by Becca Steele
He was so big. The burn and the stretch as I sank down onto him, impossibly full, was like nothing I’d ever imagined.
“Don’t move,” he panted. “You feel…fuck. Being bare inside you…” He threw his hand over his face, clearly struggling to regain control.
There was no way I could move right now, anyway.
He raised himself into a seated position, and our lips met. His hands tangled in my hair as our bodies pressed together. Was his heart thumping as loudly as mine? My body was overloaded with sensations.
I wanted to move.
I needed to move.
Gripping onto him, I rolled my hips in a small, slow movement.
Oh, yes.
“Lena.” He reached down between us, his fingers finding my clit.
“Don’t stop.” I gasped as he chased away the pain with new sensations, sending pulses of pleasure through my entire body. Rocking against him again, I held on to him more tightly, my nails digging into his skin as I rode him.
My movements sped up, his hips meeting mine, both of us chasing the high that was building between us.
“I can’t hold on.” His voice was ragged. “Fuck, I can’t—” He pressed down on my clit as his whole body tensed up, his cock pulsing inside me, filling me with his cum.
It sent me over the edge.
My orgasm burned through me, hot and all-consuming. My head fell forwards to rest against his as I let myself go, knowing that he’d catch me when I fell.
I came back to reality to find his hands stroking through my hair, his forehead resting against mine as our breathing finally began to slow. “You doing okay?” He pulled back a bit so he could see me.
“Yeah,” I whispered. I couldn’t form any more words, but it was enough. He gave me one of those slow, lazy smiles, and my stomach flipped.
“Good. This might be a bit painful.” Carefully holding me, he lifted me off him, which made me wince. No doubt about it, I’d still be feeling this tomorrow.
So worth it.
“Stay there.” He guided me down onto my back. I lay there, eyes closed, deliciously sated and sore. The sounds of him moving around, followed by a running tap, had me blinking my eyes open to watch him reappear in the bathroom doorway. He crossed the room to the bed and gently ran a soft washcloth over me. His eyes darkened as he stared down between my legs. “My cum dripping out of you…” His eyes closed for a second, and then his gaze met mine. “My cum. You.”
I smiled at the combination of possessiveness and wonder in his expression and tone. “Yeah, you did that with your giant dick.”
He snorted, humour flashing in his gaze, before he turned serious again. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.” I shook my head. There had been pain, sure, but way less than I’d imagined, despite the sheer size of him. He’d made it as painless as possible for me, and it made me fall even harder. “I’ll be feeling it tomorrow, but…” Trailing off, I reached my arms up, and he came to me, crawling over my body and staring down into my eyes. “I want to do that again.”
“We will.” His lips met mine, and he kissed me, all slow and languid, and I melted beneath him. He spoke against my lips. “Now I’ve had you, I want more. Just so you know.”
I laughed tiredly, but his words generated a spark inside me. “I’m down for that.”
I hoped he didn’t want to stop. I hoped he meant those words. I’d fallen too far, too hard, and he had the power to ruin me, now. I could only hope and pray that he would fall, too, so I wasn’t alone in this. I wanted to own his heart, not just his body. I wanted all of him.
“Good.” Rolling off me, he lay on his back and tugged me into his side, then tucked the duvet around us. “Sleep now.”
My eyes closed, and I let sleep pull me under, held by the boy I loved.
TWENTY-SEVEN
In the cold light of day, I had time to think. Lena slept soundly next to me, her body curled up under the covers and her hair fanned out over the pillow. Last night had been…intense. I’d never fucked anyone without a condom before—never even wanted to.
The guilt I’d been suppressing raged through me again. How could I look Cassius in the eye now? I’d been doing okay, keeping her at a distance, and then last night had happened.
I needed to put distance between us.
Next to me, she stirred, her eyes blinking open sleepily. “What time is it?”
“Almost nine.” As I looked down at her, the guilt I’d been feeling only a few seconds ago disappeared. Why would I want to put any distance between us?
She placed a soft, tentative kiss to my chest, right on my IV tattoo, and my heart beat faster. I tugged her on top of me, loving this soft, sleepy version of my girl.
What the fuck, Weston?
Great, now I was fucking talking to myself.
A knock at my bedroom door had Lena scrambling off me with a screech and diving under the covers.
“Yeah?” I called, trying not to laugh.
“We’re out of coffee, so I’m going to do a coffee run. Want anything?” Winter’s voice came through my door, and I relaxed. She wouldn’t invade my privacy by barging in here. I was fairly sure the door was locked, anyway.
“Yeah. Can you get me a latte?” I paused. “And a mocha?”
“Oh.”
I groaned because I knew that Winter had figured it out. There was silence for a minute, before she spoke again. “Got it. Don’t make me keep another secret, please.”
Sliding out of the bed, I padded across the floor and opened my door a crack. “I won’t. Just give me a bit of time, yeah? I don’t wanna fuck things up. For either of them.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay. I don’t envy your situation, by the way.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly.
“You’re welcome. Cade’s coming with me by the way, and Cass isn’t here. So you don’t need to worry about running into them. Just…please don’t leave it too long. Secrets have a way of fucking us over, even if we think we’re doing the right thing by keeping them.”
I scrubbed my hand across my face, keeping my voice low. “I know. It’s complicated. I never planned on any of this.”
“I know you didn’t, and I know you need time to get your head around it.” Her voice softened. “I’m here if you want to talk to me, you know that. Either of you.”
“I know.”
With a small smile, she backed away, pulling the door closed behind her. When I turned around, Lena was sitting up in the bed, watching me with an unreadable expression on her face.
“Did you hear that?” There was no point in asking her, because it was clear that she had. I sighed. “I don’t know what to do here.”
Instead of replying, she nodded.
“Lena, look—” My words were interrupted by another soft knock at the door, and this time, Winter poked her head around it.
“I thought Lena might want to borrow some clothes.” She handed me a bundle of fabric and peered over my shoulder to smile at Lena.
“Thanks.” That was the only word Lena spoke, and then as soon as Winter was gone, she was out of the bed and taking the clothes from my arms. She disappeared into the bathroom, and I heard the lock click behind her.
Probably for the best. We both needed space to think.
When I returned to my bedroom after showering in the guest bathroom, Lena had disappeared, so I headed downstairs to the kitchen.
I stopped dead in the doorway.
Lena was in the kitchen, seated at the island, and she wasn’t alone.
Next to her, his arm brushing against hers, his tatted torso on shameless display, was Zayde.
That jealous knot twisted inside me as she inclined her head closer to his, smiling. When he gently gripped her wrist, flipping it over and dragging his finger across her skin, I couldn’t watch anymore. I moved backwards to leave the room but knocked into the door with my heel. It didn’t make much noise, but it was enough to alert them to the fact I was there. Both of them spun around, Zay
de dropping Lena’s wrist, and Lena flushing guiltily.
“What’s going on here?” My words were clipped as I spoke through clenched teeth.
“What does it look like?” Zayde raised a brow, completely cool and unaffected as always.
“I don’t know, that’s why I was asking,” I gritted out.
“Nothing’s going on.” There was still a flush to Lena’s cheeks, and I didn’t believe her for one minute.
“Right.” Swallowing down the ball of hurt that had lodged itself in my throat, I took another step backwards. “Got to check something in the computer room.” Then I turned and escaped, because I couldn’t stay there with them any longer.
Locking the door behind me, I sank into the large leather chair in front of my monitors, refusing to think about what I’d just seen. It could be innocent, but the way he’d been touching her, and the look on her face when she’d seen me—those weren’t the actions of people who had nothing to hide.
And I’d slept with her last night. What if it was all a game to her?
I shook my head, annoyed at myself. I was thinking irrationally now. I needed to stay in here, cool off, and maybe I could face whatever it was with a clear head. Normally if I had a problem, I’d go to Cassius or my brother—both of them weren’t options right now because they were too close to the people involved, and as for Winter…it wasn’t fair to keep involving her in a situation where she was forced to take sides or keep secrets. I knew how much it cut her up, and I couldn’t keep doing it to her.
None of my other friends were close enough for me to confide in, not even Rumi, who I’d been friends with for years. This was the kind of shit that I could only talk about with the people that I trusted implicitly.
There was only one person left I could speak to. And if I spoke to him, I’d have to tell him my other secret.
I remained still, rolling my thoughts over and over in my mind.
Then, I took my phone from my pocket and called my dad.
“Weston.” My dad inclined his head in greeting as one of his security showed me into his home office. He hadn’t got around to replacing Allan, our long-time butler, after everything that had happened. I suspected that he didn’t want to—didn’t trust anyone enough to let them in again. Allan’s involvement in Christine’s betrayal had affected us all, but my dad had relied on him for so much. Even though Allan had saved my dad’s life before he died, taking a bullet for him, it didn’t negate the way that he’d been working against us for so long with Christine.
Shaking off those negative thoughts, because my current problems were enough to deal with at this point in time, I took a seat in a slightly uncomfortable high-backed tan leather chair to the right of his desk.
“Tea? Coffee? I was just about to have one.”
I nodded, and he swiped the screen of his phone, presumably sending our orders to the kitchen staff via the app I had developed for him last year. Once he was done with that, he sat back in his chair, studying me thoughtfully.
“I need,” I began, clearing my throat. “I need your advice.”
Shock flared in his eyes, which he quickly masked, and then a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I wasn’t expecting that,” he said honestly. A silver fountain pen lay on his desk, and he picked it up, turning it over in his hands as he waited for me to continue.
“Yeah, well…” I shrugged. My voice sounded quiet and sad, even to my own ears. “I don’t have anyone else to talk to.”
Concern filled his gaze, and he stood, glancing down at me. “We need to be more comfortable for this conversation. Let’s reconvene in the den—I’ll get our coffees. Will we be needing a brandy or two for this?”
Despite myself, I smiled. “Maybe. Probably. Or at least, you will.”
He nodded briskly. “Right. Den.”
Seated in the small den on one of the squashy sofas, I waited for my dad to return. A few minutes later, he appeared in the doorway with a tray with two steaming cups of coffee. Placing the tray on the coffee table, he headed over to the sideboard and took a bottle and two glasses before returning to me. Once he was seated and had poured us each a generous finger of brandy, I began.
My voice grew hoarse as I told him everything. Everything barring Lena’s assault, because that wasn’t my information to share. Instead, I mentioned that there had been an incident that had affected her, but I was sure he could read between the lines. He didn’t seem surprised, either, which made me think that he knew more than I had originally thought.
When I’d finally finished, my face hot because even though I hadn’t given him details, even telling him I’d slept with a girl made me cringe, he took a sip of his brandy, rubbing his thumb over the glass.
“Okay. This is a lot to take in, son. Before we go through the things you’ve told me, I want to mention your side business, which I have to say, has rather taken me aback.”
“Kryptos? Me being Nitro?”
He nodded. “Maybe I was wilfully ignorant, but I never made the connection between Nitro and my son.” An appreciative smile spread across his face. “I’m proud of you, Weston.”
His words healed something inside me that I wasn’t even aware was broken. “Thank you.” My voice cracked, and I attempted to disguise it by clearing my throat, then leaning forwards to pick up my drink.
“Now, I’m not condoning illegal activities, of course. But sometimes my memory can be…let’s say…selective.” His smile morphed into a smirk, his eyes dancing in the morning light that poured through the tall windows.
My own mouth turned up, as I relaxed back against the sofa. “Yeah, just like I don’t remember what happened at the docks with the explosion.”
“Docks? Explosion? I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re referring to.”
“Exactly.” We grinned at each other, and in that moment, I felt closer to him than I ever had before.
Placing his drink back down, he eyed me carefully. “As for the rest of it. I’m not the best person to ask for relationship advice. But I want you to remember this. Everyone has their own problems, Weston. Now, they’re not always noticeable on the surface.” He blew out a heavy breath. “But I want you to remember that sometimes those you think are the strongest are the ones barely holding it together. You may envy them, think that they have their life sorted out, and you wonder what they have that you don’t. What you don’t see is the moment when they’re alone and their mask slips, and they fall apart with no one to hold them up.” His voice grew hoarse as he finished speaking, and his eyes glistened suspiciously.
“Dad?”
“Sorry.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t—I— My point was, that no one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. You’ve seen this with Lena. She comes across as strong and confident, sometimes even hard, at times, but I have the feeling you’ve only scratched the surface of who she is inside. She needs someone to lean on, to be there for her. Can you be that person? Only time will tell, but from what you’ve told me, it sounds like she has strong feelings for you. Now, I haven’t seen you together, but let’s call it a gut instinct—if what you’ve told me is correct, then I don’t think you have a reason to worry about Zayde. Why would she jeopardise that?”
“Hmm.” I stared into my glass as if it could provide all the answers. “What about Zayde, though?”
“Does Zayde know that you’re involved with Lena?”
“No.” Taking a sip of the brandy, I grimaced. Placing it back down, I switched it with my coffee, taking a large gulp to chase away the burn of the alcohol.
“Zayde keeps himself to himself, we know this. He’s always been hard to read, even when he was younger.” My dad tapped his fingers on the arm of the sofa, thinking. “But he’s loyal, and he’s a good friend. I’m positive that if you went to him with your concerns, he wouldn’t hesitate to reassure you.”
“Maybe.” I eyed him doubtfully.
“Just talk to him. These days, I’m a big fan of talking things out, thanks
to Winter.”
“I guess.” Tipping my coffee to my lips, I took another gulp. “What about the rest of it?”
He leaned forwards on the sofa. “How important is Lena to you? Could you let her go? If the answer is no, then you need to talk to Cassius. It’s not fair to keep this from him. If the answer is yes, then you need to break things off now, for both of your sakes.”
My mouth twisted. He was right, of course.
“What about the Martin Smith thing?”
His expression lightened. “I trust that you’ll figure it out. Just promise me that you won’t go getting yourself into any more dangerous situations.”
“We’re dealing with possible dog fighting and shady deals here, not psychos,” I reminded him.
“Weston, please. Stay safe. I couldn’t handle anything happening to you.”
“I’ll do my best.”
He gave a heavy sigh. “I guess that’s all I can ask for.”
Back in my car, I sat for a while, turning his words over in my head.
How important was Lena to me, and what would happen to Cassius’ and my friendship if we were together?
And what the fuck was going on with her and Zayde?
TWENTY-EIGHT
As I walked back into the house, my steps slowed. I headed towards the kitchen, when my arm was grabbed and I was roughly tugged backwards, back in the direction of the front door.
“What the fuck?” I managed to say, before Zayde was handing me a helmet and indicating for me to follow him outside. It didn’t even occur to me to question what he was doing or where we were going—he’d never voluntarily gone anywhere with me on his bike before. We were all close friends, sure, but he always held a part of himself back, keeping a wall between himself and the rest of the world. A wall that only my brother had really been able to penetrate. And maybe Winter. I knew he had a bit of a soft spot for her.
Minutes later we were heading down the coastal road, his powerful motorbike roaring beneath us. I kept a tight grip on the grab rail, watching the scenery fly by, almost too fast to take in. He turned onto another road, then another, then another, and eventually he slowed right down, cruising along a road of modern, Scandinavian-style houses made from wood with huge glass windows, sprawling on either side of the road. He came to a stop at the very end of the road, just past the final house, where there was a series of large ponds surrounded by bullrushes, with a clump of trees behind them.