A Very British Witch Boxed Set

by Isobella Crowley

  They each hooked an arm as they had before, and helped him through to the back of the store. It didn’t take them long to reach the basement and when they did, Tarquin was breathing normally.

  “So, what now?” Karl asked, looking across the dingy room at the pile of books in the corner.

  “Let’s get him in the cage, at least.”

  Karl hesitated.

  “Unless you want to keep an eye on him every second until we can trust he’s back to himself. It wouldn’t be unheard of for someone in this situation to snap out of whatever state he’s in right now and have more than his full strength and-”

  “I get the picture,” Karl interjected. “Where are the chains?”

  Tarquin pointed to a cardboard box by the wall in front of them. “There will be some undamaged ones in there,” he told him, reminding them both of the last time they’d tried to keep one of their friends from causing harm in here.

  Five minutes later, Cliff was on the floor, drifting off to sleep, as they chained him up from head to foot. Tarquin looked at him and frowned. “Sorry to do this to you Cliff, it’s for your own good. And ours,” he added.

  Cliff stirred, then opened his eyes. “What? Where am I? Tarquin, did you chain me up like this?”

  “Cliff, it’s for your own good,” Tarquin explained. “You’re obviously not yourself, so if you get loose in this state, who knows what might happen to you. You might end up going on the rampage, drinking people dry and leaving them to die.”

  “Well, we wouldn’t want that.”

  Tarquin wasn’t quite sure if that was agreement or irony in his tone. “No, you wouldn’t, would you?” he impressed.

  Cliff’s voice softened. “Well, then I suppose I owe you my thanks. Thanks. You too, Karl.”

  Tarquin smiled. “It’s my duty.”

  Once Cliff had settled, his head drooped and his eyes closed.

  Karl looked quizzical. “So what now?”

  “Well, I don’t want to leave him here alone, not after what happened with Ronnie. Not that we helped the situation much.” He paused.

  “Oh yeah, definitely not. What do you suggest?”

  “I’m saying that maybe we should stay with him and keep watch for the rest of the night.”

  Karl glanced at his watch. “Well, I was hoping to open up the shop in the morning.”

  “No problem, you go on then. I’ll keep watch. I’ll perhaps try a binding spell or something to keep him here too.”

  Karl nodded, took one step towards the door and turned round. “No. You’re obviously exhausted. If you fall asleep, we could be back to square one and it might get traced back to me. No, I’m not taking any chances.” He closed the door and took a few steps back into the room and sat down in the chair opposite the half broken cage. “I’m staying.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Malaprop’s Bookstore, Bicester, England

  Voices pervaded the street by the tiny basement window. A mother and a couple of screaming children by the sound of it. Cliff opened one eye, scanned his surroundings and opened the other. Tarquin was sitting, staring into space, while Karl snored on the floor.

  His eyes stung and, if anything, he felt even more tired than he had the night before—or earlier on in the morning if he recollected correctly. No one would notice if he turned over and went back to sleep. What was stopping him? Cold hard metal dug into his wrists and ankles, then it all came flooding back. Glancing down at the chains, he maneuvered himself a couple of inches into a position that was fractionally more comfortable and shut his eyes. Two minutes later, another set of voices swirled around Cliff’s corner of the room. “Oh, for Heaven’s sake!”

  Tarquin swung round. “Cliff, you’re awake.” He exhaled a deep breath through puffed cheeks. “What a relief.”

  “Maybe for you.” He snickered.

  “I meant, we’ve made it through the night without any mishaps.”

  “Oh that. Well, yeah, that is a relief I guess.” Cliff chuckled.

  “I’m famished, how about you?”

  “Ravenous, Tarquin, absolutely ravenous.”

  “Fancy grabbing a bite?”

  Cliff attempted to move his arms. “Very funny, haha Tarquin. Oh, how I wish I could grab a bite!”

  “Oh, yes, I suppose you do actually.” He laughed. “Come on now, let's get those off you. Karl get up now and give these old bones a hand.”

  Karl stirred and turned around to face Tarquin. “What is it?” He sat up. “It’s Cliff, isn’t it? You let me drift off to sleep. Where is—oh, Cliff! Good morning.” He gave a sleepy-looking smile. “Never thought I’d say this, Cliff, but I’m really happy to see you.”

  They all laughed, Tarquin being the first to gather himself. “Listen, Karl, we were thinking of grabbing a bite… of food that is. You hungry?”

  “Hungry? Oh, what?”

  “I’ll take that as a yes then, shall I?”

  “What have you got in?”

  “Got in? Nothing. We were thinking of going to a café in town, you coming?”

  “Café? At this time of the morning? What will people say if they saw me? I’ll get a reputation, people will start thinking I have a drinking problem. No, I couldn’t possibly do that.”

  Tarquin’s face sank then turned into a smile as he turned to look at Cliff. “Damn, I was looking forward to that.”

  Cliff decided to have a try. “Come on Karl, you must be hungry, don’t you fancy it?”

  “Well, if I put on a coat with a hood, keep my head down—”

  “Come on, don’t you fancy a curry?”

  “A Curry? No, definitely not. If anyone sees me having a curry, they will start talking.”

  Cliff laughed, turned to Tarquin and shrugged.

  Tarquin flickered a smile. “But you’re hungry, Karl?”

  “Oh, yes.”

  “And you’re not opposed to going out for breakfast in principle?”

  “Well, no, suppose I’m not.”

  “Alright, so how about we have a proper English breakfast?” He looked at each of them with hope in his eyes.

  Karl nodded. “What, you mean bacon and eggs?”

  “Yup.”

  “Oh well, Go on then. Just once won’t do my good reputation any harm, will it?”

  Tarquin grinned. “Great stuff. Come on then, guys, follow me. I know just the place.”

  Karl unchained Cliff and they followed Tarquin down the stairs, Cliff in the middle and Karl bringing up the rear. Just past the halfway mark Cliff took a deep breath and grabbed hold of the banister to steady himself.

  Tarquin shot a glance over his shoulder. “You okay there, Cliff? You still got a touch of the collywobbles?”

  “Yes, I’m fine, just not used to this old book smell.”

  Karl nodded and smiled.

  “Well, I can’t get the cleaners in, can I? They might start snooping.”

  Karl nodded, wearing a more business-like expression. “True. We don’t want that, do we? More trouble is the last thing we need about now.”

  Tarquin opened the back door and they stepped outside.

  Cliff raised his chin and let the fresh air wash over him. He realized that he hadn’t recently had a shower and discreetly moved his head towards his armpit, took a whiff and strode forward with confidence.

  They took a left onto the short stretch of road that led to the high street. Despite it being first thing in the morning, the streets were teeming with people. Some, he surmised, were office workers, eager to grab a coffee on their way to work. There were one or two mothers with screaming kids, rushing to get to school on time, but mostly people had gray hair with walking sticks or shopping trollies that clunked and rattled over the sidewalk.

  A few minutes further along the high street, Cliff noticed the cars moving progressively slower as they walked further, until they stopped altogether. Plastic cones stood in the gutter, a set of temporary traffic lights occupying center stage. A few feet away, a group of men thumped
a pick axe into the road. When one of them readied his pneumatic drill, Cliff prepared to cover his ears and picked up the pace.

  A motorist left his car at the traffic lights and started shouting the odds at the workmen, saying he had a meeting in a few minutes and demanding to know why they couldn’t leave it until the rush hour was over.

  “How much further, Tarquin?” Karl called out over the din.

  “Not long now, guys. Just round the corner, here.”

  Tarquin wasn’t wrong. It was only a matter of seconds before they turned the corner and noticed the café ahead of them, the delicious smell of bacon drifted towards them in the fresh air.

  They walked inside eagerly, and Tarquin spotted the man of the house, “Morning, Jim.”

  Jim was of average height with a belly that—well, let’s just say he looked like he took the occasional nibble of bacon as he cooked it. He wore white overalls with fried egg and grease stains on the front, just above the pockets.

  Jim smiled at Tarquin past the scattering of people. A man in a suit sat at the front, reading the morning paper as he ate a bacon sandwich. A couple of tables behind him, just next to Tarquin, sat another man, dressed in tatty looking jeans and a paint-stained navy blue jumper.

  “Morning, Tarquin, what can I get you?”

  “Three traditional English breakfasts, please, Jim.”

  “Three of Jim’s famous fry-ups coming up. Bacon, egg, sausage, black pudding and beans. You want toast with that? Tea?”

  “Oh, yes please.” Tarquin glanced at the others, who nodded back to him. “Make that all ‘round.”

  “Coming right up. Anything else, gentlemen?”

  “I think that will do us just fine thank you.”

  Jim nodded and pulled a slice of bacon from the pile on the work top behind him, just next to the half-full ash tray.

  +++

  Jones’s Residence, Bicester, England

  Raven pushed her nose into the back of Scarlett’s leg.

  “It’s okay, Raven, I haven’t forgotten about you.” She yawned and smiled at Amanda. “You’re staying here for the rest of the night then, I take it?”

  “Yeah. Ronnie might need me. He’s still not completely recovered. I can tell from the way he’s talking.”

  Scarlett scraped back her chair and stood up. “Think I’ll be on my way. I’ll see you tomorrow sometime.”

  “Yeah, see you tomorrow for sure.”

  “You gonna be okay to walk back with me, Raven? You’re not going to go running off or anything, are you?”

  Amanda laughed at Raven’s curious expression. “Seen the look on her face? Think that’s your answer staring back at you.”

  “Okay then, come on. Follow me.”

  Eyes darting along the pavement, Scarlett picked out a focal point at the end of each street and walked rapidly towards it. Every now and then, she glanced down to ensure Raven was still with her. Fortunately, the cat was true to her word and never even looked like running off, even when another cat ran across the road.

  Stepping onto the garden path, Raven brushing her heels, she paused to take in her surroundings. It had only been a short while since Ronnie had disappeared, but somehow everything felt different.

  A neighbor’s door opened and a woman emerged.

  “Good morning!” Scarlett shouted, waving.

  The woman nodded and returned the compliment, without even flinching when she saw Raven.

  “Come on then, puss, follow me.”

  Once she stood outside her door, Scarlett realized that she hadn’t seen nor felt her keys in a long while. After sliding her hand into her trouser pocket and finding only the lining, her heart missed a beat. When eventually, her fingers brushed against something thin and metallic in her jacket pocket, she smiled and opened the door.

  The first thing to hit her was the smell. The cleaning up had only been done a few days back so, with little human intervention, the detergent smell lingered everywhere. But it wasn’t only that. The air felt warm. Not a nasty, humid kind of warm, more like a glow of contentment. Taking off her jacket, she felt a tingling sensation.

  With one foot in the kitchen, she looked down at Raven, whose nose was brushing the back of her leg. “Sorry girl, I need to nip out again. We’re not used to cats round here. You going to be okay for a few minutes?”

  Raven stamped her paw. “Take as long as you like.”

  Five minutes later, Scarlett re-entered the kitchen, holding a tin of cat food and a plastic bowl. Once the mashed-up meat was on the floor in the corner of the room, Scarlett stood back and looked on while Raven devoured every last morsel.

  Raven was still licking her lips when she looked up at Scarlett with a grateful expression. “What about you? You not hungry?”

  Scarlett jumped, placed a hand on her chest and smiled. “This is going to take some getting used to.”

  “Don’t worry about it. You’re coping better than most.”

  Scarlett’s eyes darted from one kitchen cupboard to the other, then back to the fridge. “Think I’ll eat a bit later. I need to go to the shops again. Tell you what, why don’t we go into the living room and relax a bit.”

  No sooner had Scarlett made herself comfortable on the middle seat of the couch, then Raven jumped up and sat on the seat beside her. Scarlett glanced around the room, dropped her face into her hands and sighed through her fingers. “Tell you what Raven, it feels like I’m in an entirely different world, now.”

  “I know exactly what you mean.” Raven appeared to be smiling.

  “Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”

  “Oh yes, you’re not wrong there.”

  “Why don’t you tell me about it?”

  “Really? Okay then, you’d better brace yourself. Some time ago, I used to be a witch. A real-life one—in human form.”

  Scarlett grinned, momentarily lost for words. “That kind of makes sense I suppose. So, what happened?”

  “I had a disagreement with someone. Someone pretty powerful. They put a spell on me and turned me into a talking cat. I’ve been walking on all fours ever since.”

  Scarlett gasped. “That’s amazing. You know, I’m trying to learn one or two things about witchcraft myself. It’s still early days but—”

  Raven smiled. “Relax, it’ll be fine. You’ll be running round putting spells on poor unsuspecting people in no time.”

  They both laughed.

  “You know Raven, if you’d have met me last year, I would never have believed this was going to happen to me. I’d have just assumed it as some kind of neurotic episode and got myself off to the doctor’s. But now—anything seems possible. It seems possible as long as people stick together.”

  “I know exactly what you mean.”

  Scarlett yawned and stretched. “Well, Raven, think I’ll go upstairs and try and get some sleep.” She stood up and patted her seat. “Why don’t you do the same? That is, assuming magic cats sleep on couches.”

  Raven curled up on Scarlett’s warm seat and closed her eyes.

  The day was in full swing when Scarlett awoke. Voices on the street, music blaring, a constant flow of cars, just like any other day. She felt a warm patch on her foot, like something soft was sitting on her.

  “Raven!”

  Raven stared at her with piercing eyes.

  “How long have you been there?”

  “Mmm. Long enough.”

  Scarlett stretched and got out of bed, sending Raven scuttling to the floor. The wardrobe was packed full of clothes, just as it had been a few days ago, but now it felt different. Kind of like a relic from a bygone age.

  Once dressed, she dropped on to her bed, dug her elbows into her thighs and rested her chin her hands. Everything had turned out okay in the end. It had been a close-run thing but, hey, no one had died. And now everything was back to normal and yet everything felt different.

  “Penny for them,” Raven said, curling up beside Scarlett on the bed.

  “Oh, you k
now, this and that. I was just reflecting again on how everything feels different. What was it like for you? I mean, how did you cope, you know with the change?”

  “Well, the first thing I discovered was I could no longer practice magic. That came as a big shock, I can tell you.”

  “Mmm. I can imagine.”

  “But in other ways very little had changed. I’m still as intelligent and wise as I was before. I soon realized that I could be of great help in other ways, so the fact that I couldn’t practice magic wasn’t too difficult to get my head around.”

  Scarlett smiled. “Yeah, I can see that. So, tell me, how did you manage to find the way out of the base?”

  “Well, I used to be a hacker.”

  “Oh, that explains a lot.”

  “Yes. And when I was captured, I memorized the plans. That’s all there is to it.”

  “Wish my memory was as a good as that. I’d have forgotten right away.” Scarlett’s phone vibrated and pinged. “Oh, it’s Tim. He’s outside. I’ve gotta go, sorry.”

  “Well, it was nice getting to know you, Scarlett. And who knows, maybe one day you’ll be able to release the spell and transform me back to my natural form.”

  “Yeah, that would be good. As long as I keep practicing and reading up on things, my magic powers might just get there, fingers crossed. Excuse me.” She pulled back the curtains and waved at Tim through the window. Scarlett smiled at Raven. “Better go and see what he wants.”

  Tim looked unnaturally refreshed. “Good afternoon there. How are you feeling? I expected to find you at the shop, but Karl was a very poor imposter.”

  “Oh my God, I completely forgot I was supposed to help open the shop! Karl is going to kill me. I’d better get over there as soon as I can.”

  “Calm down now, Scarlett. He was actually happy that you didn’t show up after all you did last night and he is doing just fine by himself. He asked me to tell you that you have the day off!”

  “Well that is very unlike Karl, but stranger things have happened and what a relief as honestly I’m in no mood to be cooped up in there today.” She let out a relieved breath. “What are you doing here?”