by Sofia Grey
My hands were trembling, and I wrapped them around my mug. I didn’t dare take a drink in case it slopped all over the table. Something told me things were going to get very bad.
“Well, they were asked to fill in for a bigger band, be the supporting act at Glastonbury, and they were convinced this was it. This gig would make them, so they went out on the piss to celebrate. Jonah was driving.” Greg closed his eyes and dropped his head. “Fuck knows what possessed him to drive. He doesn’t remember, and none of the others can explain it, but he was behind the wheel of their van and drove it into a motorway bridge.” He looked up at me, his eyes haunted. “A fucking concrete pillar. At ninety miles per hour. It’s a fucking miracle he survived.”
He opened and closed his mouth, his eyes flashing over me. “I gave him the shell pendant. It was to give him a piece of home while he was in hospital. Far as I know, this is the first time he’s taken it off since then.” I closed my fingers over it. That had to mean something. I had to mean something.
“How badly was he hurt?”
Greg huffed a little breath and reached a hand toward my plate. “About as badly as you can be without dying. He came close, pretty fucking close. Swelling on the brain, skull fractures. See this muffin?” I nodded. He placed it on the tabletop and thumped his fist onto it. I scrambled backward, jostling the coffee and making the mug clatter. Greg just looked at me. “That’s what his head was like.” I swallowed hard. My brain began creating pictures of Jonah’s head on the table, with blood splashed instead of coffee. I shivered so hard that my teeth began chattering.
“They had to put him in a coma for six months. Imagine that. Six months of not knowing if he was going to live or die.” He pushed one finger through the crumbs and fragments of chocolate chips. “We left New Zealand and went to London and stayed there, right until he woke up, and then Mom and Dad sent me home. They didn’t want me to miss any more school.” He looked me square in the eyes. “He’s so different now. Broken, but surviving. They said he wouldn’t walk again, and he proved them wrong. Then they said he’d never talk, but he taught himself how to speak again. He made himself play the guitar again. He won’t let anything stop him. It’s like he was a hard drive that’d been wiped clean, and he’s slowly building up his data again. Does that make sense?”
“That’s why he speaks slowly?”
Greg nodded. “He struggles to find words. There’s a medical name for it, but I can’t remember. Soldiers with PTSD suffer from it, too.”
Jonah had said something about not finding the words. “Aphasia,” I whispered, remembering my dashing Dr. Monaghan.
“Yeah, that’s it.” He messed around some more with the muffin crumbs. “He’ll never be how he was. He freezes if he’s in a crowd or with people he doesn’t know. He was really unsure about coming here with Rich and the girls, but then he met you and, well yeah. You seemed to be good for him.”
I managed a watery smile. “He was good for me, too.” I hesitated. “Why is he living so far away?”
Greg shrugged. “He was angry for a long time, still is, I guess. He hated people recognizing him here and wanted to go and live where nobody knew him. A friend of my Dad set him up with a job and somewhere to live, and off he went. He hates flying, freaks out with all the people around him, so he doesn’t come back often. We usually go to see him.”
“He’s angry because of the crash.”
“Yeah, and the band.” I didn’t understand, and he must have seen my confusion. “The other guys were hardly injured. Jonah took the brunt of it. He’s angry because they replaced him while he was unconscious. The bastards didn’t even wait until he woke up. They drafted in another guitarist a week after the crash. All so they wouldn’t miss Glastonbury. He refuses to speak to them, and can you blame him?” Greg reached out to touch my arm. “His last serious girlfriend dumped him for the new guitarist, by the way. Just so you know.”
I stared at Greg, seeing traces of Jonah in his face. Was he trying to warn me off? “Why are you telling me all this?”
“Jonah’s been locked in this near-silent hell since the accident.” He swallowed. “The past week, he’s been different. Better. Almost how he used to be.” I saw hope in his eyes, and my chest warmed. “I just want my brother back.”
Chapter Fifteen - Sharing
Hey, it’s Cass. Greg gave me your number when he took your bag. Hope u got home okay. Would love to hear from u, C x
I deliberated for ages over signing it with a kiss. Once sent, I held my phone in my hand for another age before drawing a deep breath and heading for a shower.
He’d replied by the time I emerged.
Hey. Thx for the txt. Sorry I ran out on you. You ok? J
Was I? Not really. Should I go for honesty again?
I wish you were still here. I was enjoying our weekend together. C x
He replied straight away.
Same.
I clucked in frustration. Typical man. Same for wishing he was still here, or for enjoying the weekend? As I debated what to say next, my phone beeped again.
Oops, pressed send too soon. Sorry. I guess you know about my accident now?
My chest was tight as I tapped out my reply.
Yes, but it doesn’t change anything. I still feel the same about you. Why should it matter?
I’m not the man I used to be. It matters to me.
I didn’t know you before. You’re the man who made me feel amazing—in and out of bed. Like I said to you, please don’t throw this away. Please give us a chance. I will be here for another month if u can get back.
Or u could come and see me?
I could. Would u like me to?
Yes.
Another one-word answer. I waited, and another text arrived.
I will be busy for the next few weeks. Maybe after that?
Bitterness filled my mouth. He was stalling. I knew a delaying tactic when I saw one.
Definitely. Let me know when is good, and I’ll sort out a flight.
Sweet. Got to run, bye, Cass.
****
The sun beckoned me outside, and I stood and stared at the ocean, thinking about Jonah on the other side of this huge stretch of water. I dipped my toes in the incoming tide. Stupid really, but it made him feel closer. My tears ran freely, and I didn’t bother wiping them away.
I walked on the sands until I ran out of energy and then fell into a restless sleep, waking utterly exhausted. I had to get my head together. I wouldn’t know for sure how I stood with Jonah until I saw him, and that might be weeks away. In the meantime, I had two partially written novels waiting for my attention. I still couldn’t summon the enthusiasm for Dr. Monaghan, but in a vivid flash of inspiration, I knew how to finish the Joseph and Tami story.
Lena stopped Joseph as he headed for his bedroom. “Can I have a word? In private?”
“Sure.” He’d come straight from the bathroom and was clad in just a towel. Conversation with a girl he barely knew was the last thing he wanted, but he’d be polite. They only had one evening left in the cottage. One more night of mental torture. Lena followed him, closing the door behind her and then leaning against it. No quick escape for him. “Shoot. What’s on your mind?”
“Tami.” He tensed at her name; he couldn’t help it. “She wants to break it off with Daniel and doesn’t know how to tell him.”
What? Joseph hesitated before speaking. “Why are you telling me?”
Her smile was guileless. “She likes you, Joseph. She can’t handle the idea of hurting either of you. It’s tearing her apart.”
Heat filled his chest, and he fought to keep the smile from his face. He’d wanted Tami for months and never dreamed she might feel the same. “Does she know you’re telling me?”
“God, no.” Lena rolled her eyes. “I’m stepping in because she’s my best friend. I hate to see her hurting.” Joseph watched as the girl stepped toward him. He tightened the towel around his waist. “She doesn’t know how you feel about he
r. She’s scared to make a move in case you turn her down.”
Caution reared its head. “And you know this because...?”
“We’re girls, Joseph. We talk about stuff. Everything.”
Hope bloomed. Lena seemed to be waiting for him to say something, and he struggled to find his voice. “So what’s she going to do about it?”
“You tell me how you feel, and I’ll tell her. It’ll give her the courage to end things with Daniel.”
“Daniel’s my mate. I’m not stealing his girl.” If Lena was telling the truth, and he had no reason to doubt her, then Tami would be finishing with Daniel anyway, and he could finally make a move. No matter what, he was not going to wreck his long-standing friendship over a girl. Not even Tami? The devil on his shoulder whispered to him. He fisted his hands at the thought of her. No, not even for her.
Distracted by thoughts of Tami, he almost missed the flash of interest in Lena’s eyes. “You do like her,” she murmured, her smile widening. “I knew it. Tami didn’t believe me.”
“What do you mean?”
Lena shrugged. “Tami doesn’t have much confidence in herself. She’s very insecure.” She took half a step closer. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this,” she hesitated, lifted her hand as though to emphasize a point and then shook her head. “Nah, I’d better not. I don’t want to get her into trouble.”
Curiosity warred briefly with suspicion and won. Fuck it. He had to ask. “Trouble?”
She shook her head again, dismissive. “I’m speaking out of turn. After all, you probably know more about Daniel’s, uh, preferences than I do.” She turned on her heel and moved toward the door. Joseph was baffled. She paused, and as he opened his mouth to ask what the fuck she was talking about, she looked back at him over her shoulder. “I told her to just say no, but she was scared.” Lena’s eyes looked huge, and Joseph felt a chill run down his spine. “Can I trust you, Joseph?”
He had to say yes. Tugging the towel tighter around him, he snatched up a pair of jeans from the bed, turned his back to Lena, and quickly pulled them on. Next came a T-shirt. He felt better equipped to deal with her when he was dressed. “Okay, Lena. What the fuck is going on?” He gestured toward the end of the bed. “Do you wanna sit down?” He took a position standing by the window while she lowered herself onto the very edge of the bed. Something was not right about this. Lena twisted her hands together and refused to meet his eyes, and Joseph’s stomach churned in anticipation. He waited.
“Like I said, you know Daniel. I mean, this might be normal practice for you guys, but it’s freaking me and Tami.” She glanced up at him, and he quirked his eyebrows. “The thing with Digger? The threesome?”
His stomach crashed. Dark thoughts crawled from the primitive recesses of his mind, and he fought to breathe normally. Lena’s gaze was now fixed on his face. “Don’t tell me you do that perverted stuff, too? God, you all disgust me.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“No.” It came out sharper than he intended. “I don’t do...that.” He’d no idea that Daniel indulged, and the concept both excited and angered him. If he was brutally honest, he was envious of Digger—of not being asked to participate. He’d have refused, of course. Disappointment flickered at the idea that Daniel trusted Digger more than himself, but he shoved it away. “So if Daniel wants to do something that Tami’s not comfortable with, why doesn’t she just say no?” Joseph congratulated himself on sounding so calm and rational.
“Like I said, she has low self-esteem.” Lena made it sound obvious. “Daniel wants her to do it, to fuck both of them at the same time, and she’s stressing about saying no.”
It felt as though all the air in his lungs had disappeared. Great. He now had a mental image on Tami on her hands and knees, Daniel behind her, Digger with his cock in her mouth. His own dick began to rise to attention. Embarrassed, he turned to fiddle with the window blinds.
“I’d better go.” The bed creaked. Joseph kept his eyes focused on the sea view, even though his brain refused to quit with the porn show. “Please, Joseph. Just reassure her that it’s okay to say no. I’m really scared that she’ll do something stupid.”
The conversation was turning more bizarre by the second. Joseph swallowed hard and sought his voice. “Now what are you saying?” To his frustration, it came out as a croak.
“Don’t really know, but she was talking about going home. To France.” Lena stepped up beside him and touched his arm. “If you don’t stop her, Joseph, she probably won’t be here after tomorrow.”
****
Alone in his room, Joseph agonized over the conversation with Lena. He had several options, but none of them were attractive. He counted them on his fingers. Option one: he had a quiet word with Daniel, to the effect that his girlfriend was upset about their sex life. Yeah right. That would go down like a cup of cold sick. If the situation was reversed and Daniel came to him with that line, Joseph would be furious. Option two: he talked to Tami and reassured her that it was okay to say no to her boyfriend. Talk about Embarrassment Central. Option three: talk to Digger. That was also a no-no. Digger was Daniel’s friend, not his. It was so not Joseph’s place to lecture him. The phrase, “keep your fucking nose out of my business” sprang to mind.
He had to do something. The girls were sitting on the deck, chatting and reading magazines, and the guys were out somewhere in the car. If he was going to talk to Tami, this might be his best opportunity. He ran the scenario in his head. Hey, Tami, wanna talk about the problems you’re having with Daniel? Nope. Not going there.
He emerged from his room, still undecided, and saw Digger in the kitchen with Daniel. They were toasting each other with bottles of beer. “To long weekends,” announced Digger as they chinked the bottles together.
“Don’t forget late nights and hot girls.” Daniel grinned and made the second toast, and the two guys smirked at each other. It made Joseph’s skin crawl. He’d known Daniel since they were in kindergarten together. Digger had only come on the scene in the last few months, yet they were inseparable now. Joseph headed for the lounge and the outside deck. He was going to say something to Tami. He had no idea what, but he wanted to wipe that smirk off Digger’s face. If Daniel wanted Digger as his best friend, so be it. If they were no longer close, it didn’t matter if he moved in on Tami. Bitter acid filled his guts, and bile rose in his throat. Was he too much of a prude for Daniel to consider him for a threesome? Too uptight? Too honest, perhaps.
He walked silently on bare feet to the edge of the deck and saw Tami alone, a magazine in her lap. This was it. He still didn’t have a fucking clue what to say. Tami, I love you? Lame beyond belief.
As he stood there, deliberating and trying to control his raging libido, he felt a prickling sensation in his neck, as though he was being watched. Daniel? He looked left and right but saw nobody. Acting purely on instinct, he glanced behind him and caught a glimpse of Lena’s reflection in a mirror. She stood in the lounge, angled away from him, watching Tami on the deck. Joseph froze at Lena’s expression. A smile of cold satisfaction danced on her face. She wasn’t acting like a worried friend, and Joseph felt as though he was about to throw up. He’d known something was off about their conversation, but blinded by his obsession with Tami, he’d been too stupid to see it. He looked back at Tami and caught her gazing in Daniel’s direction. She looked happy and relaxed, like a girl in love with her boyfriend.
Whatever game Lena had been playing, Joseph refused to take part in it.
Chapter Sixteen – Ending
I decided to leave it until the end of the month before I gave up on Jonah. He’d said to wait a few weeks, and I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Part of me wanted to drop everything, take the next flight to Sydney, and text him from the airport. I might do that anyway at the end of the month. I could book a long weekend and pretend I was looking him up while I was there. Yes, that was my best plan so far.
Until then, I would focus every ounce of available energy
on the rapidly approaching deadline for Dr. Monaghan. I e-mailed my editor to give her an update, neglecting to tell her how little I’d actually written, but talking as well about my little piece of erotica. She may not be interested in it herself, but might be able to suggest a colleague who dealt with that genre.
Jonah was always at the front of my mind. Now that I had his number, I texted him daily, giving him light, friendly updates. I didn’t say anything deep and tried above all to engage him in conversation.
I finally picked up the thread of my original writing and spent the next three days in another writing frenzy. Thursday was a busy night for me, and I rose late on Friday, looking immediately for my phone to check if Jonah had messaged. He hadn’t. Disappointment surged. He’d been quiet the day before, too. Was I being too pushy? Anyone tell you you’re bossy? I had a shower and then headed for the kitchen and coffee.
A soft beep caught my attention, and I grabbed my phone. Jonah.
Morning. You busy writing again today?
I smiled in relief as I tapped out my reply.
Hey, you. I’m taking the morning off. I worked late last night and need a break. The sun is shining, and the beach is too inviting. You busy today? C x
Yes it is.
Huh? Another of Jonah’s supercryptic replies. Yes he is busy? I huffed to myself as I spooned coffee grounds into the pot. Maybe he was just in the middle of something. I waited a minute before replying.