A Whole New Ball Game

by Lauren K. McKellar

  Not with Ava.

  She’d gotten up first thing to shower, put make-up on. Couldn’t bear the thought of me seeing her before that happened.

  I took a quick glance at Zoe. She snuggled into my chest, the little freckles dotting her nose darker than normal in the morning light. What if she stayed? What if she didn’t move, but stayed?

  I stared at the stark white ceiling above us.

  How was I going to tell her that what we had couldn’t end?

  Chapter 24

  Zoe

  How was I going to tell him that what we had had to end?

  I smiled politely at the man at the door, who pointed me toward a group of women sitting in the corner of the bar. ‘Thank you.’

  But as I walked across, that one question ran through my mind on repeat. How will I tell him what we have has to end?

  This morning had been amazing. I pressed my thighs tighter together as I walked, the memory of the orgasms still fresh. It had been so long since I’d been touched like that, by someone who knew what he was doing. By someone who cared how I felt, who paid attention to what turned me on.

  And then, we’d talked. Actually talked, about his game, about my mixed emotions after drinks with the girls the night before. It felt like he was my friend, but my lover, all at the same time.

  It felt like falling in love.

  No.

  It couldn’t have been. We barely knew each other.

  And we came from two different worlds. He grew up in a football family, whereas my life had been dedicated to helping others. He grew up with one dream, that single-minded focus I tried so hard to avoid, and I grew up flexible, changing my plans when James left me. That was when I enrolled in nursing school, so I could be better qualified to help people when I finally saved enough cash to head overseas and volunteer.

  It would never work between Sawyer and me.

  And yet every time we were together, everything seemed to fall into place.

  That was precisely why I needed to tell him we had to cool things off. We couldn’t keep playing this game where we acted as if tomorrow didn’t exist, because it did.

  And when tomorrow came, the fallout was looking worse by the second.

  ‘Oh, Zoe. You’re here.’ Ava stood, waving. Once more, she wore the sort of dress I’d consider wearing to a cocktail party. Once more, I wished I’d reconsidered my jeans-and-a-tee outfit, but we were going to a football game. Anything more didn’t seem right.

  ‘Hi, Ava.’

  She leaned in to air-kiss my cheeks, then gestured to the women sitting at the tall bar seats around her. In front of them, the harbour sparkled; all blue, dotted with the brilliant white of sailing boats and seagulls—what a gorgeous view. ‘You remember the girls, don’t you?’

  ‘Sure.’ I nodded my hello to everyone and received polite smiles in return.

  ‘And this right here is Kristy.’ Ava clutched the hand of the woman sitting next to her.

  Kristy could have been Sawyer’s twin, if his features had been given a feminine twist. She had those same startling ocean-green eyes, that same stunning olive skin, and that same confident smile as she stood to meet me. She wore a dress too, but not the cocktail kind—this was somehow a blend between fashion and function. As if she wore this cleaning the house, but also to a party where the instructions were ‘dress to impress’, and I didn’t doubt that she had plenty of similar put-together looks in her wardrobe. When I’d first met her in the parking lot, I hadn’t paid attention to any of those minor details. Now, they screamed at me loud as day.

  ‘Hi.’ She stood, removing her hand from Ava’s and holding it out. ‘Nice to meet you.’

  ‘You too.’ I smiled, shaking her hand.

  ‘Why don’t you sit right here between Kristy and me and tell us all about your weekend in Sydney. Leave out no detail.’ Ava’s eyes sparkled as she poured a fresh glass from the open bottle of champagne in front of us, then handed it to me as I placed my clutch on the bench under the table.

  ‘Thanks.’ I took a small sip. Bubbles flew up my nose, and I sneezed, then placed it back on the table.

  ‘Oh, dear! That’s right, you don’t do champers, do you?’ Ava tutted.

  ‘Not really.’ I waved to a passing waiter and ordered a water. This was going to be a long afternoon.

  ‘Did you know Kristy does PR for Sawyer’s team?’ Ava asked, steering the conversation.

  ‘No, I didn’t. That must be really interesting.’

  ‘Those boys are a handful, but I do love them.’ Kristy sat, sweeping her ruffled skirt underneath her. ‘But who cares about me? I want to know more about you, Zoe. Tell me about yourself.’

  ‘Not much to tell, really.’ I shrugged. ‘I work as a nurse at a home for sick kids in Melbourne. I’ve applied to go overseas and work at a hospital in Zimbabwe, though—that’s what I really want to do.’

  ‘Oh.’ Kristy frowned, her chin pulling closer to her chest. ‘I thought you were trying out for the women’s team.’

  Ava spat her champagne. ‘Women’s team?’

  I turned to face her, my eyebrows raised. ‘Yes. For Aussie Rules.’

  ‘Ha!’ she barked. Around the table, a few of the other WAGs tittered.

  I ignored them, focusing instead back on Kristy. ‘I am, but with the view of maybe being selected in a few years’ time, when I come back.’

  ‘Oh. So you and my brother …’ Kristy’s face, so warm and open before, turned cold.

  ‘We’re just … seeing what happens.’ I couldn’t exactly tell her we were pretending the future didn’t exist. That we were pretending everything was going to be fine when it was all about to blow up in our faces.

  ‘Until you leave,’ Kristy pointed out.

  ‘Until I leave, yes.’ The way she looked at me left no doubt in my mind—I was the bad guy here.

  ‘Still, there’s lots of fun that can be hard in the short-term, right?’ Ava smiled gaily, nudging my shoulder as if we were great mates. ‘I heard you had an interesting ride on the Ferris wheel at Luna Park the other week—why don’t you tell us all about that?’

  Heat flooded my cheeks. What?

  No.

  She couldn’t know about that.

  Could she?

  I looked over at Ava, but she just smiled at me, her eyes glittering. All around the table, the women waited for me to answer. Kristy’s face was the only one not salacious for the gossip. Instead, a troubled look had worried her brow, her lips a thin and unforgiving line.

  She hates me.

  Sawyer’s sister thinks I’m horrible.

  ‘Go on, Zoe,’ Ava prompted, but I couldn’t breathe. The air was thick, so thick. My T-shirt seemed tight around my neck. I pushed to my feet, grasping at my chair. Spinning. Why was the room spinning?

  I snatched up my clutch. Dizzy. So dizzy. My feet stumbled as I raced from the circle of women. The carpet swarmed before me, a living, breathing thing, and I tumbled to it.

  Then everything went black.

  Chapter 25

  Sawyer

  Kristy: We need to talk. Stat.

  I flicked the phone off and threw it in my locker. Whatever my sister had to say could wait.

  It was game time.

  Everything else came second.

  And yet, as Leigh ran through his thoughts on the plays we were about to run, the biggest game of our footy careers, my focus wasn’t entirely there. What if it’s about Zoe? Is she okay?

  I waited until he’d finished his speech, then grabbed my phone, headed to the bathroom.

  Sawyer: Kinda busy. Grand final game. Can it wait?

  I placed the phone on the bench, bracing myself against the hand basin. When I looked up, I saw the same boring face I always had. I was about to do it—play in the grand final. I’d wanted this all my life, since Dad taught me how to tackle and run a ball down a field. Since lazy Sundays spent participating in makeshift games at the local park. Since weekends following Dad around the country, watchi
ng him play at all the biggest stadiums in Australia.

  That was me.

  Achieving the dream.

  Only now, now that the dream was so close, something else lurked behind my eyes. Doubt.

  How could I do this? How could I get out there in front of thousands of people and play?

  People are counting on you.

  A whole suburb of footy fans. More than that, even.

  ‘Get a grip.’ I clutched the edge of the sink. Why was I nervous? I hadn’t felt like this in years. Not since my contract was last up for renewal.

  Then again, I’d never played a grand final before.

  You don’t have to be a shrink to work this one out, Einstein.

  I kicked my foot against the tiled wall, needing to feel something other than this sense of restlessness. It was like a bee whirred inside of me, bouncing around my insides, trying to get out. What was wrong with me? What was with this strange energy?

  My phone dinged.

  Zoe: Good luck this afternoon. I know you’re going to give it your all, just like you always do. Win or lose, I’m so proud and honoured to be able to have been a part of this journey. Can’t wait to celebrate with you later xx

  ‘Zoe,’ I muttered, a smile tugging at my lips. Sleeping, snuggled up next to my chest. Racing up and down the field with the kind of drive and determination you just had to admire. Sharing things with me about her life, her worries, her hopes, her dreams.

  I took a deep breath. She’d be calm at a time like this.

  If she was here, she’d stand behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. ‘You can do it,’ she’d say.

  I rolled my shoulders back, then turned on the tap, placing my phone on the edge of the sink and splashing water on my face. Football. I was here to play Aussie Rules.

  My chest puffed, I strode back to the locker room and threw my phone away, Kristy’s text all but forgotten. It didn’t matter. Zoe had already given me the things I’d most struggled with—focus. Belief. Confidence.

  She hadn’t known I’d needed her—she couldn’t have, not at that moment.

  But she had.

  Somehow, she’d felt my desperation and she’d offered up everything I needed.

  And I was going to tell her that before she slipped out of my life forever.

  Chapter 26

  Zoe

  ‘Okay, miss, can you tell me your name, what day it is, and where you live, please.’ The nurse shone a bright light in my eyes.

  ‘I’ve already done this. Twice, even,’ I muttered.

  The white light blinked away, and a pair of raised eyebrows came into focus.

  ‘Okay, okay. Sorry.’ I held my hands up by way of apology. ‘I just have to watch the game, and I’m stressed I’m going to miss it.’

  ‘Watching the game is not a life-or-death situation,’ she said, placing the torch in a tray beside her and wrapping a blood pressure monitor around my arm.

  ‘And blacking out for just a second is?’

  ‘And hitting your head and losing consciousness is. Clench your hand into a fist and then relax it, please,’ she corrected me, no nonsense as the band inflated in time with her pumps.

  I craned past her body to look at the dial. Phew, 120 on 80. Textbook perfect. ‘Blood pressure looks good. Want to do the name and address question again?’

  ‘Working with nurses. Always such a joy …’ The paramedic sighed. ‘I really think you should lie down for a while. You shouldn’t be out and about, especially alone.’

  ‘I won’t be alone. Fifteen thousand football fans will be right there with me,’ I answered cheerily.

  ‘It’s important you have supervision. And if you fall asleep …’

  ‘I know, I know. Have someone check on me every few hours to make sure I’m alright. I will.’ I glanced around the lady, trying to see the clock radio at the front of the van. Five to three. By the time I got to the stadium, the game would have started. ‘Can I go now? At least send a quick text?’

  The woman passed me my clutch, and I typed out a message to Sawyer. I’d wanted to call him, to wish him luck, but I didn’t want to let him know about this. Or what Ava had said. Did that mean someone had seen us fooling around in the Ferris wheel after all? Had I ruined things for Sawyer?

  Don’t think about that now.

  I couldn’t change anything in the past.

  A voice crackled over the radio in the front of the vehicle. The man in the front seat leaned back. ‘We got an assault in the Cross. You nearly done?’

  The woman sighed and stood, snapping off her plastic gloves. ‘Please take it easy. And no drinking. I don’t want to see you in the ER because—’

  ‘I swear, no drinking.’ I smiled as angelically as I could. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘It’s fine.’ She took off her plastic gloves and gestured to the open doors of the van. ‘Now go join your friends.’

  Huh. Some friends.

  I took the lady’s hand, letting her help me out of the van, then waved a goodbye as I walked away. I’d order an Uber. I glanced at the time on my phone. I could make it. It would be cutting it close, and I’d miss the pre-game entertainment, but I’d get there.

  I’ve probably had all the pre-game entertainment I need.

  I opened the Uber app, typing in my location and destination information.

  Nothing.

  There were no available cars.

  I scanned the street, looking for the familiar yellow of a taxi, but the only ones I saw were occupied. Why weren’t there any available?

  Because of the game. The very reason I wanted one.

  ‘Zoe. Over here.’

  I looked up. Who—

  Kristy?

  She was alone, standing by a black Statesman.

  ‘Come on. We’re gonna have to motor if we want to get to the game in time.’ Kristy opened the door for me, gesturing for me to hop in.

  ‘I … thanks.’ I walked quickly to her side, sliding across the back seat and clicking on my seatbelt. Maybe I hadn’t made the worst impression after all.

  Kristy slipped in beside me, closing her door and pressing the button for an intercom to the driver. ‘We’re ready to leave now, thank you.’

  ‘No problem,’ a voice crackled back over the speakers, before the staticky sound clicked off.

  The car pulled out of the driveway and into an onslaught of Sydney traffic that moved slowly, too slowly. Was everyone in this town on the road today?

  ‘So, uh … it was nice to meet you, briefly,’ I said, chancing a quick glance over to Sawyer’s sister.

  Her hands gripped at her bag with white-knuckled commitment. ‘It was nice.’

  Was she mad? At me? Someone else?

  Had she waited for me to chew me out for ruining her brother’s reputation?

  ‘Goddamn Sydney traffic,’ she cursed as the light in front of us turned red. ‘I swear, they only let three cars through that time.’

  ‘You really want to get there, don’t you?’ Sure, she did PR for the team, but that look in her eyes—that was something else. Love. Dedication.

  It must be nice having family like that, instead of looking out at graduation and seeing a sea of faces you didn’t recognise. Instead of texting your mum a photo of your diploma and her sending back an image of a child lying in a hospital bed, her each rib visible against her taut skin.

  ‘Of course I want to get there. It’s my brother’s first grand final,’ Kristy’s voice sounded strange, and I looked at her again. ‘Sorry. I don’t mean to be snappy.’

  ‘It’s okay. I just wanted to let you know I appreciate you waiting for me. It means a lot,’ I said, wanting to reach out and unwrap those hands from the tight grip they had on the handbag, but not daring to. Too familiar. ‘And also, about the Ferris wheel thing. I …’ I what? Didn’t mean to get caught? ‘I’m sorry it’s become a public embarrassment for you.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ Kristy’s gaze didn’t leave the window, the cityscape passing
around us. ‘Ava was teasing. The only Luna Park photo she saw was the one of you two walking ’round looking cute-as-a-button together.’ She paused, winced. ‘Although, ew. If that means something did happen …’

  ‘No! Nothing happened.’ Liar. ‘Looks like it was just me taking things too seriously.’

  Silence settled around us once more. Why was this so uncomfortable? What had I done to make her dislike me?

  ‘Look, let me cut to the chase.’ Kristy finally turned to face me. Those green eyes, so familiar and yet so foreign, assessed me almost clinically. ‘I like that you make my brother happy. I haven’t seen him like this in a really long time—not even when he was with Ava.’

  Warmth flushed my chest. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I’m not finished.’ She took a deep breath. ‘You’re leaving. And you’re going to break his heart, and I’m not okay with that.’

  I’m going to break his heart?

  No. No, that wasn’t a part of the agreement, the game we’d agreed to play. There weren’t going to be any broken hearts when we stopped seeing each other. We were just too people having fun. That was all.

  ‘Sawyer knew I was leaving when we first got together,’ I replied, keeping my voice steady. ‘This was always the plan.’

  ‘Maybe so, but he’s fallen for you, Zoe.’ She challenged me with a ‘what are you going to do about it’ look to her eyes.

  I shrugged one shoulder, turning my gaze back out to the passing cars. Say goodbye. That was what I had to do. End this mess before it got harder for him.

  Harder for me.

  His first love will always be football, a familiar voice sounded in my head, but for once, I wasn’t so sure. Sawyer hadn’t demonstrated that I was less important to him than the game. If anything, he’d made room for us both.

  It was just a shame I couldn’t do that with him and my career.

  ‘If you feel for him what he does for you, you’ll talk to him about how you can make this work. Moving away doesn’t have to mean moving on.’

  ‘I doubt I’ll even have phone reception. The place I’m going isn’t exactly conducive to starting a long-distance relationship.’ Limited phone reception. Limited internet.