by Dirk Hunter
Hey, it’s Adam, it read. Forgot I have practice after school. I’ll come over after.
There was another one, from Mel.
I gave Adam your number. Assuming you two made up. Yay. Now hurry up and talk to Malachi. I’m tired of his moping.
I smiled, trying to imagine Adam asking Mel for my number. He probably would have tried to be supersecretive about it — avoiding his friends and trying to catch Mel alone — and of course he wouldn’t say why he wanted it. Not that Mel would have had any doubt in her mind why he wanted it, but I could picture her giving him a hard time, just for fun. It’s exactly what I would have done. I wish I could have seen it.
But my good mood quickly evaporated as I thought about the other thing Mel had said in her text. Up to that point, I had managed, with varying degrees of success, to keep Kai out of my mind. But now things were different. Adam and I were back… well, to whatever this thing we had was, so that wasn’t a reason to keep putting off talking to Kai. All that was left was the confusing bundle of emotions that were my feelings toward Kai. After that day I’d stopped talking to him, I just shoveled those into some dark recess of my mind and tried my best to ignore them. I realized I was afraid to examine them again.
But was that enough reason to keep pushing away my best friend since, like, forever? And worse, if I was avoiding Kai because I was afraid of falling in love with him, then what did that say about this relationship-type thing I was starting with Adam?
Mel was right. I needed to talk to Kai, put that part of my life finally behind me. I’d just neglect to mention that to Mel. I hated her smug, I’m-always-right look. Just ’cause it was true didn’t mean you could gloat.
I pulled out my phone and stared at a blank text. At least half an hour passed. I had typed nothing.
Breakfast, I decided, needed to precede a text of this magnitude. I made pancakes. Cereal, while by far my favorite, would have been made and eaten far too quickly, and since this was clearly a procrastination meal, I needed to get the most bang for my buck. I even made sausages, which, though I was way overfull, I ate all of. Then scrambled eggs, which I ate none of. Then I did all the dishes. Then cleaned the counter. Then took a shower. Then ate those scrambled eggs. Then waited while the dishwasher ran. Put the clean dishes away. Showered again. Realized only when I started shampooing my hair that I had done so already today. Felt foolish. Spent twenty minutes in the shower anyway. Got dressed.
Changed my mind, put my pajamas back on. Changed my mind again, got dressed, this time in a different outfit.
By the time I had finally exhausted every little thing I could think of to do, short of deciding to finish a book, or Netflix-marathon a couple of TV shows, over three hours had passed. It was well past noon. I went back to my cell phone and found, to my dismay, that the text was still blank. I had half hoped my phone would have grown impatient and written the text for me. Isn’t that what Siri was supposed to be for? Maybe I should….
With a sigh, I made myself stop putting off the inevitable. Not letting myself overthink it anymore, I whipped out a text to the guy I hoped could still be my best friend.
Kai, we should talk. Come over after school?
Two seconds later, my phone buzzed with a reply.
Not until you spell my name right.
Okay, Chi, I sent back.
Dammit, came the response, now you have ME saying it wrong.
I laughed despite myself. All the anticipatory tension I’d had suddenly drained away. I texted back, If there were two of you, we could call you “the Cheese.”
You’re the worst. Friendship over. Then, a second later, See you soon. I flopped down on my bed with a relieved sigh. Now I just have to wait — I checked the time — a little over two hours. Shit. I wished I had saved some of those procrastination tasks for now. I’d had enough breakfast that I probably wouldn’t be hungry until, like, midnight. Oh well. At least this would give me an opportunity to come up with what I wanted to say.
Maybe I could take a shower….
WHEN KAI eventually arrived, we spent the first ten minutes or so standing on opposite sides of my room, silent, staring at each other. I couldn’t help but imagine tumbleweeds rolling across the room between us, like we were two cowboys who had shown up to the noon shootout, each waiting for the other to make the first move. But I figured I would have to start. That seemed fair.
So, finally, I broke the silence.
“Why?”
“Why what.” I didn’t answer. Instead I stared flatly at him.
Expectantly. He sighed. “I thought it would be fun. And it was. I thought you would like it. You clearly did. I did too. I don’t really understand what happened.”
“Really?” He looked away, shrugged. “Do you have any idea how careful I’ve always been around you? How careful I’ve always had to be? I’ll take that confused look to mean ‘no.’ You get naked at the drop of a hat, Kai. I wish that was only a figure of speech, but you literally dropped a hat once and, for some reason, thought it would be funny to hang it on your dick like a coatrack. On the one hand, it’s nice you feel that comfortable around me. It’s refreshing to have someone not act like I’m going to prey on them or something. But on the other hand, you’re very hot, and I very much like dicks. I was always afraid that if I ever saw you naked, I wouldn’t be able to think of you as my best friend anymore, but as a really hot guy with a really hot dick that I wanted but could never have. So I always kept my eyes firmly away. Which wasn’t always easy. You wanted me to see your dick-hatrack, remember?”
“But you didn’t have to —”
“Yes, I did! You were not just some random hot guy. You’re my best friend. I already loved you. The only thing that kept me from being in love with you was that your dick was happily off limits. That’s why casually fooling around was never going to work for me. I wanted more than you could give me. And the worst part was we even stopped being friends, really, while all that was going on.”
“What?” Kai looked shocked, angry even at the suggestion.
“You got all awkward around me at school.”
“You did too!”
“I was trying not to fall in love with you. What was your excuse? You didn’t want Mel to find out?” Kai looked like he was about to argue, but I didn’t let him start. “And that’s not even the worst part. Things were happening, big things, that I needed my best friend for. Not his dick, but my actual best friend. And you weren’t there for me.” I found myself fighting back tears. “God, I’ve always been there for you. When you were all heartbroken that Mel wouldn’t go out with you. When your dad died. You were there for me when Adam was bullying me to tears every day, but you couldn’t get your mind off sex long enough to be there when he….” I trailed off.
“What? When he what? What did that asshole do now?” Kai looked furious, his hands curled into fists.
“Nothing. Well, I mean, he did some things, but nothing bad.” Kai looked completely confused. “You know that night we… the last time we hung out?” Kai nodded. “Well, like two days before that, Adam showed up at my house in the middle of the night and… well, it turns out he’s gay too, and he only bullied me so no one would realize how he actually felt about me.”
“Oh.” He paused, clearly trying to come to grips with what he’d heard. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried. You were a little preoccupied. With my dick.”
Kai laughed softly. “I guess I was. I’m sorry.” He paused. “You’re right. I should have been there for you. It must have been hard, having that creep come on to you.” Kai’s eyes suddenly lit up. “What did you say to him? Did you call him all the names he ever called you? Did you vomit, like, all over his entire body?”
“Actually, kind of the opposite happened.”
“He vomited all over you? How did that come about?”
“No, I mean we kind of….” I trailed off again. For some reason, I couldn’t quite bring myself to tell Kai that Adam and I had
slept together.
“You what? You….” He suddenly gasped in realization. “Oh. You mean… you and he…?” I nodded. Kai’s eyes grew wide, like a hurt puppy dog’s. “You left me for Adam?”
I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. Kai looked even more hurt.
“Really? You’re jealous? You are still straight, right?”
“Yeah, it’s just… you don’t like him better than me, do you?”
“No, of course not. Well, in that like-like way, yeah, but he actually like-likes me too.”
“I guess,” Kai said. I could almost swear he was pouting.
“Are you sulking?”
“No. Shut up. I’m just saying… I could too.”
I laughed. He was definitely sulking. “Listen, you had your chance.”
“But Adam?”
“He’s actually really nice. He really seems to care about me too.”
“Adam.”
“Yeah, I know. I was surprised too. Kind of one of the things I wish I could have shared with you back when it was first happening.”
Kai gave a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. But you can tell me now! Okay. Start from the beginning. Tell me the whole story.”
“Well….” I said, looking at the clock.
Kai sighed. “Let me guess. Adam’s coming over soon.”
“Well, I don’t know about soon, but eventually.”
“All right,” Kai grumbled. “I guess I can get out of your hair. Let you get ready for Loverboy to show up.”
“Speaking of which, you can’t tell anyone about Adam. I don’t think he’d even like it that I told you.”
“I mean, I figured. I’m not an idiot.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“Hey now.” Kai said with a smile. “I’ll see you later, then?”
“Yeah.”
Throughout our entire conversation, we had maintained our distance, standing on opposite sides of the room from each other. Kai finally breached that gap, walking across the room and grabbing me in a big hug.
For a split second I was uncomfortable, alarmed even, but I pushed that away and hugged my best friend back.
“I missed you,” he said into my ear.
“I missed you too.”
Kai broke off the hug, turned, and left my room.
He wasn’t gone more than two seconds when I heard a rapping on my window.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ADAM WAS standing outside my window, hopping up and down like he was trying to keep warm. He wasn’t even wearing a jacket. He gestured frantically at me to open the window. He’d already pulled off the screen.
I did, but only an inch or so. “I thought you had practice,” I said, pretending not to notice his distress.
“I left early,” he replied, his breath misting in the cold. “Said I had a family thing. Can I come in?”
“Eh, I don’t know. I really should clean up a little….” I couldn’t help the slight smirk that crept onto my face.
With a growl and a muttered curse, Adam grabbed the window and shoved it open the rest of the way before practically diving inside. He slammed the window closed and sighed with relief.
Well, that was no fun. I barely had a chance to make him squirm.
“You forgot to put the screen back.”
“I can barely feel my fingers!”
“And?”
He had a dismayed look on his face. “But the screen is outside. In the cold. On the ground. I can’t reach it without going back outside!”
“If it was on the window where it was supposed to be….”
“But….”
“Or if you used a door like a regular person….”
With a groan and a pout, he turned back to the window. I couldn’t keep a straight face any longer.
“I’m just kidding,” I said with a laugh, “you don’t have to go back out there.”
“Oh thank God.” There was palpable relief in his voice. He really did look pretty cold.
I went to my bed and grabbed the blanket. “I must say I’m disappointed. Time was, you wouldn’t have fallen for something like that. Or at least you would have put up a fight.”
“I thought we were trying this new thing where we’re nice to each other.”
I threw the blanket around his shoulders, started rubbing up and down on his arms to warm him up. “Poppycock.”
His face twisted in almost disgusted amusement. “Poppycock? Who the fuck even says that?”
“This guy, that’s who. Hey, at least I’m not the one who forgot a jacket, like a fool.”
“I forgot to grab it from my locker. My backpack too.”
“In that much of a hurry to see me, eh?” I joked.
“Yes.”
I was a little taken aback. There was no humor or sarcasm or anything in his voice. Only sincerity. My attempts to generate warmth through friction faltered as I floundered for something to say. I couldn’t make a joke in response, not when he was being so honest. Not to mention sweet. I suddenly became very aware of how close we were standing to each other, how intensely he was staring at me, unblinking, though still shivering slightly. In that moment, when time seemed suspended, he leaned in and kissed me. It was perfect.
It was also a trap. While I was distracted, with all my defenses down, Adam took the opportunity to shove his hands under my clothes — one up my shirt, the other into the waistband of my pants.
I let loose a completely undignified squeal. “COLD!” It was quite an understatement. His hands made ice seem cozy. Liquid nitrogen could have taken notes from those fingers. I jumped back, desperate to get away, but he managed to keep his hand in my pants — something I would never have complained about in other circumstances, I assure you. With his frigid grip, he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me. For not one second did he let his subzero hands leave my skin.
“I must say I’m disappointed,” he said, caricaturing the way I’d said those exact words to him minutes ago. “Time was….”
“Oh shut up. I just took pity on you, ’cause you’re so cold. Like, more cold than is possible for any human to ever be. Are you actually a ghost?”
He chuckled. “I was out there for, like, a half an hour.”
“Oh God. Why would you do that to yourself?”
He shrugged. “I saw that Malachi was here. I, uh, didn’t want to interrupt.” He blushed slightly, looking away.
“Uh-huh. You didn’t want Kai to see you, isn’t that right?” He shrugged, still avoiding my eye. “You don’t have to be so secretive. I already told Kai about us —”
“You did what?” Adam burst out. I was so completely taken aback by his vehemence and the almost crazed look of panic in his eyes that I took an involuntary step back from him.
“Whoa, dude, calm down. Of course I told him. He’s my best friend! I’m not about to start keeping secrets from him. But don’t worry, I told him not to tell anyone, and he won’t. If you can’t trust him, at least trust me. I know how hard this is, and I promise you won’t have to do anything until you’re ready, but I won’t start lying to the people I love.”
Adam was standing there, eyes pressed closed, taking deep breaths like he was trying to calm himself down.
“Are you okay?” I asked. He nodded slowly. “Are you mad at me?”
He shook his head.
“Just a little freaked out,” he said. “Does anyone else know?”
“Only Mel, but she figured it out on her own, like, weeks ago but didn’t say anything until the other day.”
Adam smiled wryly. “That explains why she was giving me such a hard time when I asked for your number.”
“Ha! When she texted me saying she gave it to you, I just knew she had made the experience as awkward as possible.”
“She kept practically shouting ‘ But what do you need to tell him? ’ I almost gave up and ran away.” We were both laughing, and I knew the tension had finally passed. Belatedly, I remembered that James P. Hogan also knew about
me and Adam, or at least that something was happening, even if he didn’t know any specifics. But I couldn’t tell Adam that now.
Not only did Adam seem relieved that only Kai and Mel knew, but also, being on the football team with Adam, James was probably the exact kind of person he would want to keep this a secret from.
“What is it?” I asked, noticing that Adam kept glancing at the door to my room.
“Nothing. It’s just…. Are your parents home?”
I grinned at him. “Nope. In fact, they’re gone all weekend.”
Adam grinned back at me. “Is that so? In that case” — he took a step toward me — “I have a few ideas….”
I leapt back, scrambled across my bed to keep away. “Those hands better be warm by now, or so help me….”
His grin took on a decidedly wicked cast. “You’ll just have to find out,” he said evilly, and dove across the bed at me, arms outstretched.
I yelped and dashed out of my room, with Adam in hot pursuit — or maybe cold pursuit would be more accurate. As far as plans go, deciding to run away from a football player was not one of my best. I made it as far as the living room before I was expertly tackled. Adam wrapped his arms around my chest and took me down, executing a tight spin in midair so he landed on his back with me on top of him, clutched tightly to his chest. Before I had a chance to recover enough from my surprise to move, he had wrapped his legs around mine, pinning me completely. Not that I would have wanted to get away anyway. Lying on top of him like that, I could feel his massive erection through his jeans. He buried his face in my neck, kissing and sucking, and slipped his hand into my pants, grabbing my rapidly hardening cock.
“Um, guys? I’m still here.” I turned my head to look toward the kitchen, where I found Kai sitting at the table. “I had to pee, and then there were cookies….” He held up a half-eaten chocolate chip cookie. Adam hadn’t moved since we had heard Kai’s voice. His face was hidden in the crook of my neck and his body frozen in place, like he was a kid thinking “if I can’t see him, he can’t see me,” or that Kai was one of the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park whose eyes were only able to detect movement for some reason.