They laughed, and he let go of her hands, brushing the forelock off his eye.
“They say you never forget the first kiss, so I want it to be with you. I want to remember you forever, just the way you are now. When we’re apart, we’ll grow, we’ll change, and maybe when we meet again we won’t recognize each other anymore. I want you to know that you’ve been my best friend ever, Valerie, and that I’ll never forget the years we’ve spent together.”
Tears blurred her vision again, but she blinked them back.
“I’ll never forget you either, Ryan.”
He smiled, then took her face in his hands and gently brushed her lips in a sweet, innocent kiss. A kiss, she was sure, neither of them would ever forget.
Chapter 19
*** Present day ***
The opening notes of Sinatra’s I won’t dance jarred Valerie out of her deep slumber, and she groaned into the pillow as Ryan’s ringtone echoed in the room.
“So?” was his greeting when she picked up.
“Ryan,” she grumbled hiding her head under the pillow. Maybe if she ignored him, he’d let her go back to sleep. Oh, who was she kidding? Ryan wouldn’t leave her alone until she’d told him everything, down to the smallest detail, and even then, he’d probably go on talking until she begged him to stop.
“You’d have to get up anyway—you have a morning shift, remember? So why don’t we get this over with and you tell me what happened?”
She kicked off the blanket with an annoyed huff, and sat up. He’d never relent; she had no other choice but tell him everything and hope it would suffice, at least until they could talk face to face.
She summarized the whole night in a couple of minutes, until she reached the part where Jake had kissed her. It was odd for her to say it out loud, especially to Ryan, who was like a brother and had always been her knight in shining armor when it came to boys.
“Whoa, why didn’t you call me when you got home? I should’ve been the first to know!”
“You are the first to know, Ryan. And probably the last, too. I’m not planning on hanging banners around the hospital—half the nurses would probably want to poison my coffee or something.”
She got out of bed and went into the kitchen, where she poured herself a mug of coffee Karen had already made—thank goodness for early-bird housemates.
“So when am I going to meet him?” Ryan asked, and she froze with her hand on the fridge handle. It would feel a little awkward for her to introduce Ryan to Jake. Last night she’d mentioned to Jake that her best friend was a guy and she told him who he was. Jake already knew it from all the gossip that had gone around the hospital in the previous months, and hadn’t seemed to mind too much. Even so, she couldn’t help wondering whether he’d been so laid back just because he wanted to give a good first impression or if he would really be cool with her best friend being a guy—and America’s Jazz Star.
What if he asked her to stop seeing Ryan? No way would she ever do that, not in a million years—but this meant she’d have to say goodbye to the one guy who’d been interested in her. At that, another doubt crept into her mind: was he genuinely interested, though? Or was he simply after a little fun, maybe another notch on his bedpost?
For the first time in her life, she realized that this time talking about it with Ryan wouldn’t help her; she needed a female point of view—an experienced female point of view. Karen was the best when it came to guys. She’d been seriously dating Kevin for eight months now—she’d be the right person to speak to. The thought of choosing someone else over Ryan as her confidant made her feel guilty.
“Val? You there?”
She shook her thoughts away and took the bottle of milk out of the fridge, pouring a generous splash into her mug.
“Listen, I have to get ready for work now. Can we talk about it some other time?”
Ryan let out an annoyed huff. She was pretty sure he knew she was running away because she didn’t want to talk about it. “All right, you have a good excuse this time. I’ll come to the hospital after you finish your shift, and we can have dinner at my place, so you can tell me everything about last night.”
He chuckled, and she rolled her eyes, knowing fighting would be useless. There was no way she could escape his interrogation this time.
“Fine, you win. I’ll see you later.”
She hung up and something fluttered in her stomach at the thought of going to work and hopefully seeing Jake.
After that first date, Valerie started hanging out more and more with Jake—whenever their shifts allowed them to. To her utter surprise, she actually enjoyed spending time with him—even though it was different from spending time with Ryan. She’d never have thought she would enjoy another man’s company, but spending time with Jake felt good, and Ryan didn’t seem to be jealous of her spending time with another man.
Jake was a mixture of sweet and passionate. When they worked the same hours and he came to the hospital to bring in a casualty, he always stopped to say hello and steal a quick kiss. He knew she didn’t want her colleagues to find an excuse to bash her and, heaven forbid, go talk about her inappropriate behavior with the hospital manager, so he stuck to innocent pecks and reserved the more passionate kisses for when they were alone.
Valerie would’ve never thought being with a guy who wasn’t Ryan could feel this good, but she was glad she’d been wrong. This thing with Jake was new and exciting, and whenever she was with him she wasn’t the childhood friend or the doctor anymore—she was a woman deserving of a handsome man’s attentions.
In spite of the good times she spent with Jake though, a little voice inside her head kept nagging, warning her that Prince Charming belonged to fairy tales and things weren’t always like they seemed. She should’ve listened more carefully to that voice of reason.
Chapter 20
Two months into her relationship with Jake, Valerie met a bump on the road to her happily-ever-after. On a rainy Thursday night when they were both off work, while they were snuggled on his couch watching a movie, Jake snatched her attention away from the TV with kisses that, as usual, had started softly and quickly turned into dizzying and breathtaking.
She knew it was childish and hardly anyone waited for Mr. Right to share their first time anymore, but when Jake’s hand had snaked underneath her T-shirt and unclasped her bra, during one rather heated kiss, something inside her had snapped her back to the present. It just didn’t feel right. The feel of his fingers on her skin should have caused her tingles or goosebumps at the very least—but it hadn’t. She was a hot-blooded woman and she liked Jake a lot—she might even have started feeling something deeper, something very similar to love—but she wasn’t ready to take that last step, the one after which there would be no going back.
He’d said he understood and he was okay with waiting until she was ready, but even as he’d said it, something had felt off and afterward, the night had quickly rolled to an end. She’d purposely ignored the look in his eyes when he’d taken her home and had kissed her goodnight. His smile hadn’t reached his eyes like it usually did whenever he gave her one of his dazzling, swoon-worthy smiles when they parted, and his gaze hadn’t locked with hers when he’d said goodnight. He’d usually stare at her with heat and a little mischief in his eyes, almost as a promise of what awaited her the next time they’d meet—but that night he hadn’t even waited for her to close the door before walking away, back to the subway station.
Karen had noticed the grim look on Valerie’s face when she’d walked through the door, and had offered a friendly ear and a shoulder to cry on— if she ever needed it. With a mug of tea in her hands, Valerie had recounted the events of the night and Karen had stared at her wide-eyed. Her housemate, who’d slept with Kevin even before they became a couple, couldn’t see what the fuss was all about, so after that night Valerie had stopped talking about her sex life—or lack thereof—with her one female friend.
Ryan had been a little more understanding, just like
she’d known all along he would; he knew her better than anyone else, after all. As soon as she finished her shift at the hospital, the day after she’d stopped Jake from taking that final step in their relationship, she went straight to Ryan’s. He’d made her a sandwich and sat beside her on his couch while she vented her frustration between mouthfuls.
“I know it’s silly and life isn’t a romance novel but is it so wrong to want my first time to be special? To be something I’ll remember forever, maybe with a silly, lovesick smile on my face whenever I’ll be thinking of it in ten or twenty or even thirty years?” She gulped down half the glass of iced-tea Ryan had set on the coffee table and when she met his eyes, she was glad she couldn’t find reproach or some other emotion that would make her feel stupid. “I mean, I don’t really expect violins and candlelight, but I don’t want it to be some quick, scratch-an-itch kind of thing on Jake’s couch, you know?”
Perhaps it was stupid, for a twenty-first-century woman, to want her first time to be with a man she loved and would want to spend the rest of her life with, but it was just the way she was. If she let Jake make the decision for her when she wasn’t ready and things eventually didn’t work out between them, she knew she’d never feel at ease with herself.
Besides, thinking of Jake seeing her naked made her feel a little uncomfortable—not because she was a prude or anything; being a doctor, she’d seen her fair share of human anatomy and it stopped feeling awkward a couple of months in her first year of medical school. It was just that... if she were to share all of herself with a man, she shouldn’t feel uneasy, right? It should come naturally, without much thinking on either part—without her worrying about what Jake would think of her inexperience and if he’d end up comparing her with all the other women he’d slept with.
“You shouldn’t be ashamed of who you are or how you’re feeling,” Ryan took her hand and she intertwined her fingers with his. This was what their friendship was all about: complete understanding and unconditional support. “You’re special, Val, and you deserve to be treated as such. There’s nothing wrong with wanting music, candles—hell, even a bed of roses. You deserve it all. And if Jake loves you, he’ll respect your feelings and wait until you’re ready.”
Valerie smiled, as her heart warmed with even more love for her wonderful friend. Even though talking about another man with Ryan still felt a bit unusual, he’d understood how she was feeling and had found the right words to make her feel better.
“And if he doesn’t, well, then he’s not worth your time.” He pulled her to him and her arms instinctively went around his waist, her cheek found its spot on his chest as his hand rested on the back of her head. “If he acts like a jerk, you tell me and I’ll teach him a lesson.”
Valerie laughed. “Sorry, but I can’t really picture you going all MMA on him.”
“Just because I sit at a piano all day doesn’t mean I wouldn’t know how to throw a punch or two, to protect my best friend.”
“Aww, Ryan.” Valerie’s heart melted right there and then, and she squeezed her arms even tighter around Ryan’s waist, grateful she had him. No matter how things with Jake went—she knew she could always count on Ryan to make her feel loved and special.
For two months after that night things seemed okay. Jake never pushed her again to go any further than she was willing to, and she was glad he hadn’t decided she wasn’t worth the hassle and moved on to someone else.
But on a cold, December afternoon, Valerie’s fairy tale reached an abrupt epilogue—one that didn’t involve a happily-ever-after ending.
Because of her shifts she hadn’t seen him in two days, but they’d talked on the phone and he’d been nothing but sweet. Since she’d worked the morning shift and wouldn’t be on duty until the following night, she’d been planning to surprise Jake with a romantic dinner at her place, after which they would spend some time snuggled up on the sofa. Karen would be on a night shift so they would have the apartment to themselves—who knew what might happen later.
Lately she’d started feeling more confident when she thought about letting Jake take their relationship a little further. He was romantic and charming, handsome and passionate. Why should she keep waiting? Who was she waiting for, anyway? Even though she wasn’t sure what she felt for Jake was true love, it was something stronger than a crush—not everyone fell crazy in love at first sight and found their soul mates, after all.
So she’d made up her mind during her shift, and she couldn’t wait to go home and prepare everything for their special evening.
She left the hospital shortly after three and walked briskly toward the subway, looking for her cell phone in her bag. She hadn’t talked to Ryan since before she’d started her shift, and she wanted to inform him about her romantic evening plan—mainly in case he decided to call or show up in the middle of it all. He’d been away for two weeks and she really wanted to see him now that he was back—but she’d made up her mind that tonight would be the night. She’d set up a lunch date with him and they’d catch up. Maybe she’d even have exciting news to share.
She smiled to herself, while she kept rummaging unsuccessfully inside her bag. When she couldn’t find her phone, not even after she’d stopped walking and had all but stuck her head inside her bag, she groaned. An image of herself taking it out of her white coat and placing it on the shelf in her locker while she was changing flashed in front of her eyes.
She couldn’t go home without her phone. She was on call and, although she hoped nobody would interrupt her romantic night asking her to rush to the hospital, she had to have it with her. With an exasperated sigh, she spun on her heels and walked back to the ER, hoping nothing else would delay her return home.
Paula, the nurse at the reception, frowned when she stepped through the sliding doors she’d walked out of only five minutes before.
“I forgot my phone in the locker. Either I’m getting old or I need a little more sleep.”
Paula smiled, but Valerie noticed she didn’t meet her eyes and immediately went back to whatever she was doing. Paula wasn’t the most reserved people among the nurses and she always enjoyed gossiping—something that Valerie had learned was a common trait in a work environment composed mainly of females.
Since she was in a hurry to get her phone and go home, Valerie shrugged it off as Paula having a bad day, and walked down to the corridor to the locker room.
Her phone was on the top shelf, just like she remembered. She unlocked the screen and searched for Ryan’s number in the address book while closing the locker door, without paying much attention to what she was doing. A second later, blinding pain radiated from her index finger as it caught in the door.
“Damn!” she yelled, as her finger pounded painfully. She needed something that would ease the pain faster, and she knew there were some basic drugs and medications in a closet in the room next door, just next to the staff toilets and showers.
She opened the door with her finger stuck in her mouth to ease ease the pain, if only a little, and reached for the light switch, but she froze before flicking it. Female moans followed by giggles came from behind the swinging doors that led to the toilets.
After working in the ER for a few months, she’d learned that finding a couple of colleagues having sex somewhere in the staff room when they thought nobody was around wasn’t such an unusual thing. Paula had told her some curious stories about people Valerie would have never thought could be having an affair.
Being there and witnessing what she’d only heard from the gossip mill was a bit embarrassing though, so she forgot about the medication she’d come to fetch and spun on her heels, wanting to leave the couple a bit of privacy. She was just about to close the door behind her when something froze her in place.
A woman’s voice calling out a name. A name she knew too well, one that wasn’t as popular as other names in the hospital. As far as she knew, there was no other doctor, nurse or paramedic whose name was...
“Jake. Jake, stop it
now!”
More giggles followed, then a deep voice mumbled something she didn’t catch. Her legs went weak as she recognized the low tone of the voice that only a few hours before had wished her goodnight. She held onto the door jamb as her head started to spin.
Everything around her became fuzzy, and though the sensible part of her brain told her she should sit down somewhere, anywhere, before she collapsed, she couldn’t move a limb.
The daze lasted only a minute, then something snapped and her legs moved on autopilot. With no knowledge of how she’d even gotten so brave, she pushed through the swinging doors and yanked open the stall door. The woman let out a gasp and her hands went automatically across her chest, to cover herself.
A part of her had been hoping she’d heard wrong; the most sensitive part of herself had desperately wanted to believe that there actually was someone else named Jake in the hospital, maybe a new guy from the upstairs wards, someone she hadn’t yet met.
But when it was her Jake who stared wide-eyed at her, sitting shirtless on a toilet with a young woman in her bra and a pair of unbuttoned pants straddling his lap, something acid crawled up from her stomach.
The woman turned back, and Valerie recognized Deirdre, a twenty-something-year-old nurse and Jake’s number one fan.
Valerie didn’t know whether it was Deirdre or Jake she loathed more right now. It seemed like they were both having fun and neither was being forced to do something against their will.
“Valerie... I... um...” Jake stuttered, unable to say even the usual, stupid I can explain thing.
Just as well he couldn’t find a good excuse; she didn’t want to hear his explanations right now. She only wanted to cry, to hit his head with her purse so hard he’d never forget it, to speak to the hospital manager and have Deirdre fired straight away, to have Jake moved to another hospital—somewhere far away like Seattle or San Diego. Anything that would remove that painful nail from her chest.
A Love Melody Page 10