“Excuse me? Did you just say yes?!”
Jake’s eyebrows shot up in surprise when, after he’d asked her out for the umpteenth time, Valerie said she’d love to. She giggled like a teenager when he brought a hand to his heart and let out a dramatic sigh. Heart-breaker or not, he was definitely a handsome man, and it flattered her that he’d been so persistent.
“Well, you can still take it back, if you want.” She lifted a shoulder, a part of her wishing he actually would. “I’ve been saying no for weeks now, so I wouldn’t really blame you if you’d changed your mind.”
He took a step closer to the reception desk, and leaned on his elbows, his chin propped on his hands. She fidgeted with some patients’ files on the desk, and when she looked up, she met his deep blue eyes searching her face, as if looking for some signs of irony.
“I don’t get discouraged easily, in case you hadn’t realized it yet. And I’d be a fool if I took it back, now that you’ve finally said yes. Besides, I’ve always liked a good challenge.” His eyes sparkled with amusement and something that resembled mischief, too. She looked away. “So when are you off this week?”
“I have a morning shift tomorrow. So if you’re free tomorrow night—”
“I’d switch my shift with someone else, if I weren’t.” He winked at her, as a big grin broke across his face. Valerie’s cheeks heated and she had to fight the urge to fan herself. “Let’s see... There’s this nice club in the Back Bay area I went to with some friends last week. Or actually, maybe we could go to dinner first—”
“No, no!” she cut him off abruptly. Dinner was definitely too much for a first date—she wasn’t ready to take that step yet. He winced slightly at her tone, so she took a steadying breath and smiled. “A drink is fine.”
“Oookay. Guess picking you up at your place is out of the question, right?”
He grinned, seemingly unfazed by the curt way she’d declined his dinner suggestion. Much as she wanted to be nice to him, she knew better than to let him know where she lived. She didn’t want him to get too close; better keep him at a reasonable distance, at least until she got to know him a little more and knew she could trust him enough to let him know where she lived. How could she know if behind the sexy smile and blue eyes hid a stalker or a psycho?
People aren’t always what they seem. Better be careful.
“I’ll meet you there. I can take a taxi,” she said, in a much gentler tone.
He nodded, looking as if he’d expected it. “All right, then. I’ll give you the name and address of the club. Nine o’clock okay or is it too late?”
“Nine is fine with me.”
Jake didn’t show any intention of leaving, which made Valerie feel uneasy. She fumbled with the stethoscope around her neck and stared at the papers on the nurses’ desk. Where was everyone? The nurses’ station was always bustling with doctors, nurses and even the cleaning staff and the security guys, but now that she needed a diversion, everybody seemed to have gone missing.
I shouldn’t have listened to Ryan.
The thought of going out with Jake, even if only for a drink, made her feel uneasy, and she wished she could tell him she’d changed her mind. What would they talk about? She’d never gone out with a guy, apart from Ryan, and she hadn’t had to try hard with him. Things with Ryan had always felt natural, from the first time they’d met, but what could she possibly speak about with Jake?
She opened her mouth to say she’d suddenly remembered she had a plan for tomorrow night, when the automatic sliding doors behind him opened. Jake’s fellow paramedic rushed in, saying they’d been called for an emergency in a downtown apartment.
“See you tomorrow, Doctor Fogarty.” Jake winked at her before jogging out the door and leaving her alone with her thoughts and worries.
Valerie’s fears turned out to be totally unfounded. Her night out with Jake wasn’t the tragic date she’d dreaded for nearly twenty-four hours. To her surprise, she enjoyed being with a guy who wasn’t Ryan for a change. She actually enjoyed getting to know Jake. He was funny and easygoing, and the conversation flowed easily. Once they’d finished talking about something, a new topic for conversation would immediately come up, and it was past midnight when they left the club.
As soon as they walked outside, the awkwardness she’d always felt when he showed up at the hospital came back. She fidgeted with the strap of her purse, her fingers twisting and untwisting it until she was sure she’d tear it apart.
What happens now?
Jake took her hand, while they were walking side by side, and brought it up to his lips. Valerie stiffened as a brick wall of wariness snapped up. She was twenty-nine and had zero experience with men—if she told Jake now, he’d laugh in her face and leave her stranded outside the club. The only guy she’d been around was Ryan, and she didn’t think of him as anything other than a brother. She’d never felt awkward when she was with him.
Jake lifted her chin up with his finger, forcing her to look at him. He smiled, and something inside her stomach twisted—not in an unpleasant way, though.
Was he going to kiss her now?
Her eyes had settled on his lips more than once over the past three hours, and she’d wondered how they would feel on hers, and if he would be a good kisser.
If Jake noticed her hesitation, he didn’t show it. He tilted his head slightly to the left and, before she could say anything to stop him, his lips were on hers, while his right hand settled on the small of her back and pulled her close to him.
Valerie was torn. A part of her wanted him to stop while the other wanted him to go on. It was a strange feeling but it also felt good. The gentle way he was kissing her made her feel special, yet the first thing she thought of as soon as his lips touched hers was that it was totally different from her first kiss—the very first kiss she’d shared years ago with Ryan.
Of course it’s different! her mind reminded her. That had been nothing more than an innocent kiss, something they’d shared as a seal to their eternal friendship, while this... well, this was more the kind of kiss she’d seen in movies, and it was getting more passionate by the minute.
When he pulled away, she felt light-headed and she was sure her pale cheeks had turned crimson.
“Should I say ‘sorry’?” Jake asked, brushing her cheek with his thumb. “I didn’t know what you were thinking. I just hoped you wouldn’t mind.”
She smiled, in spite of the embarrassment that pervaded her body. Maybe she should just surrender and admit it; it would be useless and plain stupid to deny she had liked it.
Even though it was nothing like that first kiss...
Why, after so many years, was she still thinking of that kiss? A beautiful guy was in front of her, waiting for her to say something, but all she could think of was the night her best friend had kissed her.
She shook her head, as if to send that thought away. The warm weight of Jake’s hand on the small of her back faded, as he moved away.
“I... um... I guess I’m just a little out of practice.” He didn’t really need to know he’d been the second man who’d kissed her in all of her life. Ryan and Karen were the only people who needed to know the shameful truth.
“I’ll be honest. I’d kinda braced for a slap.” He gave her a sideway glance and his right eyebrow quirked.
Valerie laughed. “I wasn’t going to hit you even if you were an awful kisser.”
“Does that mean I’m a good kisser?” His grin was cocky, typical of a self-assured guy who had no doubt about his abilities with the ladies.
“Well, I can’t say I didn’t like it, if that’s what you’re dying to know.”
He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to his broad, firm chest.
“It’s not exactly what I was hoping to hear, but at least it’s a start.”
She relaxed against him, slowly getting used to the unfamiliar warmth that felt so different from Ryan’s hugs, or the spicy cologne that was much stronger than
Ryan’s citrusy one.
“I had a good time tonight. I’m glad you didn’t give up on me after I turned you down every single time.”
Jake’s arm squeezed a bit tighter, and she realized she didn’t mind, after all. It felt good—different from the way she was used to being hugged.
“I had a good time, too. We should do it again, what do you say?”
“I’d love to.”
With that, he turned to face her and kissed her again, holding her face in his hands until she pulled away, breathless and a bit dizzy. If she’d only known how good tonight would be, she would’ve accepted Jake’s invitation weeks ago.
Chapter 18
*** Thirteen years earlier ***
Ever since the day Ryan had received the admission letter from Berklee, Valerie hadn’t stopped feeling miserable and dreading the day of his departure. She knew how much this meant to him and she was happy for him, of course, but at the same time she was breaking up. Ryan was her only true friend; he’d become her North star, the person she could always count on. Ever since her grandfather had died only a couple of weeks before, Ryan had remained the only person she could be herself with, the only person who really cared about her. Once he went to Boston, she’d lose him and she’d be alone, living in a place where she didn’t seem to be able to fit in.
The day before his departure she’d gone to help him finish packing, and as they sat on his bed looking at his empty closet and shelves, something inside her slowly died.
“You know I wish I could take you with me.” His tone was sad as he fidgeted with the strap of his watch, avoiding eye contact. “It’ll be hard to be all alone, so far away from home.”
“Then don’t go.” Her voice cracked and she sniffed, failing at her attempt of fighting back the tears.
“They don’t give you second chances at Berklee—it’s take it or leave it. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Val. As much as I hate leaving you, I can’t waste it.” He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to his chest. “We’ll be in touch, I promise. I’ll be home for Christmas and during summer break. Nothing’s gonna change, you have my word.”
She sniffed again. “I’ll miss you. I’ll be so lonely and miserable without you.”
He patted her back soothingly, as if she were a little child—and that was exactly how she felt: a whiny, little child who’d just been deprived of her favorite toy.
“Aww, c’mon. It won’t be so bad. You’ll have the chance to hang out more with your schoolmates and do girlie things, like, I don’t know, go shopping and checking out boys,” he said, and she chuckled even as tears welled up in her eyes.
“I don’t want to hang out with my schoolmates—you know I don’t get along with them. And I don’t care about shopping, or clubbing, or checking out guys.” She folded her arms across her chest, sulking.
“Well, yes, I know I’m one-of-a-kind and you’ll never find a friend like me, but don’t be so picky now. You need to have girlfriends too, for when you need to talk about boys, make up, and push-up bras.”
She rolled her eyes and his cheeky laugh earned him a punch in the arm—which only made him laugh harder.
“Will you stop acting like a clown, now? I’m being serious.”
His grin disappeared and he reached out a hand to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear, his finger trailing down her cheek to her chin, where his hand lingered. Valerie leaned into his touch and closed her eyes for an instant.
“I’m just trying to cheer you up—to cheer both of us up. It might sound easier for me, ’cause I’m the one who’s going away to a great school and starting a new life in a big city, but it’s not easier at all. I feel horrible for putting you through this, and I know I’ll really miss you. You’re my best friend, and nobody will ever understand me the way you do.” He pulled her against his chest and rested his chin on her shoulder. “I’ll never let anyone or anything come between us, Val, no matter the distance.”
She nodded. She felt exactly the same way about him, and that was why she was going to miss him like she would miss a limb. Out of the blue a thought crossed her mind, and she flinched.
“Of course,” she said, talking to herself. She pulled back and sat up. Ryan looked at her, scrutinizing her face for a clue. “Of course, of course! Why didn’t I think of that sooner?”
She jumped up and down on the bed, clapping her hands. His eyes narrowed.
“Would you mind enlightening me, please?”
“I’ll come to Boston!” she said, as if it was the most obvious thing she could say and he were dumb not to have understood it.
“What? Val, you can’t drop out of school to come to Boston. You know your family would never let you. I wouldn’t want you to and—”
“No, no, you silly!” She waved him away, with an eye-roll. “Not now, of course. I mean, to study medicine. If I work really really hard these last two years, I could even get a scholarship so my parents won’t have to sell their kidneys to pay for tuition.”
Ryan stroked his chin, lost in thought. “You know, it could actually be a good idea,” he said after a moment. “I’m sure there are some good medical schools in Boston. I’ll have a look while I’m there and send you information.”
She clapped her hands again and bounced up and down on the mattress. “I’ll move to Boston, I’ll move to Boston!”
He laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “That’s the greatest idea you’ve ever had, Val. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.”
“Because I’m smarter than you, buddy. That’s why.” She patted a hand on his chest and let out a girlish giggle.
“You are. You’re a scientist, while I’m just a weird artist.” He squeezed her just a bit tighter and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. “Now, why don’t we go to the Club and spend some time with our friends?”
She nodded and sprang up from the bed, with a broad smile on her face. The thought of being together with him again soon had been enough to take the sadness away.
After spending two hours at the Club, playing the piano, chatting with their old friends about Ryan’s departure, and bringing up anecdotes featuring Paddy, they got on a bus to reach the multiplex on Parnell Street. When the action movie was over, they walked to the bus stop chatting and laughing like they would have any other time, as if neither of them knew he’d be leaving the following day and all this would be over.
It was a nice summer evening. The sky was a black blanket filled with stars, and the moon shone brighter than usual. There wasn’t a single cloud, even though the morning had started with a typical Irish shower. A soft breeze blew strands of her hair across her face, and every now and then she had to pull her hands out of her jeans pockets to tuck the rebellious locks behind her ear. As they strolled down the streets, on an ideal night for two sweethearts, Valerie kicked pebbles on the pavement, fighting the urge to throw her arms around Ryan and letting his warm embrace soothe the pain that was increasingly tightening her stomach.
They got on the bus and went to the upper deck, just like they always did. They sat side by side, holding hands in silence until they reached their stop. When they got off and reached Valerie’s house, she took a long, deep breath and turned around to face him.
“So, I guess that’s it, huh? We’ll say goodbye now, and you’ll be gone tomorrow.”
She rocked on the heels of her sneakers, her hands tucked in the pockets of her jeans to make sure she wouldn’t fling herself at him and beg him to stay.
“You know this is not goodbye, right? We’ll be in touch every day, I promise.”
Ryan held out his hand and waited for her to tuck hers into it. She looked at him and his warm, hazel eyes melted her heart. The lump in her throat became unbearable and a sob escaped her lips, as a lone tear spilled from her eye. When she put her hand in his, he pulled her close, and she crashed against his chest. He hugged her, and she let the tears flow.
“Shh... don’t cry, Val,” he whi
spered, rubbing the back of her head with his hand. “I’m not worth it.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” She chuckled and sniffed against his T-shirt, inhaling the familiar smell of soap and washing powder. “You’re definitely not worth the hard time my parents are gonna give me because I’ve broken curfew, and since you won’t be here to share my grounding with me, I think I’d better go now.”
He released his hold on her, and brushed her cheek with his thumb to wipe away the tears.
“I know it’ll be hard for you, Val—it’ll be hard for me, too. It feels like we’ve grown up together, even though we’ve only known each other for a few years. We’ve spent so much time with each other that we think we’ll never make it on our own.” He took her hand, and she intertwined her fingers with his. It had always come so naturally, and it was something they did often, even when other people made fun of them, saying they were acting like two sweethearts. “Our friendship’s gonna last forever—wherever I’ll be, wherever you’ll be. I promise. Besides, we’ll be together again in two years—or have you changed your mind already?”
The street light above them shone on his smiling face. Once again he’d understood the way she was feeling without her having to say it out loud. She knew she would never feel the same with anybody else, and the thought made her even sadder.
“I’ll tell you something,” he said, taking her other hand and squeezing it. “To seal this promise I made and as a sort of eternal friendship pact, I want my first kiss to be with you.”
Valerie stared wide-eyed at him and he shrugged.
“Don’t let it go to your head, now. If I want to become a heart-breaker while I’m in Boston, I need to start somewhere and I need to make sure I know what I’m doing.”
Valerie laughed and just like that, all the sadness released the hold on her heart.
“Right, so I’m going to be your Guinea pig.” She let out an over-dramatic sigh. “Oh well, what wouldn’t a girl do for her best friend.”
A Love Melody Page 9