I shouldn’t have brought Winter here in the first place. I think I always knew, deep down, that eventually I couldn’t contain myself anymore and it would come to this. Of course she would end up wanting a relationship. Any other scenarios I fed myself before that were bullshit. Why does she need the damn title? It’s like she needs to put us into a cage.
I push the gear to park, kill the engine, and get out of the car with the memory of her body convulsing in pleasure intoxicating me. I can’t stop thinking about how insanely sexy she looked. I can still feel my fingers squeezing their way inside her. She says that she’s not a virgin, but just by the way she felt and how her innocent brown eyes widened at my touch… I’d be surprised if she’d had more than one guy.
And I know I’m an asshole who doesn’t deserve her, but I really, really, really… want to be number two.
Images of us crossing the line fill my already messed-up head, and I shut the unwelcomed thoughts out. I could get hard just thinking about her. Not the time, brain.
I text Vic that I’m outside and to buzz me in. Barely a few minutes after, I’m inside the building and knocking on his apartment door. That’s just how good of a friend Vic is. He wasn’t kidding when he said I could show up at his place anytime I wanted. He was right. I can’t run from the truth anymore. Which is why I have to talk to him. He’s the only one who can help me.
The door opens in a creak.
“Haze, man, what are you doing here?” He raises an eyebrow.
I stare at him and finally let myself articulate the haunting words that have been following me everywhere I go for the past two years.
“Have you heard from Riley?”
12
Relationship Status
Winter
“Anyway, enough about me. You never answered my question. What brings you to Colton Gate?” Ryder asks, bringing a piece of cotton candy to his mouth.
We’ve been going around the fair for several hours now. Believe it or not, I managed to have some fun and even almost went a whole minute without Haze’s name popping in my head.
Ryder is the polar opposite of Haze. He’s an open book. I know almost everything there is to know about him simply from the afternoon I spent with him. He’s nineteen, he grew up in New York, both his parents are dentists, he has a golden retriever named Rosco and a maid called Marta, who practically raised him. His grandparents live in Colton Gate, and he decided to come visit them because his grandpa isn’t doing too hot lately.
“I told you. I’m on vacation.”
“Yeah, but that’s the short, crappy version you tell strangers. Why are you really here?”
Because I fell in love with a street fighter whose psycho brother kidnapped me and wants my head.
“No other reason. Sorry to disappoint.”
“Does it have something do with this guy who’s not your boyfriend but gives you hickeys?” he teases.
“Shut up.” I force a laugh.
“Does it?”
“Maybe,” I say quietly.
“I knew it.” He seems proud of himself. “Let me guess, he won’t commit?”
At first, I find the fact that he got it right creepy, but then I’m reminded that being afraid of commitment is common behavior in all males on planet Earth.
“Something like that.” I fidget with the big teddy bear Ryder won at one of the darts games. I offered to carry it while he got us cotton candy.
He seems to notice the frown on my face because he elbows me slightly to get me to look at him.
“Hey, I’m sorry. He’s a douche if he doesn’t see the great girl that’s right in front of him.”
I can tell he’s hitting on me, but I don’t care. It makes me feel better to know that not every guy is as complicated as Haze Adams. Maybe I’d be better off dating someone like Ryder. No lies, no bullshit, just honest and reciprocated feelings.
We glance around the fair that’s slowly emptying. It’s closing at eight and it’s 7:30. I’m not sure what’s next, but I know I’m not looking forward to confronting Haze. I sure hope that the power’s back at the lake house.
“I had a lot of fun today,” he says.
“Yeah, me too. Thanks for the invite.” I nod halfheartedly.
“You can keep Mr. Peppermint.” He points to the teddy bear in my arm. I laugh at the name he’s chosen.
“Are you sure?”
“Definitely. Giant pink teddy bear? That wouldn’t fit in my room.” He smiles.
The sound of a phone ringing lifts my hopes up only to send them crashing back down. It’s Ryder’s phone. Of course it couldn’t be Haze doing a decent thing like calling to make sure I was okay in a house without power all day.
“Just a second.” He steps away to take the call.
I unlock my phone. It’s at 20 percent. We better get back to Colton Gate before it’s dead and I can’t get a cab back to the lake house.
He comes back. “There’s a really nice pub back home. I was wondering if maybe… you would want to get a drink?”
“We’re not legal, mister,” I joke.
“They don’t card.”
I hesitate, battling myself on whether or not it’s a good idea to take this day further with him. I don’t like him like that. I don’t think I’ll like anyone like that again in a really long time. Worst part is, I’d probably be very interested in him if it wasn’t for Haze, but his hold on my heart is far too important to want somebody else.
It kills me to think that Haze could be with somebody else just fine since he refuses to be exclusive.
The thought is enough to tempt me.
I guess one drink can’t hurt.
“Okay.”
Haze
“So… that’s the whole story,” I say, the look on Vic’s face making me feel even more stupid than the story itself.
I can’t believe he got the whole explanation out of me. Vic has this annoying ability to get me to open up no matter how bad I don’t want to. That tends to happen when you’ve known someone since diapers.
He didn’t say a word once. He sat there and listened. I told him about the way it all started and how she was never supposed to be more than a way to piss off Kendrick to me.
Things would be so much easier if that was the case.
He shifts in his seat, furrowing his eyebrows in silence. It’s already dark outside. I had no idea I’d end up spending the day here. It’s a good thing Bea’s at her mother’s until tonight.
“Are you going to say something?” I grow impatient.
“Yes.” He clears his throat like he’s going to share words of wisdom with me. “Are you fucking dumb?”
Okay. Not what I expected.
“What?” I frown.
“No offense, but this girl… she’s clearly the one for you, and you’re telling me you’re going to ruin it all because you’re scared?”
My composure dumps me.
“You don’t get it. I can’t risk it. I can’t let it happen to her, Vic. Not her.”
He widens his eyes. “Would you just listen to yourself? You’re talking like you have some sort of evil curse following you around or some shit. You were just unlucky, man.”
“Unlucky? Is that what you call it? Unlucky?” I scoff.
He lets out a deep breath. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying that you can’t be afraid of being with Winter just because there’s a chance that something will happen. You can’t run from happiness just because there’s a chance that you might lose it. That’s like wearing a fucking raincoat every time you go out for the rest of your life just in case it rains.”
His last sentence sinks in and creeps under my skin.
“Yes, shit happens. Sometimes, things get rough. But news flash: not every good thing in your life is going to go wrong, Haze. And guess what? Winter? You’re in love with her. You’re not fooling anyone. So you can either put your big-boy pants on and be a man or let her go find love somewhere else.”
I’m stunne
d and unable to answer. Anger boils inside me as the last scenario he’s just given me starts playing in my head. I can’t deal with the thought of her looking at another guy the way she looks at me. I don’t even want to think of her in some other guy’s arms. Some other guy who would’ve told her what she wanted to hear last night.
“What are you waiting for?” he blurts out.
“What? You mean like now?”
“Yes, now!” He puts his hands up. “Don’t you get it? You left her alone in a house with no power all day after you told her you didn’t want to be with her. You’ll be lucky if she hasn’t left town when you get home.”
His words feel like a meteorite, a truck, and a wrecking ball hitting me all at once. He’s right. Why does he always have to be right? I called the power company and they told me the power would be back an hour after I left, but I didn’t tell her. Of course she would think that I abandoned her in a house with no power.
And I did. I did abandon her.
Fuck, I’m such a moron.
“I’ll talk to you later.” I get up and rush to the door. I almost sprint out of the apartment, the urgency in my steps resonating through the silent halls. I slide back inside my car and get my phone out of my pocket. She hasn’t texted me back since this morning. I let my fingers type a quick text.
Haze: Winter, I’m so sorry. Are you home?
Five minutes go by. No reply. Then five becomes ten and I can’t get a hold on my nerves. I start the car and drive away in a roar, heading back to the lake house with just one hope eating me alive: that she’ll be there when I walk in.
Winter
“And for the lady?” the pub employee asks me when we sit in a red velvet booth next to a pool table.
“I’ll have what he’s having,” I say. The waitress nods and walks away.
Ryder turns to me. “Are you sure? I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
“Whatever.” I shrug and analyze the semi-empty pub.
Ryder was right. They didn’t card us. Nor did they check the IDs of the clearly underaged girls in the next booth.
Overall, the place looks okay. I bet it can even get real crowded in here on Friday nights. The deafening music makes it hard to think. But thinking is the last thing I want to do right now, so it’s perfect.
The waitress comes back with our drinks, and I quickly take a sip. Like I expected, it tastes horrible—no, horrible doesn’t even begin to cover it. It tastes like death, but I let the alcohol run down my throat, the burning sensation taking over the pain in my chest.
“Well, someone’s in a hurry.” He laughs and I put the already one-fourth-empty glass bottle down. “So, it’s not that bad?”
“Oh, no. It’s absolutely disgusting.”
He laughs harder. “Then why are you drinking it?”
I dodge his question. “Why not?”
“Wow, this Haze guy really did a number on you, didn’t he?”
“Please stop talking about him,” I say, almost rudely, but force a smile on my face to soften the blow. I don’t need him to remind me of the guy I’m trying to forget every five seconds.
“Oh. Of course, sorry.”
The drinks keep coming until Ryder and I start chuckling for no reason. I can already feel tomorrow’s headache. Ryder’s nice. He says things as they are, and I bet he’s even the type of guy to introduce you to his family and ask if he can kiss you. Haze was never that guy. He just takes what he wants without asking, and I think this might be part of the reason why I’m such a fool for him. There’s no getting bored with him. There’s no such thing as a routine.
Winter, stop. He doesn’t want you like you want him. When are you going to get that through your head?
On beer number four, Ryder suggests that we take a shot, and I’m more than happy to oblige. Just when I slam the tequila shot glass back down, my phone vibrates.
I have a message. From him.
Haze: Winter, I’m so sorry. Are you home?
Oh, so now he gives a shit. I scoff and put my phone back down. I’m not answering him. The waitress brings us one more drink, and I stop caring about him. Allow me to rephrase: I stop thinking about him. Because I know I’ll never stop caring.
When it vibrates a second time barely ten minutes later, I can’t fight the curiosity telling me to check what he has to say.
Haze: You’re not home. Where are you? You better answer me.
And now he’s making threats. My head is a bit dizzy, but even in this foggy state, my heart taunts my better judgment and I decide to text him back. Right as I begin typing a reply, my phone dies.
Crap.
I spend the next twenty minutes thinking of what he’s been doing all day and why he suddenly seemed to remember that I exist.
“Everything okay?” a worried Ryder asks.
“Yes, everything’s good,” I lie. “Phone’s dead. I’m going to need yours to get a cab.”
“You’re leaving?” he asks, disappointment clear in his eyes.
“Yes. I should probably go. I’ve had enough.”
I don’t want to give the guy any more false hopes. He’s a sweetheart. He doesn’t deserve this.
“Okay, well, I had a lot of fun today.” He starts to lean in.
A loud voice in my head screams that letting him make a move on me is not the way to go. That it will only make things worse. But it’s drowned out by the flashes of Haze walking out on me and the tears I wiped while trying to fall asleep.
Loving Haze Adams has broken my heart in so many ways and I’m not even dating him. Ryder scoots closer to me and slowly brings his face to mine. I can’t move.
He doesn’t want you, Winter.
Not in that way.
Only a few inches separate our lips…
“What the fuck!” a familiar voice barks.
We both jump, almost spilling the beers on the table, and look up. In the dimmed red lights of the pub… I recognize him.
“Stay the hell away from my girlfriend!”
Before I can make sense of what’s happening, Haze reaches for Ryder’s collar and lifts him out of the booth.
“Fuck off. She said she was single,” Ryder says, shock occupying his features.
“Haze, let him go!” I clumsily get up and try to separate them, but Haze doesn’t budge, his eyes locked on Ryder. He’s too strong. It’s like I’m not even there pulling on his arm with all my strength.
Then, he takes a swing Ryder is not going to forget anytime soon. I screech when Haze’s fist meets poor Ryder’s cheek and he falls to the ground.
“What the hell’s wrong with you, you psycho?” Ryder yells, holding his jaw that probably hurts like a bitch.
“Ryder, I’m so sorry.” The words tumble out and seem to make Haze even angrier.
“We’re leaving. Now!” he hisses through gritted teeth and wraps his hand around my wrist.
He doesn’t bother looking at me as he pulls me toward the exit. How in the world did he know where to find me? Why is he saying he doesn’t want a relationship one minute and then hitting a guy who’s interested in me the next?
All I can do is drunkenly follow him to the car that’s waiting out front, and, as stupid as it may sound, when we take off and the tires screech down the silent streets, only one thought haunts my mind…
Haze Adams just called me his girlfriend.
13
Dark Secrets
“What the hell was that for?” I blurt, my head spinning a bit more with every angry turn Haze takes.
“Are you serious right now? Bastard was going to kiss you. I can’t believe you would do that to me.” His hands are wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles are white as snow.
“Excuse me?” I scoff. “Just yesterday, you wanted nothing to do with me, remember? You wanted to have sex, sure, but then you decided you’d rather walk out on me than talk about freaking commitment. You have no right to give a damn who I kiss, Haze. None.”
I feel
the tears threaten to fall, and as much as I want to stop them, I can’t. When he sees the water spilling out of my eyes, his anger decreases.
“Winter, I…”
“You what? What else are you going to say to hurt me? Haven’t you done enough? Just when I think about all these times when you disappeared on me for weeks when you knew I was falling for you. Or all the times you refused to tell me anything slightly personal about you. Or the time you went to see Bianca the day after you…” A sob cuts me off. “God, I’ve been such an idiot. To think that you cared for me.”
I hate drunk Winter. She’s so loud and sensitive.
I wipe the tears away from my cheeks with my sleeve and curse myself for not wearing waterproof mascara today. I should’ve known this would be a crying day just from the way it started.
“Screw this,” he says, pulls over to the side of the highway and parks the car. Great, he stopped so we can argue better.
“Please leave me alone. I really don’t want to talk to you.” I sob.
“Fine. Then just listen.” He sighs. “You’re right. I’m a piece of shit. I’ve been acting like a royal dick, and I’m sorry. I really am. I’m sorry that I suck so much. But you have to know… I do care about you, Winter.”
I can’t fight the need to look at him, turning my head and regretting it right away. His blue eyes cut me even deeper.
“I care about you so much that I wanted to rip that guy’s head off just for being close to you. Just the thought of him…” He takes a breath to calm himself down. “It drives me insane. I don’t want you with anybody else. Can’t you see that? Please stop crying.” He winces and looks away. He can’t stand to see me like this. Well, good. Because these tears are his fault.
“So what? I can’t flirt with other people, but you can? That’s why you don’t want to be exclusive, isn’t it? Because you want to keep sleeping around?”
“What?” His face twitches in frustration. “No, that’s not it. Not even close.”
Unspoken Rules Page 11