“Then what? What is it? Why would you tell me that you love me only to reject me like this? Why did you leave me alone last night?”
“Because I’m afraid. No, I’m fucking terrified, Winter.” He raises his voice, and I’m surprised by the brutal honesty he’s finally giving me.
“Afraid of what? Of being my boyfriend? Well, don’t you worry about that, Haze. There’s no chance you might see that happening anymore.”
“Don’t say that,” he pleads, reaching for my hand that’s resting on my thigh. I move it away. To think that I would’ve done anything to hear him say that he cared just yesterday. Now it all sounds wrong. He doesn’t speak for a short while, his breathing all I can hear.
“Kingston…” he whispers, and my heart breaks all over again. That damn nickname.
“Don’t call me that. You can’t keep playing with my feelings. You can’t keep acting this way when you made it clear that you don’t want to be with me. Why did you call me your girlfriend just when it’s convenient for you? Are you punishing me for trying to move on? Why did you punch this guy?”
“Because you’re fucking mine!”
An impenetrable silence fills up the car.
I can’t speak. I can’t breathe. I can’t think.
All I can do is play the words he just said to me on repeat. I know I should tell him that I don’t belong to anyone. That I’m not his. But I can’t. I loved hearing him say that. And I hate myself for it… but I want him to say it again.
“You’re mine, okay?” he breathes out, his voice dropping. “I don’t want you to move on. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I know I deserve for you to never want to talk to me again, but please… let me take you home. I’ll tell you everything you want to know if you just give me a chance to explain why I freaked out last night.” He gives me the puppy eyes. “Let me prove to you that I can be the boyfriend you deserve.”
My mind sticks to the word boyfriend.
Haze Adams wants a serious relationship, Winter. And he wants it with you. Just let that sink in.
We’re not okay, and I’m nowhere near close to figuring out all of his secrets, but he’s trying. And he just said he wants a serious relationship. Could it be?
“Fine,” I say, pressing my forehead to the tinted window. Without a word, he gets us back on the highway. I mentally curse myself for giving in so easily. This better be the best goddamn explanation I’ve ever heard in my life.
The front door opens in a shrill creak, and Haze leads the way to the living room. Apparently, he knew the power would be back an hour after he left but didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell me. I guess it is slightly better that he didn’t leave me alone to freeze.
A thick tension surrounds us. We know what’s coming. For the first time, Haze is going to tell me the truth, and I hope for his sake that he’s finally ready to spill the beans.
I don’t say a word and sit on the couch. He tries to buy himself some time by asking me if I want something to drink. I decline all the offers he’s got lined up for me until he has no choice but to come sit down, too.
“How did you even find me?” I ask before we get into the more serious topics.
“Find My Friends,” he says, and I assume he set it all up when he bought my phone. I didn’t even notice that I was sharing my location with him. “I didn’t want to look until I checked to see if you were home. I was afraid of what I’d find.”
“You thought that I left town, didn’t you?”
He nods.
“I won’t. Not if you tell me everything right now.”
He sighs. “I just… I don’t know where to begin. Ask me whatever you want to know, and we’ll just go from there.”
At first, I struggle to choose which unexplained mystery I want him to dive into as there are too many, but then, I make up my mind and decide I’ll start with something easy.
“What’s up with everybody in town calling you Mr. Adams?”
He laughs. I bet he could see that one coming from miles away.
“My family pretty much owns this town,” he starts. “There used to be nothing here. When my father got his inheritance, he saw potential and started investing in the area. At first, he wanted to buy the lots around the lake to build houses that he could rent out. But when a lot more people started showing interest, he decided to build his own snobby town. There almost isn’t a building that my dad doesn’t own here. If it’s not all of it, it’s parts of it. The companies and businesses around town pay him a fortune in rent. One of the only places that has nothing to do with him is Beck’s, the restaurant I took you to. That’s partly why I like it so much.”
I nod as the missing pieces complete the puzzle in my head. This explains the taxi company’s name. The Adamses are like kings in this town.
“Hell, even Vic’s place belongs to my family. He pays rent to my dad every month, can you believe it?” He scoffs in disgust and shakes his head. He clearly doesn’t get along with his father. But why? That’s another question I need to ask.
“Did you grow up in this house?”
“No, this was just a summer house. We came here every year from May to September. My childhood home was like thirty minutes away.”
So, I was right. Colton Gate is his hometown.
“Was thirty minutes away? What happened to it?”
As soon as I ask, I feel his walls go back up. He doesn’t want to talk about it. I reach for his hand and squeeze gently to remind him that I’m only trying to make this work.
He sighs. “My father got it torn down and rebuilt a new house on top of it. Barely a day after we moved out, it was gone.” He clenches his fists. He’s really mad about that. “It’s much nicer here anyway. This was always my favorite place.”
I smile at his remark and push the guilt crawling up my throat back down. He seems to think that this isn’t that bad. What he doesn’t know is this was the easy part.
He hasn’t seen anything yet.
“I want to know about Riley.”
A hush immediately descends over us.
He fidgets with his fingers, and I can tell he’d like to take his promise to tell me everything back. But he can’t. Not if he wants this relationship to stand a chance.
I know that Riley’s the girl he got pregnant, but she obviously meant something to him. Maybe she still does.
“Riley was my first girlfriend,” he says and lets a pause stand between us.
“I thought you didn’t commit.”
“I don’t.”
I can’t help the doubts creeping into my eyes.
“I mean, I didn’t,” he corrects himself when he notices my expression, and it makes me want to squeal in joy. “But Riley doesn’t really count.”
I wait for him to carry on with the story.
“Riley, Vic, and I all grew up here together. Riley’s mother was close friends with Vic’s, and so I met her through him when I was like nine years old.”
He wasn’t lying when he said that Vic’s his oldest friend.
“Riley’s family had just moved back into town and decided to reconnect with their old friends. We were just kids back then. I saw her as some annoying girl who followed us everywhere. But then, puberty came along and things just started happening. And if you’re thinking that it was awkward, it was.” He gets a chuckle out of me.
“She was my first everything. My first awkward hug, my first sloppy kiss. Riley was that friend that you’ve known forever and you kind of owe it to yourself to date her even if you don’t really know what love is. All you know is your hormones are raging and she’s right there. Eventually, one thing led to another and you know…” He doesn’t want to say it, but I know what his silence holds.
She’ll always be a significant person to him.
She’ll always be his first.
“We didn’t even know what we were doing, really. We were just messing around. Then, I got into a really rough patch, and I just… I stopped caring about a lot o
f things. I started acting out, and I broke up with her over text. My parents decided to move to Florida shortly after that. Just one week before I turned sixteen and left town, she told me that she was pregnant.”
I knew what was coming, but hearing him say it somehow hurts a lot more than I anticipated.
“I was just a stupid kid then. My brain couldn’t even comprehend what she was saying. I told her to get an abortion, but she kept refusing. She eventually gave in and promised that she would. Then, I moved and I started dodging her phone calls. I cut her off completely. I cut Vic off, too.” He stops, clearly ashamed. “I’m not proud of it, but I didn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone. I just… wanted to forget about the past. And they were a part of it.”
He just wanted to forget about the past? What could be so bad in Colton Gate that he had to destroy every possible relationship tying him to it? There has to be more than just not having a great relationship with his parents.
“I hadn’t talked to Vic in years until we ran into him at the mall last week. The last time we spoke was when he called to tell me that Riley’s parents had found out about the baby and kicked her out. It was her dad’s doing mostly. Her mother didn’t agree, so they ended up getting a divorce. Vic’s parents offered to take Riley in because they considered her to be like their daughter, but she skipped town and vanished into thin air.
“I tried calling her, I did, but she never picked up. I get it though; I’d been ignoring her for months. She stopped answering everyone’s phone calls altogether. I never heard from her again. I started a new life in Florida, Tanner got me into the fights, and eventually, I stopped thinking about it. Until recently… when Blake brought it all back up.” He lets out a breath, a sign that he’s done with his speech.
I can’t help but be touched that he’s doing this. That the closed book is finally opening up to me. I feel so bad for him. That’s a lot to handle. Especially for someone as lonely as Haze. He was fifteen, for Pete’s sake. I also sympathize with Riley, who had to go through this hell on her own. Haze just wasn’t in the right place.
He couldn’t even drive a car yet, so take care of a baby?
Not a chance.
I intertwine our fingers. I want him to know that I’m right here. That he has all my support. We exchange looks, and he musters a weak smile that’s filled with pain.
“How come you never met Blake if you grew up with Riley?”
“He was the troubled brother. He was never around, either at a distant relative’s house or at boarding school. That’s what they said, at least. They sent him away when he was very young. Riley never wanted to talk about it, so I just assumed it was bad. I knew he existed, but I never met him.”
Looks like Blake got “crazy” stamped on his forehead long before he started street fighting.
“Is that why he blames you for destroying his family? Why he followed you to Florida for revenge? Because his parents got divorced?”
He lets out a long sigh, and I know what it stands for. It’s about to get worse. A lot worse.
“It’s more than that. A little while after the divorce, Blake’s mother was moving into a new place and she got into a car accident.” He looks down. “She survived, but… she lost her legs. She can barely do anything on her own anymore. Blake probably thinks that if it wasn’t for me getting Riley pregnant, his parents would’ve stayed together and his mother would’ve never been on the road that night.”
I can’t bring myself to speak. That’s a lot to take in. How could he bear to come back to a town that carries so much tragedy?
“Do you think Blake was lying? When he said that she had the kid?”
He doesn’t reply for a little while. “I sure hope so.”
I can’t lie to myself anymore. This doesn’t make sense. She wouldn’t disappear unless she had something to hide. I get that her dad kicked her out and it was probably really hard on her, but running away and dodging everyone she’s ever met? That’s a bit much. Especially since her mother left her father for kicking her out. Not to mention, Vic’s family was also willing to help. She had all these people ready to take her in after she got the abortion. But that’s just the thing, isn’t it?
What if she didn’t?
What if Blake’s right and Haze has a kid?
I have no idea what it would mean for us.
Haze shakes his head, and his jaw hardens. I know that he’s beating himself up over what happened.
“Haze, don’t,” I say softly. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. You were fifteen. It’s not your fault. You had to deal with an adult situation long before your time. There is not a fifteen-year-old boy in the world who would’ve done better.”
“I was one week away from turning sixteen,” he corrects me, and I know he’s using that tiny detail to keep the guilt trip going.
“Big deal. You were still too young to know how to handle something like this.”
He lifts his head up and looks into my eyes. The way he stares at me tells a story. I know he’s never been this vulnerable in front of someone before. No one gets to see past his walls.
No one but me.
And the thought makes me feel lucky. It looks like he’s telling me “I trust you. Don’t destroy me.”
Haze Adams is so beautifully damaged that you can see the cracks in his heart through his eyes.
All I want to do is hold him until his splintered pieces fall back together, but I know that’s not possible, so instead I scoot closer to him, and he raises an eyebrow at my gesture. He pulls me onto his lap, hooking his arms around my waist to keep me in place, and I chuckle.
There are so many other questions I want to ask him. I want to ask about the missing picture in the frame on the fireplace, the empty kid’s room I found, and the person who was removed from the family portrait. I want to know why his family tore his childhood home to the ground, why they would do that only to rebuild something new on top of it afterward.
“Anything else?” he asks.
“Why bring me here? Doesn’t Tanner know about this place?”
He scoffs. “Trust me, he’d never think to look here. He thinks I’d rather die than come back to this town.”
“Is he wrong?”
He scoffs. “If you’d asked me that a month ago, I would’ve agreed with him.”
“You don’t anymore?”
He shakes his head.
“What changed? Why did you take me to a place that brings back such painful memories?”
“I’ve been asking myself that for a while, actually.”
“And?” I arch an eyebrow.
“I don’t know. I guess… I thought I’d be strong enough to face it all over again if I had you.”
I can’t stop the biggest smile from spreading across my face.
“What about the kid’s room upstairs?”
A sharp breath escapes him, and I can tell this is the one thing he doesn’t want to discuss.
“Listen, Winter… I want to tell you. I really do. But I can’t.”
Like I just got hit by a huge wave of déjà vu, I start pulling away from him. Even after all of this, he won’t completely open up. He notices my body language and tightens his hold on me.
“Ask me anything. Anything but this. Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you, I promise but… I’m going to need more time for this one, okay?”
The agony in his gaze makes it clear that he’s had enough for one night. He’s in too much of a painful place as it is.
“How bad is it?”
I can’t believe there’s more. It can’t possibly be worse than what he’s just told me. How many times does a person have to go through hell before the Universe leaves them alone?
“It’s bad,” he whispers.
“Don’t you trust me?”
He seems to be pained by my question.
“Baby, that’s not what this is. Of course I trust you. I trust you more than anyone, but you have to understand, everybody I’ve ever gotten close t
o ends up leaving or getting hurt. No matter what I do, I lose them one way or another. It’s like I’m cursed. Every time I open up or I’m even the slightest bit happy, shit comes pouring down on me and everything goes to hell. I just need a little more time. Can you do that for me?” He gives me the puppy eyes.
Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should tell him that keeping some stories for later wasn’t part of the deal. But I can’t. He’s trying to meet me halfway. He’s doing what he’s never done before… for me.
What kind of person would I be if I forced the truth out of him when he’s begging me not to?
“Okay.”
His shoulders loosen up.
“I think that’s why I backed out like a scared little bitch yesterday. I was scared that if you became my girlfriend…” His fingers run up and down my arm, making me shiver. “I’d lose you, too.”
“Well, too bad.” I press my forehead to his. “Because I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”
“Does that mean that you’ll give this dumbass another chance?” He gives me the puppy eyes.
“Maybe.” I smile.
“So… I have to ask, what does this mean? What are we?” he mocks me by repeating exactly what I said to him the night before.
I bring a hand to my chest and pretend to be offended.
“Why can’t we just be us? Why are you doing this right now?” I also use his own words against him.
Biting back a smirk, he leans forward and presses his warm lips to my neck, leaving a trail of kisses from my collarbone to my jaw. I shiver in places I didn’t even know I could, my body responding to him in the way it always does.
That’s when he says it.
“Because I love you, Winter Kingston.”
I almost can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“I’m sorry, what was that? I didn’t hear you.”
He laughs. “Aren’t you a funny gal?”
“So I’ve been told.”
“I said I love you, Kingston.” He looks into my eyes. “And I’d be the biggest idiot on earth if I didn’t ask you to be my girlfriend.”
I don’t have it in me to even attempt to come up with an equally romantic reply, so my fingers travel from his arm to the back of his head and I lean in to place a peck on his lips. My cheeks are going to start hurting if I keep this smiling thing up.
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