Learning to Love

by Julie Evelyn Joyce

  Rebecca nodded. Her lower lip quivered, but she bit down on it. Hard. A second determined tear fell. Margaret swept her in for another hug, and Rebecca held on for dear life. I can’t believe you’re leaving me, too.

  She hadn’t realized she’d vocalized the thought until Margaret whispered in a choked voice, “I’m not leaving you, hon. This school will always be my home, and you’ll always be like a daughter to me. I don’t walk away from my family.”

  “I know.” She swallowed past the painful lump in her throat.

  Margaret patted her on the shoulder, then leaned back from their embrace, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “Look at us getting all blubbery over this silliness. Save your tears for our next one-on-one in the gym.”

  Rebecca laughed. “As soon as I’m finished hating you, I’m throwing you the most kickass retirement party this school has ever seen.”

  “I’d expect nothing less.”

  May was half over. His practicum finished on Friday, and his college program would conclude the following week. He’d been swamped with year-end assignments, grading students’ papers, and turning in his own. His developmental psych professor kept his afternoon lecture brief on Tuesday and let his cohort leave early, and before he could talk himself out of it, Will slipped into his car and jetted down the highway with one destination in mind.

  Kendal High School.

  The pitch he’d made, with his father’s help, to the programs director at Sunnybrook Hospital had been taken to the board of trustees for a vote. They’d voted unanimously in favor of the program, but that’s when the real work began. Wading through the legalese, appointing a committee, approaching other members of the community for charitable donations . . . But Will didn’t fear the workload because he wasn’t going it alone. His mother jumped into the project with both feet, as energized as he’d ever seen her, almost as though he’d thrown her a lifeline. His father secured donations from nearly every member of his social circles. Joey committed to building a website with program specifics that could be accessed from the hospital’s homepage. Everything was coming together beautifully, apart from one missing piece.

  A ‘Welcome to Kendal’ sign greeted him as he returned to the place that had once been a second home to him. Minutes later, he pulled into the KHS parking lot, relishing every rut and bump in the pavement. There was a spot next to Rebecca’s car, and he took it. Maybe it would be the last time they could be side by side, depending on how she reacted to his proposition.

  He climbed from the car and checked his watch. School had ended twenty minutes ago, but it was no surprise that Rebecca was still in the building. Not wanting to miss her, he hurried his pace and entered through the foyer. The halls were empty, but every time he blinked, he saw the faces of the kids he’d come to know and love. Heard the chatter, the music, the laughter. He stood outside the PE office, his fist poised to knock, when the door flew open.

  “Whitney!” Margaret’s eyes widened at the sight of him, then her lips quirked into an enigmatic smile and she yanked Will in for a hug. His gaze found Rebecca’s, who stood behind Margaret, her mouth forming an “O” shape.

  “I don’t think you’re here to see me,” Margaret said once she’d released him from the clinch, “but it sure is good to see you.”

  “It’s great to see you, too,” he replied, his gaze still glued to Rebecca’s.

  Margaret chuckled. “Right. Well, I was on my way out, so I’ll leave you two alone. We’ll talk more tomorrow, Ledgey, okay?”

  Will waited for the door to click shut before inviting Rebecca to take a seat. She hesitated briefly, then did so. He grabbed a chair and sat across from her. A sense of déjà vu crept over him, but he didn’t let the feeling settle. “I’m probably the last person you expected to see today.”

  She cracked a smile. “Maybe not the last, but top five for sure.”

  “You look good.”

  Giving him an appraising glance, she said, “You, too.”

  He leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together so he wouldn’t be tempted to reach out and touch her. “Listen, I don’t want to keep you long, but I have something I’d like to ask you. Something I’d like you to be a part of . . . if you’re willing.”

  Curiosity danced in her eyes, but there was a flicker of doubt there, too. “What is it?”

  “It’s a program I’m spearheading, with my family’s help, at Sunnybrook Hospital.”

  She blinked. “That’s the hospital where—”

  “Ryan was taken,” Will finished for her. “And my sister,” he added. “I never told you this, but part of the reason I was so shaken that night is because all I could see was Aly’s face as she took her last breaths. I was terrified we’d lose Ryan, too. But he pulled through because of you, and Berg, and his foster parents, and the whole community of people who rallied around him. His family.”

  “Will, I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I wish you’d said something.”

  He shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one who’s sorry. I was selfish, and I didn’t know how to handle my emotions, but I’m in a much better place now.” The empathy that shone from her eyes was a testament to her character. Her innate goodness. And all the more reason why he wanted her to join him in his mission.

  “When I saw you and the kids at the ball diamond, I kept thinking of everything I’d lost. But those boys reminded me of the unbreakable bonds we make when we show we care. Just like you told me.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “You’ve been on my mind almost constantly, Rebecca.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut, as if she were fighting back tears.

  He kept speaking, hoping she’d hear the sincerity in his voice. “I always told you that I wanted to make a difference, but I’ve come to realize it’s not a temporary thing. And it’s not an easy fix. It’s about committing to something and seeing it through.” He’d struggled to move from the bigger, faster, now mentality of the business world to the slow, steady progress of education, but he finally recognized how much sweeter it could be when you had to wait a little longer to see the impact you’d made. “You taught me so much. I didn’t know what to do with the knowledge at the time, but I know now.”

  Her eyes opened again, and twin tears fell down her cheeks. She reached for the box of tissues on her desk and dabbed at the trail of wetness they left behind.

  Will went on to explain the nature of the family-focused program he was building at Sunnybrook, detailing the personnel he envisioned as being part of the team—medical experts, a nutritionist, a psychologist. “And I’d love to have a PE practitioner who’d consult with the patients and their families on safe fitness strategies. I need people like you—people who care—to be involved. I know you’re busy and have plenty of other commitments, so the consultations could be video chats, maybe once or twice a month, with anyone involved in the program—”

  “Who exactly will benefit from this program? Is it strictly for people in the city who have the means to afford this type of comprehensive care?”

  He was glad she’d asked the question. He’d prepared himself for it. “The program is available to anyone in the city and surrounding communities, Kendal included, and free to disadvantaged youths and their families.”

  Her posture relaxed, and a hint of a smile returned to her face. “You’ve obviously put a lot of thought into this.”

  “I have. Countless hours spent alone, missing you, put to good use. It was either this or get a ‘What Would Rebecca Do?’ tattoo on my chest.”

  The sound of her laughter was like a balm to his soul. “A graphic tee would do the trick.”

  “There she goes again with the sage advice.”

  Her easy grin made his heart pump faster. Their eyes met and held for a dozen rapid beats. She was the first to break contact. “I need some time to think about this.”

  “Of course,” he said, rising to his feet. “Just, um—”

  “I’ll call you . . . when I know
.” Rebecca stood, too.

  She’d call him. Which meant she still had his number. “It was really good to see you again.”

  “Thanks for thinking of me. And no matter what, Will, good luck. The program sounds amazing.”

  Will walked in a daze through the empty hallway, trying to interpret her final words. If they were meant to be supportive or a send-off. He’d almost made it to the exit when he heard his name being shouted.

  “Whitney, wait up!”

  He spun around to spot Margaret jogging to catch up to him.

  “Got a minute?” she asked once she’d reached his side.

  “For you? Always.”

  The older woman laughed. “Save your flattery until I share the news.” She glanced around them, then lowered her voice. “I’ve decided to retire a year sooner than I’d originally intended.”

  “Wow,” Will said, stunned by the admission. Margaret was the heart and soul of KHS.

  “Honestly, I could probably go on another decade,” she continued, “but I’ve put in my time. I’d rather end on a high note than have to be dragged out of here.”

  Will chuckled along with her, though he hadn’t yet figured out how he factored into all of this.

  “Anyway, I’m telling you because I wanted you to know that Patrick is posting the position later this month. He’s added another section of Phys. Ed. and a science in place of the dramatic arts courses.”

  Will had yet to accept the position he’d been offered at Crestwood. He’d been given till the end of this week to make his decision. But even a maybe at Kendal was better than a sure thing at a school where he felt like he didn’t belong anymore.

  “She still loves you, Will,” Margaret said to fill the silence. “In fact, she’s upset with me for, and I quote, ‘leaving her, too.’ I told her someone else will come in and really light this place on fire. I think that someone might be you. Please consider it.”

  “Absolutely,” he said. And he would, but not without ensuring Rebecca was okay with it first. “Thank you so much for letting me know. All of it.”

  “Good luck, Will.”

  Rebecca’s stomach had been in knots since she came home, both her work life and personal life taking emotional hits she hadn’t seen coming. She’d gone for a run and had a hot shower, and the coils of worry had slowly begun to unwind, only to be replaced by pangs of hunger instead. There was nothing in the house in the way of comfort food. All she wanted was a grilled cheese sandwich and a mug of tomato soup, the kind her mom used to make to cheer her up.

  A quick phone call and short drive later, she sat at her mother’s kitchen table and watched her put together her requested meal by rote while she filled her in on the reason for needing the meal in the first place. The frying pan sizzled as her mom flipped the sandwich, perfectly toasting it. Rebecca’s mouth watered at the savory aroma of melted butter and cheese combined with the sweet scent of tomato soup that simmered on the neighboring burner. Her mother, God bless her, had a can on hand.

  After plating the sandwich and filling a mug to the brim with soup, Suzanne joined her daughter at the table with a mug of her own. “Must have been hard seeing him at school again,” she said.

  She took a bite of her sandwich and nearly moaned at the richness of the flavors. “It was. Plus, he caught me at a vulnerable time. I mean, with Mags just breaking her news, and then he drops by and . . . expects me to step up for him in a way he didn’t for me.”

  Suzanne slurped down a mouthful of soup. “I know you may not like what I’m about to say, but hear me out.”

  “If it’ll keep you from slurping like a cavewoman, then speak your mind.”

  She chuckled. “Well, I’ve no doubt you’ve passed on a great deal of wisdom to this man. You’re a gifted teacher and a compassionate, selfless woman. But have you ever stopped to think about what he’s taught you?”

  Rebecca had just bitten off another hunk of her sandwich and froze mid-chew.

  “You learned to love again, laugh again. I hadn’t seen you that happy or carefree in a long time, sweetheart. Maybe ever. And I’ve never known you to give up on someone so easily before, especially someone who’d made such an impact on you.”

  Shocked into silence, she gave her mother’s words the consideration they deserved. She’d always viewed their breakup as Will having given up on them, but perhaps she’d made it too easy for him.

  “This is an olive branch, baby,” her mom continued. “A chance at reconciliation, and maybe more.”

  Rebecca stared at her crumb-filled plate. “If I say yes to this, I’m basically inviting him back into my life.”

  “Yes. Is that what you want?”

  They both jumped at the sound of the front door crashing open, then Hannah’s high-pitched voice rang out. “I got the SOS, Suz! What did I miss?”

  Both Rebecca and her mother shared a laugh as Hurricane Hannah swept into the room.

  “Pull up a chair,” Suzanne said. “I hope you like grilled cheese.”

  The impromptu girls’ night was exactly what she needed. It wasn’t quite nine o’clock when she made it home. Too early to go to bed, but not too late to tell him her decision. He’d given her the olive branch, and though she’d never been a big fan of olives, she was definitely open to second chances.

  Grabbing a throw blanket, she settled on the couch in her living room and dialed Will’s number, a number she hadn’t managed to erase from her contacts.

  He answered almost immediately. “Hey.”

  “I’ll do it,” she said. “I’ll be a part of your program, but I’m not sure how much time I can—”

  “Where are you now?” he interrupted.

  She frowned in confusion. “Home. Why?”

  “Can you meet me at the gazebo in ten minutes?”

  “Uh, sure.” About a billion questions rattled around in her head—mainly involving where he was and how the heck he could get to the gazebo so quickly—but she held them at bay. Because she needed the extra time to primp a little bit. “See you shortly.”

  As soon as they ended the call, she dashed to the bathroom to swipe on a fresh layer of mascara, then she let down her hair and touched up her lip gloss. Satisfied with her appearance, she rounded the corner to the front hall, slipped on her sneakers, and took off for the town square at a vigorous clip. She could get there in ten minutes at a leisurely pace, five if she power walked.

  Had he stuck around town since he’d seen her that afternoon? Was he so certain she’d say yes that he’d stayed put? Five long months apart, and he still knew her well enough to predict she’d give him her answer before the night was through. Or was he just ridiculously optimistic?

  She saw the gazebo in the distance, her arms and legs pumping faster. From a hundred feet away, she watched him climb the steps. The streetlamps glowed to mark her path. The twinkle lights that surrounded the gazebo winked at her with familiarity. At the foot of the stairs, she sucked in a lungful of air, then marched upwards. One step at a time. Will waited for her on the bench at the center, a half-smile quirking his lips.

  “I’m so glad you called,” he said. “I’ve been hanging around the town, thinking about our conversation, and one that happened after we spoke . . .”

  “Oh?”

  He reached for her hand. “Come sit?”

  “For a couple minutes.” She cocked her head and smiled. “It’s a school night.”

  “Me, too.” He chuckled.

  Taking his hand, she sat next to him, anxious to hear about this other mystery conversation he had.

  “Margaret caught up to me before I left the school. She told me that she’s leaving and there’d be a job opening. She encouraged me to apply for her position.” His eyes were trained on her, as though he were gauging her reaction. “Listen, I want this. But if you don’t want this, I’ll take it off the table. My first priority is us.”

  “Us?” she whispered.

  He slid closer. “I want you and me to happen regardless of where
I am.”

  His promise, the intensity of his gaze, it was all too much at once to process. And there was still hurt there. A tremendous amount of hurt he’d caused when he’d turned down the very same things the last time he’d had the chance to make a choice. “I want someone who’s going to be there for me and won’t walk away when things get tough.”

  He gripped her hand tighter. “I can be that guy, Rebecca. Please let me prove that to you.”

  “What about Crestwood?”

  “They’ve offered me a position,” he admitted. “Kendal’s where I want to be more than anything, but only if you want me here, too.”

  She tried to look away, to think things through clearly, but she was too drawn by his hope-filled gaze. He was right there. Right in front of her, giving her everything she wanted and asking her to trust him. “I, uh . . . I think you should apply, Will. You’re an excellent teacher.”

  “So you want me here?”

  She shrugged. Tried to act indifferent and failed miserably. “It’d sure be an easier commute.”

  She gasped when his arms closed around her, and then she melted into him. Into them. She wanted this. For them to be a team again. The safety, the security. The whole package.

  “No matter what happens, whether I get the job or not, you’re my choice,” he whispered into her hair. “As long as you know that.”

  “I trust you.” She buried her head in the crook of his neck and released a long, happy exhale. “I’ll stay for two more minutes. But only because you smell really good.”

  The laughter that vibrated from his chest made her grin. “Make it three and I’ll drive you home.”

  25

  Portfolio in hand, Will walked out of the main office with confidence, knowing he’d given it his best shot. Everything he had. That was the Kendal High School way, after all. Patrick had shaken his hand firmly and let him know a decision would be made by the end of the day.