Flock
Page 18
Still to this day I don’t know how he died. It’s a question that gnaws at me in a cycle of grief and relief, as I tell myself I’m doing a pretty good job, convincing myself that how he died is irrelevant or secondary to knowing he’s no longer with us.
For years I carried hope for him like the heavy, dull weight of an empty coolaman. I’ve wondered about him, this Wiradjuri man who was once a nurse, who worked at the coalface in an emergency room, who has a mother and father who live on my country.
I’ve relived moments of shared passion, touching myself, consumed with thoughts of his body and lust, fuelled with memories of this Wiradjuri man who was a year younger than me, who helped me feel good and comfortable and complete in my skin.
I’ve carried love for this Wiradjuri man who was once my lover, this Wiradjuri man who was comfortable, confident and cheeky, and just like me he was gay and Aboriginal.
I’ve spent years trying to find comfort in knowing he’s now at rest, six feet under, in the cream sand and white ochre embrace of my home, my country.
Notes on sources
Stories from this collection were first published in the following books and magazines, some of them as earlier versions:
Tara June Winch’s ‘Cloud Busting’ was first published in Swallow the Air, University of Queensland Press, 2006.
Herb Wharton’s ‘Waltzing Matilda’ was first published in Where Ya’ Been, Mate?, University of Queensland Press, 1996.
Archie Weller’s ‘Shadows on the Wall’ was first published in Australian Short Stories, issue 66, Pascoe Publishing, 2018.
Samuel Wagan Watson’s ‘The Release’ was first published in Westerly, volume 64, issue 2, 2019.
Ellen van Neerven’s ‘Each City’ was first published in Kindred: Twelve queer #LoveOzYA anthology stories, Walker Books, 2019.
Michael Torres’s ‘Rodeo Girl’ was first published in Northern Territory Literary Awards 2005, Northern Territory Library, 2005.
Adam Thompson’s ‘Honey’ was first published online at Kill Your Darlings, 9 July 2018.
Jared Thomas’s ‘The Healing Tree’ was first published in Meanjin, volume 65, issue 1, 2006.
Alf Taylor’s ‘Wildflower Girl’ was first published in Westerly, volume 54, issue 2, 2009.
Melanie Saward’s ‘Galah’ was first published online at Djed Press, 3 November 2019.
Mykaela Saunders’s ‘River Story’ was first published in Australian Book Review, August 2020.
SJ Norman’s ‘Stepmother’ was first published online at Kill Your Darlings, 28 August 2017.
Cassie Lynch’s ‘Split’ was first published in Stories of Perth, Seizure, 2018.
Melissa Lucashenko’s ‘Dreamers’ was previously published in The Best Australian Stories 2017, Black Inc., 2017; and The Near and the Far: New stories from the Asia-Pacific region, Scribe, 2016. It also formed part of a public performance by Northern Rivers Performing Arts in Lismore in 2016.
Jeanine Leane’s ‘Forbidden Fruit’ was previously published in Ora Nui Special Edition: A collection of Maori and Aboriginal literature, Anton Blank, 2013; and The Canberra Times, 2004.
Gayle Kennedy’s ‘The Golden Wedding Anniversary’ was first published in Me, Antman and Fleabag, University of Queensland Press, 2007.
Jane Harrison’s ‘Born, Still’ was first published in Writing Black, if:book Australia, 2014.
Tony Birch’s ‘Frank Slim’ was first published in Common People, University of Queensland Press, 2017.
Bryan Andy’s ‘Moama’ was originally presented as part of an evening of storytelling at the 2019 Blak & Bright Festival.
About the cover artist
Kukula Mcdonald
Skin name: Nampitjinpa
Language: Luritja
Date of birth: 28 September 1985
From: Uttumpatu
Community: Papunya, Northern Territory
Kukula Mcdonald is a Luritja woman from Papunya who has been painting at the Bindi Mwerre Anthurre Artists Studio since 2002. Kukula predominantly paints Red-Tailed Black Cockatoos and knows where to find ‘big mobs’ of them in the Central and Western Deserts. Kukula has become known for these Red-Tailed Black Cockatoos, which she incorporates into the landscape of Papunya, big mobs or a lone individual soaring in the sky. More recently, an occasional Yellow-Tailed Cockatoo, Galah or Ringneck parrot might make its way into Kukula’s landscapes.
For more information, go to: bindiart.com.au/artist/kukula-mcdonald/
First published 2021 by University of Queensland Press
PO Box 6042, St Lucia, Queensland 4067 Australia
uqp.com.au
reception@uqp.com.au
Copyright in this collection © Ellen van Neerven 2021
Copyright © in individual works remains with the authors
The moral rights of the authors have been asserted.
This book is copyright. Except for private study, research, criticism or reviews, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission. Enquiries should be made to the publisher.
Cover design by Josh Durham (Design by Committee)
Cover artwork Redtails Looking for Shelter by Kukula Mcdonald
Author photograph by Anna Jacobson
Typeset in 12/17 pt Bembo Std by Post Pre-press Group, Brisbane
Cover artwork courtesy of Bindi Mwerre Anthurre Artists (Lifestyle Solutions Pty Ltd). This image embodies traditional knowledge of the Luritja community. It was created with the consent of the custodians of the community.
This project is supported by the Copyright Agency’s Cultural Fund.
The University of Queensland Press is supported by the Queensland Government through Arts Queensland.
The University of Queensland Press is assisted by the Australian Government through the Australia Council, its arts funding and advisory body.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of Australia
ISBN 978 0 7022 6303 3 (pbk)
ISBN 978 0 7022 6458 0 (epdf)
ISBN 978 0 7022 6459 7 (epub)
ISBN 978 0 7022 6460 3 (kindle)