I ask Kendrick about Kass. Apparently, she’s still working at the animal shelter, and last he heard she was seeing Luke Jenson, a jock from school who’s been crushing on her forever. She’s been texting me during my time away and asking why her mom was clearly lying to her about where I was. I get it. Maria doesn’t know how much Kass is aware of. She’s trying to protect her.
I didn’t text her back once. I didn’t text any of them back. Not Will, not Kendrick, not Kass. The phone call with Maria was the best I did. It’s like I was caught up in a dream and I didn’t want to wake up.
As for Kendrick, he tells me that him leaving town without a reason—or at least, a reason that he could share with her—didn’t sit well with Nicole and they’re over… again.
“My phone’s dying. I need your GPS,” he says, but it’s more of an order than a request.
I dread turning on my phone. I turned it off so that I wouldn’t know if Haze contacted me. I do as Kendrick asked and ache when I see the many new voicemails and texts on my screen. They’re all from him.
“Don’t listen to them,” Kendrick says.
“What are you talking about?”
“He left you voicemails, didn’t he?”
I don’t even have to ask him how he knew for him to tell me.
“That’s Haze Adams we’re talking about. He’s not going to stop fighting for you. Eventually, he’ll find out Riley’s a dirty liar and come running back.”
“Maybe I should just listen to one.” I can’t help but crave his voice. Just one more time. Then I’ll get him out of my system.
“If you want my advice, don’t do this to yourself.”
He’s right. There’s no point. It takes everything I have to delete his texts. No matter how many times he apologizes, he can’t just “unhave” a kid. His apologies wouldn’t change anything. This can never work. We’re a lost cause.
My finger selects his number, and I take a deep breath…
Before pressing the Block This Contact button.
Kendrick parks the car in Maria’s driveway, and I’m tempted to tell him to get back on the road. Here we are. Back to the place where it all began. Both Kass’s and Maria’s car are here. Kendrick said they both took the day off work when he told them about our return.
“You ready?” Kendrick asks.
“Not even close,” I say.
We pull the trunk open to grab our luggage, and I’m exhausted just thinking about all the questions Maria and Kass will ask us the second we step foot inside the house.
The first thing we see walking through the front door is my aunt cooking dinner. I salivate at the smell of her food. I’m still starving. My salad didn’t want to be in my mouth and apparently much preferred being on my clothes.
Her face lights up when she sees us.
“Winter. Thank the Lord.” She runs to me and pulls me into one of her familiar hugs. When her arms close around me, I want to cry an ocean. I’ve been holding it back since I left the lake house. Since I left him… I knew Kendrick wouldn’t understand, so I pushed it down, but I can’t do this anymore. I could use Allie, my best friend, right about now, but she’s back in Toronto. I’ve been texting her the entire time I was in Colton Gate, but it’s not even close to the real thing. There’s so much she doesn’t know. She doesn’t even know about Haze. Only she can make me laugh even in the saddest moments. I wish she was here.
But she isn’t. I’m alone. No matter how surrounded I am.
Kendrick says something about going to meet the boys—who he hasn’t seen in a while—and quickly leaves. He slams the door, and I start apologizing to Maria, trying to somehow make up for all the worries I’ve forced on her without meaning to in the past few weeks.
“Is that Winter?” I hear Kass call from the second floor.
Footsteps come stomping down the stairs, and my cousin turns the corner rapidly. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the hall. I look like hell. My eyes are still puffy from crying. When Kass sees me, she doesn’t say a word. One quick look at my face is all she needs. She captures me into her embrace. Again, the hug awakens in me this undeniable urge to cry, but this time, I surrender. I let the tears flow. I cry, and I cry, and I cry until I can’t breathe. Maria joins in on the hug, and they hold me in silence, telling me that everything is going to be okay.
Maybe… I’m not completely alone, after all.
“I get it. He was trying to do right by his son. His hands were tied.” Kass throws herself back onto my bed and stares at the ceiling. “Oh, and what’s that Riley bitch’s address? I just want to talk.”
I laugh at her question. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. It felt so liberating to pour my heart out. I told her everything that happened between Haze and me, from the first day at the lake house to the last—okay, maybe I didn’t mention our steamy times—and she turned out to be way more understanding than I anticipated. I can barely recognize her. She’s far from the girl who once chastised me for sleeping at Haze’s place forever ago. It’s like she can relate. Either her relationship with Luke is more serious than I thought, or she’s been with someone else. Kass was always quick to judge, but somehow she’s different now. She understands boy drama.
Maria couldn’t stick around for the story. Turns out the emergency at the hospital didn’t care if she’d taken the day off. They desperately needed staff, and she ended up going anyway. She asked me if I was okay thirty more times before leaving, and I told her that I’d be fine. We all have to experience heartbreak one day or another, right?
Only, the word heartbreak doesn’t seem appropriate. This feels like a heartexplode, or a heartdestroy, or maybe even a hearthammer. Someone add these to the dictionary.
“Canada, come say hello!” a voice shouts from downstairs.
Will. I missed the idiot. As soon as she hears Will’s voice, Kass hugs me, says that she has to do homework, and walks out of my room. I’m a bit surprised by her sudden departure but don’t think much of it. I walk down to the kitchen and see Will and Alex standing next to the door. It feels like I haven’t seen them in ages. I hug Alex first. Then comes Will’s turn.
“Wow, you look like hell,” he says mid-hug.
“Still completely tactless, I see.” I pull away.
“Always.” Will smirks. “Hey, where’s the new guy?”
“He’s outside. He had to take a call,” Alex replies.
“Oh, the new guy’s here?” I ask Kendrick, curious to see who they chose as a replacement for Blake. Immediately, his face changes and he rubs at the back of his neck, which has always been a gigantic red flag when it comes to my cousin.
“Winter, about that…” He seems uncomfortable.
Will’s eyes widen. “Wait, you didn’t tell her?”
“Tell me what?”
“Will, shut up,” my cousin hisses.
“Well, that’s not going to be awkward at all,” Will scoffs.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Kendrick steps forward. “There’s something you need to know about the new guy. He’s…” He doesn’t have a chance to finish his sentence.
The front door opens and someone walks inside Maria’s kitchen. But it’s not just anyone. It’s the one person I thought I’d never see again. The boys turn to me, waiting for a reaction of some sort, but I can’t bring myself to give it to them. All I can do is call his name.
“Ryder?”
21
Back For You
Haze
I used to laugh at the dudes who left a girl a hundred voicemails. I could never wrap my mind around it. I remember calling Vic whipped once or twice during his falling-in-love-with-Bea days. The idea that I’d end up like one of these idiots never crossed my mind. It’s impossible, I thought. I don’t do love.
Now that I’m standing alone in a house that’s way too big for one person, staring at my phone like it’s a passion of mine and hoping that she’ll deign to return just one of the four voicemails I’v
e left her, I have to admit…
I’m fucking whipped.
Yep, I’m one of these guys.
When did I become such a pussy?
I rub my eyes and collapse onto the bed where I used to hold her, the bed where I first felt her. I haven’t slept in twenty-four hours. I couldn’t sleep in my room because the sheets still smell like her. Scratch that, the entire fucking house smells like her, and it’s driving me mad.
I fidget with my phone impatiently. I don’t know what’s taking Riley so long. I called her a few hours ago and asked her to come alone. She said that she’d get a babysitter and be on her way. I hate to say it… but she did seem oddly happy to hear that Winter is gone. I don’t know if I’m just imagining things.
I don’t know anything anymore.
I sigh in relief when I hear the doorbell.
She’s here.
I glide downstairs and open the door. As soon as I see the girl standing on my porch, my stomach lurches with discomfort. She’s dressed up, wearing a short red dress that clings to her skin and a full face of makeup.
Riley smiles. “Hey.”
“Hey. Thanks for coming.” I step aside to let her in. My voice reflects my mood, but she doesn’t seem to notice my tone, the grin widening on her lips. I motion to go into the living room and shift when she sits a little too close to me for my liking. I feel like I owe it to Winter to move away; then I have to remind myself that she dumped me.
That I lost her.
“So… you dumped Willow?” she asks.
I bite back the harsh words wanting out of my mouth. She knows Winter’s name. She has to be doing that on purpose.
“Winter,” I correct her. “And no. I didn’t. She dumped me.”
My statement seems to shock her.
“She did?”
“Yeah, she can’t handle being the stepmom, and I get it, which is why I asked you to come over.”
Her eyes grow bigger.
“I need to ask you something.”
“Of course. Anything,” she says and lays a hand on top of mine. I know she might mean for the gesture to be supportive, but it only makes me uncomfortable.
I move my hand away and clear my throat.
“I want a paternity test.”
Her reaction is immediate.
Her face twitches in anger. “Excuse me?”
I’m taken aback by her response. It’s been years since I saw her. She can’t seriously tell me that the eventuality of such a request hasn’t crossed her mind.
“What? You don’t believe that Jake’s your son? How can you doubt your own flesh?”
“Riley… Honestly, it’s not him I doubt.”
If I thought she was angry before, I hadn’t seen anything yet.
“What’s that supposed to mean? That you don’t trust me?”
“I want to. I’ve known you my whole life, Rile. I want to believe that you’d never lie to me about something so important, but I can’t take any chances. What’s the problem? If Jacob’s my son, then you have nothing to worry about.”
“I…” She’s speechless at first. “Okay.”
I’m surprised.
“Really?”
“Sure.” Her lips agree, but her body language tells another story. She leans back into the couch, playing with the fabric of her dress.
“All right, let’s go right now then. I have an appointment,” I lie and get up. If she’s being dishonest but has somewhat of a soul, she’ll come clean before we get to the doctor’s office. This is the oldest trick in the book. She’ll feel the walls closing in on her and spill.
She hesitantly follows me to the door, dragging her feet and letting the anxiety in my stomach hit the roof. She’s reluctant. Bad sign.
No, no, no.
Don’t let it be true.
Don’t tell me I lost her for fucking nothing.
I walk to the door and get my keys out of my pocket. I reach for the doorknob and begin to tur—
“I just wanted him to have a father.” Her voice comes out in a whisper.
I freeze in place, the dreadful truth dawning on me, and turn around to see red, teary eyes staring back at me.
“What did you just say?”
She doesn’t repeat, lowering her gaze to her feet.
“Riley, what did you say?” I ask again.
She looks up at me and tears start pouring down her face
Shit, shit, shit.
This can’t be happening.
I did not just lose Winter over a lie.
“It meant nothing.” She chokes on the sobs.
The implications accompanying what she’s saying punch me in the gut. Inexplicable moments start to make sense. Questions start to find answers. All these nights when she was working late, she wasn’t working…
“You cheated on me?” I ask, but it still comes out as a fact.
“Baby, please. It was a mistake. You have to believe me. I regretted it as soon as it happened. I didn’t love h—”
“Wait. Hold on. Are you… trying to spare my feelings right now?” I cackle in anger. “Do you even hear yourself? That’s not what I’m mad about. I don’t give a shit that you cheated, Riley. I care that you lied about me being the father. How could you do this to me? To Jacob?” I can’t help but raise my voice at her, so furious I could destroy everything within my vicinity.
“As soon as I found out he wasn’t yours, I went to his father and he wanted nothing to do with him. He kicked me off his porch into the pouring rain, screaming that this wasn’t his problem. Then, when I told you, you didn’t want him either, and I… I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do, so I left. I thought I could start over until…”
“Until recently. When I texted you,” I finish. She nods, sobbing louder. “And you decided to pretend Jacob was my son again. How sick are you?”
“You don’t understand. I can’t do this anymore. It’s hard raising a child by myself. I don’t have the means.”
I know that by “means” she’s referring to cash.
“Money?” I spit in disgust. “You did this for a damn check?”
“Haze, baby, please.” She grips my clothes. “Okay, maybe in the beginning it was all I wanted, but then… then I saw you with that bitch and I remembered how amazing you are. I saw the way you looked at her and… I want that. I want you. I want what you guys had.”
I get away from her grasp, my brain unable to decide which abomination to focus on first.
Winter…
What have I done?
“Do you have any idea what you just did? What I just lost because of you and your fucking lies?” I spit.
“What? You mean her? She’s nothing. Anything she’s done to you, I’ll do better. I can be the one you need. I was the one you needed once.”
I don’t even hear a word she’s saying, the memories of her walking out the door haunting me.
“She was right.” I break with each word. “She was right, and I didn’t believe her. How could I not believe her?”
When Riley sees my semi breakdown, she doesn’t say anything and stares, her expensive mascara rolling all the way down to her neck.
“Get out.”
“What? Haze, please. You don’t mean that.”
“I said get the fuck out!” I have to shout to get her to listen.
When she realizes that her tears aren’t making a difference and the mess she’s made isn’t this easy to clean up, she finally walks out of the door. I don’t let a second pass me by and run upstairs. I don’t know what I’m going to do, how I’m going to do it, or when I’ll do it. I don’t know anything, but I don’t care. I know the most important thing of all.
I’m going to get her back.
Winter
“How many times am I going to have to say it? I’m sorry,” Kendrick begs, following me around the kitchen and doing what he does best which is annoying me until I wish I was deaf. We’re on day two of me ignoring him. It’s as apparent as the bags under my eyes
that I’m not ready to talk to him, but he won’t take a hint. He keeps saying that I should be over it by now, which only makes me angrier.
I don’t know how exactly he expected me to react to the news that he’s the one who sent Ryder to Colton Gate to start shit between Haze and me. Yes, turns out Ryder doesn’t have family in Haze’s hometown. The only thing he had was a desperate need for his leader’s approval.
He claims that everything else he told me was true and apologized. I hate that I can’t even be mad at him. He was a pawn in Kendrick’s game. He just wanted to be accepted. Kendrick said he needed a way to test Ryder, their newbie who was dying to be in the East side main fighters’ close circle, whatever that means.
My cousin called it an initiation. He talked about needing to make sure he was trustworthy. I don’t care what he says to justify it. That was a lame move and he knows it.
Apparently, Kendrick and Ryder spent a long time in Colton Gate following us every time we went out and thinking of ways they could mess things up. While Kendrick and I were staying at the penthouse, Will and Alex recruited Ryder. Kendrick called them and sent his new puppet after us as soon as he woke up in Tom’s apartment and saw that I was gone. Kendrick arrived to town shortly after Ryder did. I have no idea how they tracked us down so quickly, and I was way too angry to ask. This explains Ryder randomly buying me a dress and offering me passes to the fair. But what this doesn’t explain is his recycling of the “fair passes” trick on another girl the next day.
My guess is… he’s just an asshole.
Kendrick tried to hide behind the fact that this was partly Maria’s request. She called and asked him to go watch over me even after our phone call because she couldn’t sleep not knowing if I was okay. What she didn’t know was… he was already in Colton Gate creeping on us. Maria or not, I’m still mad. He could’ve just made sure that I wasn’t dead like she asked instead of adding “let’s ruin Haze and Winter’s relationship” to his mission description. This is on him. He has to own it.
Alex walks into the room. “Still not talking to you?”
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