by Sarah Bailey
“Are you okay, little star?” I whispered.
Her little body trembled in my hold.
“Yes.”
I kissed all the way up her spine until I reached her neck.
“You were so perfect.”
Everything about it had been. I just really hoped I hadn’t put her through too much. That she really was okay.
“Ror…”
“Yes?”
“Please kiss me.”
I pulled out of her and turned her around so she was facing me. Her blue eyes were wide as I cupped her cheek and brought her closer.
“Ash, I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“Please just kiss me, Ror.”
I wrapped an arm around her back as I brought my lips down on hers, worried about pushing her too far. The way Ash kissed me as her hands curled around my shoulders showed me she longed for my affection after my brutality.
“I need this,” she murmured against my mouth. “After you fuck me like that, I need you to kiss me and show me you care.”
Her words almost fractured me in two. I pulled away and stared at her.
“Ash…”
She shook her head.
“No, Ror, I know what you’re thinking, that I didn’t like it.” Her hands came up and framed my face. “I loved every moment of it… please trust me on that. I just need you to care for me afterwards, do you understand? I need you to show me I’m your girl and not just your toy when it’s over.”
I’d never had to do that before with any of the other women I’d slept with. They didn’t expect that from me. Ash was different. I cared about her deeply. I wanted to give her the whole fucking universe. My girl. My northern star.
“Okay, little star, if that’s what you need.”
Her tired but satisfied smile lit my whole world on fire. I tugged her closer and held her tight, stroking a hand down her back.
“You mean everything to me,” I whispered in her ear. “Thank you for pushing me. Thank you for being you. You’re setting me free.”
“You mean everything to me too, Ror.”
She kissed my shoulder and all I felt in those moments was pure elation. This girl was the whole fucking world. She’d finally become mine in every way possible. And even though I hadn’t thought I was capable of it. Of feeling this way about anyone. I knew deep down I belonged to her. And so did my heart.
Chapter 16
As soon as we got in my room with the door shut, I pounced on Eric, pushing him up against the wall and planting my mouth on his. I secured his hands, rendering it impossible for him to escape. He did kiss me back but he didn’t seem quite as into it as I’d hoped.
“Xavi,” he mumbled against my mouth.
I pulled back and stared into his eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
He looked away, his face flushing a little.
“I’m not really in the mood.”
I froze, my heart dropping to my feet.
“Oh.” I stepped away from him and rubbed the back of my neck. “I mean, that’s not a problem.”
He put a hand on my arm, but I couldn’t look at him any longer. It’s not as though I felt rejected but a part of me had been gearing myself up to tell him I wanted to go down on him. And now I felt deflated.
“Sorry, I just don’t want to have sex…” His hand ran down my arm and curled around it my wrist. “But I can still touch you in other ways if you’d like.”
I took another step back, feeling less like I wanted to tell him it was the other way around. That I wanted to touch him. Please him. If he wasn’t in the mood then how could I say it? I felt stupid about being so nervous around him. What was fucking happening to me? I was usually the most confident person in the world who didn’t give a shit about anyone else’s opinions. Apparently, Eric was the exception to that rule. I cared far too much what he thought.
Perhaps it was partly down to us fighting so much since Ash had come in our lives. I felt like rocking the boat would bring everything crashing down around me. Things were already precarious as it was.
“No, it’s okay. That’s not… it doesn’t matter.”
I turned away and stripped off my t-shirt, intending to get in bed. It was still early, but I didn’t care. I was fucking exhausted as it was. Knowing I’d have to go to the hospital when Julian got discharged grated on me. I didn’t want to see my father. Not after his fucking blackmail bullshit.
“Hey, Xavi, what’s wrong? Why are you acting so weird today?”
I shrugged as I unbuttoned my jeans, pulling them off too.
“Is this about Julian?”
I wish it was just fucking well about him. That would make it easier.
“No, E, it’s not.”
I felt his hand wrap around my waist as he pressed himself against my back, leaning his chin on my shoulder.
“Then tell me what it is. I don’t like seeing you so agitated.”
Stop being a pussy and talk to him.
My shoulders slumped. Eric wouldn’t leave it alone. He’d get it out of me because that’s just what he did.
“I didn’t want to fuck you… I wanted…” I sighed and rubbed my face, splaying my hand out over my eyes. The next words came out all hoarse and quiet. “I wanted to pleasure you.”
He stroked his fingers down my bare side.
“You did?”
I dipped my head against my chest, dropping my hand.
“Yeah, okay. I want to make you feel good because you’re always doing it for me. I feel…” My fist clenched. Admitting I felt this way at all made my heart fracture. It wasn’t fair. “I feel inadequate when I think about how much she does to please you.”
Well done, Xavier. Admitting your darkest fucked up fear to him which you’ve been keeping hidden since he told you how much he loves being inside Ash.
I knew for a fact it wasn’t a competition. Eric cared about us both. I mean, he loved me for fuck’s sake, but sometimes I didn’t feel as though I was enough for him sexually. Ridiculous since I was perfectly happy to share them both and neither of them ever said they wanted more from me.
He didn’t say anything for a long moment and I thought maybe I’d gone too far. His fingers resumed stroking my side and he leant into my shoulder further.
“You know I love you and you’re more than enough the way you are. So I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this is just about our sex life, right?”
I nodded miserably, feeling small and stupid. He wrapped both his arms around me and held me against his chest.
“I assure you, I’m happy with how everything is between us. I don’t need you to do anything else just because we’re together now, Xavi. I don’t need more and you certainly don’t have to worry about me preferring sex with Ash over you because that’s simply not the case. So what exactly is bothering you?”
I swallowed, feeling so much worse now I’d actually insinuated I thought he might enjoy sex with Ash more. Then again, maybe I did feel that way. It was idiotic, wasn’t it? I shook myself internally. No, it wasn’t how I felt. It wasn’t about her. Not really. It was about me not owning up to my own desires. There was no other way out of this. I had to admit the truth.
“I’m scared. I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. The only reference for love I have is with Ash and that’s… that’s so new for me also.”
“It’s okay to be scared. There’s no rulebook which says you have to know exactly how to do this relationship stuff. Hell, I’m still trying to navigate it. We all are.”
I sucked in a breath. He wasn’t going to judge. He wasn’t going to say no or throw everything back in my face. This was Eric and he loved me the way I was.
“I want to go down on you.”
There, you fucking said it. You can’t take it back now.
There was a beat of silence before I felt his chest rumble against my back.
“Are you laughing at me?”
/> I felt him kiss my shoulder, pressing his mouth against me as he tried to stifle his mirth.
“Hey, fuck you, E.”
When I tried to escape, he tightened his hold around me.
“Is that what you were so worried about?” he asked me, clear amusement in his voice.
“Yes, okay!”
“Jesus, Xavi… you made me think it was some kind of life or death situation.”
I huffed and kept my chin dug into my chest, more than a little embarrassed. He stroked my stomach with his fingers, clearly trying to soothe me.
“Hey, hey, I’m not laughing at you… I’m just relieved it isn’t something I can’t give you. I was worried you’d ask me for something really weird and I’d have to decline.”
“What the fuck kind of sex do you think I’m into? I’m not fucking Quinn or Rory with their ropes, paddles and nipple clamps, thank you very much.”
A loud female scream echoed down the hallway and through my closed door. Eric let go of me abruptly, both us turning to the sound.
“What the fuck was that?”
“I don’t know.”
We were both out of the room the next minute, finding Quinn scrambling out of his bedroom with his shirt unbuttoned. He looked at the two of us with no small amount of concern on his face before he strode down the hallway towards Rory’s room.
“Is Ash in there with him?” I asked, following him, completely heedless of the fact I was only wearing boxers whilst Eric was fully clothed.
“Yes,” Quinn ground out. “I told her not to spend the night with him.”
Before he could rip the door open, I reached him and put a hand on his.
“Don’t,” I hissed. “Also how the fuck did we hear that? Our rooms are all soundproofed.”
“Why do you think I’m out here wanting to find out?” he whispered back.
I shoved him out the way and put my ear on the door. The sounds I heard made me flush a little, but I was also pretty sure Ash wasn’t being mauled by a bear or anything else. No, they were definitely having sex judging by the way the headboard hammered against the wall. I wanted to cleanse my fucking ears after what I’d heard him say, but I wasn’t worried about Ash in the slightest.
I pulled back and turned to Quinn and Eric.
“I really wish I hadn’t heard that, but I don’t think we have anything to be concerned about.”
I took both of them by the arm and dragged them away from Rory’s door. It wouldn’t be fair on him to interrupt them considering how long it’d bloody taken him to get between her legs. Rory needed this.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, now go back to bed because fuck knows we need to leave the two of them alone. He’s not going to hurt her, Quinn. You can see how much he cares about her even if he’s a kinky little shit in the bedroom.”
“But—”
“No fucking buts. Stop being such a mother hen over her. She can handle herself and him. Ash is a survivor. If she needs you, she’ll come to you.”
His shoulders slumped and he ran a hand through his hair.
“For fuck’s sake, you’re right and I hate you for it right now.”
I patted him on the shoulder as I slipped my hand into Eric’s.
“Sometimes I do give sound advice, my man.”
He stuck his middle finger up at me and stalked back to his bedroom, leaving me chuckling and Eric shaking his head.
“Hey Quinn!”
He stuck his head out the door, still scowling.
“What?”
“Ash said she might be up for a foursome, you down?”
His scowl deepened.
“No, fuck off.”
He shut the door. I waited a beat before it opened again and he stepped out, irritation still painting his features.
“Did she really say she’d want that?”
I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist when I told him Ash might want it. When it came to her, he’d do pretty much anything.
“Yeah, she said she’d think about it anyway when I told her I was curious to see if she could take three cocks at once.”
Eric rolled his eyes as his hand tightened in mine. Quinn was silent for another moment.
“Maybe… but if we do, I have two stipulations. I don’t give a shit if you two kiss in front of me, but I really don’t want to see you fuck. And I call the shots, got it?”
I grinned and saluted him.
“Yes, sir.”
“For fuck’s sake,” he muttered and disappeared back into his room, slamming the door shut behind him.
“Do you really have to wind him up like that?” Eric asked me as we made our way back to my room.
“He’s too uptight for his own fucking good.”
“You still don’t need to push his buttons.”
I quirked an eyebrow up as I shut my door.
“Are you jealous?” I ran a finger down the front of his chest. “Did you want me to push yours instead?”
He scowled and shoved my finger off him.
“No, why on earth would I be jealous of Quinn?”
“He was getting all my attention.” I stroked his chest again, ignoring the way his face flushed. “I think you want me to push your buttons.” My fingers slipped beneath his t-shirt and I ran them along the hem of his boxers peeking out from his jeans. “You want all my focus on you.”
“Xavi…”
I made quick work of his jeans, tugging them down his hips and shoving him back towards my bed.
“Don’t lie now, E. You want me.”
I practically ripped his t-shirt from him and pressed him down on my bed, my hands running down his bare chest. He sucked in a breath but didn’t stop me from stripping off the rest of his clothes. I knelt at his feet, staring up into his green eyes which darkened and his very flushed face. His fingers dug into the covers when I ran my hands up his legs, fitting myself between his thighs.
My eyes flicked down. His dick was at half-mast so I knew he was into this. He choked out a strangled groan when I wrapped my hand around it and stroked him. It didn’t take much to get him fully hard, his cock throbbing in my hand like he was desperate for a release.
“I might be shit at this, so you’re going to have to tell me if you don’t like anything I do,” I told him as I leant closer. “And what you want if I’m not doing it right.”
I knew how I liked my dick sucked but that didn’t mean I had any real clue about doing it to another man.
“You really don’t have to do this.”
“Shut up and let me try. I want to, E. I really fucking can’t get the thought of your dick in my mouth out of my head.”
That was the truth. He’d quite happily gone down on me and as he did it with my fist buried in his hair, I couldn’t help wondering how it would feel to reciprocate.
I stared at his cock in my hand, a little intimidated now I was up close and personal with it.
Get a fucking grip, it’s a dick, not fucking rocket science.
So I dipped my head lower and ran my tongue up the underside of him before circling the crown. His skin was soft against my tongue and I could taste salty precum at his tip. He choked out a breath before his hand released the covers and cupped the back of my neck. That little sign of encouragement from him pushed me to wrap my lips around the head of his cock. I wasn’t going to try to get fancy with this or anything since it was my very first time. Careful not to get toothy, I sucked him further into my mouth, feeling the hard planes of his cock against my tongue.
“Fuck,” he hissed.
I took that as another sign I was doing okay so far. Slowly, I started to suck him in earnest, not too soft and not too hard, just how I liked it when anyone went down on me. His tightening fingers around my neck told me he was enjoying it as well as the sounds of his laboured breathing. I used my hand to stroke the base of him whilst the other ran up his stomach, stroking his chest.
“Xa
vi, please… fuck, don’t stop.”
I went faster, not really knowing if I was actually doing it right or not but hoping I would at least give him enough pleasure so he might let me practise this again. And beyond all fucking reason, I liked the feeling this gave me. I liked his dick in my mouth and making him feel good the way he always did for me.
He groaned and his other hand tangled in my hair. The next thing I knew he was guiding me, showing me exactly how fast he wanted me to go and how deep.
“Fuck, like that… just like that.”
His hips bucked and I could feel him swelling in my mouth. I kept the rhythm he’d set, still using my hand to stroke what I couldn’t fit in my mouth. He let out a strangled groan before the first spurt hit the back of my mouth. I kept sucking him as he came in my mouth, his cock pulsing against my tongue.
He let go of my head when he was spent. I pulled back and looked up at him, swallowing down what he’d just given me. His eyes were closed and his chest heaving.
“E…”
He reached out and stroked my face almost blindly.
“I’m okay, Xavi… you… you did good.”
That’s all I needed to hear. I crawled on the bed, pushing him backwards until he was fully lying down. I laid my head on his chest, my hands reaching up as I tangled one of them in his hair and cupped his shoulder with the other.
“I love you,” I whispered.
He stroked my back and breathed out.
“Did… did you enjoy that too?”
I ground my rock hard cock into him a little.
“Can’t you tell?”
I felt his chest rumble.
“Oh, I can…”
I was flipped over onto my back with him towering above me the next moment. His eyes were open, the brilliant green searing into me. His hand dipped between us and ran over my cock.