A Love Melody

by Grace Roberts

  Chapter 2

  *** Sixteen years earlier ***

  Valerie had been cooped up in her room all day doing her homework, after declining the invitation from a group of school friends who had gone shopping in Dublin city center. Unlike her friends, she preferred books to shopping, and this was another reason why she never seemed to fit in with them and was always considered “the weird girl.”

  She got off the windowsill, where she had been sitting for the past hour reading the same paragraph over and over again without being able to concentrate, and decided she would try again later. The house was empty and eerily quiet. Her parents were at work and Marie, her older sister, was probably sitting in a café somewhere in the city center with one of her awful friends.

  She stretched and let out a yawn, feeling a sudden, desperate need for company. There was only one person who would lift her spirits: her Grandpa Paddy, who lived with Grandma Maureen in the basement apartment. Unlike Marie, who hardly ever visited him, Valerie loved spending time with him, and often went downstairs after school and sat on the old leather couch, listening to his stories while drinking tea and eating Grandma’s homemade cookies.

  Her favorite story was about the war and how Paddy had met his best friend, Thomas Wyler, an American soldier who’d rescued him during one of the last battles in Italy and had gone back with him to Ireland after the war was over. After a few weeks, Thomas had fallen in love with an Irish girl and had settled in Dublin, passing on his great passion for jazz and swing music to Paddy, who had by then become his best friend.

  Seeing as his own children didn’t seem to care much about music, Grandpa Paddy had later passed on his passion for music to Valerie. As she was growing up, he would play his old records and tell her things about the big musicians, like Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, and Louis Armstrong. By the age of ten, she already knew them better than any of the members of the boy bands that were so popular with her generation. Most of her school friends made fun of her, thinking she was a weirdo for listening to such old music, but she never minded too much. She had come to love the sound of the piano, the trumpet, and the clarinet, and she enjoyed listening to her grandfather’s old records, pretending she was somewhere cool, like New Orleans, wearing a Charleston dress and dancing to the sound of a Sinatra song.

  As she opened the door to the basement apartment, she almost bumped into him, all dressed up and ready to go out.

  “Hello, Valerie,” he said, smiling. “Are you here to see me?”

  She nodded. “I was getting bored up there in my room. But since you’re going out…”

  “I’m going to the Club,” he said while he rummaged in the closet behind the door, emerging a moment later with an umbrella in his hand. “Would you like to go with me?”

  She stared wide-eyed at her grandfather, wondering if she’d heard him right. She had never been allowed to go to the Music Club, the jazz and swing club her grandfather and Thomas had founded soon after the war was over. Her mother had always said she was too young and that she should spend time with her friends, rather than with a bunch of old men reminiscing about the good old days.

  She was sure her mother would be mad if she knew she had gone to the Club with Grandpa, but she was bored, her mother was at work and after all, Grandpa wasn’t a child. He would take care of her.

  “Mum wouldn’t want me to go,” she said nevertheless, well aware that she would be in trouble if her mother found out.

  “But would you want to go?” he asked, smiling cheekily underneath his gray mustache. “She’s not here after all. What she can’t see can’t hurt her.” He shrugged and twisted the umbrella in Charlie Chaplin style. “Besides, what else would you be doing on a rainy day like this? I thought you said you were getting bored all alone up there.”

  “I was but… wouldn’t we be in trouble?” she asked, as Paddy stepped around her and walked out the door.

  “I may be old, my child, but I’m still her father at the end of the day.” He turned around and smiled. “I’ll take care of her in case she gets mad, don’t you worry. Come on, now; go get your coat.”

  Valerie nodded and ran upstairs, needing no second bidding. This was going to be the most exciting afternoon of her young life.

  As they walked down the road, Valerie was so excited she wanted to run all the way to the Club. She struggled to keep a slow pace to match her grandfather’s, so most of the time she had to stop and wait for him to catch up to her.

  It took them less than twenty minutes to reach the building where the Club was, and when they finally walked through the green Georgian door, Valerie’s heart leaped up her throat in excitement.

  The crowded room was warm, and music was playing. Above the chattering of old men and women she immediately recognized Moon River, and closed her eyes for a second, savoring the moment.

  Her grandfather nudged her elbow and she opened her eyes, smiling up at him. As she scanned the room, she saw mainly old people chatting and drinking, dancing or sitting at plastic round tables in the corners playing cards. Then, at the far end of the room next to the record player, she spotted a boy, who seemed intent in browsing through the records. He stood out amid all those old people, and she was surprised to discover that another teenager seemed to like old music. It made her feel less freaky.

  “Who’s the lad over there?” she asked her grandfather, pointing toward the young man.

  Paddy squinted, trying to see who she was talking about, and then he nodded. “That’s Ryan, Thomas Wyler’s grandson. I think he’s about your age. You’ll like him; he’s a good lad. He comes here often.”

  Paddy waved at Thomas, who’d turned around and met his stare. He nudged his grandson and said something to him, before walking toward Paddy and Valerie with the boy in tow.

  Some couples were dancing in the middle of the room, forcing Thomas and his grandson to zigzag across the room to reach them. When they finally made it, Thomas took her hand with both of his crinkled ones.

  “Bless my soul, Valerie, you sure have grown up so much, my child.” He shook her hand vigorously and beamed. Even though he’d lived in Ireland for most of his adult life, his American accent was still strong. “It’s true I haven’t seen you in a while, but you’re growing up so fast. While we just keep getting older.” He gave a hearty laugh, and Valerie smiled sheepishly. She’d met Thomas before, as he’d come to visit her grandfather many times, but she still felt awkward around anyone who wasn’t part of her family.

  “Well, here, let me introduce you to my grandson, Ryan. He loves old music just as much as we do, which is unusual for a boy his age.” Thomas said, laughing again.

  “Hello,” she said, feeling more embarrassed than she ever had. Unlike her sister, she wasn’t interested in boys yet, but seeing how good-looking Ryan was made her feel slightly uneasy.

  He was tall and his body was toned for a boy his age. He had dark brown hair, and a forelock hid half his brow, almost covering his left eye. She wondered what school he went to and why she’d never noticed him in town. Surely her sister would notice a guy like him.

  His hazel eyes locked with hers for a moment then he gave her a crooked smile. “Hi, what’s up? Nice to meet you.”

  He had a peculiar accent, she thought. Since Thomas was American, Ryan must have somehow picked up his grandfather’s accent. She found herself thinking it was rather cute.

  “Now, why don’t you guys spend some time together? Show her around, Ryan, so Paddy and I can play cards with our friends. Have fun, kids,” Thomas said before pulling Paddy away toward the tables in the corner of the room.

  Something akin to panic surged in Valerie’s chest. She didn’t feel at ease with strangers, no matter what age they were, and wished her grandpa hadn’t left her. She’d always been a shy girl, and being alone with a boy who’d basically been forced by his grandfather to babysit made her feel nervous.

  Ryan looked at her and nodded toward the bookcase with the records.

  “Fancy p
laying some old records? I guess your grandpa’s brought you here ’cause you like old music, right?” Valerie nodded, relieved that he didn’t seem to mind having been left alone with her. “Cool, let’s go. Oh, and mind the dancers. They don’t really care about stepping on other people’s feet.”

  He grinned, and that lopsided smile immediately erased all of her fears. Maybe she would have fun after all.

  “I like your accent,” Valerie said while they checked out the records in the cardboard box near the record player.

  “Gramps never lost his American accent, but Dad didn’t pick it up. You wouldn’t know his father is American.” Ryan shrugged and pulled out a record. “I’ve spent most of my time with my grandfather and his Sinatra records growing up, so I kinda picked up the accent. The teachers weren’t too happy when I started school and tried to make me lose it, but eventually they just got used to it and stopped bothering me. Now I have this Irish-American accent, which some people find strange. Sometimes I even get treated like a tourist.”

  She chuckled. “I like it, though. It’s… special.”

  “Yeah, me too. It’s who I am, and I wouldn’t be able to change it now, even if I wanted to. I’m a proud Irish citizen, but I don’t forget where I come from—where Gramps comes from. I definitely wanna go to America one day. Jazz music is way more popular there than it is here.”

  He brushed the forelock away from his eye and went back to browsing through the records.

  “Do you live in Dublin, too?” he asked, while checking out the cover of a Louis Armstrong record.

  Valerie nodded. “We live in Ballsbridge.”

  “So do I!” he said, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around, though,” she said, thinking how odd it was that they lived so close, yet they had never met before.

  He shrugged. “I don’t go out much. I’m pretty busy, what with school, the soccer team, and piano lessons.”

  “You play the piano?” She looked up in awe, and he nodded.

  “You too?”

  “I wish.” She sighed and stared at her shoes. “My mother doesn’t really like music, so she’s had me take French lessons in my free time and play tennis at the local club.”

  She made a face and he wrinkled his nose.

  “Eww! I wouldn’t want to swap lives with you!”

  They burst into laughter, and Valerie found it odd that she could feel so at ease with this guy she’d only just met. Maybe the fact that Ryan didn’t consider her weird because of her music tastes made everything seem less awkward.

  “How long have you been playing?” she asked, wanting to know more about him.

  “Since I was about five, so almost ten years now. Grandpa Tom has been feeding me music since before I learned how to speak, and it was obvious that I’d want to learn to play an instrument sooner or later. One day I was watching TV with him, and there was this man playing the piano, so I said, ‘I want to learn to play the piano.’ Needless to say, Gramps was totally excited and took me to a music school the following week.”

  “And were your parents okay with that?”

  He nodded. “They’d always known that, unlike my father, I wouldn’t be immune to Grandpa’s love for music. They actually said it happened a bit later than they’d expected.”

  “Wow. I wish my mum would think the way your parents do. She’s always talking about how cracked Grandpa is. If she knew he took me here, she’d go mental.”

  “Well, if it helps, my friends from the soccer team think I’m a bit cuckoo too, ’cause I come to the Club with Gramps instead of chasing after chicks like they do.” He chuckled and then looked at her with warm, smiling eyes. “Well, it’s good to know I’m not the only teenager in town who’s joined the Club now. Maybe we could hang out together some time.”

  They spent the rest of the afternoon talking about their lives, the schools they went to, their families, and the things they liked. The more they spoke, the more confident she felt that they would be great friends.

  After that day, Valerie’s life changed completely. Ryan became an important presence in her life, and they started spending every minute of their free time together. She could be her real self with him. She didn’t have to pretend to like things a girl should or be ashamed by who she was. When she was with her school friends, she always felt stupid and out of place because she liked school and listened to old music, but when she was with Ryan, he made her feel special because he thought she was smart and funny, and he was genuinely pleased to spend time with her.

  Her parents hadn’t been too happy to learn that she was hanging out with Thomas Wyler’s grandson, especially when they’d found out he liked going to the Club with his grandfather. Besides, he was a boy and they feared she would end up leaving school behind to hang out with a guy whom they didn’t approve of.

  In spite of what everyone else said, Ryan and Valerie seemed to be the only two people in town who didn’t find it strange that a boy and a girl could be friends, and soon they became inseparable.

  That rainy July day had marked the beginning of something special, something she was sure would change their lives forever.

  Chapter 3

  *** Present day ***

  Giving up had been a tough decision. Valerie had studied so hard and worked so much harder to get to where she was now: so close to the final years of her surgical residency and only a few steps away from achieving her goal. But the image of her dead patient was still so bright in her mind that when she’d tried to walk into the operating room two weeks after that day to assist Doctor Gray again, her body had frozen in place, and she hadn’t been able to even touch the door handle to get inside.

  Everyone had been very nice to her, and she’d even been given a couple of days off when they’d seen the state she was in. Nobody ever even hinted that it had been her fault, because they all knew it hadn’t. Doctor Gray had been in the operating room with her, he’d helped her, and he’d been the one to tell her to give up when she was still trying to resuscitate the patient. He’d told her time and time again that she wasn’t responsible for what had happened, but she’d never listened to him. She knew she’d never be able to walk into an operating room again, no matter what people said.

  Her request to be moved to the ER and leave surgery was eventually accepted, after a long discussion and many unsuccessful attempts by the chief surgeon, the hospital manager, and her friends to make her think better of it. She’d already completed two and a half years in the surgical residency program, so it wouldn’t be long until she could be a surgeon who could operate without anyone’s supervision. Leaving the residency program now would mark the end of her career and all of her efforts so far would be in vain. Even so, she knew she’d never be able to get over the sense of guilt she was still feeling over killing that man, and her mental sanity was more important than anything else.

  Nobody treated her differently after that day. Working in the emergency room wouldn’t make her feel as if her life was a waste. She was still a doctor after all, it was what she’d studied hard for; at least, she could cure patients and help people without freaking out at the sight of a scalpel or a surgical coat.

  She was sure that, if she stayed away from operating rooms and anything that would remind her of that day, she’d eventually stop seeing those images in her mind and she’d be just fine. It would probably take some time, but she could heal.

  Ryan had just arrived in Toronto when Valerie informed him about her decision, and he wasn’t half as accommodating as her colleagues in the hospital had been.

  “Why did you do that?” he asked, not bothering to disguise his displeasure. “I thought I knew you, Val. I thought you were stronger. It’s so damn selfish of you to do that.”

  “Selfish?” Valerie was taken aback by his reaction. Sure, she hadn’t expected him to congratulate her, but she hadn’t been prepared for this steely tone.

  “Yeah, selfish. Because when you chose to b
e a doctor, you chose to help people, to use all your knowledge and skills to save lives.” His tone was harsh, and something pierced her heart. He’d never used this tone with her. Ever. “And now listen to yourself, saying you’re giving up surgery because you’re scared. Scared. That’s ridiculous, Val. A doctor shouldn’t be scared of anything. I guess you should’ve chosen another profession, a lawyer maybe, or a teacher. Something less scary.”

  Ryan’s words shocked Valerie, but most of all they hurt her. He was her best friend, and he was supposed to support her, the way he’d always done all through the years they’d known each other. But there he was now, spitting out mean words even though he knew he was hurting her. Ryan had never hurt her, and definitely never on purpose.

  Maybe he was right though; maybe she shouldn’t have set her mind on becoming a surgeon. With hindsight she realized that being a family doctor wouldn’t have had consequences on her life. She wouldn’t have had trouble curing a patient with the flu or a broken leg. Maybe surgery hadn’t been the smartest choice but still, she’d been a good surgeon before that day. Before her whole life had gone down the drain.

  “Anyway, I gotta go now. I have to do the sound check for the show,” he said abruptly, interrupting her train of thoughts. “Have fun with your new job. I hope you don’t get too scared.”

  “Ryan—” Her voice cracked but he’d already hung up on her. Feeling empty and alone, she slumped down on her bed, unable to swallow the gigantic lump in her throat.

  She was upset like she’d never been before. Ryan had never treated her like that. He’d never been rude or mean to her, and it hurt to have him act this way now. It hurt more because the reaction was coming from him, rather than the reaction itself. She wouldn’t have minded if anyone else, even the hospital manager, had said those nasty words. But not her best friend. He was supposed to understand how she was feeling, and he, more than anyone else, should know how much she suffered because of what had happened. He was supposed to understand the reason why she’d been forced to give up surgery, after spending ten years of her life studying hard to make her dream come true.