by Becca Steele
He removed his helmet, and his icy eyes met mine, his expression giving nothing away. Curious, I removed my own helmet and followed him down to the ponds. He stopped next to the trees that backed the pond on our right, sprawling out and resting his elbows on the grass. The sun was bright, but here under the shade of the trees, it was dim and cool.
“There was a girl,” he began, then stopped. His tone turned low and threatening as he levelled me with one of his signature looks. “What I’m telling you now is confidential.”
“Can you not use your serial killer voice, please?” I was only half-joking.
He made a noise that sounded a lot like a growl, making me roll my eyes. “First Winter tells me I have a serial killer stare, now you say I have a serial killer voice. What the fuck?”
Since it was clear he was talking to himself, I ignored that question as I lowered myself to the grass, reclining back on my own elbows.
“There was a girl,” he said again, his expression completely blank. “We were…close. I used to come here with her, sometimes.”
I just stared at him, unable to comprehend a world in which Zayde even had a girl he was close to, let alone one that he’d bring anywhere like this.
“She reminded me of Lena, in a way. Not…” I waited while he gathered his thoughts. His fingers shredded an unsuspecting flower while I waited for him to continue, ripping it into tiny pieces that were carried away on the breeze. “Not much, really, but she had a wild streak to her. And blonde hair. Like a fucking angel.” His voice grew quieter as he lost himself in his memories.
He paused for a moment, then raised his eyes to mine. “I saw your face when you saw me with Lena in the kitchen this morning. And the other times, too.”
“Sooo…” I prompted, when the silence stretched uncomfortably.
“When we were at that party and I gave Lena a ride home…”
My stomach churned.
“At that moment, there was something that made me remember. I wanted—” He stopped talking but dropped his mask for a second, and I could read him.
“You wanted to remember? You wanted a piece of her?”
He nodded slowly. “It wasn’t fair. No one could take her place.” He tipped his head back, staring up at the branches of the tree. “Nothing happened with Lena. It wouldn’t have even if I hadn’t come to that decision. She wanted you.”
“Why did she go home with you, then?” I couldn’t disguise the hurt in my voice, no matter if it was irrational or not.
“Ask her” was all he said.
Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I waited until his eyes returned to mine. “What happened to the girl?”
There was a brief flash of pain in his eyes, so raw and powerful that my jaw dropped. He masked it so quickly that I wondered if I’d imagined it.
“She’s not around anymore.”
His tone was final, and I took the hint. Instead, I voiced the question that I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to.
“What about this morning?”
“What about it? What was it you think you saw?”
Plucking at the blades of grass between my fingers, I watched him carefully. “I think I saw two people who had something to hide.” He opened his mouth, but I continued. Fuck it. My dad was right. Might as well talk it out, even though talking to Zayde was as useful as talking to a brick wall sometimes. “I hope that it was just my imagination.”
“Do you really think I’d fuck around with your girl?” His tone was flat and impossible to read.
I went with the truth.
“No. But she’s not my girl.”
“Isn’t she?” He raised his brow. “Want to bet on that?”
“Not really.”
We lapsed into silence after that, but for some reason it wasn’t weird. I watched the dragonflies darting around the pond, gradually relaxing. Across from me, Zayde’s eyes catalogued everything around us, his gaze constantly on the move, until he paused on a tree behind the central lake. He sucked in a harsh breath, and before I could do or say anything, he got to his feet and disappeared.
A couple of minutes later, he reappeared between the trees, and he ran his hand over the bark of the tree that he’d been so intent on when he was sitting with me.
My head was fucking spinning. It felt like this moment was significant for him, somehow, and yet he’d shared it with me. I didn’t know what was going on with him, and I knew he wouldn’t tell me. One thing I was sure of now, though, deep down, was that he didn’t have any interest in Lena.
He finally headed back to me, unreadable as always, but there was a heaviness to him that hadn’t been there when we’d arrived. We stayed by the ponds for a long time, sharing a joint, not talking, just soaking up the quiet. Long enough that my phone started lighting up with texts asking where I was.
Presumably Z had had the same texts, because he suddenly stood, and without a word, picked up his helmet.
Once we were back at the house, he turned to me after removing his helmet. “Don’t let your issues cloud your judgement” was all he said before he disappeared.
Okay then.
I headed inside to face the music.
TWENTY-NINE
Weston had been gone for most of the day. Ever since he’d seen me with Zayde in the kitchen, I’d had a sick feeling in my stomach that wouldn’t go away. I was so fucking in love with Weston Cavendish, and I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise that. I knew he didn’t feel the same way as me, but from the devastated expression on his face when he’d seen me with Zayde this morning, he had feelings for me.
Truthfully, I already knew that. The way he’d been with me last night blew me away. He’d made me feel special, cherished, and that was something that no one outside my family had ever been able to do.
When he walked back inside with Zayde, my stomach flipped. It took everything I had not to go to him, to drag him out of the room, to prove to him that he was the only one I wanted. The only one I’d ever wanted.
But everyone was in the lounge with me. Winter was on the sofa, curled up on Caiden’s lap, and my brother was in an armchair. We’d been playing a game on the Xbox before Weston and Zayde walked in, but the moment they’d appeared, it had been forgotten.
So I did the one thing that in hindsight probably wasn’t the best idea.
I opened my mouth and told them what I’d done last night.
“Martin Smith.”
Everyone turned to look at me.
“I was in his flat last night.”
After I’d said the words, dead silence fell in the room. I sat up straight, defiance in my eyes, waiting for the judgements to rain down on me.
“Explain yourself.” The first person to speak was Cassius, and he wasn’t happy. I chanced a glance at West before I replied, and he was staring at me with blazing eyes. Anger, hurt, concern, lust…how did all of those things coexist in one person at the same time? It made me falter for a moment, and with effort, I tore my gaze from his and focused on my brother.
As I explained what had happened, the room fell silent again, disapproval and worry heavy in the air. It was stifling.
“I need a break.” Before anyone could say anything, I rose to my feet and got the fuck out of there. I ran blindly through the hallway and into the kitchen, yanking open the doors and stepping outside onto the deck. Fresh air filled my lungs, and I inhaled deeply.
Everything was out of control.
I knew it had been a stupid idea to go there on my own, but no one would have agreed. Now, the entire house was pissed off with me, and for good reason. Even though I hadn’t been caught, and even though the chip I’d added to Martin Smith’s phone could lead to the breakthrough we needed, I knew that everyone saw me as reckless, making decisions without thinking through the consequences.
I made it a point to breathe in and out slowly and evenly, gripping the rail at the side of the deck to ground me. Eventually, my breathing slowed naturally, and I stared out across the gra
ss, watching the last rays of the setting sun touch the edges of the garden, turning everything a burnished gold colour.
There was a small sound behind me.
Spinning, I sensed the presence before I even saw him. This time, even though he was angry, there was no panic. I knew I could fight if I wanted to, but I chose to let him pin me against the side of the house. Was it fucked up that I needed this? Needed him.
“We need to talk, Lena.” His leg wedged between mine as he gripped my wrists. Even in the midst of his anger and hurt, he held me lightly, giving me the opportunity to break away from him.
The thing was? I didn’t want to break away from him.
How could I, when he was all I saw?
“I’m so fucking angry at you for putting yourself in danger.” He nipped at my throat.
Almost of their own volition, my hands went to his back, sliding down to his ass. I pulled him closer to me, and he responded by dipping his head to my neck, trailing kisses up my neck while his cock hardened against my thigh.
“Weston.” That was all I needed to say, and then his lips found mine, kissing me like he needed me to breathe. I melted against him. He burned all my hard edges away, all my defences, leaving me exposed to him.
“We need to talk,” he said roughly when we broke apart, both breathing heavily.
“The thing you saw this morning with Z,” I rushed to explain, knowing that it was the source of his anger and hurt, rather than the fact I’d gone off alone. “Please believe me when I say that there was nothing there. I feel nothing for Zayde.”
He drew back to look at me with a conflicted expression. “What about the time you went home with him?”
I instantly knew what he was referring to—the party where I’d chosen Zayde to take me home, even though West had offered first.
I met his eyes, willing him to believe me. “I was trying to make you jealous. I wanted you to notice me.” My hands cupped the back of his neck, pulling him closer. “Don’t you see it?” My voice faltered, but I pushed past it. I had to get the words out. “All I want is you.”
He was silent for so long that a ball of dread lodged itself in my throat.
But when his words came, they were everything.
“I don’t know when or how it happened.” His hand caressed my face, brushing my hair back so he could see me properly. “You’ve flown under my radar for so long. But now…” He moved closer, his lips skating over mine. “Now, you’re all I see.”
Our lips met in the most explosive kiss yet, sparks of sensation flying through my entire body, his hands all over me, as I—
“What the fuck is going on here?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
THIRTY
I ripped myself away from Lena, stumbling and steadying myself on the railing, but it was too late. Cassius was staring at us both, and the hurt in his eyes fucking killed me.
“Cass—” I started.
He held up his hand. “I don’t want to hear it.” His voice was low and cutting, like I’d never heard it before. “Save me the lies. You already lied to me when you told me nothing was going on between you and my sister.” His voice rose. “What the fuck, West? You know what she’s been through! Not to mention all of this shit that’s happening now!”
“Wait a minute!” Lena was suddenly in his face, all angry, baring her teeth and her eyes flashing dangerously.
Wrong time for my dick to get hard. But fuck, she was hot like this.
“Don’t even bother trying to defend yourself.” He drew himself up to his full height, his blue eyes dark and stormy. “You have no justification for this.”
“Stop being such a stubborn dickhead!” she shouted, and he spun around, his fist slamming into the wall of the house.
Both Lena’s and my mouths fell open as we watched the happiest, most generous and fun-loving person we’d ever known fall apart in a rage.
We’d done this.
No. I’d done this. If I’d been honest when he’d asked me about Lena, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.
“Cass?”
“No!” he roared, and then he was gone, the glass rattling in his wake as he slammed the sliding door shut with all his force.
The guilt choked me, making it hard to breathe. It became suffocating when I looked over at Lena to see silent tears running down her face.
“He’s never—” she choked out, and I pulled her into my arms, letting her tears soak through my T-shirt and onto my skin as she shook against me. Seeing Cassius fall apart and now Lena crying?
How was I meant to handle this?
What was I supposed to do?
Against my will, tears obscured my vision, and I blinked hard, forcing them back.
This was all my fucking fault.
“Don’t you dare.” Lena’s face was suddenly in front of mine. She swiped her own tears away impatiently. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this.”
“It’s my fault, though.” I ran my hands up and down her back, still needing to touch her.
“You’re not the only person in this,” she reminded me softly. “I know he’s your best friend, but he’s my brother. Let me talk to him first.”
Taking her hand, I led her over to the outdoor chairs and pulled her down next to me. “Before that?” I met her tearstained gaze. “We need to talk about us.”
She took in a deep, shuddering breath, then nodded.
“Okay.”
When she was in my arms like this, everything was clear. I lifted her into my lap, and she rested her head against my shoulder. I spoke first. This was the first time I’d ever had a conversation like this with a girl, and it was easier now she wasn’t looking at me.
“I like you.” My arms wrapped around her. “I want to see where things go. I know I said it before, but I want you to know that I mean it. But we have a problem now.”
“I know.” She sighed against me.
“Let me talk to Cass. I was the one who fucked up—I should have been honest with him in the first place. He didn’t deserve to find out this way.”
“Okay. What are you going to say to him?”
“I don’t know yet. But I think if I give him a bit of time to cool off, he’ll be okay. I fucking hope so. I don’t want to lose my best mate.”
“And I don’t want to lose my brother.” Lifting her head, she twisted to face me. “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” she muttered. “But maybe it’s best if we cool things off for now. I don’t want to be flaunting it in front of him.”
Her words cut me, but she was right. We owed it to Cassius. But I still found myself trying to work out a compromise in my head, a way that I got to keep both my girl and my best friend. “What do you mean? We already said we’d keep it friendly in public.”
“I know. But I don’t think I can do that anymore.” Her lashes lowered, and she murmured her next words so quietly that I had to strain to hear them. “I can’t be with you and not want to touch you.”
Fuck.
It wasn’t fair to her, or to Cassius, for us to sneak around behind his back. “Do you still want to be with me?” I voiced the question in a low voice. I had to hear her say it, even though I was sure of the answer.
“Yes!” Her gaze flew back to mine. “I just think, for now, we should take a step back. You—we need to decide if this is all worth it.”
I understood her subtext. She meant that I needed to decide if this was worth it. If she was worth it.
“Okay.” Scrubbing my hand across my face, I breathed out heavily.
She gave me a sad smile and leaned forwards to press a soft kiss to my lips, before climbing off me. “I’m going back inside.”
“Wait.” I caught her hand as she turned to leave. “I want you to know that there’s no one else. There won’t be anyone else for me.”
“Thank you.” Her fingers lightly squeezed mine, and then she dropped my hand and disappeared back inside the house. I placed my head in my hands. How had this all gone so fuc
ked up, so fast?
I wasn’t left alone with my thoughts for long. “West!” There was the sound of pounding footsteps, and Lena appeared in the kitchen doorway, brandishing her phone. Excitement sparkled in her eyes, her sadness temporarily chased away. The change was so sudden, it took me aback, and I just stared at her, frowning. She continued. “Martin Smith. There’s a dog fight. Tonight. Late. And we have the location.”
I jumped into action. “Right. Tell Cade what’s going on. He’ll want to be in on this, and I trust him to come up with a plan. Text me the details when you have them, and I’ll be there.”
“Where are you going?” She stared at me as I swung off the seat and strode towards the door. Stopping in front of her, I leaned down to kiss her forehead softly before I drew back to meet her gaze.
“I’m going to get my best friend back.”
The tracking app showed me Cassius’ location, and when I turned into the car park, I saw his SUV in the far corner. Parking next to it, I checked my phone again. The tracking app wasn’t so accurate that I could pinpoint exactly where he was, but it was accurate enough that it would give me his general vicinity. I headed down to the wooden pier that stretched out over the sea first, jogging down to the end, but he wasn’t there. Stopping halfway back, I scanned the beach either side, but I couldn’t see him.
I watched the gulls fighting over someone’s discarded chips while I debated. A large black bird was perched on a rock below me, and as I watched, it hopped off the rock and disappeared under the pier.
Under the pier.
Without wasting any more time, I jogged back down the pier and onto the beach, making my way between the wooden struts that held the pier suspended above the ground.