by Sofia Grey
Chapter Thirteen – Riding
“You’re insatiable,” I murmured, pushing wet hair back from my face.
“You’re perfect,” Jonah countered, lifting my leg to rest on his slim hip seconds before he took me in the shower. We’d made love twice more in bed, hot and fast, then slow and tender, and now he’d followed me into the bathroom. I wouldn’t be able to walk for a week! I loved every minute.
I’d woken early to feel him nudging against my thigh, his lips exploring my spine. I’d vaguely registered that it was morning and that the sun was shining, and then I’d been consumed by him. Now, as he flexed his hips and thrust into me as we stood under the hot water, I rode him and made the most of every minute.
Later, when we’d finally dressed and made it to the kitchen, Jonah gave me a look. “I’d like to take you for breakfast.” He spoke carefully.
“You already took me.” I grinned. “Three times by my reckoning.”
He rolled his eyes. “Take you out.” He hesitated. “On my bike.”
Bike? My first thought was a resounding no. I’d never been on a motorbike. They terrified me. I sought for an easy refusal. “You said it doesn’t like the rain.”
He gestured to the window, to the sunshine pouring in. “It’s dry now.” Excitement gleamed in his eyes. “Come on.” He took my hand and tangled our fingers together. “I’ll look after you.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to refuse. He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed the fingers, one by one. “Helmet,” I squeaked.
“I have a spare.”
“Oh.”
****
Jonah insisted I wore his leather jacket, but despite its weight and warmth, I shivered. The motorbike looked huge and dark and lethal. “I’m scared,” I blurted.
His smile was kind; his eyes were warm. “Trust me?” My mind flashed back to the horrific story I’d read about him. If the news article was true, he’d already survived one major accident. He wouldn’t take any risks. Drunk driver. He’d only drunk water since I’d met him. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a moment, and found my resolve.
“Let’s go.”
He’d already straddled the beast and helped me climb up. I huddled behind him, unsure where to put my hands. “Put your arms around me.” I complied, knotting my hands over his stomach. The seat felt too narrow, too hard, too high. I put my feet where he showed me and clung to him, tighter than the shell on a turtle. He kicked at a lever and the engine roared to life, subsiding to a growl until he revved the throttle. “Ready?” He squeezed my hands. I nodded. I expected us to lurch forward, but it was slow and steady, Jonah driving easily over the packed sand next to the cottage and heading for the road. We bumped over some ruts, slowed to crawl over a low curb, and then the bike picked up speed on the quiet beach road. I ducked my head. The wind plucked at my jacket, and vibrations rumbled through me. My heart pounded, every instinct to tug at him and ask him to stop. He touched my hand. “Okay?” I nestled closer and finally lifted my head.
It’s not so bad. The road was deserted. Our chance of imminent collision was low. I took a quick breath, and then another. Something else new. Another adventure to file under Jonah in my memories. I was just starting to enjoy it, to take in the unfamiliar scenery, when he pulled up next to a low-roofed building, gravel scattering as he guided the bike to a parking space. Silence when he stopped the engine. He guided me to the ground, where I stood, knees trembling and adrenaline pulsing through my veins. I fumbled with the helmet strap and pulled it off to see his face, a cautious smile and anxious eyes.
“Well?”
I grinned and stepped forward into his arms. “Amazing—thank you.” I felt giddy with excitement, as though I’d climbed down from a terrifying fairground ride. He laughed and kissed me, his lips cool at first but rapidly heating. When he pulled back, I felt the loss but then remembered that we stood on a public car park and not in my cottage. What was it about this guy? When he touched me, he had the ability to push everything else out of my head. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Breakfast, served in a quiet garden overlooking another vast expanse of surf, was delicious. We feasted on a Kiwi favorite, fluffy pancakes served with crispy bacon, maple syrup, and fried bananas, and then sat, holding hands, while I sipped a creamy mug of latte. Everything about the morning was magical, and I learned more about him during that meal than I’d discovered since we met. Every detail, I saved in my head to enjoy again later. When he’s gone. He’d been here once before on a road trip with friends. He’d owned the bike for years and preferred biking to driving. He lived alone. He worked out of his garage, mending musical equipment and setting up guitars. His birthday was in September. Greg went to Victoria University in the city, where he was studying to be a lawyer. I smiled at that. With his piercings and tattoos, Jonah’s brother looked more like a rock star.
I avoided anything sensitive and forced back the questions I wanted to ask. How long can you stay? Will I see you again? How do you feel about me? Was the news report true? What happened to you? I told him that I was writing a novel—my dashing detective doctor—and that I would be staying for another month while I tried to meet my looming deadline. It gave him a chance to say he’d come back the week after, but he stayed silent. He played with my fingers on the table and gazed into the distance. My stomach churned. Play it cool, Cass.
“I have to go back to work next week.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“I thought you worked in Wellington?”
“No.” He hesitated and then turned flinty eyes to me. “Sydney.”
“Oh.” Why did I assume he lived in Wellington? “You’re just visiting Greg at the moment?”
“My family lives there.”
In a flash, I recalled Sam’s words: I didn’t know you were back. I let out a fractured breath. I’d known this was a holiday fling, but even so. Some deluded part of me had clung to the idea of seeing him again. Sydney might only be a three-hour flight away, but he may as well be living on the moon. That kind of distance didn’t make it easy to bump into each other. I felt like an idiot. I wanted to lay my head on the table and howl like a small child, but I had more dignity than that.
I licked my lips and dug deep. “Do you want to stay tonight?”
He lifted our linked hands to his mouth and kissed my knuckles, his gaze fixed on my face. “Yes, very much.”
My smile was highly artificial, but I hoped he wouldn’t notice. Inside, I kicked myself. Don’t get attached. He’s only temporary. “So.” I tried to sound bright and cheery. “What should we do now? Can we go somewhere else on your bike?” Riding behind him meant I could hold him a little longer and pretend he was mine. Any tears that rolled down my face could be attributed to the wind.
We rode for hours. My arse was numb, and my legs ached, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. When he finally cruised along the path by the side of my cottage and parked on the hard sand, I felt cheated. With my feet on the ground, I stripped away the helmet and turned to Jonah, tangling myself in his arms, needing his hands on me. This time, there was nobody to see us kissing, and I clung to him, giving him everything.
In the distance, I heard a car door banging.
“Mum?” Dylan’s shocked voice broke into my consciousness. For a second, I just stared into Jonah’s eyes, seeing my surprise reflected.
Okay, this was awkward. Embarrassing, but I was an adult, and Dylan was no longer a child. I linked my fingers through Jonah’s and turned to see my son staring openmouthed at me, his girlfriend by his side, and two other girls I didn’t recognize. They nudged each other and whispered, erupting into a fit of giggles. Mel picked at her fingernails and muttered something to them.
My cheeks were burning, but I managed to find a normal-sounding voice. “Dylan. I want you to meet Jonah.”
Dylan flicked my lover a contemptuous look and then glared at me some more. “I brought your post.” His voice was cold. “It includes a letter from Dad. He asked me to delive
r it to you.” He took a step forward, a clutch of papers in his hand. “Your husband wants to see you.” I lifted my chin and straightened my shoulders, ready to do battle. Beside me, Jonah shifted his feet, and I suddenly guessed what he must have thought.
“Dylan,” I snapped. “This is not the time or place for this conversation.”
“Sure,” he sneered. “Sorry to interrupt.” Beneath his sarcasm, I could sense his bewilderment. This was nothing more than his natural defense, and I softened my own voice.
“Let’s go inside and talk.” I squeezed Jonah’s hand. “All of us.”
Chapter Fourteen – Falling
I led the way into the cottage and left Dylan and the girls to follow. “It’s not what you think,” I muttered to Jonah. “Please stay.” He looked ill at ease, scratching at his stubble, fidgeting with the glass of water I gave him, but he stood by my side as the others filed in. “Sit down.” I gestured toward the table, and they all sat. Dylan slapped the bundle of envelopes onto the tabletop, and I jumped at the sudden noise. This was stupid. I’d done nothing to be ashamed of.
One of the girls seemed fascinated by Jonah. She narrowed her eyes at him and pursed her lips. Before I could say anything, she pointed toward him. “Aren’t you Jonah Marsh? My sister used to have a massive crush on you, back in the day. When you were in Starborn.”
Mel frowned. “Really? I thought he was supposed to be, you know,” she hesitated and made a swirling gesture with her finger, “retarded.” She finished in a loud whisper, and I winced at her ugly choice of word. Jonah tensed and slipped his hand free to shove it into his pocket. Dylan’s gaze bounced between his girlfriend, my lover, and me.
“Please don’t be so rude, Mel. Jonah is my friend.” My voice threatened to crack, but I held it together, falling back into mom-mode.
“Sorry,” she murmured, a pink blush tainting her cheeks.
Jonah stepped away from me, toward the door, and I reached out to grab his arm. “Wait, please.” I dug my fingers into his sleeve and then turned to my son. “Dylan, Colin and I are divorcing. You know that. We’ve gone well past the point where I care what he has to say. He’s been nagging me to let him buy my share of the house, and I’ve been stalling.” I sucked in a tired breath. “Please don’t imagine there’s any kind of reconciliation.” I realized I still wore Jonah’s leather jacket, and I shrugged it off but held onto it.
The girls continued to stare at Jonah, and before I could stop him, he grabbed the jacket and fled. I followed, the door banging in my wake. Behind me, I heard Dylan yell, “Mom,” but I ignored him, my focus on the man striding away from me. He reached the bike in a few short steps and settled on its back, key already in the ignition.
“Jonah. Please stop.”
He turned to me with haunted eyes. “I didn’t want to spoil everything.” His jaw tensed. “I couldn’t find the words to tell you.”
Tears pressed at the backs of my eyes, and I took his hands. If I held them, he couldn’t ride away. “I know some of it. Something about an accident.” I squeezed his fingers.
He dragged in a harsh breath, his face shuttered. “They’re right. And you deserve better than me.” He pulled his hands free.
“That’s up to me, isn’t it?” He was on the verge of riding away and leaving me, I knew that. We were supposed to have another night together. I panicked. “You are everything I want, Jonah. This thing that we have, it’s so new, please, let’s give it a chance. Give us a chance.” He flicked a switch, kicked at the bike, and the engine started.
“I’m falling in love with you.” In my desperation, the words fell from my lips, uncensored by common sense. It was too late to scoop them up and pretend they’d never been said. It didn’t matter anyway. He was about to roar out of my life. I turned my head, unable to watch.
He hadn’t even put on his helmet, he was in such a hurry to leave, and he scuffed up a high trail of sand when he tore away. My vision blurred, and I scrubbed at my eyes. I would not cry in front of Dylan’s friends.
Back in the cottage, I fixed them with a steely glare. “Dylan, it’s time you left. Thanks for the post, but you can go now.”
Shamefaced, he looked like a little boy again. “Mom, I’m sorry. I kind of freaked out seeing you kissing that guy. I mean, he’s like...he’s really young for you. You know.”
My eyes burned with unshed tears, and my jaw ached from keeping my mouth shut. I just looked at him. He subsided. Minutes later, they drove away, and I leaned with my back to the door, the falling-apart process getting underway.
****
He might come back later. When he sees the others have gone. I curled up on the padded bench seat outside and waited. The afternoon dragged. Every time I thought I heard an engine, I sat up straighter. Every time, I slumped back down again. Afternoon turned to evening, and the sun began to slip beneath the horizon. It had been hours. Long enough to ride to Wellington and back several times. Even so, I stayed there. Just in case.
It had been fully dark for ages when I finally crept back into the cottage. I saw the tub of cookies on the counter and remembered how much he’d like them. I couldn’t bear to see them anymore, and I shoved the container inside a cupboard. An abandoned tumbler sat on the counter, and I blinked. Every damn thing here reminded me of Jonah. The shower. The sofa. The kitchen table. I sank to the floor, buried my head in my hands, and sobbed. I knew it would hurt, but I hadn’t known how much.
There was no chance of him coming back now, but I wouldn’t go to bed. I lay on the sofa and hugged a cushion, staring dry-eyed at the ceiling. This will pass. I tried to remember how I felt with my other breakups: I’d been more worried about being pregnant than splitting up with Scott, and as for Colin, what I’d felt for him paled in comparison to this hurt. I took scant comfort from the fact that Jonah wouldn’t have heard me proclaiming my love. The engine noise would have drowned it out.
When I finally stumbled into the bedroom, I faced a fresh horror. Jonah’s backpack. He’d left in such a hurry, he must have forgotten it. I circled round the abandoned bag, my thoughts chaotic, but with one idea that kept jostling for attention. This was my excuse to call him. I just had to get his number.
I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. Focus, Cass. I dialed Sam’s number. The phone rang once, twice, and then he answered.
“Cass? What’s the matter?”
I wanted to sound casual, breezy even. Just one friend looking out for another. “Hi, Sam. I need Jonah’s number. He’s left something here, his bag, and I need to let him know.”
Silence, then a yawn. “Do you know what time it is?”
I licked dry lips. “I was, uh, working. Sorry, did I disturb you?”
There was a lengthy pause. I picked at the skin around my thumbnail. “I’m sorry, Cass. It would be a breach of privacy to do that.” I gripped the phone tighter, already preparing my counterargument. “But... I can text Greg and ask him to call you.”
****
Greg had texted me back the next morning with a request to meet at a popular café just outside Wellington, and now I waited for him to arrive. Please God, maybe Jonah would be with him. I’d pleated my paper napkin so many times it was in danger of disintegrating, and the muffin I’d ordered lay untouched next to my coffee.
A grunt startled me, and I looked up to see Greg. I immediately looked beyond him, trying to see if Jonah lurked farther back. He didn’t. Greg towered over me where I sat at the table. His brows drew together into a vicious scowl, and he folded his arms as he glared at me. “What the fuck did you do to my brother?”
I couldn’t breathe. Fear clawed at my chest, and I saw black spots before my eyes. Was this it? Was I about to die of a broken heart? A wave of dizziness hit me, and I shot to my feet and took a step forward, stumbling on unsteady feet. “What’s happened?” The words wheezed out of my parched lungs. I grabbed the nearest thing to me—Greg’s arm. “Please tell me.”
“What’s happened?” he echoed
. “He’s gone. You know he lives in Sydney, aye?” I nodded. “He was supposed to be staying until Monday, but he brought his flight forward and left yesterday afternoon.” I sagged at the knees. He’s gone. He isn’t coming back. Next thing, Greg pushed me gently back into my chair and sat opposite me, sullen-eyed. A muscle ticked in his cheek, and he began to tap on the table with his fingertips. “So what did you do? It was enough for him to leave his stuff behind, and it sure as hell wasn’t because he was late for his flight.”
I mobilized my feeble defenses. “I didn’t do anything.” He raised one eyebrow in a move so painfully reminiscent of Jonah that I crumbled inside. I remembered Mel’s rudeness. “My son turned up with some friends. One of them recognized him and...said something.” I met his angry eyes. “She called him retarded.” Greg’s scowl deepened. “Look, I’m not surprised Jonah didn’t hang around, but I hoped he’d come back.”
“Fuck.” Greg smacked the wooden table with his fist. “He was doing so well, too.” He stared at me and narrowed his eyes. “That’s his pendant.”
I fingered the shell. “Yes.” My voice wavered. “He asked me to wear it for him. He said he’d come back for it, but that was before...before Mel said what she did.”
Greg scrubbed a hand over the top of his head. He looked weary underneath the anger. “You know what happened to him, yeah?”
“A little. Hardly anything.” I opted for honesty. “He didn’t tell me. I read on the Internet about an accident when he was driving. That’s about it.” The waitress approached, pencil and pad in hand, and I tried to compose myself. “Would you like some coffee?” He shook his head, and we both sat in silence until she’d left.
He hunched over the table and fixed me with a cold stare. “Jonah formed a rock band, Starborn, with his best mates from school. They were doing really well in New Zealand, two hit albums and the coolest live performances. Man, he was in his element on stage. Cocky, confident...he was a born showman, and the girls lapped it up.” He gave me a grudging smile. “He was the complete opposite of how he is now. Anyway, they got the idea that they needed to crack the European market and headed for London. Bright lights and new audiences. They got themselves a new manager and started partying like there was no tomorrow. I was just a kid, but I remember my mom telling him to be careful. She was terrified he’d overdose or die of alcohol poisoning or something.”