was only for members of my organization and people we did business with. This club is for the city. It makes money in its own right. And it sells one thing—sex.
I stop at the back entrance. Kai pulls her hand from my grasp, and I immediately feel empty and cold. Kai’s body temperature may run cold, but I never feel cold myself touching her. And I hate freezing now.
“I’m not dressed to go into a club,” she whispers sadly, like otherwise, she would enter.
“Good thing we aren’t going into a public club then. Tonight, we have our own private entrance. Our own private room. Our own private club.”
I climb out and race around to her door. I open it and hold my hand out again, praying she will take it.
She does.
The jolt returns.
She looks at me, curiously. “Are you expecting to get laid tonight? Because I can’t...I mean, I’m not ready…to you know.”
I hate how scared she seems now. I hate the fear in her voice.
“Tonight isn’t about that. I promise. Trust me.”
She licks her lips and nods.
I hope I’m doing the right thing. I think I know exactly what she needs tonight, but now I’m hesitant. Am I pushing her too hard?
Hand in hand we walk into the building. No one greets us. Nothing but a dark hallway awaits us just as I planned.
She takes a deep breath as I lead her up a dark staircase to a closed door. I enter in a code, and the door unlocks.
We both take a deep breath. Both of us unsure of what comes next. Me—unsure if I’m doing the right thing. Her—not sure if she should trust me with any decision in her life.
I open the door. The room is just how I wanted it.
An oversized king bed sits in the center of the room, with light-colored linens and oversized pillows practically begging to be laid on. The lights are dimmed, and the room is lit mostly by the dozens of candles spread. There is a bottle of champagne chilling next to the bed, along with two glasses. Chocolate covered strawberries sit on a tray next to the champagne. The room is as romantic and relaxing as most spas.
“Wow, this is beautiful,” Kai says, her eyes taking everything in.
I relax a little, but she still doesn’t understand why I brought her here. And it has nothing to do with me.
She lets go of my hand and explores the bedsheets with her hand, running lazily over the silk fabric.
She takes a deep breath, and the sweet aroma of lavender fills her nostrils from the aromatherapy in the room.
She tucks her hair behind her ear nervously as she looks from me to the bed, not understanding what I want her to do.
“Relax, beautiful. Tonight isn’t about me. It’s about you. I’m not going to touch you,” I say.
She nods, but a frown tugs at her lips.
“There is more to see,” I say.
I walk over to the nightstand next to the circular bed.
I pull open the top drawer and wait for her to join me.
She moves next to me and peers into the drawer. A light giggle, followed by a huge blush crosses her cheeks as she eyes the assortment of vibrators and dildos in the drawer.
Carefully, she trains her eyes on me.
“I thought they might help,” I say.
She nods, still blushing.
“I want you to heal. I want you to be able to come and feel pleasure again on your own terms. There is one more thing I arranged that might help.” It also might be too much for her. But I want to show her all the things that could help her.
I lead her over to the large wall of blacked-out glass. I press a button and stare at her, already knowing what is behind the glass. I prefer to study her face as the one-way mirror appears.
Her lips part hungrily as she stares at the beautiful men and woman dancing with each other. Soon they will start making out and then fuck, progressing slowly through each step. It will either turn her on or be too much.
But from the expression of lust on her face, I think it’s turning her on.
I kiss the palm of her hand gently, trying to savor her touch and the scent of sex still lingering on her fingers.
“You did all this for me?” she asks, hesitantly.
“I would do anything for you, Kai. Anything. But yes, when I saw you were struggling to make yourself come, I quickly texted and arranged anything that I could think of that could help you get yourself off. If there is anything else you need, just let me know. But otherwise…” my voice trails off. This is when I leave her alone. Let her explore her own body again. Find pleasure in whatever it is that she needs.
Safety.
Calmness.
Erotic dancers.
Vibrators.
Whatever it is, she should be able to find it here.
Kai’s gaze has gone back to the dancers. I watch them for a moment. Two men are pampering a woman with kisses and slowly undressing her.
But the dancers aren’t what is turning me on—Kai is.
When I look at her and I feel the heat zooming off her body, I harden. Everywhere.
From my grin, to my chest, to my cock. Everything hardens, wanting Kai more than anything.
But I don’t get her.
I don’t get to be selfish anymore.
“Just because you have nightmares about what happened, doesn’t mean you will forever. Someday you will be able to be with a man again. Until then, you need a safe place to enjoy yourself again,” I say, hoping that man she fucks someday will be me.
I stroke her face, and then I walk away toward the door.
“You are safe here, Kai. No one can get in. I’ll be outside guarding the door. You are free to find your way to healing.”
She looks from me to the men who have now removed all the clothes from the woman and are kissing her everywhere.
“Wait,” Kai says, as I reach for the door handle.
I freeze. Unsure if she’s pissed that I did this or if she needs something else.
“Milo took so much, but he also gave me the truth. I don’t regret knowing the truth even though it cost me so much,” she says.
I turn and look at her. Hating that she won’t tell me what Milo told her. What truths does she know but isn’t telling me? The key to winning back her love is knowing the truth, but I can’t find out if she won’t tell me.
“Don’t let him take everything from you. It doesn’t matter what he told you. You still have control over your own future. Your own heart. Anything he took from you, you can get back,” I say.
She doesn’t speak. She just stares into my soul as if she’s trying to remember why she loved me in the first place after everything I’ve done. She shouldn’t love me. I’m a cruel man.
“Enjoy your night, Kai.” I turn the doorknob even though it’s killing me to leave her alone. But she needs this, and I would give her the world to make her happy, watch her with another man if it was
what she needed to heal. I need her to be happy.
Her sudden plea shocks me. “Stay.”
12
KAI
STAY.
One word with so much power.
I realize immediately what Enzo did for me. He arranged the most romantic, erotic experience for me the second he realized I can’t make myself come anymore.
As soon as I saw the room, the cage around my heart melted just a little. And a tiny part of my heart lit up, reminding me Enzo can be a good man. But more importantly, he’s a man who loves me.
This one gesture isn’t enough to make me love him again. It’s not even enough to give him a second chance. My heart is still locked away, out of reach to him. And I want to keep it that way.
But that isn’t the part of me making decisions tonight.
I need to come.
I need a release.
I need it to feel good to heal. To move past what Milo did. I thought I was healing that night with Enzo after Milo raped me. But it was too soon. All that did was confuse my nightmares.
The only way I’m going to heal now is moving past what Milo did. But I can’t do it alone. As much as I wish I could get off with all the gadgets Enzo got for me, the hot men fucking the gorgeous woman, and the most romantic room I’ve ever been in, it’s not enough.
I need Enzo.
He’s the only man I’ve been with prior to Milo. Enzo knows my body better than I know it myself. What Milo did doesn’t get to define my future.
I do.
Enzo’s torn face, when I told him to stay, would have been enough to melt a normal woman’s heart. But my heart has been through more than most women’s have. I’ve been poor, abused, sold, stolen, raped, beaten. I’ve been in more dangerous situations than most people who join the army. I’ve suffered countless injuries.
Enzo caused half of the pain I experienced, but in the depths of my heart, I know I need him to heal. To come.
But as soon as I told him to stay, his entire demeanor changed. He’s scared. Terrified of hurting me and causing me more damage.